Disclaimer: I don't any Wicked mentions or Weirder. She is my best friend and I don't own her. Though in my story I basically do. You got owned!

"Now we're back with our crappy crap show." Alex said into the camera before turning away and sulking to the side of Elphaba.

"Crappy crap crapshit."

"Shut up!" Alex screamed at her as Fiyero began to laugh again. "Anyway, Boq and Glinda are no longer here. So, let's get this over with. We only have now Gregory, Fiyero and god help me, Elphaba."

"Crappy crap crapshit."

"You stupid asparagus shut it!"

"No! You shut it!" She yelled back sitting forward in her seat.

"No! You! You stupid asparagus you has come to haunt me!" Fiyero now stood up and walked over in front of Alex and glared at him.

"Hey! She is not a fruit..."

"Vegetable dear."

"Vegetable. If she was I wouldn't be able to...nevermind that." He sat back down blushing slightly as Elphaba smirked beside him. Boq and Glinda poke their heads back on camera as he says this.

"No. What?" The blonde asks as she tries to hide the streaks of black mascara running down her cheek.

"Nothing. I did nothing." Elphaba's smirk grew more apparent and she turned to face the three.

"Not how I remember it."

"What's going on?" The munchkin asked moving onto the camera screen curiously.

"You're not supposed to know." Glinda now stepped out with Boq her arms crossed stubbornly.

"So what? We want to know."

"Oh god." Came Gregory's voice as she said this to him. He shook his head and closed his eyes to keep himself out of it.

"That's what I said." Elphaba replied grinning at Fiyero who glared back.

"No! I didn't do anything!"

"Anyone?" Elphaba chimed in holding back laughter.

"No!"

"Oh, shut up. We all know you're lying." Glinda said placing her hands on her hips.

"Yeah. We can." Boq backed her up placing his hands on his hips and making Elphaba break out laughing.

"I'm thinking you did something." Alex chimed in grinning wickedly.

"Someone." Elphaba corrected.

"I don't wanna hear any more!" Boq screamed flailing his arms above his head and walking backstage.

"No one! I didn't do anything or anyone."

"Then what are you talking about?" Glinda questioned now looking confused.

"I did no one!" He shouted burying his face in his hands.

"Alright." Alex said rolling his eyes and turning away from them. Elphaba smirked at Glinda and then the camera wickedly. Glinda reclaimed her seat next to Fiyero silently.

Just then Weirder Than You enters from the back entrance unnoticed and hides behind a group of men with pink shirts on. She can easily be seen, seeing as she is wearing all black.

"Anyway let's forget that topic and just contin-..."

Then Weirder ran down the center aisle to Gregory Maguire with a Wicked CD in her hands. She stopped suddenly and turned sharply tripping over the stairs on stage to get to Elphaba instead. Fiyero's head shoots up curiously and Glinda looks confused at this girl.

"Sign it!" She demanded shoving the CD in her green face. Elphaba takes it and the sharpie in her other hand and writes: It.

"No. Your name."

Elphaba then writes: Your Name.

"No! Sign the name you were given at birth."

Elphaba rolls her eyes and now writes: The name you were given at birth.

"No, sign Elphaba."

"Why didn't you just say so?" Elphaba replies as she writes: Elphaba.

"What about your last name?" Elphaba sighs and finishes her name. Then she hands it out to the girl who reaches to grab it back, but Fiyero snatches it first. He grabs the sharpie from Elphaba and writes something on the case. Then hands it to Weirder. It now reads:

It. Your Name.

The name you were given at birth.

Elphaba Thropp Tiggular

"Thanks."

"Whatever." Alex cut in standing up and walking towards her. "You have to get off the stage now."

"No! You can't make me." Weirder screamed jumping back and running backstage letting out a high pitched laugh much like an evil one.

"She's pretty good." Elphaba commented nodding to Fiyero who was laughing at Alex's confused expression.

"Anyway, before I lost my mind..."

"Which was awhile ago."

"No. Which was just when this show began, I really felt I had a good life. Now I know I am just here to be tormented by a walking asparagus."

"We've already been over that. She's not a fruit."

"Vegetable, Yero. An asparagus is a vegetable."

"Yeah whatever." Alex rolls his eyes and sits back down on the remains of his desk with his head buried in his hands. Glinda stares at the audience like a depressing pink doll that scared most of the audience members. Gregory looked at the floor in front of him, not able to move due to his straight jacket.

"Is time almost out for this show?" Alex asked looking off camera.

"Yeah really? How long is this torture?" Gregory asked looking up.

"No. Not even close."

"Damn." Both Gregory and Alex whispered. Suddenly Weirder appears again holding the CD in her hands and with a tall black hat on her head.

"Look! I got Elphaba's hat!" She screamed to the audience who cheered and laughed at her. Glinda seemed dead in her chair and didn't acknowledge her presence.

"Hey! Give it back!"

"No!"

"I'll make you."

"You can't."

"Why?"

"Because, the authoress is my best friend and won't let you." Weirder taunted sticking out her tongue at her.

Actually, it would be kind of funny to let her do whatever she would do. Being that she's the Wicked Witch it will probably be bad.

"Hey!"

"Thank you very much."

"Well, alright it would be kind of funny, but you wouldn't would you?"

You know you're talking to me? Right?

"Alright you would."

"Great." Elphaba said rubbing her hands together wickedly.

Yes, it is. However in this particular part I don't think I'll allow you to.

"Why?"

Well, because I may want to bring Weirder back into the story. At some point. If she's dead I can't really do that now can I?

"No. You really can't."

Exactly.

"Elphaba who are you talking to?" Fiyero asked looking up as if at God.

"The authoress."

"Who is?"

"Oh, god Fiyero please. Don't ask."

"Alright."

"I got the hat!" Weirder shouted throwing her hands up in the air and running through the center aisle again. She ran past the guards and out the door still screaming. "I got the Witch's hat!"

"What on earth will happen next?" Glinda asked resting her head on her hand.

"No one knows." Gregory said to her rolling his eyes.

"Anyway, now we can cut to commercial, I think...can we? We can good. So, still don't hesitate to change the channel."

"Don't." Fiyero said to the camera. Elphaba stood up and walked up to the camera with a serious look on her face.

"And now for something completely different."