Snakes in a Squad Room

MissJayne

"I'm working in a kindergarten."

"...And apparently I'm working in a place where people still need to learn to respect doors."

"A kindergarten!"

"You see, normally people knock on closed doors instead of barging in and complaining at the top of their lungs."

"Ya really think this is the top of my lungs, Jen?"

"No need for the glare, Jethro. I've heard your parade ground yell more than once. When you and DiNozzo are in the squad room and I'm in my office. Although once I was in Abby's lab…"

"There a point to this?"

"Other than my increasing urge to ask Abby to electrify my door, so the next person who touches it gets a very nasty shock?"

"Fine. … You're not asking about the kindergarten."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot, I'm the only one capable of conducting a conversation in here. Wait, let me ignore this email to SecNav, take off my reading glasses and give you my full attention."

"Someone's pissed today."

"Wow, I can see why you're a trained investigator."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you."

"You burst through a door when you knew there was a highly-trained agent with a gun on the other side, and you're wondering why said highly-trained agent might be a little on edge?"

"It's not like you're in the field any more, Jen."

"Old habits die hard. ...so tell me what DiNozzo did this time?"

"What makes you think it's DiNozzo?"

"Isn't it always?"

"Not today."

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Jethro. It doesn't suit you."

"Abby and McGee were having one of their geek talks."

"In the squad room?"

"He's trying to get her to leave her lab more often."

"Aren't we all."

"Abby bought a mercury thermometer with her and left it on the edge of McGee's desk…"

"... and he managed to knock it onto the floor?"

"Got it in one."

"It can't be that bad. I can call Janitorial for you and explain -"

"DiNozzo freaked out."

"DiNozzo? I wouldn't be surprised if he inhaled mercury fumes when he was younger."

"Hey! I played with mercury as a kid. Didn't do me any harm."

"And I've got a ninety-four year old great uncle who's chain-smoked every day since he was fourteen and he's fit as a fiddle."

"More sarcasm?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea."

"Still doesn't suit you, Jen."

"... how bad can DiNozzo freaking at mercury be?"

"He persuaded Abby to clean it up."

"...still can't be that bad."

"Official way to deal with mercury spillage is with sulfur."

"No, still not seeing the problem."

"DiNozzo insisted Abby be thorough. She's practically coated the carpet in it."

"... spit it out, Jethro."

"... it stinks."

"Really?! The big bad Marine doesn't like the smell of sulfur?! It's rotting eggs, not rotting bodies."

"Yeah. Still stinks."

"There's nothing wrong with it. In the Far East, they put it across doorways and windows to keep out snakes."

"Does it work?"

"Apparently. So the plus side is you don't have to worry about snakes in the squad room any time soon."

"Why would there be snakes in the squad room?"

"Knowing your team, it's a possibility."

"...yeah."

"So there goes your plan of working until midnight, then wandering back to your basement to drink and work on your boat. Have you ever considered that working on the boat drunk might be why it's taking you so long?"

"You ever tried building a boat in a basement?"

"... you want to come over to mine tonight? I can offer takeout or Noemi's reheated cooking."

"Depends. No sulfur?"

"Not unless Noemi's worried about snakes."

"..."

"It wasn't that bad a joke. Fine, no sulfur."

"See you in an hour?"

"Maybe two? I've got to finish this email then start on this paperwork -"

"You work too hard, Jen. One hour."

"It's generally not considered polite to suddenly walk out of someone's office! And I'm not joking about having my door electrified!"

A/N: I solemnly swear the bit about sulfur and snakes is true. Or at least that's what my boss tells me, and he spends a month every year in the Far East. Can anyone guess what I may have done a few weeks ago... Hint, my office smells of sulfur.