Surprise, surprise. I didn't fall off the face of the earth.
It's a Friday night, late; the café is buzzing when she comes in. But it's New York City and I'd be surprised if it was otherwise. Outside, it is cool, fall having firmly taken hold in the last few weeks and it brings people inside the store in droves, looking for a reprieve from the chill, for a cup of comfort; the air is almost thick with humidity inside the small space and though the crowd has dissipated from earlier, it'll be a while until things calm down.
A local college kid plays guitar in one corner, a small collection of groupies crowding around him as his surprisingly soulful voice croons the lyrics to an acoustical version of some treacly pop song. They haven't bought a thing, but I don't have the heart to kick them out. Besides, I keep finding myself humming along to the music and I'm kind of enjoying this impromptu recital. Everywhere I look there are happy, smiling faces; everyone is having a good time. Everybody but one.
Kate looks lost. She chews on a nail as she waits in line, looking pensive and not quite in the moment. I gesture for one of the kids manning the espresso machine to switch out with me and take over the task of making the drinks. I get a head start on Kate's chai and make one for myself while I'm at it; I'm well overdue for a break anyway and with the eleven-forty train about to arrive at the subway a block from the shop, I know that things will quiet down soon.
I hand off a couple of macchiatos, make sure that the remaining kid has a grip on the next few orders at the machine, and grab our cups as I make my way to the other side of the counter.
"What's happening, hot stuff?" I ask as I hand off her chai and lead her back to my office. Her usual spot is taken and I doubt she wants to sit at the one free table by the door. I've noticed how she always gravitates to the least conspicuous spots, preferring to watch than be watched. Her usual chair is taken by man in an expensive black suit. He's nose-deep in his phone and there's no way he's moving anytime soon.
"Hot stuff? Really Jess?" she asks, mouth quirking up as she follows my lead without question.
"Got you to smile," I quip, opening the door and waving her inside. "So, what brings you here at this ungodly hour?"
I rearrange some items on my desk, hastily stacking invoices into a pile, clearing a space for our cups, and my ass. I hop up onto the desk, resting my feet on the shelves opposite and offer her the chair. She takes a seat and fiddles with her cup, nails scratching along the porcelain rim.
She sighs, "You've read about that serial killer in the papers right?"
"Mhm," I reply. "I also read about a cop getting hurt. And that he got away. Oh god, that wasn't you, was it? Are you okay?"
She shakes her head. "No, not me, but Ryan. He's one of my team; a good guy."
My heart ratchets up a notch in my ribcage, I hold my breath. Hopefully the papers didn't get it wrong.
"Oh no, Jess, he's okay," she assures me. "A little shaken up, but he's fine, really."
I exhale, grateful that no one was severely hurt. "Sounds like you're still a little shaken up too." Her countenance is anxiety-ridden, her face drawn tight, a vein in her forehead visible.
"He could have died, Jess." It comes out as almost a whisper and I can almost feel her guilt as it emanates from her features and encompasses the room.
"Ryan? I thought you said he was fine?"
"Castle," she chokes out, staring me in the eyes but unseeing, unfocused, perhaps reliving some recent traumatic memory. Her fingers clench on her thigh, fingernails digging into the denim on her jeans.
Crap! Castle? What the hell happened to Rick? I haven't seen him in days, but had figured he was busy with his latest book, Gina, or frankly, following Kate around, like the lost puppy dog he is.
"Castle was hurt?" I press a hand to her shoulder, bringing her back to the present and she shakes her head slowly before continuing.
"Physically, no. But Jerry Tyson - 3XK - he held them both captive, he… fuck, I don't know what he did, what his plan was, but he held them both and then for some reason he let them live, but Jess… he could have died and I just, I can't. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let him follow me. I always knew something like this was gonna happen."
"You've been in tough spots before," I point out. Rick running into a burning building to save her life comes immediately to mind.
"This was different; it changed him." She runs a hand through her hair, shaking out her tresses with rough hands. She bites on her lip and continues, "It was too close, Jess. It… it changed me."
"So what are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't think he should be following me around anymore," she says, biting down on her lip when she's finished. She looks up at me from behind her lashes, clouded eyes begging for my advice. "I don't think he needs to anymore."
A part of me wants to agree with her, to have my friend safe and protected at home, in my shop, back to writing his stories and living in relative safety. A bigger part of me though, knows how wrong that is.
They say that you can't change people, that it's pointless to try, and maybe that's true, not if they don't want to. But Rick has changed since he started following Kate around. He's grown up, and softened in a way; somehow become less jaded even while bearing witness to the most gruesome that life has to offer. He's a lot more serious, but more genuine too. It's as though he sees life through a brand new lens and Kate is the pair of spectacles that has cleared his vision. He has wanted to change, and so - for her - he has let go of his self-protective and sometimes destructive ways.
And then there's Kate. In the time that I've known her, she has truly come out of her shell. From being a repressed, slightly skittish woman when it comes to her feelings, she has become freer, more willing to share. And to laugh. While she might never get to the point of midnight laser tag and impromptu Guitar Hero battles, she has lightened up by spades. He is that light, the beacon drawing her out of the storm.
It would be easy to agree with her, to tell her that it's for the best and to offer her comfort while she tries to move on. But they are good for each other, truly good, and I'd hate to see their uncommon partnership end. They might not have it all together, not yet, but they will, and if they can get past their fears I think that they will be unstoppable.
Besides…
"What makes you think you can get rid of him that easily?" I ask.
She smiles at that, shaking her head and letting out a small chuckle. "He really is a giant pain in the ass like that." She sighs, quickly back to fiddling with her mug. "But Jess, this time was different. I could make him understand, I could make him see how dangerous this is, why it's such a bad idea. You didn't see him after… It was bad; he looked lost. And when I…"
She trails off, takes a long draw on her chai, avoiding my gaze.
I give her a moment to compose herself. "When you what, Kate?"
"When I didn't know if he was alive? When I wasn't sure what had happened? Jess, I panicked. I couldn't even imagine my li…" She stops herself from saying what we both know almost slipped out. "What would I have told his family?" she says instead.
She's got me there. What they do is dangerous and there's no question that if anything were to happen, it would devastate both Martha and Alexis. But on the other hand I don't think she realizes just how much Rick values his time working with her, how much she is already a part of his life and how devastated he would be if she booted him out of hers. Thankfully, I have just the thing that might show her.
I hop down off the counter and walk over to the shelf where my laptop is stored, quickly opening the lid and waking the computer up. "I want you to see something," I say when she gives me a raised eyebrow.
Rick had left me with a semi-finished manuscript after the summer; it's rough but it's not the draft of Naked Heat that I want her to see. It's his notes to himself, and it's a veritable font of information if she's open-minded enough to notice. He lists her habits and mannerisms, things she said that made him laugh or think a different way. Hell, there's a long and detailed list of her favorite food and drinks. There's nothing personal about him, no deep musings or love letters to her, nothing that he would necessarily not want her to know. It's just a tally of all the things he notices about her. The list is long. And it is telling, if she's willing to see. Because it's more than just a list of things to write down in a book, whether he realizes it or not, he's more than collecting information, he's studying for a lifetime, learning how to be the man she needs.
I set the laptop down on the desk and click a few icons, opening up the file. "Read it," I say. "Read it and when you're done, tell me again that you don't think he needs you... that you don't need him too." I give her a pointed look. We both know she has feelings for him. Maybe if she realizes what he's doing, she won't give up on them or their possible future.
"Jess, this is… is this…?"
I nod, waggling my eyebrows. I know what a fangirl she is. She won't be able to resist.
"I don't think that I should" she says, scanning what's in front of her. "This wasn't meant for me."
Damn, but if this girl's morals aren't rock solid. Fine then, we'll go another route.
"Mhm," I reply, "He did. He trusts me, Kate, and I trust you not to let it leave this room. Look, I think that he'd want you to see it. So trust me, okay? And let me deal with any fallout if his panties get in a twist."
"Are you sure?" she asks, finger hovering over the touchpad, her eagerness to see what he's written slowly overshadowing her reticence.
I check my watch; it's five to midnight and it's time I started winding the store down for the evening. "Read a page or two," I say. "And go from there. If it's too much or you don't feel comfortable, then fine: No harm, no foul. In the meantime, I gotta send the kids home." I cock my head toward the door.
"Kay…" she says, chewing on her lip. "Go. I'll just be here deciding whether I want to kill you or not for putting me in this situation."
"It'd be too much of a mess to clean up," I laugh, throwing her a wink. She smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "What's the worst that could happen?" I ask. "That you realize that the great Richard Castle does, in fact, have annoyingly perfect grammar?"
"That would be rather annoying," she agrees, grinning. "He's so damn cocky about it too."
"Yeah, well luckily," I say, pleased to finally see a genuine smile out of her even if it is only because she's thinking about him, "he also has an alarmingly bad grasp of typing and the thing is riddled with red marks and typos."
"Good to know," she murmurs, already swiveling around in the chair, facing the laptop and letting her fingers hover over the mouse.
"I'll leave you to it," I whisper as I quietly exit the office and reenter the storefront.
The Hut has quieted down considerably since I went out back. The musician has departed, taking his groupies along with him. The kids are cleaning up behind the counter, and there's only a couple stragglers left in the room, either reading books or lost in laptops. It's my favorite time of the night, and I quickly boot the kids out, sending them home for the night.
I go about the rest of the cleaning duties happily, whistling while I work and enjoying the fresh, lemon scent or the organic solution I use on the glass tables. I've moved on to the front windows when the bell jingles and I jump, surprised by the sound so close to where I am standing. I must have been out of it because I had no clue someone was about to enter.
Someone enters alright, and my breath catches in my throat. "Oh… hi," I stutter, throwing the rag over my shoulder and trotting back behind the counter to take their order. "What can I get you?"
"Cappuccino, extra hot please,"
I make the coffee efficiently, without another word, my thoughts jumbled as I'm overcome with an unexpected jolt of lust. I'm dazed by a set of the most piercing blue eyes that I have ever seen; they're light, almost gray, mesmerizing. I hand over the cup and it's all I can do to nod when they take it from my hands and head over to the couch at the far end of the café. I lean my elbows onto the counter, aimlessly wiping the granite while watching the newcomer out of the corner of my eye.
"See something you like, Jess?" Kate's cheeky voice startles me out of my reverie and I try to cover the blush that I can feel spreading from my cheeks and down toward my neck.
"I wasn't, I didn't, I… This isn't what it look like."
"Relax," she laughs. "It's cool."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she smiles, eyes sparkling. "And hey, thanks, for back there." She nods back toward the office. "It was… enlightening."
I let out a slightly shaky breath, pleased that she has let the subject of my previous attentions drop.
"Hmm, I thought it might be." She looks lighter since I last saw her. I don't know how far she's gotten, whether she stuck to the notes, or read the actual first draft with all its fits and starts and half formed ideas, but whatever it was, it's worked. "So does this mean he gets to stay?"
She shakes her head, sighing but with the hint of a smile. "Yeah, I guess he gets to stay. I hate for all of that effort to go to waste. Do you realize that he somehow figured out my brand of moisturizer?" Her eyes widen comically before she gives them an exaggerated roll. "If I didn't know him so well, I'd find that kind of creepy."
"He really, really likes you, Kate. You have to know that."
"I know." She smiles, hissing in frustration when her phone chimes at the same moment. She pulls it out of the back pocket of her jeans and looks at the device; I notice the doctor's face smiling up at her from the screen. "But it's..."
"Complicated," I finish, looking toward the couch. "I know."
God knows, I know complicated.
"I bet you do," she smirks, raising an eyebrow before typing out a quick text reply and clicking the device back to sleep.
"Shut up," I reply, frustrated. This part of my life is not something I often share and she has me more than a little flustered. "Besides, it's not like you can talk." I eye the phone in her hands, deftly changing the subject. "How is the good doctor anyway?"
She smiles, absently running a thumb along the edges of the hard plastic phone case. "He's easy, sweet, safe… god, he's great in bed."
She grins, and I'm happy for her. "Handsome too," I say, and she nods, agreeing, but her face soon falls.
"He's not at all complicated."
"And maybe that's the problem?"
She sighs. "Maybe. But I deserve a chance to try right? Castle and I… I think we burned that bridge last summer."
"Kate…"
She holds up a hand to stop me. "At least for now."
Fair enough. "You're probably right," I agree, but I'm glad that she's decided to let him keep following her because there is absolutely no way that their story has come to an end.
"Well, I should go," she says after a spell of faintly uncomfortable silence. She shrugs into her coat, and eases the awkward moment away with a touch to my arm. "But really, thanks Jess."
"Anytime," I reply, saluting and giving her a curt nod. I mean it. I hadn't realized until recently how much I missed having a woman I could talk to. Maybe next time I'll be the one doing the sharing.
She turns and leaves, is almost out the door, when she pivots around and grins back toward me. "You should go over and say 'hi'" she says softly, winking and turning again to leave. "Maybe buy her a muffin…" she calls out, her voice mischievous - and loud - above the jingle of the doorbells.
With that, she's out the door and I'm left to ponder the blonde, and hide my blush, as the girl with the spiked hair looks up and smiles in my direction.
I am so going to get Kate back for that.
Many, many, thanks to Kellie for being my Dr. Burke during the editing phase of this chapter. There was much angsting over whether to give Jess a love interest of not. There was also almost as much angsting over two words that did absolutely nothing to really change the story. Ah, the woes of a writer. But she let me rant in her messages and was the strong silent type while I worked it out and then gently guided me to an even better place than I had begun. What more can you want from a beta? She rocks!
Avi: I shall see you in the google doc. Wake up, woman! We have writing to do!
Brooke: More BN! Jo: More Falling!