They come in together, both bearing the same shell-shocked expression on their faces. I'm about to call out to them in greeting when behind them follow two men, a Latino and a white guy who looks barely old enough to carry the gun that's strapped to his side. The four of them look jumpy, and as Rick nods his greetings I set about making a pot of tea and a French press of coffee, waving them toward the sofa in the back. All of them look like they could use an extra kick, some food, definitely alcohol, so I set up a tray for them, adding a flask of whiskey that I keep for special occasions, and a plate of croissants and muffins before crossing the café to their table.
Rick's lounged on one end of the sofa, facing away from me, feet propped up on the coffee table and one arm slung lazily over the back of the couch, the tips of his fingers making small circles and ever so slowly creeping toward a lock of Kate's hair that dangles enticingly close to his path. I shift the tray to one arm, freeing my other to ruffle his hair as I walk by, smirking as he quickly retracts his hand from its wayward path and removes his feet from my furniture.
"Making yourself at home, I see."
I nod in greeting as I lower the tray to the coffee table. "Hey, Kate." She smiles in return but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She looks shaken, maybe even a little bashful, and lowers her eyes quickly, before she resumes biting on her lower lip, only to throw Rick a sideways glance a moment later.
He doesn't notice; he's too busy grabbing mugs and pouring coffee all around. I make a note to prepare another pot. The tea sits untouched as all four quickly grab for the steaming mugs of coffee. There's a slightly uncomfortable silence as I'm left with nothing to do while Rick gets everybody situated, handing out chocolate chip muffins that the boys quickly stuff their faces with and Kate picks at with shaky fingers. I'm about to take my leave when Rick speaks up.
"Jess, meet the guys," he says, waving in their direction and I notice for the first time that his hand is bandaged. My gut churns as I imagine all the possibilities that might have led them here tonight. I'm about to ask when he throws me a look that all but screams at me not to bring it up, to instead be polite and say hello. I give him a glare that says we'll be talking about this later, but turn to say hello to the new faces. Ryan and Esposito, I presume.
"Roach, alive and in the flesh," I say, grinning, trying to alleviate the tension. It works for a brief moment.
They answer by high-fiving each other while the younger one eagerly nods, looking pleased with my assumption.
"Kevin Ryan," he says, holding out a hand for me to shake.
"Esposito," the other confirms. "Nice too meet you. You a friend of Castle?"
"I do have that dubious honor." I grin, sticking out my tongue and Rick replies with an eye roll in return.
"Come, sit with us," Rick suggests, scooting over to the middle of the couch, wedging himself into Kate's side. I note with a touch of surprise that she makes no attempt to slide away and I quickly scan the shop before deciding that they can do without me for a few minutes while I catch up with this ragged looking bunch.
"So," I begin, quiet and tentative, "this doesn't seem like a social outing? No offense but… you guys look like hell."
Castle chuckles, and Kate snorts, leaning her head back onto the sofa and closing her eyes.
"We needed a moment to decompress," Kevin offers. "I don't like taking things home. Especially now."
His eyes cloud over and Esposito nudges him with his shoulder. A manly gesture that seems to cover both 'Buck up, Bro,' but also, 'I'm with you'.
"I'm here for the coffee," Esposito says, refilling his cup and taking a long slug of the steaming liquid.
"Oh, I hear congratulations are in order," I say, ignoring Esposito's slightly curt reply. Obviously none of them want to discuss whatever has happened and Kevin's recent engagement seems like a safe topic. "Kate told me that you've just gotten engaged."
Kevin nods, refilling his own cup, a small smile gracing his lips. He might not want to bring it home but by the looks of him, the warmth and comfort of home are exactly what he needs right now. "Yeah, Jenny. She's great," he says, a moony grin lighting up his features and erasing the fine lines with deep crinkles around his eyes and smile. Being in love suits him.
I watch with interest as Rick places a firm hand over Kate's shaky fingers. If anybody else notices, nobody dares say anything, least of all me. Kate feels a responsibility for this little group and it's obvious that whatever went down tonight shook her to the core.
"You should go home to her," Kate says, her voice quiet but forceful.
It's a shock when she speaks. I realize that they are the first words she's said since entering and any lightness that's been brewing in the past few weeks since Rick broke up with Gina, since Natalie Rhodes forced her hand into admitting to me that she might have been a little bit jealous, have been erased. Her voice carries a hardened edge to it. She sounds like the woman I met almost three years ago now. She sounds like she's shutting them all out.
"Beckett," Ryan warns.
"Bro," Javier cautions Ryan.
You can cut the tension with a knife. I'm in way over my head with no idea about what's happening between them and suddenly the load of dishes over by the counter seems to need my attention more than this group does.
"Guys," Rick intervenes, waving his bandaged hand in the air and grabbing all of their attention before continuing. "Remember that time I saved you all with my fists?"
And just like that the team is laughing and cracking jokes. Rick preens about his manliness and Javier knocks him down a peg or two. Ryan laughs along and Kate even manages a chuckle here or there. I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that Rick has saved the day and quietly extract myself from the sofa, intending to refill the coffee pot and try to sneak a few extra calories into them.
I'm just raising the Panini press when Kate edges up beside me. I lift the sandwiches off the grill and lower them to the cutting board, expertly slicing them into halves and presenting Kate with first dibs while the cheese is still oozing and hot.
"Thanks." She smiles, taking me up on my offer. "Oh my god, Jess, this is amazing," Kate moans and for the first time tonight she seems truly happy. "Is that basil?"
"Yup," I grin. "Grilled cheese for grownups. It's a new thing I'm trying. Gotta keep up with the big boys across the street, you know?"
"You're gonna put them out of business if you keep serving up stuff like this," she says around another bite.
"Here's hoping." I smile, and take the other half of the grilled cheese for myself, knocking the corner of my sandwich into hers. "Cheers," I say before taking a bite of the melting goodness.
The boys are laughing and the sound carries over to the counter, filling the shop with a joyful energy that had been sorely lacking for the last little while. She sighs, closing her eyes, and I press a hand to her shoulder, squeezing gently. "You wanna talk about it?" I ask.
"Nope," she replies. "Another night maybe. Right now I just want to go home. I came over to say goodnight and thanks for the coffee. How much do I owe you?"
"Nothing," I reply. "You know better than to try and offer me your money." She nods her thanks but doesn't turn to leave. She's stalling, I can tell. "So, Josh?" I inquire.
She snorts. "I wish. He's on call tonight."
Isn't he always? I wonder.
"Nope, I'm looking for a hot bath and a deep sleep in my bed. Long day, you know?"
"I can tell."
"I just…" She runs a hand through her hair and looks over toward Rick. "Take care of him for me, will ya?"
"I always do," I say.
"I know you do," she says. It's quiet and barely audible.
She looks sad. As though she knows what I'm thinking. That I think it would be a much better idea if they took care of each other rather than coming to me every other night to lament the day's torments and anguish.
"Kate, listen, I didn't mean anything by that. I just want to see you both happy."
"It's…"
She's still not paying me much attention, her gaze fixed over on the boys, on Castle; an achy look of pure yearning bleeds from her tired eyes in the form of a suspicious amount of extra moisture.
"Complicated, I know," I say gently. "But it doesn't have to be."
She blinks rapidly, clearing the tears and I can almost envision the bricks being laid in her formidable wall as she steels herself for my advice. "There's a lot of other stuff that you don't… that I haven't… that I can't tell you about yet. But listen, I know okay, I know. I just… when the time's right. Besides, there is Josh. And he's a good guy."
"I know he is, Kate. I just wonder if he's good for you."
"He's what I need right now." Her eyes are set, fixed and firm, likes she's trying desperately to convince herself of this fact, more so than she is me.
"Which is what?"
"Simple."
I sigh. Things with Rick could be simple if they would both pull their heads out of their collective asses and just let it happen. But maybe she's right. Whatever happened has obviously shaken her and starting a relationship with Rick probably isn't the best idea when she's in this obviously strained mental state. The media is still in a flap over the filming of Nikki Heat and if word got out that they were dating, it would start a feeding frenzy. There's no way that Kate is ready to deal with that.
"I guess simple isn't a terrible idea," I agree. "At least, not for now."
"For now," she whispers. I'm pretty sure she's not talking to me. She's staring over toward the boys, a look of longing of her face and the tip of her index finger playing about her lower lip. I doubt she really heard me. She's blushing, I realize, and all of my senses perk up. Did something happen between the two of them?
"Kate?" I try, using a soft voice.
"I gotta go," she says, startled as though I had yelled, and shakes her head, the faraway look leaving her face, the mask of determination layered quickly back in place.
"Why don't you call me?" I ask, throwing her a smile. "We should go out to dinner or something. Get out of the Hut for a change, huh?"
I wonder how often she does actually get to go out. I know she has Lanie, but it seems she spends most of her off nights either curled up on one of my sofas reading a book, or spending the night in with Josh. For a young woman she is horribly overworked and significantly lacking in any levity in her life. She should be in her prime, going out, having fun, painting the town red. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, and I'd like to try and lighten the load if I can.
"Thanks, that sounds really nice actually."
I smile. "Good, then. I'll talk to Erin. Why don't you call up Lanie and we'll make a girl's night out of it?"
"I'll do that." She grins then, sly. "So, things are going well with Erin, huh?"
"Gloating doesn't suit you, Kate."
"Turnabout is fair play," she grins.
"Touché," I reply. "But yeah, things are great. I never did thank you for the push. So, thank you."
I really am grateful. It's been so long since I was in a relationship; longer still since I was involved with someone I felt comfortable sharing everything with. Erin has become one of the most important people in my life.
"I really should get going," she says with one last glance toward the boys. Ryan and Esposito are standing up and gathering their coats. Rick is clapping backs and feeding birds, the boys are getting rowdy with fist bumps and intricate handshakes; it looks like the party is breaking up. Whoever decided this impromptu field trip was in order deserves a medal because it seems to have worked. Everyone is looking a whole lot better than when they arrived. I grab a few paper bags and distribute the sandwiches into them.
"Yeah, go," I say, grinning, cocking my head toward the display of masculine pride, "before the testosterone rubs off."
She chuckles and waves as she turns to leave and I quickly shove a bag into her hand. "For the road," I say with a wink, and she takes the proffered bag and sticks her nose inside, taking a deep inhale and moaning.
"God, that smells good," she says, grinning. "Thanks."
"Anytime."
She's pivoting to leave and tying her coat securely around her waist when she turns back toward me. "Remember what I said," she says, her eyes serious, a sharp juxtaposition from the merry twinkle of a few moments ago, and her mouth is set in a hard frown. "Take care of him for me. I know him; he's gonna need to talk it out. I wish I could Jess, but…"
"You can't," I finish for her. "It's okay, Kate. Don't worry, I got this."
Kate nods in farewell, accepting my promise, and manages a weak smile that's tinged with a good heaping of regret before she ducks her head and quickly slips outside ahead of the boys.
I intend to keep that promise. Rick's lagging behind the boys and I can tell from his posture that the day has taken a harder toll on him than he's willing to show. He and I have a date with my sofa and a soothing cup of tea.
But first, I have to take care of Ryan and Esposito.
Oh looky here, I didn't abandon this story. And I won't. Promise. Sometimes writing is just hard. Sometimes it's downright impossible. Especially for me when it comes to first person. I apologize for this taking so long though and rest assured the next chapter, Castle's side, is on its way.
Thank much to Jo for the ever so speedy beta. You rock my socks. And to my facebook girls especially for the pom pom waving.