The following day was Friday, and Nathan remained tense the whole school day, wondering what to do if he and Duke were once again alone in a room, but that didn't happen. At the weekend, whatever he did just seemed pointless, and he drifted around with no aim or purpose until his father snapped at him to find something useful to do or at the very least stop wearing a hole in the floor.
Monday, Nathan skipped French for the first time all year, and went to find Duke.
He turned out to be lying quite visibly on the tennis court with his head against the net, smoking a cigarette. Nathan hovered above him for a while, but when Duke didn't react he sat down on the ground.
"What were you and Kenny Edwards doing, that day in the bathroom?"
Duke took out the cigarette and laughed.
"How long has that question been burning? Sorry, Nathan, I don't kiss and tell."
"Or do anything else and tell?" Nathan asked.
"That's right."
Nathan stroked his hand across the asphalt, as if he could smooth it out with his touch. It also gave him something to look at that wasn't Duke.
"Do you kiss and... show, then?"
There was a low, husky quality to Duke's voice now. "What exactly are you asking here, Nathan?"
"You know what I'm asking," Nathan said, daring to look up. "And if you're going to say no, then you can just say it and stop playing these stupid games."
Duke stood up, brushed the dirt off his pants, and held out a hand, smiling. "Well, come on, then."
Nathan stared at the outstretched hand, and then at Duke's face, seeing for the first time that his eyes were beautiful. You didn't really notice his eyes right away – they were kind of narrow and the rest of his features took over – but they were, they were beautiful.
He took the hand and hauled himself up. For a moment, Duke held on, and Nathan had time to wonder if they were actually supposed to hold hands – and then Duke let go like flicking away a dirty sock, and walked two steps ahead of him back to the school building.
They locked themselves in the exact same stall in the exact same bathroom, and Duke put his arms around Nathan's neck.
"This is only the initial demonstration," he said. "I'll show you the rest later."
"I thought you didn't do tutoring," Nathan said, eyes fixed on Duke's mouth.
"Only as a sexual favor," Duke replied, and kissed him.
Nathan's previous experience in kissing hadn't been bad, as such. Some experimentation with Hannah, "for fun" as she dubbed it, a shy goodbye kiss after a date with Rebecca Rafferty – and there was that time Nicole had kissed him in primary school, but that didn't even count. Not a long list, but enough that he could tell the difference with someone who knew what they were doing. Duke knew what he was doing to such an extent that Nathan wondered if he should feel anxious about his own skills, but there was no room in his head to feel anything but good. He felt so damned good, and grabbed hold of Duke's hair, pulling him closer, to get more. Their bodies pressed together, and Nathan found that if the sight of naked guys in the locker room wasn't enough to get Duke aroused, the touch of another guy was another matter entirely.
The sound of the outer door opening was followed by footsteps going to one of the stalls, and Nathan froze. Duke broke off the kiss, grinning, and glanced down at Nathan's pants, which revealed a little too much at the moment.
"Wait," he mouthed, and when he judged Nathan adequately recovered, he unlocked the door and gently pushed him out of the stall, with a final pat on the ass.
Nathan closed the door behind him and heard the slight click as Duke locked. Facing the indifferent expressions of the other students, he licked his lips and said, "Uh... the flush is broken again."
Nobody questioned him. Someone muttered, "That toilet always breaks down," and on his way out, Nathan laughed quietly to himself, wondering if Duke was responsible for all of those supposed breakdowns.
Nathan obviously hadn't expected to be treated as Duke's boyfriend, or given the kind of public recognition girls like Jeannine were, but it was still disconcerting the next time he saw Duke and was met with cocky indifference. Was that the way it was going to be, then? Duke hadn't said anything about the make-out session in the bathroom being a one time deal only, but he hadn't said that it wasn't, either.
That gave Nathan plenty of time to fret about what had happened and what it meant, not just for him and Duke together, but for him, because if kissing Duke felt so good and he couldn't stop thinking about it, then he'd have to be gay, right? Or bisexual at the very least and both of those were, well, they weren't things you wanted to be in Haven High School. Nathan wondered if this meant he should rethink his opinions on everyone else in class, and he sat studying everyone, trying to figure out if he really liked the girls best like he'd always assumed, or it was just something he'd fooled himself into thinking.
Denise was commonly considered the prettiest, and he'd never liked her. Maybe that was an indication of something, but then Denise was so horrible to people that it kind of took over. Jeannine tried to tag along with Denise, but didn't have it in her to be as relentlessly mean, which of course made her more appealing, but still, Nathan had never really felt anything there beyond appreciation of a nice exterior. There was Hannah, of course, his partner in crime. His kisses with Hannah had been nice, he really liked Hannah, but he wasn't sure he liked liked her. And then there was Nicole, oh, Nicole was gorgeous and funny and someone he'd dreamed of more than once, but he couldn't deny that even she didn't set his heart racing the way Duke currently did.
Having gone through the rest of the girls in a similar fashion, he turned his attention to the boys, and the thought of doing anything at all with the likes of Paul, Chaz, Joe and the others was enough to put anyone off sex. Now, Jeff, maybe, Jeff was good looking, though rather Bill than Jeff, in that case, even though he was a year and a half younger. They were both Duke's friends, and he was a little surprised that Duke hadn't gone for one of them rather than Kenny, but then maybe they weren't into that. Or maybe they had and he just never knew... there seemed to be so much he didn't know. On a scale of things, he'd probably rate Bill the same as Hannah, which was lower than Nicole, and so much lower than Duke it wasn't even funny.
The truth was, there wasn't anyone he wanted the way he wanted Duke. At mealtime he sat picking at his food until his father sighed and asked, "And what's wrong with you today?"
"Nothing," Nathan muttered, wondering what would happen if he said, Well, dad, I've been making out with Duke Crocker, and I would very much like to do that again, not to mention any other thing you can do with a guy, except he hasn't asked me to and I'm too scared to ask again. Nothing good, that was for sure. He wondered what his dad thought of gays – they'd never really talked about it. Maybe he'd rant and rave, but he probably wouldn't kick Nathan out the way that girl who'd graduated last year got kicked out by her parents.
Of course, the guy in question being Duke Crocker was another matter altogether. Stay away from the Crockers, that was a mantra he'd heard since he was five, and yet somehow he and Duke had always returned to the same circles. Been friends, even, from time to time, mostly when they were little and it wasn't so glaringly obvious that they didn't fit together. Of course, half the time Duke had been a dick to him, like that time with the tacks, but the other half he'd been great, you just never knew what you were going to get from one day to another. If Duke wanted nothing more to do with him, it was probably easier in the long run. Nathan wasn't so sure he wanted to want Duke, but that did nothing to stop the longing.
And then, after PE on Friday, just as Nathan was starting to dread the locker room, Duke threw a soccer ball at the back of his head.
"Keep up, Wuornos!" he said.
Nathan stopped and stared at Duke, who picked up the ball and then slowly stood back up, giving a discreet but pointed glance towards the bleachers.
The area behind the bleachers, although cramped and dusty, was a prime spot for couples to meet. Nathan's mouth got dry and his hands clammy, and though he didn't dare to nod, he blinked in confirmation. As the rest of the class went into the locker rooms, he drifted behind, waiting for the right moment before slipping into the hidden area.
Duke wasn't there yet, and Nathan waited anxiously until he spotted the familiar form slinking in. There were still sounds of people around, and Nathan wondered what would happen if someone else decided to have some make-out time.
Right then, Duke leaned in and caught his mouth in a kiss. Nathan choked down the surprised sound he wanted to make, and though kissing Duke with all those people passing by outside was scarier than kissing him in that locked stall, the pleasure of it took over. He breathed in Duke's scent, and after fumbling a bit with his hands, found the perfect spot around the hips, just above the ass, to pull in closer.
Letting go of the kiss, Duke nibbled at Nathan's ear and whispered softly: "Are you ready for the next lesson?"
"Here?" Nathan asked breathlessly.
Duke's hand moved down to the front of Nathan's shorts. "Can you keep quiet?"
With the sensation of Duke's fingers brushing against his crotch it sure wasn't easy, but Nathan clenched his teeth and nodded.
"For how long?" Duke breathed, moving his hand into Nathan's shorts.
As it turned out, Nathan could keep quiet for what felt like centuries, while the gym cleared out and Duke jerked him off. Careful as they were, a tell-tale stain still formed on the fabric, and while Nathan tried desperately to wipe it off, Duke just smiled and shook his head, pulling in for another kiss.
They continued their activities, quietly, yet ending up more sweaty and breathless than PE had managed.
"There," Duke eventually said in a rough voice and broke off. "Everyone's gone. Time to hit the showers."
After they had shed their clothes and stepped in the showers, Duke kept his hands to himself, which was both understandable – someone might still come in – and really frustrating. Without anyone else present, Nathan at least permitted himself to look, in ways he hadn't dared before.
Duke naked was a dizzying sight, mostly because it meant more Duke. More to hold and kiss, some other time, and that dick they hadn't even started on, but which was definitely ready for it, at least until Duke changed the temperature and let a spray of cold water take care of the problem.
Basking in the attention, Duke returned the gaze, letting his eyes roam over Nathan's body in ways that were almost as effective at setting his skin on fire as touches. Nathan took a page out of Duke's book and let the water run cold, calming his excited senses.
And then, just like that, it was over. Duke got out, got dressed, and left without so much as a goodbye. The only thing left for Nathan to do was follow suit, with a rising sense of disappointment and the knowledge that he'd be late for class again.
Stomach bug. He could always blame it on a stomach bug – and if those bugs were more like butterflies, who was to know?
It didn't take long for Nathan to grasp the routine. Coldness or sometimes even meanness from Duke, interspersed with the occasional muttered command: "Boiler room, ten minutes" or "after school, behind the fish smoking house." In a way, it wasn't that different from when they'd been kids and you had to gauge Duke's likely mood from the level of his father's drunkenness.
Yet familiar as it might be, it wasn't satisfying. Over the weeks, Nathan got intimately acquainted with every part of Duke's body, but all he could hope for in-between was the rare smirk or wink. They didn't talk. He certainly wasn't among Duke's friends. For all the difference it made to their interactions, he could have been Kenny or Jeannine or just about anyone, and it wasn't enough. Heck, Duke still flirted with Jeannine in class, though he never so much as mentioned Kenny. Whether that meant he'd broken it off Nathan didn't know and didn't dare to ask.
In all fairness, Nathan reminded himself, Duke had never promised anything else. Even if those sonnets were meant for him, they'd only spoken of lust, not of... well, other stuff.
"I got a call from the school that you've been missing classes," his dad said one evening. "And been tardy several times this month. You got anything to say for yourself?"
Nathan looked down and shrugged.
"Just lost track of time, I guess."
"Well, that's not good enough. When you're out of school and get a job, they don't want to hear that you 'lost track of time', and they won't have any bell to remind you, either. Grow up, Nathan! Next time I get a call like this, I'm gonna ground you."
Nathan imagined himself saying: Duke and I have been meeting up in secret so I can blow him. I'm late all the time because we have to make sure no-one can see us. Once we were almost caught out by another couple, but Duke had this joint, so we lit it and pretended we'd gone down to the boiler room to get high, instead of getting off. That's right, dad, I used illegal drugs as a ruse to cover up that I'm giving head to Duke Crocker. And I like it. I like it more than anything I've ever done in my life, and that's not even the worst of it. The worst of it is, I'm in love with him. I'm so in love it hurts.
Taking a towel down from the wall, Nathan muttered, "Yes, sir," and started drying the dishes.
He was well aware that the situation couldn't hold, though. Much more of this and his grades would be in danger. Even if he'd be willing to risk that, someone might make the connection between his absences and Duke's – even if Duke was gone often enough that it might cover things up.
It was with a pounding heart that he suggested to Duke that they should stick to the lunch hour and after school, but though Duke gave him a condescending smirk, he didn't argue the point.
"Three o'clock, the hunting tower," he said instead, and Nathan got to discover the rickety joy of sex ten feet off the ground in a none-too-sound wooden structure, but at least they had some privacy, and, despite the wobbliness, some fun.
Emboldened by this, Nathan wondered if he could push Duke into some social interaction. Nothing too ambitious such as acknowledging him in school or anything like that, just a bit of actual talking. So one day, in response to Duke's "same time tomorrow," he responded:
"I have to do my homework."
Duke rolled his eyes. "Oh. Well, whatever."
"We could do it together," Nathan said, and then, seeing Duke's expression, cursed himself for coming up with the dumbest idea known to man, because asking Duke to study was like asking Hannah's dad to come smoke some joints.
But then Duke smiled – not even a smirk – and asked, "Do you want me to tutor you?"
"I guess I do," Nathan said, smiling back.
"Very well, then. My place tomorrow."
With that, Duke walked away, his back looking more relaxed and devil-may-care than usual, but Nathan, waiting behind so they wouldn't be seen together, was feeling just as triumphant.