Just out of curiosity, who is going to or planning to go to Kumoricon? If I go I would love to meet some people there :P (I'll be in Vocaloid Kaito and/or Drifloon Gijinka cosplay) Also, I'd appreciate some reviews :)
Today I woke up feeling absolutely 100% shitty. My sides and lower back hurt like a bitch; walking was pretty much a no-go. When I did manage to crawl my way to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror. Everything seemed fine, except holy shit did I get fatter? And why did my boobs hurt so much? What the hell was going on?
And then... I saw it.
Right as I peeled off my all my clothes including my underwear, I saw blood. A lot of it too. My worst nightmare had come true. I bet somewhere down in Hell, Satan was laughing his ass off at my misfortune.
"Mom! Can I not go to school today?" I shouted from the bathroom, praying she'd understand if I explained.
"Why? What's wrong Jane? Are you feeling sick?"
"Yes. Very sick. My lower back and thighs hurt so bad and I can't walk at all. Also my head hurts and I think I have a fever."
"Are you sure you're not just on your period? Is there any blood?"
Shit. How did she guess? I needed to save myself fast.
"Uh, no. It just really, really hurts and I have no idea why!" God mom, why can't you just get the message? But my final attempts were sadly drowned out by her snickering.
"Oh come on, it's just a period! Girls do it every month, so man up!" I sighed. I had been defeated. I guess it was time to deal with the pain like every other female on the planet: dying on the inside, stoic on the outside. I heard my mom sigh too.
"Well, I'll tell you what. You can bring some Advil to school and I'll pack a few pads in your bag, since I don't think you'll be comfortable putting tampons up there." I then heard her footsteps disappear down the hall as she went to get said items, and she muttered a 'I never thought I'd ever have to do this'. I sighed for the second time that morning. Girls are a lot more complicated than I thought.
It was really awkward heading to school. How do girls even walk with pads in between their legs? You know that thing that cowboys do when they spread their legs out and walk to look tough? Yeah, that's what I did, except I didn't feel tough at all. I took the two Advil just like mom said, but it barely calmed the pain down. Is this seriously what girls go through once a month for an entire week? No wonder they get so crabby. I slowly made my way over to where Connie and Marco were waiting, and gave a half-hearted wave.
"Hey, Jane! You don't really look so good." Marco said. I attempted to smile. Such a nice guy. If he ran to the store and bought me chocolates and a coffee, he'd be boyfriend material. I'm kidding of course.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... cramps." I said, trying to be a subtle as possible. Connie winced immediately, and Marco shook his head in sympathy.
"That sounds like it sucks. I would say that I know how you feel, except I don't. So sorry, Jane." was what Connie said. Gee, thanks Connie. That makes me feel a whole lot better. I groaned in frustration as another wave of pain hit me. Oh god, I couldn't believe I could feel the blood moving out of me. I nearly shuddered.
"Jane, are you sure okay?" Marco asked. He looked genuinely concerned, which I would find sweet if I wasn't so disgusted with myself right at that moment.
"Yep. Just super Marco. Just fuckin' super." Marco sighed. I felt kind of bad for getting cranky with him and Connie, but I couldn't really help it. It felt weird and not right, but I guess it had something to do with hormones (I never really paid attention in health). A few seconds later, Annie, Sasha, Reiner, and Bertholdt made their way down the hall and greeted us.
"So Jane, how are you adjusting to being a girl?" Sasha asked. I almost winced at her question. This really was not the time to ask me. But Marco, being Freckled Jesus and all, stepped in just in time.
"She's doing okay. But not at this moment, and probably not for the rest of the week, if you catch my drift." Sasha gave an understanding 'ohhhh' and Annie actually looked sort of surprised, and sort of sympathetic. Sasha then placed a hand on my shoulder.
"It's fine Jane! I'll give you some tips on how to deal with it! First, you get a-"
"Not right now Sasha." Connie said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. To be honest, I wouldn't have minded those tips right about then, but I guess that could wait. And besides, the warning bell had just sounded, signaling that we had better get our asses to class. I waved goodbye to everyone except Annie, who shared my first period class on every other day. Walking next to her was always kind of awkward because she never looked at me and was always quiet. But today was actually kind of different.
"I have some extra pads if you want." was all she said before she entered the class ahead of me.
Gym time came, and I internally cried. First, there was actually going into the locker rooms themselves. This was my first time (not including the time stupid Eren dared me to go in) actually being in there. I know it sounds stupid, but I was actually afraid that I'd look at all the half naked girls and get turned on. Surprisingly, that didn't happen. They just looked like normal girls. Still, changing while trying not to see my bloody pad was going to be difficult.
What even is my sexuality? I wondered as I tried to squeeze my way through to the corner. Lots of girls gave me strange and even disgusted looks. I sighed for what seemed like the billionth time that day. Some people still claimed that I was "faking" my gender change, and I still got some dirty looks around the school. I'm just thankful the media hasn't caught on yet. A couple people tried to tell them, but luckily they didn't believe them at all. It certainly is a struggle, that is one thing that's for sure in this whole shitstorm.
After a painful gym session, I had to endure one more class before lunch. Walking around the hallway, it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea when I had to change my pad. Does it smell? Does it change color? Can other people smell me right now?
Calm down Jane, get your shit together. Let's just ask someone.
Yeah fucking right. There was no way I was asking anyone.
But look, Mikasa is right there.
Oh god. No way. ANY OTHER GIRL is a better person to ask than Mikasa. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with her. In fact, that's actually the problem. I had gotten a crush on her freshman year, and I always tried to impress her. Sometimes I bet I made her feel a little awkward. But every single time I tried, Eren would get in my way. It was obvious she wanted to take care of him instead of paying attention to me, so last year I ended up giving up. But that still doesn't mean I don't get a little sad when she passes by. Thank god I had Armin and Marco by my side when I felt shitty. But at this point, I'm just distracting myself from the issue at hand. The past was the past, and the present is an emergency.
"Uh, Mikasa!" I called out. She stopped to face me, and I felt myself get nervous.
"Can... can you come here for second? I, uh, have a question for you." She got a suspicious look on her face, but came over anyway.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Well, I was just wondering- er, I need to know- When do you change a pad?" There. I got it out. Mikasa's eyes widened in surprise, but then she smiled a little.
"Oh, that's what you're worried about? Don't worry too much." She then started to explain to me bleeding a little and bleeding a lot, and when was a good time depending on that, and I don't really want to get into too much detail. All I wanted to do was go home and pretend none of this was real. But, if there was one thing gained from this terrible experience, it was that I finally got to have a somewhat normal conversation with Mikasa.
I think I'm over her now, and all it took was a little pain and a lot of courage.