~*Fanfiction.net HQ*~
"Boss! They're still here!" the vice president yelled, his voice panicked, into the phone. "There's this tall guy that looks like a goth with really greasy hair that's forcing people to drink this kind of drink! He called it a potion or something! And there's this other guy with black hair that keeps turning into a dog to bite people with this other guy who keeps trying to hold him back! And there's a bunch of red heads that keep breaking the computers! Well, one of them actually keeps admiring them, some balding guy, but the others and wrecking them! And the hacker found the building too, and she's deleting files from the main computer! And that freaky snake guy with his masked goons are still killing people, and there's a bunch of other guys from the Ministry of something that keep arresting people!!!!!! It's insanity!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"It's too late! No one can save you!" Voldemort shrieked over the commotion.
"What the heck is going on down there?!" the boss yelled into his phone. "It's your job to keep things under control!"
"But boss, they have these weird stick things that shoot glowing beams and- "
"Never mind! I'm going to call the police!"
~*Harry's computer*~
Harry tried not to feel too crestfallen about Wood's attitude towards the situation at hand. ::Oh well, I know plenty of people who'll care enough to want to do something.::
He quickly scanned his buddy list for Hagrid's screen name.
~*Hagrid's Hut*~
"See here, Fang? 'Tis a compu'er, yeh know. I'll get me a dragon from th' enter web. Or was it enter net? What'ver." Hagrid was about to begin his search for dragons on ebay, when a screen name appeared on his screen. "Blimey! Now oo would be IMin me now?"
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid! You got your computer installed!
DragonsRfriends: Yep! Bought it meself. Wanted to look at abby.
SnidgetSeeker1: Abby?
DrangonsRfriends: Yeh know, that website where yeh can get tings.
SnidgetSeeker1: Oh, Ebay. Hagrid, I really need to talk to you for just a few minutes. Something bad's happening.
DragonsRfriends: Really now? Best be tellin' me then.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, there's a website called Fanfiction.net. Some of the people write really mean stories about us; stories that are offending. I can't really explain it well, but I had the displeasure of seeing one of you paired with. um.
DragonsRfriends: Paired wit oo?
SnidgetSeeker1: See for yourself. Click here: RIDDLE ME THIS, RIDDLE ME THAT
Confusion etched over Hagrid's face as he clicked the link. He read the summary under the title.
Ever wonder why Tom Riddle decided to have Hagrid of all people expelled, years ago? This story explains the true reason why Riddle went out of his way to torture Hagrid.
Hagrid read a little further and froze in shock.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid? Are you ok?
DragonsRfriends: 'Arry! They made me 'ave an affair wit Riddle?!
SnidgetSeeker1: Yes, Hagrid. I'm sorry.
And the Niagara Falls suddenly were relocated to Hagrids eyes. He cried and wailed, throwing his massive, giant body onto the table infront of him. Huge droplets of water splashed everywhere, drenching his beard.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid? Hagrid? Please respond, Hagrid! I know it's bad, but we can fix it!
Hagrid through his head into his arms and cried hysterically, pounding the table top with his arm.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, we can't just let people write like that. They've hurt us, and they need to pay. Don't just sulk Hagrid, we need to do something about this. It's time to take a stand.
DragonsRfriends: *sniffles* Yer righ', 'Arry. I can' jus' sit here an' blubber.I'm gonna go ter dat place and show 'em what fer!
SnidgetSeeker1: Good for you Hagrid!
And the Niagara Falls went dry.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, can I ask you a favor?
DragonsRfriends: Course 'Arry!
SnidgetSeeker1: Could you somehow get Malfoy over there so I can tell him some of the same stuff?
DragonsRfriends: Sure thing, I'll try fer ya.
DragonsRfriends: has signed off
~*Harry's Room*~
Harry sat infront of the computer, impatiently. He had been waiting for Hagrid to get Draco online for an hour now. Just then, a screen name appeared on his list of possibilities. a screen name that left Harry fuming with anger.
SnidgerSeeker1: MALFOY! YOU ARE SUCH A COPY CAT!
SnidgetSeeker2: What?
SnidgetSeeker1: DON'T PLAY INNOCENT WITH ME, MALFOY! YOU'RE SO PATHETIC!
SnidgetSeeker2: Look, for one thing, my name isn't Malfoy, it's Tod. Secondly, you are taking this RPG thing way too seriously.
SnidgetSeeker1: Wait. you aren't Malfoy?
SnidgetSeeker2: No. Later, weirdo.
SnidgetSeeker2: has signed off
Harry, feeling thoroughly embarrassed, sat back in his chair again waiting. He didn't need to wait long, however, for a screen name appeared on his screen.
MudBludH8ter: This had BETTER be worth my time, Potter.
SnidgetSeeker1: Malfoy?
MudBludH8ter: That's right, and you'd better make this quick. This big oaf of a teacher came to my mansion and practically dragged me out! Right in the middle of one of my manicures too!
SnidgetSeeker1: TMI
MudBludH8ter: TMI?
SnidgetSeeker1: Too much info.
MudBludH8ter: Whatever, Potter. Just get on with it already.
Harry decided he'd just better tell. He knew that with the way Draco said his name (spit flying from his mouth at every 'P' word), Hagrid's computer screen was probably already covered with a layer of spit.
SnidgetSeeker1: Fine. Draco, stories are being written about us. Some are actually about US. There are many a slash romance between us and many other gross things of that nature.
~*Hagrid's Hut*~
Draco rubbed at the computer screen with his sleeve, trying to see through all the spit that he had created while saying Harry. no, Potter's name. His jaw dropped at what he read.
MudBludH8ter: WHAT?! That's nauseating! Ooo, wait until I tell my father! He'll get them good, oh yes he will! Stupid Muggle filth! Writing stories about things that they couldn't even possibly understand! MAY VOLDEMORT KILL THEM ALL!
SnidgetSeeker1: You really didn't get much attention as a little kid, did you?
MudBludH8ter: Shut up, Potter! I'll have you know, Potter, that if your stupid Potter parents hadn't been their Potter selves and blown up, then the whole world we be controlled by Voldemort and you stupid Potters would be-
Draco had to stop his tirade there, for the whole computer had been drenched in his spit. He attempted to type, only to have the computer shock him. Turning furiously to Hagrid, he growled out.
"Where is this place?"
"Fanfiction.net?"
"Take me there! Now, you oaf!"
~*Harry's Room*~
Harry had successfully angered two people in one session. It was time to move on to someone who was currently in St. Mungo's. Lockhart.
Author's Note: AHHHHH I'm sorry that took so long! First I had writer's block, then the comp wouldn't work for me! I know this chappie is far from being my best, but certain characters I have an easier time writing about than others. I so far like either Snape or the Weasley's the best. hm. I can already promise that Lockhart's will bee better than this one; my heart just wasn't into it this time for some reason. Thank you to all of you who reviewed!
mnemosyne: thanks for the compliment, and in answer to your question, we're all muggles right? *glares at everyone to make sure they agree*. Well, how do WE know about Harry Potter? *grins*
Allie: Good! The whole point is to make people laugh!
LilyPotter: Yeah, I like Snape's too. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check out your fic soon!
lazydaisy: lol, thanks! Btw, I'm crazy too, so, it's all good!
Kaylin: For some reason, I had a harder time with Malf. Draco. Dunno why, just must not be in the right mindset for it right now. *shrugs*
Freakylilperson: Withdrawl isn't fun. I'll try to post more for your sake. Hehe
her life was magazines: You'll kill me with a fork? Sounds painful. guess I'd better keep updating!
Lilyanna: In light of the fact that Mr. Snuggums has made his threat quite clear, Lockhart is next! I'm still deciding over whether he should have his memory or not though. hm. maybe I could mix it somehow.
*insert blank space here*: Thanks, you're right, that really is a good fanfic! I've discovered I like almost all of that talented author's stories!
boobookitty: Lockhart it is! I as you requested, I'll do Dumbledor and McGonagall. I agree with you on the anti Dumbledor/McGonagall thing. I might combine them into a chappie, though I'm not sure yet.
Deity: You're the first person who's suggested doing the Dursley's! I'm gonna take you up on that one, cause I've found a way how it can lead to the final chapters of this fic. So, they'll be the last ones to know, but all the same, they will find out. And also, more will come soon, I promise!
LoveHayden: Sirius just seems like the kind of guy who'd act like that after being done recuperating from Azkaban. Hehe, thanks for all of the complements, and as you requested, look for a Neville one in the future!
C-chan: Thank you for all of your reviews! ^_^ I like your ideas for the sequels, I'll be playing around with those ideas for a while! Hehe.
Endriago Luna: sorry, I couldn't do those little x like symbols. heh. And also, you said it right! Yes, I did take the format of Wood's cheers from Bring it On. Dean and Seamus will appear, as you requested, in later chappies!
PerfectPrefect: Lol, I'll check out the fanfiction as soon as I'm done typing these reviews!
Marie: The Weasley's were one of my favs too! I'll try to add chapter quicker now, I promise!
Gengi: Why, thank you! It's not likely that they'd all get their computers the same day, but, it's a story! What do ya expect? Heh
Koku: Sankyuu very much!
stardust-diva: A returning reviewer! Good idea about Marcus Flint. He'll get his own chappie ^_^
Mihoshe: As you saw in the e-mail, I gave you permission to use the fic. Love your website, you have a beautiful collection of fanfics!
Is_insane: Lol, good ideas! Ok, Trelawney, Crabbe, Goyle, and Krum haven't been mentioned yet so I'll try to see if I can come up with one for them. I also might be able to tie together the JK Rowling and HP people see the movie idea into one. *starts planning*
Asteria: Reeta Skeeter! And the list gets longer.
Liyah: Ooo, such flattery! Don't worry, I'm not gonna leave this one mid finished. It will have an ending!
WAYAMY27NARF: hehe, poor Snape seemed to have the most difficulty with a comp, eh?
lala: wow, lots of people. Some of them, like Katie Bell, don't have as much char info, so that'd be hard to pull off. Filch is good though, so he'll have one, and also James and Lily, or maybe the MWPP gang. Cho probably too! Wow, I'm sure gonna be busy writing!
QueenStrata: Moody it is! Hehe, I'm gonna be mean to him.
Yuffie-Girl: I dunno what other category I could do this in!
Nory: I've sorta heard about the message boards, but I've never seen one. What are they like?
Lily of the Valley: Wow, you write long reviews! *happy dance* I'm glad you liked those! Thanks for the recommendations for fics to read, and your suggested characters will appear in later chappies!
Confuzzler: I know they're kinda OOC, but I had to.er. stretch their personalities to make this work, heh. Fudge. now THERE'S an idea. *evil smirk*
Terra Evans: Thanks!
Wow, those were a lot of reviews! Next chapter will come out as soon as there are at least 100, and I mean as soon! I already have it ready, but I'm not gonna post it yet, so ha! Remember, your review will contribute to how soon the next chappie comes! Cya for now!
-Mars Raven
"Boss! They're still here!" the vice president yelled, his voice panicked, into the phone. "There's this tall guy that looks like a goth with really greasy hair that's forcing people to drink this kind of drink! He called it a potion or something! And there's this other guy with black hair that keeps turning into a dog to bite people with this other guy who keeps trying to hold him back! And there's a bunch of red heads that keep breaking the computers! Well, one of them actually keeps admiring them, some balding guy, but the others and wrecking them! And the hacker found the building too, and she's deleting files from the main computer! And that freaky snake guy with his masked goons are still killing people, and there's a bunch of other guys from the Ministry of something that keep arresting people!!!!!! It's insanity!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"It's too late! No one can save you!" Voldemort shrieked over the commotion.
"What the heck is going on down there?!" the boss yelled into his phone. "It's your job to keep things under control!"
"But boss, they have these weird stick things that shoot glowing beams and- "
"Never mind! I'm going to call the police!"
~*Harry's computer*~
Harry tried not to feel too crestfallen about Wood's attitude towards the situation at hand. ::Oh well, I know plenty of people who'll care enough to want to do something.::
He quickly scanned his buddy list for Hagrid's screen name.
~*Hagrid's Hut*~
"See here, Fang? 'Tis a compu'er, yeh know. I'll get me a dragon from th' enter web. Or was it enter net? What'ver." Hagrid was about to begin his search for dragons on ebay, when a screen name appeared on his screen. "Blimey! Now oo would be IMin me now?"
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid! You got your computer installed!
DragonsRfriends: Yep! Bought it meself. Wanted to look at abby.
SnidgetSeeker1: Abby?
DrangonsRfriends: Yeh know, that website where yeh can get tings.
SnidgetSeeker1: Oh, Ebay. Hagrid, I really need to talk to you for just a few minutes. Something bad's happening.
DragonsRfriends: Really now? Best be tellin' me then.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, there's a website called Fanfiction.net. Some of the people write really mean stories about us; stories that are offending. I can't really explain it well, but I had the displeasure of seeing one of you paired with. um.
DragonsRfriends: Paired wit oo?
SnidgetSeeker1: See for yourself. Click here: RIDDLE ME THIS, RIDDLE ME THAT
Confusion etched over Hagrid's face as he clicked the link. He read the summary under the title.
Ever wonder why Tom Riddle decided to have Hagrid of all people expelled, years ago? This story explains the true reason why Riddle went out of his way to torture Hagrid.
Hagrid read a little further and froze in shock.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid? Are you ok?
DragonsRfriends: 'Arry! They made me 'ave an affair wit Riddle?!
SnidgetSeeker1: Yes, Hagrid. I'm sorry.
And the Niagara Falls suddenly were relocated to Hagrids eyes. He cried and wailed, throwing his massive, giant body onto the table infront of him. Huge droplets of water splashed everywhere, drenching his beard.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid? Hagrid? Please respond, Hagrid! I know it's bad, but we can fix it!
Hagrid through his head into his arms and cried hysterically, pounding the table top with his arm.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, we can't just let people write like that. They've hurt us, and they need to pay. Don't just sulk Hagrid, we need to do something about this. It's time to take a stand.
DragonsRfriends: *sniffles* Yer righ', 'Arry. I can' jus' sit here an' blubber.I'm gonna go ter dat place and show 'em what fer!
SnidgetSeeker1: Good for you Hagrid!
And the Niagara Falls went dry.
SnidgetSeeker1: Hagrid, can I ask you a favor?
DragonsRfriends: Course 'Arry!
SnidgetSeeker1: Could you somehow get Malfoy over there so I can tell him some of the same stuff?
DragonsRfriends: Sure thing, I'll try fer ya.
DragonsRfriends: has signed off
~*Harry's Room*~
Harry sat infront of the computer, impatiently. He had been waiting for Hagrid to get Draco online for an hour now. Just then, a screen name appeared on his list of possibilities. a screen name that left Harry fuming with anger.
SnidgerSeeker1: MALFOY! YOU ARE SUCH A COPY CAT!
SnidgetSeeker2: What?
SnidgetSeeker1: DON'T PLAY INNOCENT WITH ME, MALFOY! YOU'RE SO PATHETIC!
SnidgetSeeker2: Look, for one thing, my name isn't Malfoy, it's Tod. Secondly, you are taking this RPG thing way too seriously.
SnidgetSeeker1: Wait. you aren't Malfoy?
SnidgetSeeker2: No. Later, weirdo.
SnidgetSeeker2: has signed off
Harry, feeling thoroughly embarrassed, sat back in his chair again waiting. He didn't need to wait long, however, for a screen name appeared on his screen.
MudBludH8ter: This had BETTER be worth my time, Potter.
SnidgetSeeker1: Malfoy?
MudBludH8ter: That's right, and you'd better make this quick. This big oaf of a teacher came to my mansion and practically dragged me out! Right in the middle of one of my manicures too!
SnidgetSeeker1: TMI
MudBludH8ter: TMI?
SnidgetSeeker1: Too much info.
MudBludH8ter: Whatever, Potter. Just get on with it already.
Harry decided he'd just better tell. He knew that with the way Draco said his name (spit flying from his mouth at every 'P' word), Hagrid's computer screen was probably already covered with a layer of spit.
SnidgetSeeker1: Fine. Draco, stories are being written about us. Some are actually about US. There are many a slash romance between us and many other gross things of that nature.
~*Hagrid's Hut*~
Draco rubbed at the computer screen with his sleeve, trying to see through all the spit that he had created while saying Harry. no, Potter's name. His jaw dropped at what he read.
MudBludH8ter: WHAT?! That's nauseating! Ooo, wait until I tell my father! He'll get them good, oh yes he will! Stupid Muggle filth! Writing stories about things that they couldn't even possibly understand! MAY VOLDEMORT KILL THEM ALL!
SnidgetSeeker1: You really didn't get much attention as a little kid, did you?
MudBludH8ter: Shut up, Potter! I'll have you know, Potter, that if your stupid Potter parents hadn't been their Potter selves and blown up, then the whole world we be controlled by Voldemort and you stupid Potters would be-
Draco had to stop his tirade there, for the whole computer had been drenched in his spit. He attempted to type, only to have the computer shock him. Turning furiously to Hagrid, he growled out.
"Where is this place?"
"Fanfiction.net?"
"Take me there! Now, you oaf!"
~*Harry's Room*~
Harry had successfully angered two people in one session. It was time to move on to someone who was currently in St. Mungo's. Lockhart.
Author's Note: AHHHHH I'm sorry that took so long! First I had writer's block, then the comp wouldn't work for me! I know this chappie is far from being my best, but certain characters I have an easier time writing about than others. I so far like either Snape or the Weasley's the best. hm. I can already promise that Lockhart's will bee better than this one; my heart just wasn't into it this time for some reason. Thank you to all of you who reviewed!
mnemosyne: thanks for the compliment, and in answer to your question, we're all muggles right? *glares at everyone to make sure they agree*. Well, how do WE know about Harry Potter? *grins*
Allie: Good! The whole point is to make people laugh!
LilyPotter: Yeah, I like Snape's too. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check out your fic soon!
lazydaisy: lol, thanks! Btw, I'm crazy too, so, it's all good!
Kaylin: For some reason, I had a harder time with Malf. Draco. Dunno why, just must not be in the right mindset for it right now. *shrugs*
Freakylilperson: Withdrawl isn't fun. I'll try to post more for your sake. Hehe
her life was magazines: You'll kill me with a fork? Sounds painful. guess I'd better keep updating!
Lilyanna: In light of the fact that Mr. Snuggums has made his threat quite clear, Lockhart is next! I'm still deciding over whether he should have his memory or not though. hm. maybe I could mix it somehow.
*insert blank space here*: Thanks, you're right, that really is a good fanfic! I've discovered I like almost all of that talented author's stories!
boobookitty: Lockhart it is! I as you requested, I'll do Dumbledor and McGonagall. I agree with you on the anti Dumbledor/McGonagall thing. I might combine them into a chappie, though I'm not sure yet.
Deity: You're the first person who's suggested doing the Dursley's! I'm gonna take you up on that one, cause I've found a way how it can lead to the final chapters of this fic. So, they'll be the last ones to know, but all the same, they will find out. And also, more will come soon, I promise!
LoveHayden: Sirius just seems like the kind of guy who'd act like that after being done recuperating from Azkaban. Hehe, thanks for all of the complements, and as you requested, look for a Neville one in the future!
C-chan: Thank you for all of your reviews! ^_^ I like your ideas for the sequels, I'll be playing around with those ideas for a while! Hehe.
Endriago Luna: sorry, I couldn't do those little x like symbols. heh. And also, you said it right! Yes, I did take the format of Wood's cheers from Bring it On. Dean and Seamus will appear, as you requested, in later chappies!
PerfectPrefect: Lol, I'll check out the fanfiction as soon as I'm done typing these reviews!
Marie: The Weasley's were one of my favs too! I'll try to add chapter quicker now, I promise!
Gengi: Why, thank you! It's not likely that they'd all get their computers the same day, but, it's a story! What do ya expect? Heh
Koku: Sankyuu very much!
stardust-diva: A returning reviewer! Good idea about Marcus Flint. He'll get his own chappie ^_^
Mihoshe: As you saw in the e-mail, I gave you permission to use the fic. Love your website, you have a beautiful collection of fanfics!
Is_insane: Lol, good ideas! Ok, Trelawney, Crabbe, Goyle, and Krum haven't been mentioned yet so I'll try to see if I can come up with one for them. I also might be able to tie together the JK Rowling and HP people see the movie idea into one. *starts planning*
Asteria: Reeta Skeeter! And the list gets longer.
Liyah: Ooo, such flattery! Don't worry, I'm not gonna leave this one mid finished. It will have an ending!
WAYAMY27NARF: hehe, poor Snape seemed to have the most difficulty with a comp, eh?
lala: wow, lots of people. Some of them, like Katie Bell, don't have as much char info, so that'd be hard to pull off. Filch is good though, so he'll have one, and also James and Lily, or maybe the MWPP gang. Cho probably too! Wow, I'm sure gonna be busy writing!
QueenStrata: Moody it is! Hehe, I'm gonna be mean to him.
Yuffie-Girl: I dunno what other category I could do this in!
Nory: I've sorta heard about the message boards, but I've never seen one. What are they like?
Lily of the Valley: Wow, you write long reviews! *happy dance* I'm glad you liked those! Thanks for the recommendations for fics to read, and your suggested characters will appear in later chappies!
Confuzzler: I know they're kinda OOC, but I had to.er. stretch their personalities to make this work, heh. Fudge. now THERE'S an idea. *evil smirk*
Terra Evans: Thanks!
Wow, those were a lot of reviews! Next chapter will come out as soon as there are at least 100, and I mean as soon! I already have it ready, but I'm not gonna post it yet, so ha! Remember, your review will contribute to how soon the next chappie comes! Cya for now!
-Mars Raven