Lockhart scowled as he looked into the mirror. Something wasn't
right; he could sense it. Something was VERY wrong. This was something that
was so serious, so huge, and so extremely important, that if it wasn't
rectified, it would throw the entire universe off its course, as we know
it. Suddenly, it hit him! No, not literally.
"My curlers!" Lockhart shrieked, pitifully, "where ARE my pink curlers? I'm missing my trademark golden curl in the front!" He rummaged hopelessly through the drawers, trying to see a hint of hot neon pink somewhere.
From the corner in the room, his computer beeped, signaling an instant message.
"Ooo goody! Maybe an old fan of mine has decided to contact me!"
Lockhart had been proven a fraud a little over two years ago, but that didn't mean that he had lost popularity. Actually, after the memory charm had been cast (from Ron's broken wand), the Ministry said that there was no proof against him and he was let off the hook. Lockhart, from that day forth, regularly took a memory potion, twice a day, in order to retain his old memories. And he definitely remembered that he enjoyed fan attention. He ran across the thick lavender carpet and sat down in the pouf chair by the computer screen.
SnidgetSeeker1: *sighs* Lockhart?
SparkleSmile: Yes! How may I help you, young fan? Would you like an autograph?
SnidgetSeeker1: No.
SparkleSmile: How about I send you some pics?
Harry's eyes widened in horror.
SnidgetSeeker1: NO! Lockhart, this is Harry Potter here.
SparkleSmile: Potter?
Lockhart strained his tiny memory to attempt to remember where he heard that name before. ::Oh yes, he's that little guy that tries to be famous:: he thought. He didn't even remember the fact that Harry was the reason why he was banned from writing anymore books ("but my public loves me!")
SparkleSmile: Yes, yes, why hello Harry! Would you like any tips on how to make your teeth shine all pretty? How about techniques on cuticle maintenance?
Harry blanched.
SnidgetSeeker1: No. Mr. Lockhart, have you ever been to fanfiction.net before?
SparkleSmile: Why, yes, I do believe I have!
SnidgetSeeker1: Ok. Have you read any pairings?
SparkleSmile: Uh huh!
SnidgetSeeker1: Which ones?
SparkleSmile: Ooo, well I've seen Harry Potter paired with everyone, Hermione Granger paired with everyone, Ron Weasley paired with everyone, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledor, McGonagall, Wood, Lockhart, Black.
The list continued on, and Lockhart seemed completely oblivious to the fact that he'd mentioned his own name.
SnidgetSeeker1: So, aren't you mad that someone put you in their fanfic?
SparkleSmile: No, not really.
This took Harry by complete surprise. He decided to try a different angle.
SnidgetSeeker1: Well, did you know that none of them mentioned your Witch Weekly 5 time winning smile?
SparkleSmile: *splutters* What? They didn't mention that at all?! Did they say how toned my body was?" (A/N: Courtesy of Padfoot rocks! You rock!)
SnidgetSeeker1: Afraid not. And they never will, either.
Those words did the trick. Lockhart now had a mission. He rose from the computer, being careful not to break one of his perfectly kept toe nails, and he marched over to his bedside stand. There, lying innocently for all to see, were the most important things in Lockhart's life: Pink curlers. He snatched them, did his hair up, put a hair net on, and fled from the room. He was ready to be a true hero; no copying someone else's story. This time, he'd be the hero.
~*Fanfiction.net HQ*~
"Bloody good job, Fred!" George hollered as Fred smashed another comp.
"All of you weirdo's, this is your last warning! We just called the policemen, and-" "Please-men! Oh, I've always wanted to see what they do!" Arthur exclaimed, happily. Before anyone else could say anything more, the door burst open dramatically.
"PRETTY BOY ACTION MAN IS HERE!!!!!!"
Author's note: *sighs and rubs forehead* well, I hafta say it might be a little bit before I update again. I haven't been as in to this as before, and I just need to wait and let myself get excited over it again. Recently, I got thrown from a horse while I was riding, and I hit my head hard. I'm on amnesia/concussion watch, though I doubt I have either. This head ache isn't making it any easier to write though.
PLEASE READ THIS! If you would like your name to be mentioned in one of the final chapters, tell me! I'll tell you this much, it has something to do with Wood, but you would get to be in the story with Wood! That's all I can say, but please tell me in a review if you'd like to be mentioned.
Also, the permanent last chapter will be called Thus Spoke the Raven. It's gonna be my challenges list, so don't confuse it for being a chappy. Ok, it's thanks time to the reviewers!
angered. fairy. the. CoRrUpTeD: I've decided to go with the Lily and James thing. I'm still debating over either past James and Lily or present. I might do both. As for Fanfiction.net, well, you'll see what happens to it! ^_^
robin: I know, poor Xing! Here he is, doing his best to make everything better for us, yet he's being attacked. *sighs* At least he survives, right?
Queen of the Tinfoil Fish: Cho order has been taken, and as for sugar, it's a good thing!
Moonlight Lily: Dumbledor's next! I might do both him and McGonagall in one chappy. and I also have a good idea for Dumbledor, so hopefully it'll be better than this chapter was.
Crystal Blue of Ravenclaw: How do you get Harry to listen to you? He never listens to me! *sniffles*
Shell: Moody. hm, I'll hafta think up one for him!
Llybian: DOBBY! Lol! I hadn't even thought of him! Ok, yeah, that's a good idea!
ksha2222: *pats back sympathetically* there there now, breathe! Did I say earlier that sugar was a good thing? Hm. maybe there should be a dosage on it, hehe. In answer to number one, sure, number two, no, number three, no, and number four, you guys have fun, I'll sit here and try to keep Harry under control!
Lilyanna: Tell Mr. Snuggums that McGonagall is coming up next! *eyes Mr. Snuggums warily* And Lucius is also now on the list!
suchi: The Fanfiction.net HQ will have a HUGE part in the end, so I think you'll like the grand finish!
C-chan: Sorry this took so long, but as I said, the head injury happened and I was banned from writing until I got relatively better. I broke a finger and also dislocated my hip, but I'm better now! ^_^ Lol, wasn't Padfoot's review genius?
Kaylin: Ok! I'm writing! *blows on steaming fingers*
Queen Strata: I'm sorry that this chapter isn't exactly good too. I Do have plans for Dumbledor's though. it looks promising so far!
Padfoot Rocks: Good quote! You rock! I also LOVE what you're doing with The Lion's Serpent! Since you gave the ok, I might have Harry find your fanfic, or someone find it, but don't worry! Nothing bad will happen to it! Or you! *innocent smile*
treachery89: Thanks! The whole point is to give someone a quick laugh, so at least it's fulfilling its purpose! And SnidgetSeeker2 really was Tod. He might come back for some random reason as well.
Confuzzler: Sometimes, the best things in life are the scary things ;)
Della C: Fish to you, Della! Fish to you!
Liyah: I promise, if you were almost in tears with those chapters, the ending will really get ya!
Yuffie-girl: Write more? K. More, more, more, more, more, more, more. oh wait, you don't mean literally. oops.
Silvertenshi: Glad to hear it!
rocker8991: EVERYONE READ THIS! THIS IS THE FIRST FLAME! WE CAN FINALLY HAVE A ROAST! *pokes flame with poker stick and roasts a hotdog* Ok, now my response. My question is, who cares how they got the comps or why they have them? You're looking at this with an analytical point of view (as I do with most stories). This has no purpose, plot, or depth. It's just supposed to make people laugh. If you're tired of the complicated drama, this is the escape route. I'm sorry you were disappointed, but you really need to not worry about facts when it comes to randomness and comedy. In this genre, facts have absolutely no purpose.
missblack89: *bows lowly* sankyuu!
Ditto2001: I'll write until I decide enough's enough!
Katzztar: Yeah, I figured wizards would try talking to it. I mean, why shouldn't they?
Fickle: *dances happily* Thanks! Looks like the next chappy will need to come out soon.
Caryn: Sorry about the chapter delay, I'll try to be more consistent!
starzinluv: Wow, thanks for all of your reviews! I'll consider your idea! Hm, Lockhart might work, later on. *thinks*
*whew* That's it! Man, that took me half an hour! I'll be back soon with Dumbledor and McGonagall! Later peeps!
-Mars Raven
"My curlers!" Lockhart shrieked, pitifully, "where ARE my pink curlers? I'm missing my trademark golden curl in the front!" He rummaged hopelessly through the drawers, trying to see a hint of hot neon pink somewhere.
From the corner in the room, his computer beeped, signaling an instant message.
"Ooo goody! Maybe an old fan of mine has decided to contact me!"
Lockhart had been proven a fraud a little over two years ago, but that didn't mean that he had lost popularity. Actually, after the memory charm had been cast (from Ron's broken wand), the Ministry said that there was no proof against him and he was let off the hook. Lockhart, from that day forth, regularly took a memory potion, twice a day, in order to retain his old memories. And he definitely remembered that he enjoyed fan attention. He ran across the thick lavender carpet and sat down in the pouf chair by the computer screen.
SnidgetSeeker1: *sighs* Lockhart?
SparkleSmile: Yes! How may I help you, young fan? Would you like an autograph?
SnidgetSeeker1: No.
SparkleSmile: How about I send you some pics?
Harry's eyes widened in horror.
SnidgetSeeker1: NO! Lockhart, this is Harry Potter here.
SparkleSmile: Potter?
Lockhart strained his tiny memory to attempt to remember where he heard that name before. ::Oh yes, he's that little guy that tries to be famous:: he thought. He didn't even remember the fact that Harry was the reason why he was banned from writing anymore books ("but my public loves me!")
SparkleSmile: Yes, yes, why hello Harry! Would you like any tips on how to make your teeth shine all pretty? How about techniques on cuticle maintenance?
Harry blanched.
SnidgetSeeker1: No. Mr. Lockhart, have you ever been to fanfiction.net before?
SparkleSmile: Why, yes, I do believe I have!
SnidgetSeeker1: Ok. Have you read any pairings?
SparkleSmile: Uh huh!
SnidgetSeeker1: Which ones?
SparkleSmile: Ooo, well I've seen Harry Potter paired with everyone, Hermione Granger paired with everyone, Ron Weasley paired with everyone, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledor, McGonagall, Wood, Lockhart, Black.
The list continued on, and Lockhart seemed completely oblivious to the fact that he'd mentioned his own name.
SnidgetSeeker1: So, aren't you mad that someone put you in their fanfic?
SparkleSmile: No, not really.
This took Harry by complete surprise. He decided to try a different angle.
SnidgetSeeker1: Well, did you know that none of them mentioned your Witch Weekly 5 time winning smile?
SparkleSmile: *splutters* What? They didn't mention that at all?! Did they say how toned my body was?" (A/N: Courtesy of Padfoot rocks! You rock!)
SnidgetSeeker1: Afraid not. And they never will, either.
Those words did the trick. Lockhart now had a mission. He rose from the computer, being careful not to break one of his perfectly kept toe nails, and he marched over to his bedside stand. There, lying innocently for all to see, were the most important things in Lockhart's life: Pink curlers. He snatched them, did his hair up, put a hair net on, and fled from the room. He was ready to be a true hero; no copying someone else's story. This time, he'd be the hero.
~*Fanfiction.net HQ*~
"Bloody good job, Fred!" George hollered as Fred smashed another comp.
"All of you weirdo's, this is your last warning! We just called the policemen, and-" "Please-men! Oh, I've always wanted to see what they do!" Arthur exclaimed, happily. Before anyone else could say anything more, the door burst open dramatically.
"PRETTY BOY ACTION MAN IS HERE!!!!!!"
Author's note: *sighs and rubs forehead* well, I hafta say it might be a little bit before I update again. I haven't been as in to this as before, and I just need to wait and let myself get excited over it again. Recently, I got thrown from a horse while I was riding, and I hit my head hard. I'm on amnesia/concussion watch, though I doubt I have either. This head ache isn't making it any easier to write though.
PLEASE READ THIS! If you would like your name to be mentioned in one of the final chapters, tell me! I'll tell you this much, it has something to do with Wood, but you would get to be in the story with Wood! That's all I can say, but please tell me in a review if you'd like to be mentioned.
Also, the permanent last chapter will be called Thus Spoke the Raven. It's gonna be my challenges list, so don't confuse it for being a chappy. Ok, it's thanks time to the reviewers!
angered. fairy. the. CoRrUpTeD: I've decided to go with the Lily and James thing. I'm still debating over either past James and Lily or present. I might do both. As for Fanfiction.net, well, you'll see what happens to it! ^_^
robin: I know, poor Xing! Here he is, doing his best to make everything better for us, yet he's being attacked. *sighs* At least he survives, right?
Queen of the Tinfoil Fish: Cho order has been taken, and as for sugar, it's a good thing!
Moonlight Lily: Dumbledor's next! I might do both him and McGonagall in one chappy. and I also have a good idea for Dumbledor, so hopefully it'll be better than this chapter was.
Crystal Blue of Ravenclaw: How do you get Harry to listen to you? He never listens to me! *sniffles*
Shell: Moody. hm, I'll hafta think up one for him!
Llybian: DOBBY! Lol! I hadn't even thought of him! Ok, yeah, that's a good idea!
ksha2222: *pats back sympathetically* there there now, breathe! Did I say earlier that sugar was a good thing? Hm. maybe there should be a dosage on it, hehe. In answer to number one, sure, number two, no, number three, no, and number four, you guys have fun, I'll sit here and try to keep Harry under control!
Lilyanna: Tell Mr. Snuggums that McGonagall is coming up next! *eyes Mr. Snuggums warily* And Lucius is also now on the list!
suchi: The Fanfiction.net HQ will have a HUGE part in the end, so I think you'll like the grand finish!
C-chan: Sorry this took so long, but as I said, the head injury happened and I was banned from writing until I got relatively better. I broke a finger and also dislocated my hip, but I'm better now! ^_^ Lol, wasn't Padfoot's review genius?
Kaylin: Ok! I'm writing! *blows on steaming fingers*
Queen Strata: I'm sorry that this chapter isn't exactly good too. I Do have plans for Dumbledor's though. it looks promising so far!
Padfoot Rocks: Good quote! You rock! I also LOVE what you're doing with The Lion's Serpent! Since you gave the ok, I might have Harry find your fanfic, or someone find it, but don't worry! Nothing bad will happen to it! Or you! *innocent smile*
treachery89: Thanks! The whole point is to give someone a quick laugh, so at least it's fulfilling its purpose! And SnidgetSeeker2 really was Tod. He might come back for some random reason as well.
Confuzzler: Sometimes, the best things in life are the scary things ;)
Della C: Fish to you, Della! Fish to you!
Liyah: I promise, if you were almost in tears with those chapters, the ending will really get ya!
Yuffie-girl: Write more? K. More, more, more, more, more, more, more. oh wait, you don't mean literally. oops.
Silvertenshi: Glad to hear it!
rocker8991: EVERYONE READ THIS! THIS IS THE FIRST FLAME! WE CAN FINALLY HAVE A ROAST! *pokes flame with poker stick and roasts a hotdog* Ok, now my response. My question is, who cares how they got the comps or why they have them? You're looking at this with an analytical point of view (as I do with most stories). This has no purpose, plot, or depth. It's just supposed to make people laugh. If you're tired of the complicated drama, this is the escape route. I'm sorry you were disappointed, but you really need to not worry about facts when it comes to randomness and comedy. In this genre, facts have absolutely no purpose.
missblack89: *bows lowly* sankyuu!
Ditto2001: I'll write until I decide enough's enough!
Katzztar: Yeah, I figured wizards would try talking to it. I mean, why shouldn't they?
Fickle: *dances happily* Thanks! Looks like the next chappy will need to come out soon.
Caryn: Sorry about the chapter delay, I'll try to be more consistent!
starzinluv: Wow, thanks for all of your reviews! I'll consider your idea! Hm, Lockhart might work, later on. *thinks*
*whew* That's it! Man, that took me half an hour! I'll be back soon with Dumbledor and McGonagall! Later peeps!
-Mars Raven