every time I close my eyes
I want to disappear with you
and I hope you want to disappear, too
"This is getting ridiculous." I ran a hand through my hair and stared at my cousin's werewolf boyfriend as he paced in front of me.
Allison had gone to get her car and Stiles had gone with her to get mine. Stiles got back sooner than Allie did and then headed back out into the forest to go to his own car and talk to Lydia. I rolled my eyes when he'd explained his plans, Lydia had complained for ages to me about how Stiles had promised to talk to her and then left her alone in her car.
Considering Allison still wasn't back and Stiles was currently trying to woo Lydia, I was alone with Scott and a still pretty angry Jackson.
Scott stopped pacing and turned to look at me, "Allison will be back soon."
I wasn't sure if he was only just guessing my cousin's whereabouts or if he actually knew she was on her way back. I could never really tell when it came to the teen werewolves running around town. I nodded and looked down at my crossed ankles.
"I'm going to talk to him." I decided. Scott raised an eyebrow, but made no move to stop me as I rounded to the back of the van and opened the door. Jackson glanced up at me when I entered and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't want to sit in awkward silence with Allison's ex for any longer." I explained myself.
I sat across from him like I had before and intertwined my hands. I lay them down in my lap and stared right back at Jackson, waiting patiently for him to make the first move to speak. He only stared back at me with that blank Jackson look.
"I've never really had friends." I wasn't sure where it came from, but I felt like deep down the only person to ever understand my innermost turmoil would probably be the boy handcuffed in the pack of a police van. "Before I got to Beacon Hills, I was always just the girl with the parents who were never around and the cousin who was really pretty."
I chewed on my lip as memories from San Francisco started flashing before my eyes. I'd wanted nothing more than to forget all of the horrible things that had happened to me when I lived there, but it seemed like even moving away from the city couldn't help me.
I glanced back up to see Jackson watching me curiously, "Go on." He encouraged me as he moved his gaze down to his wrists and the metal handcuffs.
"I was fifteen. The only person in the world who even seemed to care about me was my cousin. I was alone in a big city and I started to lose myself." I twisted the small ring on my index finger around, refusing to make eye contact with him while I spilled out my life story. "It sounds like your average American teenager story, but I guess my own personal twist is that I was raised in a family of werewolf hunters." I chuckled humorlessly as I shrugged.
"I spent a lot of time with my aunt." I frowned. "The crazy murderer." I smirked and shook my head. "And somehow she got me to think like her."
The summer before my sophomore year, I'd spent every waking moment with Kate. She would teach me everything she knew about being a hunter and I would practice for hours. It was the first and only time in my life I ever showed any interest in hunting and my parents never knew about it. Kate and I made a mutual decision to hide the training from them. We told them that we were working out together so that I could get physically fit and join the cheerleading squad. We moved before tryouts so I never actually had to join the squad, thankfully.
"The only thing she didn't pass on, however, is the ability to not feel any guilt." I stared harshly down at mine and Jackson's feet. "I didn't feel guilty over killing werewolves, in my mind they were monsters. No, it was the family, the friends. It was the people who spent hours, days, months, and years searching all over the world for their loved one. The same person that I had put a bullet in." I uncrossed my ankles and then crossed them again a few moments later. "That kind of guilt on top of not having anyone to talk about it with, it gets to a person."
Jackson attempted to move forward, as if he were going to comfort me, but was forced to stop when the handcuffs caught. He frowned down at them and then looked over to me, trying to show his comfort with only his eyes.
"One night, I decided I couldn't take it anymore." I took a deep breath, the only people to have ever known about this were my aunt and Allison and I'd never planned on telling anyone else. "I took a bunch of my mom's pain medication from a surgery and swallowed them down with a bottle of my dad's scotch. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital with my aunt and Allison leaning over me, telling me that I was lucky to be alive."
They didn't understand that I didn't want to be alive. I wanted nothing more than to be dead. I didn't have to say that for Jackson to understand. He'd known where the story was going from the very beginning. We spent a few short moments in tense silence before there was a knock on the door. It opened a few moments later and Allison gazed in at me.
"I'm back." she smiled at me and then her eyes flickered over to Jackson. He hadn't turned to look at Allison like I had; instead he was staring holes into the side of my head. "I'll, just-uh go to the car." She nodded and then closed the door back.
I looked back over to Jackson and smiled timidly, "I just thought you should know that you're not nearly as alone as you think you are." I shrugged and then stood.
Before I could step away, however, Jackson reached his hand forward to touch mine. I turned and looked down at him with a confused smile. He didn't say anything, only stared back at me, but I knew exactly what he was trying to say. I nodded back to him and then stepped out of the van.
I walked over to Allison's car and knocked on the window. She rolled it down while Scott leaned over the console.
"I'm going home." I told them. They nodded to me and then turned back to their conversation.
I climbed into the car and buckled up. I took a deep breath and pressed my face into the steering wheel. I sat up again a few moments later and jumped in surprise when I saw a figure sitting in the passenger seat. I frowned in confusion, however, when I recognized the figure as my aunt.
"Surprised?" Kate asked with a smirk. "Don't worry, I'm still dead. I'm just a figment of your twisted imagination." She explained with a shrug.
I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. She'd said it herself, she wasn't real. I started the car and drove from the preserve and back towards the house.
"Even though I'm totally not real or whatever, it would still be kind of nice if you talked." I glanced over only briefly to see that Kate had her body angled towards me in the seat. "I mean it has been a while, Emma."
"Why should I talk to you?" I asked as I looked both ways and then pulled out onto the actual street, I clicked the headlights on and tapped my fingers anxiously against the wheel, hoping that maybe she'd disappear soon.
"Because I'm your aunt and the only person who understands you." I raised an eyebrow. "You know it's true, we're the same, Emma. Sooner or later you're going to be just like me."
I rolled my eyes and parked the car. I got out and walked into the house, Kate followed closely behind me, but didn't speak as we climbed the stairs and then walked into my room. I closed the door behind me and wasn't nearly as surprised as I had been the first time when I saw Isaac lounging casually on my bed. I sighed and locked the door behind me, checking to make sure that he'd closed the curtains when he came in.
"Apparently we're the same in more ways than one." Kate smirked. "You know, I dated a werewolf once too." She circled around the room and stared at Isaac. "Of course, I only did it so that I could kill his family."
Isaac stared at me as my eyes followed Kate around the room. I frowned and shook my head and then stepped forward and into the werewolf's waiting arms. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him while I buried my face in his neck.
"You smell like Jackson." He muttered almost silently. I pulled back a little and smiled sheepishly at him. He only frowned in response. "Why do you smell like a homicidal lizard?" he asked.
"We were talking." I shrugged. "I was trying to help convince him that he's the kanima so that he can get help." I sat back on my bed and crossed my legs under me. "He's important to me, Isaac. I don't want him to die." I spoke down to my hands, not wanting to see the look in his eyes when I told him that.
"Being around you is probably the last thing he should be doing then, don't you think?" I glanced up with a confused frown. "Your entire family is trying to kill him." He explained.
"My entire family is trying to kill you and you're here." I replied.
He shrugged as he scooted closer to me and placed a hand on my leg, "Yeah, well I'm different." He responded smugly as he leaned in to me.
I rolled my eyes and kissed him back when his lips attached to mine. I reached forward and locked my hands behind his neck, playing with the curls on the back of his head. I pushed my body closer to his, forcing him back against the headboard.
"This is disturbing." I pulled away from him quickly. Isaac raised an eyebrow in confusion, but moved to kiss my neck while I stared in surprise at my aunt. Kate was leaning against the window frame with her arms crossed. "I never thought I'd have to watch my niece make out with a boy, let alone a werewolf." She shook her head.
Isaac sucked on my neck. I forced back a moan and turned back to run my hand through his hair while he gently pushed me onto my back. I fell back onto the bed and opened my legs just far enough so that he could settle in between them. Isaac trailed his kisses back up to my mouth and began exploring it with my tongue, while I tried to ignore my aunt's stare.
"What would Max think?" she asked with a shake of her head. "What about Gemma?" Kate asked as she glanced at a picture of me and my parents in front of the Golden Gate Bridge on my dresser.
I closed my eyes tightly, forcing her away as I turned my attention fully back to the boy that was literally on top of me. I hooked one of my legs around his hips and spun quickly. Our lips were separated and Isaac chuckled quietly before attaching them again. His hands roamed up on my sides and forced the thin shirt I was wearing up a little. I shivered as his large hands made contact with my skin.
I froze when I felt a vibration coming from beneath me. I pulled away from Isaac with a curious look as he reached down into his pocket and grabbed his phone. He let out a groan when he read whatever was on the screen and looked up at me apologetically.
"Derek awaits." I said as I climbed off of him and leaned against the headboard. Isaac stood up from the bed and leaned over me.
"I wish I didn't have to go, but he's annoyed with me." I nodded as he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss onto my lips. "I'll see you later." he told me.
"Bye." I watched as he climbed out of the window and ran away from the house quickly. I stood and closed the window behind him and then leaned against the frame, taking a deep breath.
"Emma." I turned, expecting to see Kate staring at me from the across the room, but I saw no one. It took only a moment for me to realize that the person saying my name was outside of the room.
I stepped over to the door and unlocked it. I pulled it open to see Allison on the other side. She nodded with her head towards her room and then stepped back. I followed her closely into her room and closed the door behind me.
I leaned against the wall and watched Allison closely as she walked over to the desk and turned on her lamp. We both jumped in surprise when we saw Lydia sitting on her head. I shook my head and walked over to sit next to the strawberry blonde.
"You scared the hell out of me." Allison told her as she turned from the lamp.
"I've been sitting here for an hour waiting for you." Lydia told us. I didn't know if Allison could detect the slight vulnerability in our friend's voice, but I certainly could. I scooted closer to her and made to ask her what was wrong, but was interrupted by my cousin.
"We can't hang out right now, Lydia." Allison gestured towards me. I frowned in confusion.
"I don't need anyone to hang out with." Lydia replied. I glanced towards her and noticed for the first time that she was in a slightly low key outfit compared to all of the other times I saw her. "I need someone to talk to." She aimed that towards me.
"I understand that it's important, but if it can just wait." I turned to frown at Allison, clearly I was the only one really concerned with Lydia's well being.
"Why is everyone telling me to wait?" Lydia asked as she stood up. "Why can't anyone have right now available?" she crossed her arms.
"You can't have everything right now." Allison replied. "You know what I need?" she asked as she took off her scarf. "I need someone to translate five pages of archaic Latin. Obviously that's not gonna happen anytime soon." She told her, clearly frustrated.
I groaned and fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"I know archaic Latin." Lydia shrugged. I sat up.
"You know archaic Latin?" I asked.
"I got bored with classical Latin." She replied as if it were no big deal.
Allison and I made eye contact; I shrugged and then fell back onto the bed again.
"Just how smart are you?" Allie asked.
"Just show me the pages." Lydia replied, holding out her hand.
As soon as Allison got out the Bestiary, I spaced out. It's not that I didn't want to know all about Jackson's situation, but I had more pressing 'my dead aunt has been following me around all night' issues. I only caught part of the conversation where Lydia corrected something Ms. Morrell had gotten wrong. I wasn't surprised; she was a French teacher for a reason.
"Emma." I jumped and turned to see Allison staring at me. I raised an eyebrow. She grabbed my arm gently and pulled me over to the computer. "Someone's not protecting him." She whispered. "Someone's controlling him."
I frowned in confusion and then everything clicked in my head. If someone were controlling Jackson that meant that he wasn't really a murderer after all, he was being forced into killing the people.
"Then that means that the people that are dying are people that the master is choosing." I told her. "Meaning we're going to have to find a whole new person."
Allison left the room to call Scott and Stiles while I was forced into distract Lydia time. The two of us sat in silence for the first few moments before she brought up the topic of boys. I frowned in confusion and asked for her to elaborate.
"Well, you don't have a boyfriend." She stated. I shook my head. Lydia spent a few minutes thinking and then nodded. "I'm going to help you get one."
Oh joy. Not only is my dead aunt stalking me, but I have a werewolf sort of boyfriend that I'm hiding from everyone, and my only female friend is trying to set me up. My life just got even more difficult.