And here was the moment Myka was dreading. She woke up rather groggily and saw nothing in front of her but a wall. Helena had had to climb over her to leave and still she hadn't woken.

Myka reached behind herself to her phone sitting on Helena's desk – 7:08 in the morning on a Saturday and Helena was already gone.

She tilted her head to see what note would be left this morning, but there was nothing on the door. To say that she was disappointed was entirely too mild. She was… devastated.

Myka flipped back over and sighed. She could at least try to get some more sleep before she got to her to-do list for classes. After she had closed her eyes again, she heard the door handle twist slowly. It was all silence until the comforter was pulled back and Helena slid lightly and delicately behind her, without touching her at all. Myka had actually been awake for all of this and still… ninja-like skills.

But, wait. More important than that… Helena was back! Finally computing that minute detail, Myka spun around and sat up, almost hitting Helena in the face in her excitement.

Helena dodged her head out of the way and looked back at Myka in shock. "Did I wake you?"

Myka's face was overtaken by an enormous smile. "You're… here! I woke up before you left!" The girl was immensely proud of herself and vowed that today was going to be an excellent day.

"Actually, I'm not leaving, I just had to make a few phone calls. You see, I'm very sick this morning, and it's not a hangover, and if anyone really wants me to go into the details, I can, but they're not very pretty." Helena had her chin in her palm and was looking up at Myka, grinning.

"I'd like to say I'm disappointed that you lied," both girls rolled their eyes for different reasons, "but I'm just more excited that you're here." Myka nodded her head and cast her eyes down.

"Hm… You know… I seem to recall a fresh-faced, new collegiate co-ed from orientation weekend, who looked startlingly like you, not being too thrilled at my existence." Helena continued to grin.

Myka shot her head up and her eyes widened in horror. The blush rose up her chest and it was like the beginning of the year all over again. She was stammering excuses, but the words were neither coherent nor eloquent.

"Myka. It's alright," Helena grabbed one of her hands, "I'm not much phased by people. And I knew you'd come around. After all, everybody likes me." Helena actually winked at Myka and rolled off the bed. She stood with her hands on her hips in the middle of the floor, turned toward Myka who was still under the comforter, her mind racing, looking for some way to justify her actions from earlier in the fall.

"So. Are we up for the day? Because if we are, we should go do something." Helena grabbed a towel from the back of the door and opened it to head to the bathroom. She stuck her head back in the room right before the door shut. "But if we see anyone I know, tell them you're taking me to hospital."

The girls decided to walk over to the Cleveland Museum of Art as neither of them had yet to visit and it was so close to the school. Also, it was free. Myka had considered inviting the others, but something about today's tone felt more private. Last night was more than just the two of them sleeping in the same bed. It was more intimate than before. And, if nothing else, they were probably going to have to unpack those feelings soon. Also, when Myka had brought up Pete's name, they firmly agreed that he would probably spend more time giggling at the nudes than anything else. So, it was settled. They would go alone.

They had breakfast in the union and Myka was a little startled to realize that they had never actually had a meal together before. Helena ate all of her food with a fork and knife, including her banana, which Myka found completely adorable. But what didn't she find adorable at this point?

They walked around campus for a while before the museum opened. It was a surprisingly mild day for November in Ohio, which is to say it was still below freezing, but the wind was calm. Campus was relatively quiet, presumably most people were not yet awake. They each had their hands in their pockets, and kept in step with one another, taking in the surroundings.

"So, who exactly did you have to call this morning to join me in this cultural excursion?" Myka was intensely curious about this. Helena was alwaysout somewhere and she had shared very little about what she was up to. Myka had always assumed that it was work for her classes.

"Oh… let's see…"

Myka could sense Helena's hesitation and cut her off, "You don't have to share if you don't want to. It's okay."

"No, Myka, I do feel like I owe you some explanation." Myka took in Helena's profile. Her shoulders were sagging more than usual, and her brow was worried, but she was very matter-of-fact about everything.

"I called Professor Frederic, who I do office work for on Saturdays, which she lets me do as she knows that I've exhausted my work study. I called my manager at the Thwing Center and then I called and left a message in the IT office to tell them I wouldn't be coming in either."

Myka took a moment to reflect on that.

"So you work three jobs?"

"On top of what I'm expected to do in the cognitive science lab as part of my fellowship, yes. Oh, sometimes I also babysit. But at least there, once the children fall asleep I can get some homework done."

"Oh…" Myka was overwhelmed with guilt. She always felt so personally affronted when Helena wasn't in the room, but it had nothing to do with her. Helena was just trying to keep afloat. "Is that why…" Myka wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask, but she kept on, "Is that what you were arguing about on the phone?"

"Sort of, yes. That was my brother. He was mostly asking me to reconsider transferring to a school near home."

Myka stopped walking and her breathing became shallow. Winter break was only a month away. What if Helena went home and didn't come back? There would be no post-its, there would be no text messages… there would be no Helena. Her chest suddenly felt very hollow.

Helena turned back when she realized Myka had stopped and made eye contact. And her eyes, her usually vibrant, mischievous eyes, were so sad. Myka knew what that meant. She looked at her feet, took a deep breath, and smiled up at Helena before she continued walking.

"Well, you have to do what you have to do, right?"

"Yes, Myka," Helena's words were firm and reassuring, "Yes I do. Which is why I have absolutely no intention of returning home. That will, of course, be an uncomfortable conversation, but I won't do it." She shook her head to emphasize it.

Myka tried to hide her smile. Regardless of whether Helena chose to stay or not, the girl was still obviously in distress, and it was inappropriate. But she couldn't contain her happiness that Helena might stay with her.

"My father…. Well, he hasn't been well for a long time."

Wait, what? Myka took Helena's hand and stopped them again.

"Helena, if your dad's sick, you have to be with him." Regardless of Myka's feelings for Helena, regardless of Myka's experiences with her own father, she didn't think Helena could just ignore this.

"It's much more complicated than that. It's better if I'm farther away." Helena shook her head. "We love each other very much, but like you and your father, we're not very good at communicating. It's better if I just send money home and Charles and my mother handle it."

Myka was shocked at the influx of information, but trying to keep that out of her voice, "So you don't even keep any of the money?"

"Oh, I keep a bit, but there are bills. A lot of bills."

Helena obviously wanted to change the subject and took her hand out of Myka's to take her phone out of her pocket. "The museum should be open soon. Why don't we head over."

Helena put her phone back in her pocket but, instead of leaving her hand in there along with it, she linked her fingers with Myka's and kept walking.

The mood of the day lightened considerably when they arrived at the museum. They were both surprised at how beautifully cultivated the exhibits were. Helena expressed the desire to explore the 19th and 20th century exhibits because, she said, that was where most of the art by the women would be.

They tried to analyze and speak intelligently about the paintings, but more often than not, they just stood, captivated.

At some point the girls had wandered off in different directions, so Myka was surprised when she heard Helena exclaim and was even further surprised when she pulled her into another hall to stand in front of a painting of a smiling girl. She looked at the placard describing the piece -Future (Woman in Stockholm), 1917, Gabriele Munter. Myka wasn't exactly sure why Helena was so excited, but she was and she was smiling triumphantly.

"I know this one! She was a German Expressionist! She did this whole series of paintings about women in different emotional states!" Helena was practically giddy over her knowledge which made Myka giddy as well, to the point where the two of them looked like girls meeting their teenage idol. One of the older security guards chuckled when he saw their happiness, and it put an extra skip in his step for the rest of the day.

Helena continued, "She and her lover Kandinsky started this whole movement in the early 20th century called the Blue Rider which was all about use of color and she was a great artist on her own, but now basically everyone just remembers her as Kandinsky's lover, which is bollocks." Helena was getting swept up in everything she wanted to say.

"How do you know all of this?" Myka was giggling and though she was trying to focus on the painting, couldn't stop staring at Helena's no longer "seemingly perfect" anything, but her "totally perfect" everything.

"Oh!" Myka's voice made Helena jump, as if she had forgotten that they were together. "Oh, right, she's one of my mother's favorites. She took me to a traveling exhibit of her work when I was much younger." Helena looked embarrassed, a sight hereto unseen by Myka.

"I didn't mean to distract you from it, I've just never seen you this excited before!" In that moment, Myka wished she hadn't said anything and that, instead, she was still watching Helena in all of her nerdy glory.

"Yes, well… I am quite fond of knowing things." They stood silently, looking at the painting, until Myka said, "She looks happy."

"Yes… happy about her future… It's a nice sentiment." And the corners of Helena's mouth raised gently as she took Myka's hand once more.

That was the second time today. Myka had no idea what was happening, but that was two times that Helena had initiated handholding. Myka was trying to think back on the months previous, trying to count up how often there had been any contact at all to see if there was a change or if she was just starting to notice it more now because she was aware of her wants. She couldn't remember. She was too distracted.

They kept their hands linked for the rest of their museum perusal, except for when one of them wanted to search something about the pieces of art on their phones. As soon as their questions were answered, their fingers were entwined once more.

After they had culturally exhausted themselves, they thought it best to head back to campus to work on all of their assignments. They could only play hooky for so long. The idea of doing homework reminded Myka of the conversation she had with Mrs. Lattimer the day previous and she felt overwhelmed with real life again.

"So I had a meeting with Pete's mom yesterday about my future here."

They continued walking and Helena listened intently, without interrupting.

"And we talked about my major and how I'm not very happy in it."

It felt like minutes of silence passed before Myka finally said the words.

"I'm going to change my major."

For a few seconds Helena didn't say anything. And then she burst into laughter which made Myka stop walking, though it didn't make her let go of Helena's hand. (They were seriously becoming hand-holding champs.)

"What's so funny?" Myka was agitated.

"Well, it took you long enough!" Helena exclaimed throwing her arms wide.

"What do you mean?" Myka tried to keep the defensiveness out of her voice.

"Myka, I have never once heard you say anything about science or math with any sort of excitement." Myka saw the hint of an eyeroll from Helena and wanted to retort, but she realized that she didn't even need to think back to the past months to know that the girl was right. Still...

"But I had a plan and now I don't have a plan! I don't know what I'm doing!" Myka was getting worked up just thinking about it, and it made her rethink her decision. She could do this for three and a half more years. It would be fine.

"So you make a new plan! You change the rules!" Helena was grinning at her like she was both the sweetest and the most foolish thing in the world.

They stood staring at each other for a long moment while Myka puzzled over what Helena had said. She bit at her bottom lip absent-mindedly and saw Helena's eyes flicker down. Helena's eyes. She remembered how sad they were earlier.

"Oh my god… Oh my god, Helena, I can't believe I'm having a breakdown over changing my major after what you told me this morning. I'm so sorry, I don't even…"

"Myka." Helena's voice was firm and there was an edge of harshness to it that Myka had never heard. It made her stomach hurt. "Do not apologize for having fears. Do not apologize for having emotions. Do not apologize for existing."

And in the grandest statement she had ever made against apologizing for her own existence, she leaned forward and kissed Helena.

It was short and it was chaste and their lips were cold and chapped from the weather. But it was without a doubt the most gloriously alive Myka had ever felt. No wonder people did this so much in high school.

Helena smiled under her lips and Myka kept her eyes closed, just wanting to feel the smile.

"That also took you long enough."