Three days before Christmas Bucky is in his living room and the air is heavy with stale smoke. He's sort of zoned out when he hears a knock on the door but he makes no move to get up. Thirty seconds later there's another knock followed by, "I know you're in there, Barnes!"

Bucky's jaw clenches at the sound of the voice at the door. He pushes himself off the sofa and crosses the room to open the door. "What the hell do you want?" he mutters, and he's not even able to look Tony in the eye.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm busy," Bucky replies, going to shut the door. Tony catches it, though, and pushes it open. With a heaving sigh Bucky allows Tony to step inside and then closes the door before going back to his nest on the couch.

Tony stands in the middle of the apartment like he hasn't been there a dozen times before. His hands are balled fists in his pants pockets and his gaze is fixed on the floor. Bucky reaches for his pack of cigarettes and realizes it's empty, groaning as he tosses the empty box back onto the coffee table.

"Why are you here?" Bucky asks with a thick swallow. He keeps trying to tell himself to calm down and that this visit doesn't mean anything. He has nothing to look forward to and nothing to hope for so his heart can stop beating erratically now.

"I made a mistake."

No shit, Bucky thinks, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He decides to wait until Tony explains to make any sort of remark.

"I'm, uh, I'm not—can I sit down?" Tony mutters, gesturing to the sofa. He gets an affirmative nod and takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch.

"I made a mistake," Tony says again. "It was kind of shitty for me to just leave like I did."

"Yeah," Bucky agrees. It was actually really shitty. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why are you here?"

Tony sighs because he definitely thought being honest with Bucky would be easier than it's turning out to be. "I don't want to stop seeing you, okay? I just—I don't, and that's my choice. I get if you don't want to do it because of Steve or because of how I treated you but I just thought you deserved to know," Tony shrugs.

Bucky averts his eyes and folds his hands in his lap. He wants to say yes but he doesn't know if he can trust Tony again. Instead of answering immediately, he chews at his lip and asks, "What about you and Steve?"

"I don't know," Tony sighs, running a hand over his hair. "We're fighting a lot. It's almost a constant and I don't know what's gonna come of it." Tony notices the look on Bucky's face when he looks up and shakes his head. "Before you get any ideas and start blaming yourself, it's not your fault, alright? Things haven't been the same for a while now, even before Steve's birthday."

"Do you—I mean… is it something you're going to try and fix with him?"

Tony shakes his head. He's almost whispering when he says it, but Bucky hears it clear as day. "I don't know. I don't know anything except that right now, honestly, I would rather spend an hour over here than an entire night in the tower with Steve."

Bucky nods and reaches up to mess with his hair (a bad habit he should probably break one of these days). "Why did it take you almost a month to apologize?" he mutters. He wants Tony to know how he struggled. He wants Tony to know how much it hurt. He wants Tony to know those things but he would never tell him outright.

"Because I was trying to salvage my marriage," Tony shrugs. "I don't know. I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing."

"So you and Steve are—?"

"Over?" Tony supplies. "I don't know. I can't think about that right now."

"You'll have to eventually," Bucky remarks.

Tony rolls his eyes and, upon doing so, notices a hole in the living room wall that wasn't there the last time he visited. He notices the stain on the carpet below and Bucky realizes that Tony is looking at the spot where the whiskey bottle landed all those nights ago.

"Don't ask," Bucky groans. Please don't ask.

"Nightmares?" Tony guesses.

"No," Bucky snorts with a blustering laugh. Oh, if you only knew.

"Flashbacks?"

Bucky's reply is through clenched teeth this time, "No." And he really hopes Tony shuts up because he's almost certain he's about to lose it and that's the last thing both of them need.

"Drunk?"

That's the icing on the fucking cake and Bucky wants Tony to know just how quickly he can snap. He lashes out at the coffee table with his leg, kicking it onto its side with the rough shove of his foot. Tony jumps and Bucky's chest is heaving and he can't really see because all he sees is red and he wishes he could kill Tony. But he would never. "Yes, I was fucking drunk! And you know why I was so soused? Because you can't fucking deal with shit! You don't just fucking drop that on someone and leave them to deal with it on their own."

"You said it was—"

Bucky shakes his head. "You left and I wanted you."

Tony huffs. "No. You told me it was my marriage. You said you didn't have a choice and I agreed; you can't lay all the blame on me!"

"You should have known, Stark. You should've fucking known."

"Maybe I should've, but I didn't. I said it was a mistake. If you don't want to accept it for what it is, I'll just leave." Tony gets no response and shows himself out. He's certain he's going to go crawling back to the tower after his and Steve's fight, but he's already fifteen feet away from the door when he hears it open.

"I never said you had to go," Bucky calls.

Tony's steps cease and he turns around to face him. "Tell me you want me to stay."

Bucky swallows hard and drops his eyes to the ground momentarily before looking back up with an, albeit unconscious, pleading expression. "I want you to stay."

Tony gives him a curt nod and walks back into the apartment, stripping his coat off and laying it on the arm of the couch. Bucky closes the door and runs a hand through his hair. "Want a drink?" he asks.

Tony nods because he needs really needs one. Bucky pours them each a glass of whiskey and he throws his back without a thought. He has another, and then a third, and then he decides to go sit back on the couch. Tony follows shortly after and he's not sure if he should wait or if he should give Bucky the gift he brought with him. Ideally, Tony would wait until Christmas day but at the time he bought the present he was pretty sure seeing Bucky would impossible. He wasn't even sure that he'd see him again, but he had to make an effort and that's why he's here.

Regardless of what Tony thinks will happen, he reaches over to his coat and pulls a red leather box out of the bulging pocket, tossing it into Bucky's lap.

"What's this?"

"Open it," Tony says with a gesture.

Bucky does and he's a little taken aback when he examines the enclosed timepiece. He fumbles for a few embarrassing seconds before freeing the watch from its confines and examining it.

"It's the Calibre de Cartier Chronograph. Nothing special," Tony sniffs. He's trying to play this down and Bucky's lack of high fashion knowledge is helpful. Tony reaches over to put it on Bucky's wrist and the stainless steel washes out against the metallic of Bucky's arm. Tony thinks maybe he should've gone with the pink gold and brown leather band, but Bucky seems alright with it, so whatever.

"It looks expensive," he says. "Should I ask how much?"

Tony purses his lips and decides against it. He's bought more expensive things for less important people. "Nah."

Bucky sits back against the couch and pretends that he's not staring at the extravagant watch. It's quiet and reserved when he asks, "Why?"

"I said I made a mistake. Plus, Christmas is, like, two days away."

"You bought me a Christmas present?"

"More or less."

"Is it a Christmas present or is it an apology gift?" Bucky asks, trying his hardest to refrain from breaking into a smirk. He can't help it, though; the corners of his mouth tug up and he lets out a stifled snort. Tony returns the smile and Bucky stands up with a soft sigh and extends his hand. The flesh of Tony's hand touches the metal of his own and Bucky leads him back to his very messy bedroom. He knows he shouldn't care about his inner slob and it's weird but he doesn't like to fuck in a messy bedroom. He spends a good two minutes gathering the dirty clothes and throwing them into a pile for washing at a later date.

Bucky is still unsure if he wants this to be lovemaking or fucking. He decides that he'll make that decision once Tony is undressed. He reaches out with his right arm, grabbing the lapel of Tony's jacket to pull him closer. He's sure Tony can feel the lingering anger in his actions. He's not even kissing Tony right now. He busies himself with unsteady hands that quickly undo the buttons of Tony's dress shirt. And maybe this is going too fast for Tony because he reaches out and grabs Bucky by the hips and he's starting to wonder if this is going to turn into some sort of power play. Tony presses a kiss to Bucky's lips and he's not at all pleased when Bucky doesn't kiss back. He takes a step away, pushing Bucky's hands to his sides.

Bucky's hands are desperately searching for fabric to strip off his partner and Tony brings a hand to cup Bucky's stubbled jaw. "James," Tony whispers in a gentle plea. They both realize this is the first time Tony has addressed him as such and they're both kind of wondering why. Tony decides that he'll sort all that out later. "Look at me," Tony pleads, and James does. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

So, I had to break this chapter into two pieces or it would've been way too long. The next part will be the continuation of the last scene and the shit that went down before this chapter happened. Thanks to those of you who read/review.