He woke up again. No more dreams bothered his mind. He shut them out. When he awoke, he was exhausted. It was the price to pay to not have dreams invade his mind. His eyes opened to reveal her beside him again. This time she was clothed.
"How many times do I have to tell you you're not real?" said Taran.
"As soon as you tell your mind that I'm not," said Ahsoka.
"Well at least I have one thing about you that's correct. You're both stubborn," said Taran. Ahsoka giggled before she laid on top of him, straddling his hips.
"You know you don't have to refuse me," she said.
"I know, which is why I am. You're a figment of my imagination that I made to cope with how I'm feeling," said Taran. "Nothing more."
"And you see what happens when you bottle up your emotions?" she said. Her hand touched his and guided it to her face, letting him touch her.
"Besides, do I not feel real to you? I'm here, and she's not," said Ahsoka.
"I don't think my mind is fully healed from that brainwashing," said Taran, remembering when he was captured and forced to kill people for the Separatists.
"Only because you refuse to let go of the things bothering your mind. The sooner you release your demons, the sooner I go away," said Ahsoka. Her hands went to his chest, rubbing his pectorals.
"Don't fight it," she said, her lips hovering towards his. They nearly touched his before he moved away.
"Please go," Taran said softly.
She sighed. She disappeared again. Taran sighed, getting out of bed and putting his clothes on. Once he was fully dressed, he left his room to find somewhere quiet. He decided to meditate by himself. Finding a secluded spot, he sat down, crossed his legs, and closed his eyes. His breathing became slow and quiet. He cleared his mind of all things, seeking inner peace.
Faces appeared in his mind. His parents. His uncle. Obi-Wan. Anakin. Plo Koon. Bruck and Tia. Rex. Cody. Ahsoka. Countless others. He was so close to reaching his spiritual center. Then, the bad came in. Scenes of the war, losing Ceran, the Council betraying Ahsoka, his ancestor. It all came flooding back like the ocean tide. Just when he seemed so close to reaching it, he lost it just as fast.
He opened his eyes and sighed. He had been unable to find peace in himself for awhile, but the ones who could help him were either away, or he didn't want to talk to them at all. But he had to let his feelings go. He had new difficulty getting into the Avatar state because of it.
He got up and began to walk out to a platform on the Temple. Once he reached it, he stared out at the daily traffic of the planet. He didn't know how long he was out there looking out into the sky. It was one of the only things that kept him sane.
He felt Master Yoda's presence behind him.
"Deeply troubled you are," said Yoda. The old Jedi Master walked over and stood beside him.
"You said that yesterday," said Taran.
"Because, the truth, it is," said Yoda.
"You're suppose to be the wisest of us all. Shouldn't be too hard to figure it out," said Taran.
"Better to tell those who need telling, then keep to oneself," said Yoda.
"May I ask you something, Master?" said Taran, his voice on edge. Yoda nodded. Taran turned to him.
"Why did you do that to her?" said Taran. "She gave you nothing but her loyalty, devotion, and her compassion. She was with you on the trip to Ilum for the younglings crystals, and fought to keep them safe. Why would you withdraw your support from her when she needed you, all of you, the most?"
Yoda looked into Taran's eyes.
"Never is easy, to sense betrayal. The first Jedi she would not have been to attack her allies. An oversight we took, which cannot be forgiven," said Yoda.
"And one that cost us a lot. You should have known her the way we did. We knew from the beginning she wasn't guilty, even when the evidence looked like it was her," said Taran. "But you couldn't even stay by her side. Has the Jedi Order really come to this? No wonder Barriss did what she did."
Taran turned from Yoda and began to walk away.
"Strong feelings you have, for young Tano?" said Yoda. Taran stopped. How would he react to this? Would he come out and say it? His biggest secret?
He turned and faced Master Yoda with a controlled face, but still glared down at him.
"You have no idea," he said, before turning and leaving the Jedi Master to himself.
In the library, the six younglings were studying Jedi manuscripts and texts. Jocasta Nu presided over them lecturing them on the material that they were to learn, which was the History of the Jedi Order. They had to remember when the Order started, how it started, its chaotic and violent but peace-loving history, and its desired goal.
As they studied, Taran entered the library. He went over to the shelf designated for controlling his mind and his emotions. Finding the memoirs of a long-gone Jedi Knight, he sat down on the floor and began to read.
As time passed, a heap of books, holo-files, and correspondence collections lay around him. After two hours of reading, he still didn't find the answers he needed.
"Why can't this be a curable thing?" he asked himself, sighing as he hung his head.
"You alright Taran?" said Petro. Taran looked to see the six younglings looking at him from the end of the aisle.
"Oh, hey guys. Just studying..things," said Taran.
"Taran, we know you're not okay," said Katooni.
"We want to help," said Zatt.
"No matter what it takes," said Ganodi. Gungi and Byph both gave replies of agreement.
"I appreciate the gesture, but I don't think anyone can help me with this," said Taran. "I have to do this on my own."
"A Jedi shouldn't have to fight his battles alone," said Petro.
"Unfortunately, sometimes we have to," said Taran, beginning to put the collections back onto the shelves. As he put the last one onto the shelf, he felt a body press to him. He looked to see Katooni hugging him.
"It's okay," she said. "We may not miss her as much as you do, but she was there for us when we needed her most. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her." Taran didn't know what to say. So far, besides Bruck and Tia or another one of the members of their clan, no one really shared their personal feelings about Ahsoka. It touched him, the only time he felt like this in over three months.
Taran hugged the Jedi Initiate back.
"Thank you," said Taran. Katooni looked up at him with a smile on her face. So did the other younglings.
"When's your next lesson?"
"We have you in about twenty minutes," said Ganodi.
"Oh yeah," said Taran. He'd completely forgotten about that.
"But we don't mind being early," said Petro.
"Hmm, I'm not sure what else to teach you," said Taran. He looked up, his hand rubbing his chin as he pondered. An idea came to his head.
Water tentacles lashed out at them as they dodged them. Taran was in the center of the training room, bending the water around him. The object was for one of them to get inside the perimeter of the water and touch him while working as a team. The younglings found it extremely hard to get through. Just when it seemed like one of them was about to take him by surprise, they were thrown back. They even all tried attacking as one, and all that did was have them end up on the floor at the same time.
"This is very difficult," said Katooni.
"We need a plan. He keeps seeing what we're about to do before we do it," said Ganodi. Byph replied in Ithorian.
"No, we tried that remember?" said Petro. Gungi said something as well.
"He's too fast, it wouldn't work," said Katooni. They thought for a moment. Suddenly, an idea flashed in her mind.
"Here's what we do," she said. She whispered to them all her plan. At firs their faces showed confusion, to which she reminded them all exactly what to do. Once she told the full plan, they finally understood. At once, they got to work. They all began to run around the circle Taran had created. Taran prepared his tentacles for them. Petro made the first move. He ducked under one tentacle and made a dive for the circle. Taran swiftly used a tentacle to wrap around his leg and fling him back.
Ganodi and Byph were next. They went in two different directions. Taran weaved his tentacle's in a deceptive pattern around them. They both sprang for him at the same time. Taran handled the situation easily. His tentacles swatted Ganodi sideways into Byph's path. The two collided and Taran wrapped a tentacle around the both of them and flung them back. This left Katooni and Zatt. The two ducked under his tentacles as they made grabs for them. Taran switched to swiping at them. The two dodged them agilely. Ganodi, Byph, and Gungi both began to press too. Taran found all his senses tied on all five of them. As one, they all leaped towards him. Taran used every tentacle to send them all flying back to the ground.
Just as he was about to feel relieved, he remembered something: there were six of them. A chill went up his spine, which was all too sooner realized when he felt a hand on his back.
"Got ya," said Petro. Taran grinned. These six really were special. The water around him collected into an orb and he divvied it up to the younglings into smaller orbs and bent them into their mouths so that they could get a drink of water. They had earned it.
Once they were done, Taran thanked them for a wonderful lesson. The younglings thanked him for the lesson as well. For once, Taran felt happy. Leaving them off to their next lesson, he went off to another part of the Temple to train his blaster senses.
Entering that training room, he set up six remotes on a high setting and set their blasters to stun. The six remotes began to move fast around him in different directions as Taran turned on his lightsaber. Soon the first bolt was shot, followed by the next few. Taran blocked them all without difficulty, even blocking a salvo shot at him at the same time. He even closed his eyes to further hone his skills.
A droideka mowing down a squad of clones mercilessly.
He missed a bolt and it found his leg.
A turbolaser destroying an AT-TE walker.
Another bolt missed his shoulder as the image flashed in his mind.
A clone trooper knocking down a battle droid before a Super gunned him down.
Two hit his back.
A crab droid charging for him.
Another hit his arm.
A starfighter crashing into the bridge of a ship.
"Stop it!" he yelled, using the Force to make a massive wave that made the remotes crash into the walls and break. His heart was racing. He sat down on the floor, head in his hands, and began to cry.
Taran lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"You want to tell me what that was?" said Ahsoka, laying by his side.
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," said Taran, facing away from her.
"She was really the only thing that held you together. Isn't she?" said Ahsoka. Taran sighed. He knew he shouldn't be talking to figments of his imagination, but who else could he talk to?
"Yes, she is," said Taran.
"I may not be the best to help you cope, but it's better than nothing. Now, tell me everything," she said. He sighed again and turned to face her.
"If you try seducing me again, you're gone," said Taran. Ahsoka nodded.