"It's late," Bucky answers when his phone rings. He's still up, though, and sitting in the chair by his bedroom window.

"Yeah," Tony murmurs, and he wishes he could do this in person, because Bucky deserves that. But Miranda has told him that not doing this person is the best decision for everyone.

"Why are you calling me? Steve sleeping?"

"I'm down in the lab," Tony explains softly. He's sitting on the sofa in the corner with a tumbler of whiskey perched on his knee. Whiskey makes everything better, and Tony is hoping it'll numb his emotions for what he's about to do.

"I miss you," Bucky says, and he's definitely smiling when he says it. "You should come over."

"I miss you, too," Tony replies, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't have tears in his eyes. "But I need to talk to you about something."

"What?"

There's no easy way to say this. Tony's gone over how he's going to say it at least 50 times. But that doesn't make it any easier for either of them. "I'm—I'm not leaving Steve," he says and that's when his tears start to fall because there's silence on the other line, and in his apartment Bucky is confused.

"What?"

"You're an amazing person, and I love you so much and I'm so, so sorry. I—I want to work on my marriage."

"Tony, you don't even—what the fuck are you saying? You don't want this; you don't want Steve. You said—"

"I know," Tony mutters, and he sniffles. "I know what I said and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. I can't—I can't say that enough." It's going to kill him, Tony knows it's going to kill him, but he does what he has to do. "I love you and I never meant to hurt you. Please don't contact me again," he murmurs, and then he hangs up and the room is silent. Several floors above Steve is sleeping obliviously and several floors below him Tony is falling apart and several miles away James is set on drinking himself to death.

Today marks the week since Natasha told Tony to tell Steve about the affair. Tony knows he should've told Steve sooner, because it's only going to be harder, and he isn't looking forward to seeing Steve's reaction. Then again, no one ever looks forward to such a confrontation. Steve still doesn't know; Tony is sure of that because when Tony comes into the kitchen Steve greets him with a smile.

"I'm staying home," Tony mumbles as he goes about making a cup of coffee.

"You feel okay?"

"Not really," Tony admits. He feels as if he's going to throw up at any minute and he hasn't even said anything yet.

Steve crosses and puts the back of his hand against Tony's wrinkled forehead. "You don't feel hot."

"Steve," Tony whispers. He gestures to the chair across from him at the small breakfast table.

"Is everything okay?"

"Please, just—just sit down. We need to talk."

Steve takes the time to actually look at his husband and decides that something very, very devastating is about to happen. He sits down and folds his hands on top of the table. "I'm listening," he says in a low, expectant tone.

Tony scrubs his hands over his face. He's wondered how he's going to word this for some time now, but nothing ever seems to sound right. Maybe that's because it won't sound good no matter how he says it. Regardless, he sort of spits the words out. "I had an affair."

Steve's face falls and his heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn't know whether to be shocked or heartbroken or angry. First he needs to be sure that he's heard Tony correctly. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Tony replies, and he looks so small from across the table, but he's sincere. He's so sorry, and he's not sure Steve can ever comprehend just how sorry he is.

Steve isn't sure what's happening; maybe his reaction is just delayed. Tears prick at his eyes and he doesn't bother to hold them back. Elbows on the table, head in his hands, he begins to cry quietly at first, and then he's sobbing, and Tony can't do anything about it. He doesn't leave the room; he won't leave unless Steve tells him to. Tony deserves to sit through this and see Steve unravel in front of him. He deserves all of this and more.

Steve cries and rubs his eyes and shakes his head because he thinks part of this is a bad dream. It's just one of his frequent nightmares and it'll be over if he can just wake up. But he can't and when Steve opens his eyes Tony is still across from him with drooping eyes and a heavy heart, and Tony forces himself to say something when Steve looks him in the eye. He picks his words very carefully.

"I'm so sorry. I hope you'll be able to—"

And maybe Steve doesn't want to hear Tony's apology. "Who was it?" he snarls, and that's definitely unexpected for the both of them. Steve is still in shock but he's pretty sure the initial shock is over. Temporarily, at least, and he needs answers now.

"I don't think—"

"No!" Steve snaps. "You did it and you confessed, so tell me! Who the hell was it?"

Tony thinks it's sad how oblivious Steve it. He's so much smarter than that, and maybe the signs and the answer are obvious but Steve's in no state of mind to play detective.

"Bucky," Tony sighs, and he has to watch Steve fall apart all over again.

'How long' is Steve's next question and it's forced out through his sobs. He just keeps shaking his head in disbelief. He keeps telling himself Bucky wouldn't do this and Tony wouldn't do this. The two most important people in his life wouldn't do this to him.

"It started after he moved out. I—I tried to end it but I just… I couldn't."

"Why are you telling me?" Steve whispers, and he gets up to get a napkin to use as a tissue before he sits back down. "You—you could just have easily kept it from me."

"You deserve to know," Tony replies quietly.

Steve bursts out impulsively, and he really has the right to. "I deserved to be cheated on and then I deserve to know about it?!"

Tony jumps a little; he isn't expecting that. "I thought that's what you'd want! I'm telling you all of this because I want to make things right between us," he explains, and his voice is high and a little desperate. "I'm telling you because I love you and you deserve to know."

"You love me?" Steve repeats, sniffling. "You love me so much you had an affair with my best friend. I just—I don't understand! I've always been there for you! I would never even think about doing this to you!"

"You make everything so hard," Tony retorts, and who the fuck is he to start justifying it?

"It's not supposed to be easy! Marriage—marriage isn't easy, Tony!"

"I know that! But being with Bucky was easier than doing the right thing!"

It's silent for a long moment before Steve croaks, "Do you love him?" It's not hard to determine that Steve is entirely devastated. His voice is so full of hope. He's hoping Tony says no. He's still hoping that maybe this is all a terrible dream.

Tony looks down. "You don't—"

"Think very, very carefully before you say something very stupid," Steve hisses from behind his tissue.

"Yes," Tony answers simply. He has to look away when more tears slip down Steve's cheeks.

Steve sniffles and tries to get ahold of himself, but before he knows it he's whimpering. It's not fair, Steve thinks. It's taken Tony years to love Steve, and after a few short months of knowing Bucky, Tony loves him. Tony loves Bucky. The thought occurs over and over in Steve's rattled mind and he just can't shake it. He cries harder, and he's sobbing again, and he just wants everything to go away.

Tony knows not to try and touch Steve or comfort him; that'll only upset him more, but Tony sort of wants to because Steve looks so broken. Tony knows he's stupid for expecting Steve not to cry. Steve is strong, but Steve is also human, and seeing his raw emotions as they unfold is one of the most unsettling things Tony has witnessed.

Seconds later, Steve has calmed himself enough to ask, "Did you feel guilty?"

Tony snorts and rests his head in his hands; of course he feels guilty. "Yes, Steve."

Tony's known that telling Steve will hurt, but now that the tremendous amount of pressure has been lifted off Tony's chest, he can actually breathe. But because of that he feels so much guilt. Guilt for cheating, guilt for lying, guilt for feeling relieved, guilt for leaving Bucky, and guilt for feeling guilty about breaking Bucky's heart.

"Did you even care about what you were doing to me?!"

"Yes! I felt guilty! But at the same time I was getting more than I was getting with you!"

"Jesus, Tony! Oh my god!"

"That's not how I meant it!" Tony groans. "I just—I was getting attention. I wasn't getting lectured for doing things imperfectly. I'm fucking human, Steve. I don't always do things that you agree with! You don't always do things that I agree with. And I think that as your husband you'd have a little insight on how to treat me after seven years of being together. I was getting more positive attention from Bucky than I had gotten from you in a long, long time."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Steve begs. He sounds so miserable and regretful that Tony can barely stand to listen to him, but he figures he deserves to have to deal with Steve's emotions after everything he's done.

"I tried to," Tony whispers. "I wanted you to stop nagging me and I wanted you to loosen up. I just—going to Bucky was easier than working on things with you. I always felt like he wanted me around, and I-I didn't really feel like you wanted that sometimes. You were so controlling, Steve; it was maddening. I wanted away from you…"

"Don't you try and pin this on me! This is not my fault!"

"I didn't say it was! I'm trying to take responsibility! I'm trying to explain why I did it and you're automatically assuming that I'm saying it's your fault! I'm trying to explain why I did it because I know you're wondering. I just—I was upset. I was so upset about our marriage, and I was upset that you made Bucky move out. And Steve, to be honest, I was kind of shocked at the way you treated the person who was supposed to be your best friend."

Steve makes a noise and Tony can't decipher whether it's a snort or a sniffle. "Yeah, well look at what my supposed best friend did. How—how the hell did you convince Bucky to take part in this? Because I know Bucky and he wouldn't just—he wouldn't just do that. He's not that kind of person."

"Steve," Tony whispers, and he's almost trying to remind Steve what Bucky has been through without saying it directly. "We're not talking about him right now. I'm trying to take responsibility and you aren't listening."

"I just—I don't believe that he would do something like this." Steve's face is pale and he's trembling all over. "I don't believe my best friend would do this to me. I-I just—I could possibly have expected you to have an affair, but I never thought Bucky would sink so low. He's a good man."

"Why are you defending him?!"

"Because I know him and this isn't him!"

"Steve, he's not the same guy who fell off that goddamn train!"

"He wouldn't fucking do this to me! You, I can believe, but not him!"

"He's not brainwashed anymore; he doesn't have excuses! He's James Barnes, and he has a mind of his own, and we both did this! I can't believe—god, this isn't the discussion I had in mind."

Steve's fist slams on the table and Tony actually jumps in his seat. Steve's unsure of what he's doing when he grips the sides of the table and stands up. He flips it to the side with no effort at all. "He could never do this to me!"

"Well, he did it, Steve! And so did I!"

And that's a fucking shit thing to say and Steve isn't really sure of what he's doing when he reaches out and his hand collides with the side of Tony's face. "Fuck you!" Steve shouts, because all of this is sinking in and he can't believe it. He's so shaken, he's not really thinking clearly and he certainly doesn't want to be around Tony right now. "Get out! Get out! I hate you!"

Tony's not expecting that to happen. He's not expecting Steve to say those things, but Steve says them, and Tony can never un-hear them. Tony doesn't know where to go, but he won't go to Bucky, so he gets out of the tower as quickly as he can and he flies out to California for an indefinite stay.

Several hours later, Natasha gets the call she's been expecting. It's Steve, and he's a mess, and truthfully she's surprised to hear that Tony's actually been completely honest about the whole thing. She wants to help and insists on coming over.

When she's there, she and Steve take refuge on the couch. Natasha expresses things that she's only been able to express around a handful of people. She loves Steve, she considers him her best friend, and to see him hurting like this is tough.

"I—I hit him, I told him I hated him," Steve whispers. "I didn't mean it. I just—I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I was—I'm so upset and I felt like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. I knew Bucky was mad at me, but I never thought he'd do something like this. I don't understand…" Just when he's certain he's cried all he can, he emits an uneven sigh and sniffles as the tears resume.

Natasha rests her head on Steve's shoulder and reaches for his hand. She's not the best at this type of thing, but she's an incredible friend, and just having her here is comforting.

"I don't understand," Steve says again. He feels like he's stuck on repeat because that's what's crossing his mind over and over. He doesn't understand how Tony could do this, he doesn't understand why Tony would do this and he certainly can't wrap his mind around Bucky being capable of such a level of betrayal.

"I know," Natasha says softly. She squeezes his hand again. "But you'll make it through this mess, Cap. You always do."

Leave your reaction in a review! (This could be fun). As always, thanks for reading and Happy Valentine's Day.