Steve doesn't want to stay at the empty tower by himself tonight because it's full of bad memories, so he decides to take Natasha up on her offer to stay over at her apartment. He's still a basket case and doesn't know whether or not to try and call Tony. Natasha tells him to let Tony cool off for a few days, and in all honestly Steve doesn't want to talk to him right now but he wants answers. And if Tony isn't here to answer the questions, there's only one person who has the answers Steve wants to hear.

Steve eats the dinner that Natasha cooks and takes a shower. It makes him feel better physically, but mentally he's still a mess. He at least has control of his emotions now, though, and he goes to find Natasha sitting on her bed.

"I think I'm gonna go get some fresh air," Steve says softly, and he doesn't look directly at her. "I need to clear my head."

She glances up from her laptop. "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I think I'll be okay."

Natasha nods and Steve turns to leave.

Steve should know better but he doesn't. He wants answers and if he can't get them from Tony, he'll have to get them from the only other person who can provide them. He doesn't really think things through. He doesn't imagine that Bucky isn't going to at pleased to see him, at all, and he doesn't realize exactly how vulnerable Bucky is right now. But when Steve gets to the correct door, he knocks and he's not surprised to find Bucky shirtless and smelling of booze and smoke.

"The fuck do you want?" James mutters under his breath, looking away and tossing his cigarette butt at Steve's feet. He makes no move to put it out, so Steve takes the liberty of doing so.

"We should do this inside," Steve says curtly.

Bucky snorts and moves aside, gesturing Steve into his filthy apartment. Bucky's used to kind of caring about being neat, but since Tony's broken it off with him he doesn't really care about anything other than altering his mental state into oblivion.

"What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it past your bedtime?"

Steve crosses his arms over his chest and looks away. "Were you going to tell me?"

"About what?" Bucky asks, and Steve gives him a look. "Oh, that," Bucky sighs, and he's not in the mood for this shit so he's going to make it go by as quickly as he can.

"Is it over?"

"He broke up with me last night," James says in a low voice. "Said that he wasn't gonna leave you even after he promised me he was. Yet here you are looking like shit, so I'm assuming that he told you everything."

"He said—" Steve tries his best to hold back the tears that prick at his eyes. Tony promised to leave him. Tony promised to leave him for Bucky. "No, we—we were going to counseling. He wasn't going to leave."

"He was, Steve! Fuck, are you that blind? You alienated him! He was sick of you! Why the fuck do you think he asked me to go to California with him?"

Steve is almost afraid to ask, but he does. "California?"

"Yeah, he flew me out to Malibu for two weeks. Where is he now? Did you lock him away like the goddamn child you think he is?"

"He left," Steve mumbles, but Bucky still hears him.

"Oh, he left. Well, there you go! He left you, just like he said he was going to."

"Shut your damn mouth," Steve snarls, because honestly he's tired of hearing Bucky's shit right now.

Bucky moves to grab his whiskey from the table and Steve notices the watch on his wrist. It's the same watch Steve saw sitting in the closet in all those months ago. Poor naïve Steve has believed for this long that the watch he saw in December was intended for his anniversary present. It wasn't, and it's not, and now it's on Bucky's wrist and Bucky has no fucking clue what to think when Steve starts to cry.

Well, Bucky has a clue, but other than the fact that he's committed such a deep betrayal, Bucky isn't sure why Steve is falling apart in front of him when he could just as easily do it at home. One thing, a little thing like a stupid watch, tears Steve's heart to shreds and Bucky has no clue.

"Did Tony give you that?" Steve asks quietly, gesturing.

"What?"

"The watch…"

Bucky glances at his wrist fleetingly and shrugs. "Yeah, the first time he broke up with me. He was back within a month and I don't see why this time is going to be different. Any more questions?" he asks, and he almost smirks and it's definitely the liquor that's influencing him to act this way. Liquor and a broken heart are a very lethal combination, Steve is beginning to realize.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me! You're the one who couldn't get that stick out of your ass long enough to see that your marriage was crumbling! God, Steve, you practically pushed Tony into my waiting arms! Fuck, what was I supposed to do? You pushed me away, too. You set yourself up for this shit and now you can't handle it. That isn't my fault."

"I didn't set myself up for anything! This isn't you. This isn't you," he sighs, running a hand over his hair.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Steve gestures wildly with his hand. "This—this isn't you." He steps forward to lightly grab a piece of Bucky's hair and his eyes are wide as if he's searching for the real Bucky; the real Bucky who would never say these things, the real Bucky who would never have an affair with his husband, the real Bucky who would actually shave and bother to cut his hair.

Bucky slaps Steve's hand away, taking a step back. "It's me, Steve, whether you believe it or not. And this is you," he says with a gesture. "Always believing that people are better than they really are."

Steve shakes his head because he still doesn't believe it. "You're—you're better than this. You don't even know who you are. I can't believe you. This—this isn't you. You're—you're not the Bucky I used to know."

"No-fucking-shit, Steve!" Bucky snaps. "I've killed people! I have a fuckin' metal arm! Just—just stop! Just stop with that shit. God, you're trying to so hard to live in the past. Maybe the only reason you were ever with Tony is because he's a link to Howard."

Bucky can't really believe he's said that any more than Steve can believe it. Steve just sort of stands there in shock and Bucky wonders why Steve looks so mortified, but then it clicks.

"You never told him," Bucky concludes. "You never told Tony about Howard, did you?"

Steve is visibly shaken and Bucky sees this as his opportunity to break up their marriage for good. Of course, it's not any of Bucky's business, so he just sits on the couch and props his leg on the coffee table. He finally looks up at Steve with tired eyes. "I'm sorry I had an affair with Tony. And I seriously suggest you tell him about you and Howard before he finds out for himself."

Steve is sure that he's never left anywhere as quickly as he leaves Bucky's apartment.

ngl I'm a little disappointed that only 3 readers left reviews last chapter. make my night and leave me a comment. thanks for reading!