It had been a few weeks since Lewis had escaped and finally was put to sleep forever. The events took their toll on everyone. Olivia went back to work within a few days. She was shaken but knowing that Lewis was gone, and that she was able to stay strong, really seemed to help her through it. She was not the same Olivia, she never would be, but she came out of it all so much better than most of us would.

I was more shaken than Olivia. I felt a little of the burden I owed to the team had been lifted after Olivia was free and safe. However, the events that had happened in that house left there mark on me. I was a survivor and always took care of myself. I learned early not to rely on anyone else. I had learned being a police officer, and now a detective, you had to accept your partner or team as back-up, so in that one area I accepted the support. However, I almost always counted on myself to get me through any situation. This was one of the first times where I intentionally put myself in a very dangerous position and the only way out had been through Olivia, Amaro, and Fin. They pulled me through but I wasn't comfortable with the knowledge without them I would have been tortured, raped, and killed…and I had put myself in his hands.

My injuries were healing, my eye was almost normal, but my brain was still trying to process the past year and this was just one more thing in the tornado of thought rolling in my head. Each day I walked into the station I pulled myself together, put the protective barrier back up, and did my job. I had taken two weeks off because with my vision compromised I couldn't come back immediately. Olivia had told me I would be required to attend some type of addiction program after the undercover operation. After this she told me I would need a psych clearance before I could get off of desk duty. I had been back at work for a couple of weeks now and still hadn't had the evaluation.

I got to work early on a Monday morning and went to work on the grunt work that needed to be done, stuff that got put off when we were all out on the street investigating. Fin walked in and walked over to me and sat down across from me. "Hello Amanda". I looked at him, smiled, "Hey Fin how was your weekend"? He looked at me, nodded and indicated it had gone well. He asked how mine went and I responded with the usual, "It was fine, you know how exciting it is going to the park with Fannie and cleaning the apartment".

I saw it coming and Fin didn't disappoint, "Amanda, why haven't you gone to the psych eval so you can come off this damn desk"? I had dreaded this. For the first weeks I used my injuries as a reason. Last week it was that I was trying to get caught up on the backlog from the insanity of the past couple of months. I was running out of excuses…and time. I looked down at my computer, "I'm going, I'll set up an appointment today. It's just a stamp so I'm sure I'll be back out on the streets with you in a couple of days". Fin looked very unsure and nodded his head, "Amanda, I don't think Liv meant you should go to one of those Hi, I'm fine, sign, and you're back to work. You need to talk to someone and work through your stuff. You can't be out there and doing what you need to if you are a mess". My head shot up so fast and I laughed, "A mess, thanks a lot Fin. I'm not a mess, well maybe I hit a bit of a low point but I'm fine." Once again he gave me the half-smile shaking head, "Amanda, how many times do I have to tell you I've got you, I'm no judge, but we all gotta know when it's time to get help. You can't keep holding this all by yourself. You don't trust us so maybe a stranger is better. Those shrinks occasionally help, you know just cause they call 'em shrinks doesn't mean you are small if you see one".

Fin continued, "Amanda, how are you really doing? You went through a lot with Lewis and you haven't really said much. I'm your partner but I'm your friend too. I want to be here for you and I think I'm a decent listener. Plus I'm like the IRS; nobody gets anything out of me". I knew he thought he was very clever. Munch must have rubbed off on him just a little. "Fin, I know and I told you I'm not going to mess our partnership up any more than it is. You are not that different from me. I hardly know anything about what makes Fin tick. What you do on the weekend. We keep things close and it works for us".

Fin grabbed my arm, stood me up, and told me to grab my coat and purse. He waved to Olivia as we were walking out. I figured all I would be doing is sitting at the desk so I'd just follow him for now. Of course we wound up at the cop shrinks offices. He had set up an appointment for me. I looked at him enraged and was about to give him my thoughts. However, we were in the reception area and I didn't need to create a scene. He pushed me to check-in for me to let them know I was there. It wasn't the same person I had last time, this was a guy. Fin sent me back and said he'd be waiting for me in the reception. He held up a copy of Vogue and said he'd keep himself occupied.

The hour stretched out before me and I was angry that it had been done out of my control. I took a seat and went through the motions required of a psych eval. At the end of the time I expected him to sign the paper and send me off. Instead he looked at me and said he wanted to see me for additional sessions. Immediately I got defensive and demanded to know why he wouldn't clear me. "Amanda, you have come through the multitude of recent events much better than anyone would expect. However, before I can release you I have to be sure that you have worked through everything. You didn't share anything today that assures me that you have. I can give you a contingency release. So long as you continue coming to our scheduled appointments, and I can see progress, you can go back on duty. However, in order to give you a full clearance I will need to see you deal with things and not just shove them down". In this case I didn't have much choice. "Fine, as long as I can do my job." He told me the form would be sent over to my Sergeant and he had me set up another appointment.

I grudgingly walked out to the waiting area where Fin was. I shot hostile looks his way and said nothing. Once we were outside he smiled, "So how was it? You certifiable or is there hope"? I couldn't keep the hostility going, "Well you will have to put up with me as your partner again, but I have to come back and deal with this until he gives me a full clearance". Fin nodded his head, "I'm telling you Amanda, you have got to let things go or you will never get out of this grind you are in. You know what, Amaro is at the office, and he is Superman, so I'm sure he can handle whatever comes in. I already let Olivia know where we were. Let's go grab some lunch".

This was yet another fork in my road. I could share with Fin, which was obviously the point of this whole adventure, or I could pretend things were fine and have silly small talk. My brain had the sense to remind me I didn't want to go backwards. I chose to take yet another opportunity Fin was giving me. Trust him.