I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be doing this, OH HOW I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS! It's not that bad, but I need to work on my other fics, and this is only holding me up. But, yeesh, seems I can't even watch a single episode of Avatar with Zuko in it without feeling my fury at the second season finale rekindle. Plus, I can't sleep, so…yah. Here it is, my very first torture Zuko fic, chapter, thingy. I hope it's as absurdedly funny as I've been finding everything lately.
Disclaimer: Zuko. Is. Mine. Not literally, but in the menacing figurative sense that usually comes before a brutal pounding. I don't own any padded rooms or Zim and GIR from Invader Zim, either. Oh but, since I can't seem to find the word Absurdedly, I think I may actually own it. Huh, neologisms are great!
Kinkatia, using her power of the keyboard, of course, roughly shoved Zuko ahead of her down the long, empty, echoing, annoyingly square white hallway with many monotonously identical doors on either side, and no windows. Needless to say, he wasn't very happy about it, or the fact that the awesome power of the keyboard had deleted his ability to fire bend. She stopped him at one such door and opened it, relentlessly shoving him inside, slamming the door shut, and walking away.
Inside, Zuko found the room to be padded, and the same annoying shade of white as that ridiculously monotonous hallway had been. Up near the strangely high ceiling was one small square of glass. Kinkatia was shortly peering at him through it, with the goofiest grin on her face. "Hey Zuko!" she shouted giddily. "This is your punishment for being such a gullible, moronic, idiot and siding with Azula. Again. Remember this lesson, so you never make that mistake again."
Inside the brightly multi-colored room behind that glass, Kinkatia relaxed into her squarshy chair and popped open Delilah, her laptop. Yes, she had upgraded from a regular, bulky keyboard that always needed to be plugged into the core of whatever universe she was in for it to work. She now had her new best friend, Delilah, an unexpected and much appreciated Christmas present. She was wireless, too. Much more convenient, and better looking, too.
Anyway, she began typing away, and into the room below appeared GIR. Well, he actually kind of popped into thin air, several feet above the padded floor, screaming insanely, and quickly plummeted to the floor. And then he bounced. It is, after all, padded.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" GIR shouted, getting to his feet and bunny hopping around the room until he came to Zuko. "Hi! I'm GIR! What's your name?" he asked in his almost unbearably adorable metallic voice.
Zuko, of course, was already peeved at being forcefully dragged by a complete stranger out of Ba Sing Se, out of the Avatar-verse, and then thrown into this room. He wasn't about to pay any attention to the cute little alien robot in front of him. After all, he was probably dreaming, anyway.
Kinkatia frowned. Seeing GIR pry the answer from Zuko would be fun, but the little guy deserved to know his next victim's name. So she formulated an absolutely hilarious plan. Using the power of the keyboard, she whispered to GIR, "I think his name is Zuko."
Of course, this news got little GIR all excited. He wanted to be sure of Zuko's name. "Is your name Zuko?" he preened, like he was talking to a cat. Zuko ignored him. "C'mon, you can tell me!" GIR then proceeded to bunny hop in small circles around Zuko, giving him absolutely no room to move. "Is it? Is it? Is it is it is it is it is it is it is it?" Zuko took a step back, but GIR bunny hopped right back into place. Then, he spontaneously fell to the ground, rolling in his circles instead. "Tell me! Tellmetellmetellmetellme!!!!!"
Zuko ground his teeth, an anime stress mark appearing on his forehead. "Yes," he grumbled, struggling to keep his temper in check.
GIR stopped rolling and looked at Zuko. "Yes what?" He tilted his head to the side in that adorably confused way.
Zuko balled his hands into fists. "Yes, that's my name."
"What's your name?"
GIR's overly cheerfulness was already wearing on Zuko. "My name is Zuko!" he practically shouted.
GIR jumped to his feet happily. "Hi there, Zuko! I'm GIR! Will you play with me?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No." Zuko's 'no' was getting more and more tense each time. Kinkatia was already starting to laugh her socks off.
"Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"No."
"Pretty please with sugar an-"
"NO!" Zuko was trembling with rage. He hadn't been here ten minutes, and he already hated this little…thing! How he wished he could melt it!
GIR fell to the ground, crying in his little robotic way. "Why not?!?!?!?!?!"
Zuko endured a full thirty minutes of GIR's crying, slowly growing angrier and angrier. His every muscle tensed, and his face turned red. Kinkatia was fairly in tears by now, and was struggling to regain her composure.
Then, all of a sudden, GIR ceased his wailing, and looked at Zuko curiously. "Do you like tacos?" he asked innocently. "I like tacos. Will you get me a taco?"
Zuko, of course, had no idea what a taco was, since tacos are nonexistent in the Avatar-verse.
GIR looked up at Kinkatia expectantly. She was just starting to catch her breath, and she kept giggling every now and then. "Can I have a taco?" he asked her.
"Of course, GIR. Here, have a taco!" she typed furiously on Delilah's keyboard, and a taco appeared in the padded room, floating several feet above GIR's head.
"Taco!" he shouted, his voice making Zuko flinch in pain. The little robot began jumping up and down, trying desperately to reach the taco, but it was just out of his reach. Then, the taco began to move. It floated its way over to Zuko, where it hovered just above his head. The fire nation prince looked up at it dumbly, wondering what the thing was and why it smelled so good. He was shortly tackled by GIR, who was attempting to use him as a stepping stool to reach the taco.
Zuko opened his eyes to see GIR's face right above his. "Ahh!" he shouted, scurrying away. His head began to throb painfully, and he gingerly reached up to feel the cartoonishly large lump on his head where GIR had collided with him.
"I wanna be a mongoose," GIR said randomly.
"What?" Zuko asked, completely confused.
"Pig!"
The muffled sounds of typing and a suppressed giggle came from above, and a pig appeared in the room. Actually, it appeared along with the mud pit it had been rolling in.
"Pig! You've come back to me!" GIR shouted, glomping the unsuspecting and uncaring animal.
The next thing Zuko knew, he was splattered with mud and caught in the middle of a rather rough wrestling match between pig and robot. As he struggled out of the muck, relentlessly being battered, he heard a shout come from above.
"No way! I need him to torture Zuko!" Kinkatia shouted.
"Return GIR to me at once!" a new voice demanded.
The glass window shattered, and a small green-skinned alien floated down on some hover scooter thing. "GIR!" he shouted authoritatively.
GIR jumped to attention, shouted, "Master! I missed you!" and latched onto the alien.
"Who are you?" Zuko dared to ask. That was rather stupid on his part, as the alien hadn't noticed him, GIR had forgotten all about him, and Kinkatia was frantically trying to locate Delilah. It was the perfect chance for him to escape.
The green alien looked at Zuko, studying him, from the ugly scar on his face down to his mud-splattered socks. "You, filthy earth scum, wish to know who I am? I AM ZIM! And I shall conquer this puny planet and earn the respect of the Almighty Tallest!" Zim then turned his attention back to his robot. "Come GIR, we must, uh, destroy stuff."
"But I don't wanna," GIR whined. "I'm playing with my new friend!"
"We must leave this place, GIR. It is…weird."
"Alright," the little robot sighed. "But can I bring Zuko with me?"
Zim pondered for a moment before agreeing. "Maybe I can run some painful experiments on him." GIR then hauled a struggling Zuko onto the scooter-thing and away they flew, into the multi-colored room where Kinkatia was still trying to find Delilah, and out through a whole blasted through the ceiling.
And thus, Kinkatia lost her entertainment, and Zuko was experimented on until his brain turned to jelly and he tasted like waffles.
I started this so long ago, I forgot my HUGE list of ideas! But I've finished it! Huzzah! Let me know what you think, please? Or I might just drag you into the chamber as well!