Chapter 1
Part One
His eyes were as blue as the cloudless sky. His hair was silver platinum, and as I have said many times the strong rays of the distant sun reflected off his eyes to make him look as distinguishable as a god. He moved slowly but majestically, pausing occasionally between each. As I stared in awe, his eyes moved slowly among the surrounding crowd. As they wandered so helplessly, they turned to eyes of frightfulness, and maybe even resentful. I quickly understood why.
The crowd was murmuring hurriedly, their vulgar gossip escaped from their lips horribly. Most let out a huge, long sigh, complaining that it was just another city boy, never will get used to the countryside of Thamesville. Others were criticizing the boy as if they knew him for many years past. They did not care about him, nor would they ever. This was the first time I truly saw what my town was like. Did they act like this when I arrived with Roxas?
As his eyes wandered, those blue eyes, they quickly rested on me, and for a memorable moment we stared at each other. I can tell you right now I will never forget that moment of my life. Yet he quickly averted his eyes away from mine, and it ended, forever. The gossip never ceased, even when the boy hid his eyes from the world and walked into his new home. Was it because of me he left? He looked at me, then ran away.
Maybe if I met him personally things would work out, but, things are never that perfect, not in the real world.
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My mind was doing flip flops as I ran so innocently into my new, deserted home. He looked back at me, he most certainly did. With those same blue eyes as myself. His spiky hair reflecting off the shining sun. From my first impression of the town, they already loathed me. They looked at me as if I was a reaper of some sort, coming here to plunge this small hopeless town into the black darkness of death itself. Who knows, maybe that is my intent. But he did not. He looked at me as if I were an angel, to bring him to heaven.
Who knows, maybe that is my intent, as I will never forget that moment in all my troubled life.
Never.
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Roxas quickly noticed my reaction as my eyes followed him dreamily into his home. He even noticed my heart pounding fiercely beneath my chest severely ever since the truck came and changed my life forever. He also noticed small, happy tears falling silently down my round, content face. The next moment however, he took my by the shoulders, and led me away from the whole population of Thamesville. He never let go, slowly tightening his grip ever step of the pathway leading to home. He was whispering in my ear, but I took no note of what he was saying, as my mind was still concentrated ever so deeply on the beautiful boy. It was if the boy had already nested himself down in the depths of my heart. Roxas eventually gave up and tightened his grip even tighter as we entered my small home. He was pressing his fingers so hard into my skin it began to hurt. But I did nothing. You know why. He finally began to speak again, but in louder tones, as we set ourself on the couches in out living room. The town was still crowded around him, as the street was still abandoned out my window.
"Sora," Roxas began, "I want to make something very clear. I want you to concentrate only on me, and listen to my every word, as I will not say it again. Do you understand me?"
I simply nodded. He did not raise his voice, but spoke at a normal tone. He was oblivious to the fact that I would not concentrate on only him. He was not angry with me however. Why would he be? But yet again, he never spoke so seriously to me in my lifetime, and secretly, he was already beginning to scare me. He was no longer smiling that happy smile he always wore on his small face. Without noticing the horrified expression on my face, or without taking note of my feelings, he continued sternly:
"We have lived too long in the town for us to leave now. The war is growing faster and faster each passing day, and I fear it Sora. The town does not, but I do deeply. If the war spreads to our boundaries, and word gets out that you are homosexual, the town will not hesitate to get rid of you. I love you too much Sora. If you get caught... " he paused, holding back tears I knew he wanted cry out, "I don't know what I would do without you. All I ask of you Sora, is to control your feelings, and show no sign of love towards this boy."
At this moment, the tears really did come out, and almost the moments after he finished his speech, we was on his knees, begging once more. He was muttering words I could not understand, like before. He was sobbing uncontrollably, and i put a comforting arm on his shoulder, and he kneeled up and we embraced. I really loved our brotherly love, I really did. If anything I felt sympathetic towards him. I tried to tell myself that the only reason he does not want me to be with this boy is because he loves me, not for his own benefit. Thanks again Roxas, for being the best Brother a homosexual can have.
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I laid quietly in my new bed. I made less movement than the dead. Me and my parents did not complete the move today, no one offering their assistance. All I had in my room at the present time was my bed, my bedside table composing of only the wood that made it whole, and a few change of clothes. Actually, there was one more thing. Hanging on the wall directly across my bed was a single photo nestled inside of the simplest frame. It was a picture of me and my boyfriend before I came to Thamesville, not long ago. If it were not for the war, we would still be together. And would of been together forever. Things don't work out that perfectly however. He was taken for being who he was. A homosexual. That night, I was suicidal. I remembered the wind whipping my face as I looked down into the depths of the cliff I was about to jump off of. It was the darkest moment of my life, as nothing mattered in my life anymore. Something however, kept me from jumping to my doom, and I think I found the reason why today gazing out into that crowd of people. I was not even supposed to be here, as me and him planned to move away from my dreadful and terrible parents and move away forever, in a beautiful small house on the riverside. When he died however, I was forced to move to Thamesville with my parents. When I brought them the terrible news they were enraged, as they wanted to get away from me, for who I was. Why did I tell them about me, why.
From my first glances of the small town where I now live, I hate it, I despise it, I loathe it from the deepest hatreds in the bottom of my heart, and it loathes me. Except for him. Will I be able to move on, to get away from the memories of my darling that so tightly encompassed me?
Maybe one day, it will work out.
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Maybe one day, it will work out.
The thought wandered through my now fragile mind. Ever since that moment my mind raced. Ever since that moment...
I lay soundless on my bed, observing my room ever so carefully to try and rid my mind of him. It worked to some extent, surprisingly. My small room contained only a few items. My antique bed, some clothes in a messy pile in the corner, mostly consisted of dirty and rugged jeans ripped in the knees. Hanging on the walls everywhere were pictures of me and Roxas. I love these pictures, and whenever I looked at them I would feel the warmth and happiness wrap me up in its embrace, allowing me to sleep through the long dark night. We don't take pictures often though, whenever we want one we have to ask one of the townsfolk to take it for us, and they hardly ever agreed, but gave us a look of disgust in return. When we finally do, we have to drive in our red pick up truck all the way to the city, which takes around two hours to complete, a real pain. Whenever we take one I treasure it as if it was my own life. A soft rapping on my bedroom door averted my eyes from the framed photographs.
"Sora?" the voice said on the other side of the door. Roxas was calling my name.
"Come in," said I , and leaned up to sit upright as Roxas entered briskly. Guilt and apology leaked from his face, and it was obvious what he meant when he flung his arms around me and embraced. All I could do was follow suit, as he began to sob once more. Confused I was. Roxas does have to feel sorry for what he did, I understood how he felt.
Those long moments of sadness finally ended as he began to speak, yet the tears and the sobbing did not cease, growing weaker and weaker. I stopped him from continuing, as I could not understand a word he said, and led him to my bed, arm on his shoulder. I took the end of my shirt and wiped his eyes dry, and after few awkward moments, I finally spoke:
"Roxas," I began, as he looked to me, hair shining from the moonlight peering through my open window, "I do not blame you for anything you told me today. I understand how you feel, Roxas. You just want to protect me.. right? Oh Roxas, please don't cry."
And he finally stopped, and continued to stare at me weakly. My arm never left his shoulder as he sat on my bedside. My shirt was still damp from Roxas' tears.
"I just... feel like a bossy older brother, but now I know how you feel. I'm sorry if you feel that way."
And he made to leave, but my grip on his shoulder tightened on instinct, and held him down.
"Roxas, stop making such horrible assumptions about how I feel. Did I not just say I know about your caring intention?"
But Roxas simply refused to listen to me, and continued to bring himself down. After countless minutes of reassuring, and more embracing, I gave up, and took him to his room. His was the smallest in the house. He gave up the larger room for me. Everything he has done for me was for my benefit, which was why I was so determined to think that he didn't want me to be with him for my benefit, not for himself. I could keep anyone up all night listing all the wonderful things he has done for me. The day I leave him will be the worst day I have lived.
Before I left the room he muttered a simple "I love you." I turned around, beaming, and repeated those exact words. Before I even finished, we was already sounds asleep. He looked so innocent when he slept, and I walked to him and gave him a small peck on the forehead.
Slowly but surely, I stalked off to my own room, and mimicked Roxas' peaceful slumber.
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Darling, why did you die?
The tears continued to pour off my cold cheeks, and onto my damp pillowcase. My mind was locked into place, other thoughts trapped by that one sweet memory of him. I looked around desperately to find something to concentrate on, but it was nigh impossible. I tossed and turned, head throbbing with a migraine, and then I saw it, through the looking glass, and in the distance.
A small forest laying untouched and helpless in the middle of the vast plain of nothing. The trees whipping eerily in the strong wind, and the owls hooted with pride, and glee, something I could not mimic in the present time. Nothing else was very distinguishable as it was meters away from the house. I could not even begin to explain how I felt at the moment when I looked at the forest. I was mesmerized by it, and I had a strange feeling begin to build and take over that sweet memory. I need to go there, tonight.
I removed my feeble self from my uncomfortable bed, and set out for the forest beyond the looking glass. My eyes continued to gaze, awestruck at the distant pile of earth, even though it made it nigh impossible to see considering the wall was blocking my view. I did not make an attempt to be silent as I passed my mother and father's room. Their snores spoke of their wildest dreams, and my steps I took so loudly would have no chance whatsoever of waking them up from their peaceful slumber. As I neared my front door, my hand touched the cold tip of the door handle, giving me a slight but funny shiver that spread from my spine throughout my body in a matter of seconds. I stood there deathly for a few moments, then threw open the door forcefully, slamming against the side of the old house I now lived in. Did I care? Of course not.
The inviting breeze of cool air greeted me out onto the dark street. Near and distant trees cast their thick shadows onto the pavement from the strong moonlight where I walked. Sounds of small insects from the surrounding grass rung in my ears gently as I continued my short pilgrimage across the barren land, to the forest. Lights were out in the distant houses, doors locked and closed, ensuring no one would enter without their permission. Did I care about my home? Of course not.
As my feet touched the border of the forest, I examined it before I entered. The trees were so close together there was not one small ray of moonlight that leaked through to the ground, not one. The hoots of glee from the owls grew were as continuous and strong as they have been when I first looked upon the forest's deep embrace. It was as inviting as a reaper, coming to remove my heart. All the more, this made me want to enter even more than before. Can you blame me?
Finally, after much examining and investigation, I took a step into the forest, and paused for a moment. Then I took another step. Then another, until I finally paced myself to a walk. The grass was extremely long and whenever I took a step forward small insects would spring out of the grass into the air, hitting me in the face and I whipped my hands furiously toward the little creatures. A few of them flew into my mouth and I got a taste of some of them. I really do hate bugs. They get in the way of everything, what's the point of them.
But the bugs suddenly did not begin to bother me anymore, well at that moment nothing did, as my eyes hung heavily in their sockets, fighting back sleep. If only I kept moving, I would stay awake. If only. But it was futile, I needed to sit down, even if I have to sleep in this godforsaken forest, it will be better than my own home at least. And so I did. As I wandered for only a few more moments, I found a soft spot of dirt on the ground. Laid my back on its cold contents, and immediately feel asleep.
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Time for a nice stroll in my forest. Well it was not my forest, it wasn't anyones really. It was just a forest, in the middle of nowhere, so no one owned it. That's why I always liked to take strolls in the forest, alone most of the time. Roxas was always at work and I was stuck in the town all alone, with no one to talk to. Well, maybe I might have something to talk to today.
I yawned loudly and wiped the sleep out of my eyes as I got up and stretched. The sun was already high above the clouds, shining through my open window. It felt good across my body, lulling me to back to my previous sleep. But no, I needed to get up, I can not sleep through the day, I might have a chance of seeing him again.
I got up feebly and threw my night clothes off, and replaced them with hand washed clothes for the upcoming day. I traveled to my bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth, then set out to the forest beyond.
The warmth of the welcoming sun invited me to another "good" day in the small town of Thamesville. Few people were wandering the streets at this hour, most of them cradling their small children or new born. Others holding small bags or packages, carrying them to their home. Unlike yesterday, the sky was full of beautiful clouds, and I could easily distinguish their creations. The truck in our driveway was gone, meaning that Roxas was already gone to work, all the warmth and love going with him to the mill.
So it was then I began to travel to my forest, and it technically was, considering no one needed it or cared for it. The people I passed along the streets showed no sign of welcome or greeting, but made it seem like I was not there. I was used to this behavior from the townsfolk and just ignored it. If they were going to be like that, I did not care, or would ever care.
As I finally neared my destination, I did not hesitate to enter at all, and two seconds after I made the trip, I was already well into the forest, and I could not see the town where I just came from. In the forest, it seemed like it was night all over again, since no sunlight could creep it's way to the forest floor.
So I began to strut lazily through the forest, taking the path I usually took, when I almost tripped over something fairly large laying on the ground in the middle of my path. And to my horror, I was gazing at the very thing I wanted to meet all day.
Him.