Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei

Author's Note: Characters may be out of character. This fanfiction has nothing to do with the manga/anime and will never be related to it. This will be yaoi, which means boy x boy. If you do not like that genre, please do not read. Rated M to be on the safe side.

Warning: Rated M for mature content.

Chapter Three: Doll

His body trembled from his confession. Closing his eyes, he waited to hear Father Tsuzuki's hateful voice, but as the minutes ticked by, he didn't hear a word from the older man. Eyes fluttering open, he turned to look at the priest. Tsuzuki was still sitting on his bed, but he had a smile on his face. Hisoka didn't understand. His confession of murder shouldn't be something to smile about. "Why aren't you...accusing me? Or condemning me?" he asked cautiously.

"Why should I?" Tsuzuki asked with a tiled of his head, "I don't believe you killed anyone. Even if you say so yourself...I don't think you're capable of it."

"Then you are a fool." Hisoka scowled, moving over to the bed across from Tsuzuki.

"Is someone threatening you?"

"No."

"You can tell me. I will protect you."

Hisoka laughed, but it was humorless. He stood abruptly, anger flaring as he glared at Father Tsuzuki. "And how will you protect me? I am not one who deserves it. I have sinned and you as a priest, should condemn me to hell. I don't deserve to live...but my brother...Hijiri, he should have lived. It was my fault. Because I..." Hisoka could not go on talking. The night of his brother's death, he could still see it fresh in his mind. The stench of rusted iron filled the air, invading his nose. He heaved, nearly puking as an image of a raised hand holding a bloodied machete flickered across his mind. He stumbled, but Tsuzuki was quick on his feet, catching him before he fell. He held onto the priest tightly, breathing heavily. Slowly, Father Tsuzuki lowered him onto the bed.

"Are you okay?" Tsuzuki asked gently with concern laced in his voice.

Shaking his head, Hisoka whispered, "I can't go on like this anymore. Please...please, I beg you, free me from his plague!"

"What would you ask of me?"

"Kill me."

Hisoka raised his head, staring straight into Tsuzuki's amethyst's eyes. They were so beautiful like gems winking with every touch of sunlight, enchanting him immediately. Lifting his hands, he caressed the older man's cheeks. "Would you kill me," he asked quietly, "if I begged for it?"

"I can't. I won't kill you," Tsuzuki answered.

"Then this is my punishment. I'll go on living with my brother and Father Mizuki haunting me."

"I'm sure your brother and Father Mizuki will never do that. The way you speak of them, I know you loved them dearly and they loved you too. They would never haunt you."

He gave the father a wry smile, "I wish I could believe that."

"You should sleep," Tsuzuki said as he gently lay him down and pulled away.

Before Father Tsuzuki's hand could leave him, Hisoka grabbed it and held onto it tightly. "Don't leave me," he whispered, almost childishly, "I'm scared. When darkness falls...it brings me monsters in my dreams." His body trembled. He knew it was wrong to ask a Father to stay with him, but he didn't want to be alone. He has been alone for far too long and Tsuzuki's presence, for some odd reason, soothed him. He closed his eyes, a tear staining the corner of his eyes. Suddenly, the bed dipped. His eyes fluttered open again. His green eyes stared into amethyst ones. Father Tsuzuki's eyes were only filled with concern and kindness. There was not a hint of hate or condemnation. Sighing contently, Hisoka closed his eyes again, letting the shadows of the abyss take him into a slumber.

When morning came, he expected Father Tsuzuki to be gone. However, the warmth beside him told a different story. Hisoka blinked groggily, but woke up immediately at the sight of the priest sleeping beside him. Quietly, he sat up. Father Tsuzuki was sleeping with his body slightly bent. He most likely fell asleep while holding his hand, which was still firmly grasped. He tugged his hands away, but Tsuzuki only tightened his hold. Hisoka frowned, yet he didn't find it annoying. It was actually cute. A small smile flickered across his lips, but quickly disappeared. Slowly, he reached his free hand over and brushed away brown locks of hair from the Father's face. Sunlight poured through the colorful stained glass window, displaying them across Tsuzuki's features. Cream colored skin was painted in a kaleidoscopic hue. Long, black eyelashes brushed against his unblemished cheeks. His lips parted slightly as he breathed evenly. Hisoka couldn't help, but run his fingertips gently over high cheekbones, to a perfectly, straight-edge nose, down to soft lips where hot breaths brushed against his palm. He them across, gasping slightly as a pink tongue darted out to lick away whatever that was tickling his lips. Hisoka bit his lower lip from laughing. He had pulled his hand away, but he reached back again and continued his tracing. The tips of his fingers drew across a smooth jaw line and then traced a line down to the Father's neck where he felt the steady pulse of the other man. He gulped slowly, staring at the pale neck. He leaned in closer, not even sure what he was doing when the door to his room burst open. Hisoka quickly drew back just as Father Tsuzuki sat up abruptly. He was still groggy with sleep and was mumbling as he whipped his around confusedly. Hisoka looked away from the priest toward the door where Abbot Gerald now stood, fuming in anger. He swallowed in fear. He knew what the sight might have looked like. A student and a Father in the same room and not only that, but Tsuzuki had spent the night, slept in his bed and now they were found together in the same bed. He tried to speak, but no words would come out. The only thing that kept going through his head were the words homosexual, fag, queer...sinner. He made a mistake asking Father Tsuzuki to stay. He actually didn't think the man would stay, but now the Father would get in trouble because of him.

"Father Tsuzuki!" Abbot Gerald's voice boomed inside the tiny dorm room, "You barely started and you're already causing a mess! A Father in a student's room?! No less, a boy! A minor..."

The abbot's voice hissed in cruel disgust. He eyed Hisoka in contempt before bringing his scalding eyes to a quivering Tsuzuki. Hisoka thought the man looked a little like a puppy. He had to bite back a laugh at the thought or the abbot would have gotten angrier. Tsuzuki stood and twisted his hands, fiddling them constantly as he tried to explain.

"Abbot Gerald...I can explain," he said.

"And you better have a good explanation or I will have you thrown out for improper conduct...an act of sin!" Abbot Gerald yelled accusingly.

"It isn't really what it looks like," Father Tsuzuki said, "I really just slept. I didn't mean to, but Hisoka missed out on the nightly sermon yesterday and as Father and a teacher, I was worried. I came to check up on him and he wasn't feeling well. I stayed the night to keep watch over him, but as you can see, I fell asleep by accident."

Hisoka's eyes widen at Tsuzuki's lie. Suddenly, the abbot turned his attention to him. He quickly averted his gaze. Silence consumed the room until all he could hear were their breathings. Hisoka shifted in the bed and then brought his gaze back up.

"Is that true, Kurosaki?" Abbot Gerald asked with a raised brow.

"Ye-yes. I wasn't feeling well and Father Tsuzuki came to check up on me. I apologize. I shouldn't have let him stay with me," Hisoka said quietly, almost a whisper.

The abbot scrutinize his glare on him, but eventually the abbot gave up. Whether he believed their lie or not, he didn't know. The two of them were told they had missed the morning sermon. Hisoka was to go to class if he felt better and Tsuzuki had to go to the abbot's office. Although his actions were meant to be kind, it was still wrong for him to have stayed the night. Hisoka just knew Tsuzuki was going to get a long lecture. As Abbot Gerald left the room, Tsuzuki turned toward and sighed sadly. Hisoka smiled and noticed that Tsuzuki had caught it. He quickly wipe it, but the Father had already seen it and now he was smiling. Rolling his eyes, he shooed the priest away as he got up to get ready for class. However, before Father Tsuzuki could leave, Hisoka stopped him. Tsuzuki turned around and tilted his head questioningly. He fiddled with his fingers as he struggled to find words. Finally, he said quietly, "Thank...you. For yesterday...I...last night was the best I had ever slept since my brother's, Hijiri's, death."

"No need," Father Tsuzuki said gently, "I am here to help my students." Smiling, he turned around and left, closing the door with a quiet thud,

Alone, Hisoka's mind wandered back to what he did when he had woken up. He was lucky Father Tsuzuki had not awaken. If he did, he wondered what the Father would have thought. Even he had no idea why he had done what he did. Shaking his head, he returned to getting ready for class.

Throughout the day, voices whispered behind his back or every time he passed by other students. Other sneered and stared in disgust. He knew word would have traveled about what happened between him and Father Tsuzuki. Some of the boys even had the nerve call him a fagot out loud or told him he should leave the school for sinning. He ignored them all, minding his own business. After all, he knew the truth and so did Father Tsuzuki. There was no need to take their words to heart. They were all arrogant brats anyway.

When the time came for his last class, he was hoping to see Father Tsuzuki, but he was not there. In his place was Father Muraki. Their eyes locked and he shivered at the sight of cold, silver eyes. He quickly turned away, making his way to his desk, but he could feel Muraki's eyes on him. Hisoka bit his lower lip, keeping his gaze averted. He did not want to look the silver haired man in the eyes. He was afraid. As he opened his bible, something fell out. Blinking, he glanced to the floor. The flower, now nearly faded from color, dead, and practically mushed stared back at him. He leaned over to pick it up, but noticed his hands trembled. He quickly grabbed the flower, wincing as a thorn pricked his index finger. The flower dropped back to the floor as he stared at the blood pooling out from his skin. Again, he reached for the flower and stuck it back in the bible before sucking on his finger. The iron, metallic taste of blood filled his mouth immediately. He nearly gagged. And then he could feel eyes on him once more. Slowly, he lifted his eyes. Father Muraki was staring at him intently. Or rather, Father Muraki's gaze was set on the index finger inside his mouth. Hisoka removed his finger, pulling it out as quickly as he could, but saliva had dribbled and a trail of it connected between his lips and finger. Clenching his teeth together, he shoved his hand down to his laps and wiped off the excess saliva before looking away again.

Father Muraki cleared his throat and started class. "Let us first begin with Genesis. Turn to chapter nineteen...the story of Sodom."

Hisoka tensed. He whipped his head up, glaring at the Father standing in front of the class, but Muraki merely smiled as if taunting him. He continued with the lesson and every time the word homosexual or sodomite popped up, Hisoka squirmed in his seat. He knew Father Muraki was doing this on purpose and the students did as well because every time Father Muraki emphasized the word sodomite, the students would ever-so-indiscreetly glance at him and then snicker. By the time class was nearly over, Hisoka was seething in anger, hate, embarrassment, and self-loathing. As if talking about how sinful homosexuality wasn't enough, Father Muraki shed the spotlight on him with one question.

"Now, Kurosaki, why don't you tell us what Leviticus, chapter eighteen, verse twenty-two says?" he asked.

Hisoka glared at Father Muraki as he stood. He answered through clenched teeth, "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female. It is an abomination."

Once he finished answering, the class ended. He waited until everyone was gone and all who was left inside the classroom was him and Father Muraki. He packed his items, stuffing them into his bag. Swinging it over his shoulder, he moved to leave, but Father Muraki was now standing in front of him and blocking his way. He tried to step around him, but the priest stayed in the way. Hisoka was on the edge now. He wanted to yell at the man standing in front of him. He had no right to humiliate him in front of the class like he did. Hisoka lifted his hand unconsciously and tried to slap the Father, but his hand was easily caught. A large hand wrapped around his tiny effortlessly. He stepped back, pulling his hand, but Muraki kept a good hold on it. Suddenly, he was afraid. He feared what Muraki could do to him. He began to shiver, tugging his hand fervently. "Let. Me. Go," Hisoka hissed.

"Now, now Hisoka, I'm not going to hurt you," Father Muraki said with a placating tone.

"Well, you're hurting me right now," Hisoka said, wincing as the grasp on his wrist tightened, "Let go."

"It would be a pity if Father Tsuzuki ended up like Father Mizuki and Hijiri."

Hisoka stopped struggling. He turned his fearful eyes upward to Muraki, shaking his head. "No, please don't. He didn't...we didn't do anything. He jus-he just fell asleep in my room."

"That's good. I have taken quite the liking to Father Tsuzuki and since my little doll is broken, I thought maybe I might find a new one."

"No! Please don't hurt Father Tsuzuki. He is a good man. Not like...not like Father Mizuki."

"Or Hijiri."

"Hijiri wasn't bad!"

"Then I wonder why he was punished."

"He...he was just..." Hisoka fumbled with his words. Sucking in a breath, he pried his wrist free. Standing up straighter, he stared Father Muraki in the eyes. Although he was afraid, he would not show it. "What do you ask of me, Father Muraki?"

Father Muraki smiled slowly, letting a menacing expression fall over his face, giving him a maniac look. "Has my doll decided to be a good boy again?"

"Your doll has always been good," Hisoka replied with a firm tone.

"Of course he has..." Muraki ran the tip of his index finger down Hisoka's cheek, smiling when he trembled. "Good, good. Come to my room tonight."

It wasn't a question, but rather a demand. Hisoka knew all too well. He shuddered. Even though he wanted to refuse, he didn't want Father Tsuzuki to be this man's prey. He rather put himself in that place. Nodding his head silently, he agreed. Father Muraki stepped away, allowing him to leave, but of course he was never able to leave. Muraki had a firm hold on him, shackling him down to the darkness. Walking pass the priest, he kept his eyes lowered and left the classroom in silence.

It was a few minutes before curfew. Hisoka sat on the pew in the church with his head lowered and his hands folded together. He bit back sobs. God, what I have done? The thought made him laugh to himself. His body shook as he laughed quietly, but then he burst out into a maniac laugh. Throwing his head back, he immediately stopped laughing and stared up at the cross of Jesus. "Sold myself to the devil, that's what," he answered his own question. He slumped into the seat, bringing his hands over his face to cover it. He bit back another sob. He wasn't pure or innocent. Not anymore. Not ever since Hijiri's death.

"It's almost curfew, shouldn't you be getting to bed," a familiar voice said right beside him.

Hisoka jumped in surprise. He swiveled over and looked over to his right. Father Tsuzuki was sitting next to him with a smile like usual. The man always had a way of sneaking up on him. Hisoka glanced away. He didn't want Father Tsuzuki to see how dirty he was. He wrapped his arms around himself and shrugged. "I'll go eventually," he mumbled.

"Praying?" Tsuzuki inquired.

"Sort of."

"Something is bothering you again. You can tell me, you know."

"..." Hisoka stared at the altar and then slowly turned to Father Tsuzuki. "You shouldn't come near me." he stood and pushed pass the man. As he turned toward the door, a hand wrapped around his arm, tugging him around. Hisoka whirled, surprised to see Tsuzuki frowning, but concern filled his beautiful eyes.

"I won't force you to tell me what's wrong, but always know that I am here to listen. You can tell me anything and I will help you. I promise," he said.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep," Hisoka said as he pulled his arm free. Before Tsuzuki could say anymore, he ran out of the church. He wanted to tell Father Tsuzuki everything, but then what would he think afterward? Everyone else hated him, used him, and ignored him. Tsuzuki had been the first for a long time since anyone started paying attention to him. As much as he wanted to deny his feelings, he craved the attention. There was no look of judgment in the Father's eyes. Only kindness and concern. He wanted to be looked at more with those eyes...those beautiful amethyst eyes like rare gems. Shoving the thoughts away, he made his way to Father Muraki's room. There was no more room to think about such silly thoughts. Eventually, Father Tsuzuki would come to hate him too. Inhaling, he breathing out slowly and raised his hand to knock on the wooden door.

Twice he knocked. The door opened, revealing Father Muraki dressed in only a robe. He stepped aside to let Hisoka in. Taking a quick glance around the hall, noting there was no one in sight, he shuffled inside. Muraki walked around him, touching his shoulder gently before slipping the white robe off. Muraki was naked and as he turned, Hisoka saw the erect cock. Bringing his gaze upward, he looked the Father in the eyes. Father Muraki was well toned with muscles. If Hisoka hadn't known the secrets that body held, he would have stared upon his body in awe. But he knew too much.

Keeping his eyes on the older man, Hisoka stripped, starting first with his shirt and then his pants, followed by his underwear. Stepping out of them, he slipped off his shoes and socks as well. A hand held out to him and he stared at it for a long time. Taking another breath, he grabbed the hand and let himself be pulled into the cold darkness.