The Fire Within Chapter 20 Severus POV
Hey everyone here's Chapter 20. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading and reviewing and adding this story to favorite/alert lists. I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You guys rule! Please Review. I would love to hear from you.
This will be boyxboy if you don't like don't read.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter that would go to J.K. Rowling.
Severus slumped in chair, not sure what just happened. Did Harry just break up with him? It certainly felt like that even though they weren't technically going out. He was numb. There was no feeling in his body. This morning when Harry asked him if he wanted to go beyond friendship he should have known something like this might happen. The question threw him for a loop. Before he knew what he was doing he was kicking Harry out of his bed and Harry was leaving. He thought Harry was a little miffed at him, nothing that a little time apart couldn't solve. He judged that wrong. He honestly thought they would be fine. They crossed that line between friendship and something more last night and this morning. Perhaps it was too many times.
Severus's thoughts were all muddled. What in Merlin's name was he supposed to do now? He put his arms on his desk, steepled his fingers, and leaned his forehead against his fingers. His head was starting to hurt. I'll try seeing it from Harry's point of view.
Severus went back to all the times that led them to this moment. From a young man's point of view it might seem like Severus was yanking him around. Although the same could be said about Harry. He didn't think he would've called off the relationship. That's what Harry wants. A solid relationship not one that kept bouncing between that thin line. Severus wanted that too. Harry's future came first.
But he wants me to be his future.
By the time that bit of information hit him it was time to start his classes for the day. Severus let his mind be swamped with the task of teaching students that had no future with dealing with potions. His whole body ached by the time he go to his quarters. What a long day!
He flopped down on the couch, limbs sprawled to his sides. He didn't have much time to think about what happened. Thank Merlin. Now the repercussions were starting to hit. Harry was gone. Unless Severus declared them boyfriends or whatever people wanted to call them Harry was just going to back to being his student. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. His love for Lily was shared with her from afar. Severus scrubbed his hands down his face, hands freezing on his cheeks. Oh, no. He was in love Harry Potter.
That stilled all the movement from the crackling of the fire to the beating of his heart. He was in deep. Too deep. How had he not seen where this was leading? It was possible that he loved Harry more than he ever loved Lily. He actually tried to pursue something with Harry where as with Lily he tended to keep their relationship in the friendship zone, never striving to go further even when he loved her so much. It was too bad for him. Severus was putting Harry first and that meant keep his distance. He was a fool to think that they could be friends. Neither of them could keep from touching each other for long. Even now Severus yearned to feel Harry flushed against him again. This morning was like waking from a wonderful dream. If Harry hadn't said anything who knows what might've happened.
Severus was a little angry at Harry for up and deciding what was best for them. The boy could never come to him with anything. Always so impulsive. What was done was done. He wouldn't pursue anymore interaction with Harry from this point on. He wouldn't out right ignore him, but he wouldn't pick on him as much either. Another faceless student who was awful at potions. He snorted, not his brightest idea. He had nothing else to work with at the moment. It was going to have to do.
"Master would you like Bella to bring you something for dinner?" Bella popped in front of Severus scaring the daylights out of him. Severus slapped a hand against his chest over his heart. It pounded under his hand. Normally he was more attuned to when Bella was in his rooms. Apparently this whole ordeal with Harry was affecting more than he suspected. He looked at the tiny elf. She cocked her head to the side awaiting his answer.
He cleared his throat. He nodded. "Yes, I'll take dinner him my rooms tonight. Thank you Bella."
"No thanks are needed for Bella, but you are welcome Master. Bella will bring to you dinner in a few moments." Bella was gone in a blink of an eye.
Severus decided he couldn't be left alone with his thoughts a moment longer. He grabbed a book from his rooms and settled on the couch where his food was waiting for him, piping hot. Bella was gone from his rooms by the time he got back with his book. He ate while he read his book. It filled his mind with something other than Harry to think about for which he was most grateful. He never imagined he'd be having relationship problems at his age especially when they were fit for teenagers. He never had this much trouble before then again he never really cared for any people other than Lily or Harry. Severus finished up his meal and took his book to bed with him. It suddenly felt rather empty without a warm body curled against his to keep him warm. He fell asleep cold and empty. A feeling he was never aware of till now. His chest ached and his stomach cramped up at seeing Harry in the morning. No matter what he'd put on his mask of indifference on move on as best as he could. Harry deserved better than him. All he had to do was take it one day a time. His love for Harry would probably remain with him, but Harry wouldn't and that'd ease the burden. He just had to make it to the end of the year. Not so bad. Except it was.
Severus woke up feeling groggy and he was running late. Something that never happened. He found a tray of food and his robes laid out for him. He silently thanked Bella and her thoughtfulness. He ate as he dressed going as quickly as he could. He managed to wash his face and brush his teeth, but that was all he could manage with the time restraint. He briskly walked to his classroom. All his students were lined up waiting for him. A pair of luminous emerald eyes followed his every move, he distinctly ignored them. Throughout the class Harry's eyes never left him. By the time the class was over Severus was exhausted. He didn't know how he was going to keep away from Harry ever since the revealing of his feelings he was more drawn to the boy than ever. He kept his body rigid. He would not give in. It was best for both of them. His resolved crumbled when Harry called out to him.
"Severus," Harry was in the doorway. Biting his bottom lip, something Severus thought he'd like to do. He stayed rooted to the spot, staring at Harry through narrowed eyes, waiting for him to continue. His heart raced as Harry took a step forward, stopped turned around and ran. What in Merlin's name was that about? Severus couldn't figure it out, but hoped to encounter Harry later to find out.