CHAPTER 4: A MISTAKE I lay hidden in the lush green grass hidden from sight unless you're just really looking to find me. My eyes, a terrible gleaming red. Swollen from the three days crying I did. That night was so perfect. I felt like my body was being wired by light and magic and then the darkness came and it all fell apart. I can't forget how he spit out in such a hateful disturbed tone, "That was a mistake. But a mistake I'll never make again." Just thinking about it is enough to bring new overwhelming tears to my eyes. They build up quickly and spill from my eyes streaming down my cheeks as I replay that night in my head. Natsu's tongue was in my mouth curling around my tongue as tightly as it could. Pulling me deeper. I was groaning into his mouth and that's when I felt it. My shaft erect and poking out, reveling itself to Natsu. But then I felt him. His erection, clear as day poking into mine. This small gesture made me tip my head back and cry out. That's when his body froze and he quickly let go of me. His warmth leaving my body as he pulled away and the moment was forever gone. Like the way the wind swallowed our sounds of our laughter and carried it off to be crushed with others. My heart was hammering in my chest. The sound of a bum beating throughout my entire body. If I hadn't been forcing myself to listen I might not have heard him. "…This was a mistake…" Natsu quickly got up, his eyes never meeting mine, nor even looking at me. I managed to croak out a confused "…What?" Natsu was already walking away. Away from me and all the possibly. He didn't yell the next part but it almost felt like he was yelling it into my very soul. It was hateful and cruel when it came out though and it shattered the very essence of my being and soul. "That… was a mistake. But a mistake I'll never make again…" I was sobbing now. Trying desperately to understand why it hurt to love someone so much. Why it had to be so hard. Why it had to be so impossible for Natsu to love me. I hadn't seen him in three days. He had been avoiding me. Sending other people to tell me he was "too busy" to talk to me at the moment. But deep done I knew he was actually disgusted by me. It felt like I laid there for hours crying. And truth is told, I think I really did. It's amazing how you can be so caught up inside yourself that everything else blurs together and speeds ahead. Eventually the tears stopped. My eyes were swollen and beaming red. They stung lightly when I blinked but I welcomed this small amount of pain. I managed to chuckle softly to myself thinking "Are you really a masochist now?" my lungs drew in a nice deep breath before I let it all out. "Alright Gray. You've cried for three days. Enough is enough. Shake the dust off your ass and get up." After my little peep speech; I got up. I felt better and didn't feel so weighed down by the rejection and hurt. "You can't have him the way you wanted, but so what? Wouldn't you rather have him as a friend; then nothing at all?" I pondered this silently over and over to myself before I reached the only good conclusion there was. Natsu was my friend. My best friend and even if I want more, I just have to except that that is all he'll ever be. For the first time my heart felt lighter and the slow walk home was much easier this time.