Hey guys! I feel bad for not updating for like 9 months, so, to make up for it I'm posting this chapter. VERY IMPORTANT TO THE STORY! Make sure that you pay attention to this chapter, because ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^! Happy belated New Year, BTW! And Valentine's Day! And St. Patrick's Day! And, also, happy S/M/T/W/T/F/S, whichever day it is or you. Now, Stella has things to talk about and to show you, haha...
"We can build a family together, Stella. Our dream come true.¨ Brandon told me as he held my hands, his face just inches from mine.
¨But we can't, Brandon. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever!" I felt that overwhelming sadness envelope me as my eyes became moist. ¨You abandoned us! You abandoned ourdaughter and I when we needed you the most! You can't just pop back into our own little world after seven friggin' years! That is not how this works!¨
¨La-La,"He used the special nickname he had given me,"We can work past this, we can. I want to be able to say, before I die, that I had a very great life with my wife and child Heck, even children! God, Stella! I want to be able to say I had a happy marriage with you, and an even greater relationship with our kids! I love you Stella! Something like that doesn't just disappear overnight.¨ I could see every emotion Brandon was feeling as I stared into his chocolate brown eyes. Anger, frustration, want, and love. Pure, strong love. And all of it was just for me.
But that didn't make the pain go away. It didn't lessen the pain. It just made it a thousand times worse, knowing that he wanted to be with me, but that we just couldn't' be together.
"Well, it can definitely disappear during seven years! I'm sorry, Brandon, I really am. I'm sorry you won't be able to say that we had a good life with our children. I'm sorry you won't be able to say that we had a wonderful relationship. And, most of all, I'm sorry that you ruined it for us!¨ I cried. "We just can't be together. And I'm sorry for that, I truly am. I used to love you, but you destroyed it the day you left me for Mitzi. We can't do this. I can't do this!"
"But you can do this. We can do this," Brandon leaned down and kissed me. Hard. I could feel the love radiating off of him. The passion, the anger, the frustration and, most importantly, the want. Everything
But I still kissed him back.
I loved every moment of it.
XoX ~~~LIAJ~~~XoX
"No! No! No! No! No! No!" I screamed, my eyes popping wide open, only to be faced with almost-hazel eyes
My eyes.
It had been almost 2 months since I had arrived at Flora's house the night I found my baby with Charlie, my half, 27 year-old, stalkerish, possibly gay brother, also known as Sunny's uncle. She had let us stay with her, saying that "I'm not a true best friend for life and mother sister with you unless I'm there in your time of need!" I never questioned her little heartfelt speech, but I still suspect that had been the hormones talking. Nonetheless, she had been letting us stay with her for the past month and 3 weeks without complaint, so I shouldn't really be talking.
"Mommy, why are we still at Aunt Flora's house?" Sunny asked, staring me with questioning eyes and ignoring the fact that I had unconsciously screamed in her face while I was asleep. "We have been here for forever! I wanna go home soon!"
My daughter. Forever a drama queen! I seriously wonder who she got that from.
"Well, it...um...was...uh," I stumbled over my words, trying to find a good enough explanation for my seven year-old kid. ¨We'll be here only until a few weeks after your little baby cousin boy or girl is born, OK, Baby?"
"OK. I love you!" she grinned at me, and then gave me a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek. "I want pancakes!"
"OK, Sunny, we'll stop at McDonald's on our way...to the mall," I smiled at my daughter, trying hide the wince as I said 'home.' "I love you, too"
"Yay! Mommy, can you come with me to play with Aunty Flo's baby belly?" She gave me a giddy giggle, showcasing her 2 front gaps-the remnants of the teeth that used to stay there.
Speaking of Aunty Flo's..., I thought, as I felt the nausea roll through me, and the sudden urge to cry about Flora being pregnant, and the fact that if I ever became pregnant again with somebody's kid, I'll be all fat and bloated like Flora. Ugh, I probably bled through my pants. I'm just gonna grab a tamp. from Flora, and some yoga pants. And some underwear. I'll probably need a shirt, too...You know what, I'm just gonna ask her if I could just borrow some clothes from her pre-preggo days.
"Mommy isn't feeling well right now. How about you go ask Aunty Flo if Mommy can borrow some clothes, and if she ask why, I want you to tell her that my Aunty Flo is here, and came for a visit." I pasted on a smile for Sunny as her face contorted into one full of confusion.
"You have an Aunty Flo, too? Where is she? Can I meet her? Is her name really 'Flo,' or is it a nickname like it is for my Aunty Flo? How old is she? Is she pretty? Does she have pretty clothes?" Sunny paused to suck in some air, and then continued, "Does she have any kids mine and Aqua's age? Are they boys or girls? Oooohhhhhh! Does she have a husband? Do her children have a Daddy like Daisy, and Aqua, and Ophir, and Aunty Flora's baby belly do? Is their Daddy really, really nice, like Uncle Nabby, and Uncle Helia, and Uncle Timmy? I hope he isn't mean like Uncle Meany Rivvy Pants, because then I wouldn't to see their Daddy anymore. Is my Daddy like Uncle Rivvy? Because then I don't wanna have a Daddy no more!"
I should probably just say that my period is my Aunty Flo, but I honestly don't want to really have that convo. with her at this age. I'm just gonna remind her about what I said concerning the 'Daddy Questions,' and refrain myself from whooping her butt. I think we can all agree that she's been through a lot in the past 2 months. She hasn't been home not once since almost 2 months ago because of that night, and I don't think I need to add in a couple spankings.
"My Aunty Flo has alot of children," More like every single woman on Earth, "But she isn't married, and the kids are like you, they haven't met their Daddies. Your Daddy was a very nice...guy, and the only time he was like Uncle Rivvy is when we broke up." I forced back the sudden tears that popped up behind my eyes, and ignored the stinging it brought on. "Ah, and... Don't talk about your uncle that way!"
"Okie-dokie...When can we get the pancakes from McDonald's again?" She quickly abandoned the topic, her 7 year old mind going back to the subject of food. I swear, she eats more than a guy than the guys I actually know do!
"You have to go to your Aunt first, Sweetie," I tapped her nose, and offered a soft smile.
"Be right back, Mommy!" She dashed out of the room, towards wherever Flora was, and I smiled after her.
I got up from the bed, which had a gold and red 'theme,' which wasn't really all that bad...It just didn't exactly go with the rest of the décor in the guest room.
The guest room was full of purple and yellow, which did look hideous, because the purple was an ugly shade of plum, and the yellow almost burned my eyes. Just because I'm the princess of Solaria doesn't mean that I'm immune to the brightest of yellows, and looking having the ability to not look into the sun when it started to hurt my eyes.
The 2 of the walls were plum purple, with honey-bee yellow stripes on it, and then the other 2 walls were the opposite of the last 2 walls, being honey-bee yellow, and having plum-purple color for stripes. The dresser was sort of an off white-ivory, if you will, and the carpet was an ivory kind of color, too.
I started the shower in the adjoined bathroom, adjusting it to hot, and got undressed. When I was down to my bra and underwear, I moved away from the double-sink mirrors, and towards the full body length one hanging behind the bathroom portion of the door.
I took in the wrinkles in my forehead, the way my cheeks sunk in a bit, and how dull my eyes seemed, compared to seven years ago. I took in my smudged, old make-up from when I had gone clubbing. I took in the way my mouth was shaped into a sad, worried, heart-broken frown that only turned into a smile when my Little Sunshine was near, safe, and knew she was loved.
It seemed unbelievable that I had broken up my friendship with my best friend of oh-so-many years over Brandon It seemed like it was eons ago I was flirting with Brandon, and taking shots like I hadn't a care in the world. It also seemed unbelievable that that was only 1 month and 3 weeks ago.
Almost 2 months.
You wanna know something else? It seemed unsettling to know that in my drunken stupor, I had slept with my ex-boyfriend, my baby's daddy, the love of my life. It had seemed that the love of my life, who had broken me seven years ago on the day I found out about my Little Sunshine, had thought I was the love of his life, once upon a time. But, boy was I wrong.
It seemed like I had "seemed" a lot of things, lately.
It seemed like I had a lot of problems because of it. Mostly revolving around Brandon.
And now, it seems that it's time for me to do something about these problems.
The first thing to do is to confront Brandon.
Da-yuminkers! That is gonna be hard
I removed my bra and panties, and them stepped into the shower, letting the hot water ease my tense, sore muscles. I decided that, at least for the next couple of days, I'd not worry about Brandon, or the fact that I slept with him willingly after no contact for seven years. Then again, I had been drunk when I slept with him, but it was willingly, and willingly is still willingly, even when you're drunk.
Wish it wasn't, though. Then I could've told people he forced himself onto me, and I'd be rid of him forever, as my daughter would've have said. I don't think she would've agreed to why I was using 'forever' though.
After just standing in the shower for a good 10 minutes, enjoying the steam that had encased me, and the wonderful feeling it brought on to my lower back, neck, and shoulders, crying a bit as I let out all my frustrations through the tear ducts in my eyes, I realized that Sunny, or Flora, was probably waiting outside to give me the clothes and a tampon. I washed up rather quickly then, and was out of the shower practically 5 minutes later.
My body instantly developed goose bumps from the cool air the vent so happily provided me. I had stupidly, accidentally turned on the vent when I'd entered the bathroom, and had forgotten to turn off before I stepped into the shower. I grabbed the plum colored bath towel that I had gotten from the personal linens closet every room had, and wrapped it around the body, trying to keep out the artificial cool air as much as I could.
When I walked out of the bathroom, I was faced with an annoyed looking Flora sitting on my bed, my clothes laying next to her with the tampon all the way on top.
"What the fu-fickle-pickles took you so long?" Flora used her special "pregnant woman" glare on me, the one I had only ever seen used on Helia when he commented things she didn't want to particularly hear, and then looked a bit sheepish when she realized she had almost used the "f word" in a house with impressionable children, and a baby that could hear what she was saying in her stomach.
"Uh, I had cramps? And, I wanted to let the water ease them?" I lied, my voice squeaking ,and I shielded my face with my arms, ready for the verbal showdown to come my way.
"Oh! OK. That is one thing I definitely don't miss! Sucks to be you!" She sang, a merry grin on her face.
I got all angry. What did she mean "sucks to be you?" What, did she hate me all of a sudden?
"What do you mean, "sucks to be you?" Are you mocking me?" I got sad all of a sudden, and burst out crying. "How could you mock me? W-why? I'm s-sorry!"
Flora stared at me as if I had 2 heads, and then started laughing her pregnant behind off. The nerve!
"I-I'm sorry for...for laughing at you, St-Stella!" She said, in-between her giggles. "OK, I'll st-stop now."
She laughed for a couple more seconds, breathed deeply, and then looked at the floor. She was trying to hide her little grin, but I saw it anyway.
I wailed louder, my hands covering my face, tears dripping between the spaces that separated each of my fingers.
I felt arms wrap around my body, and felt a rather large belly pressing into my stomach. "I'm s-so so s-s-sorry! I didn't mean anything by it! Please, p-please forgive m-me?"
And then, there were 2 women crying over nothing in the middle of the guest room.
I was one of them. And, well, the other kinda, maybe, quite possibly, most definitely went into labor.
As in, labor.
The 'Pregnant lady is gonna be in excruciating pain to have a baby, and will have to wait for 37 hours until it pops out and is gonna be killing the baby daddy while waiting for said baby to pop out,' kind-of labor.
Cruddy-duddy.
"Oh-oh my God! Flora tell me that that was just some pee that just went down my leg!" I gave her a pleading look. She could not be going into mother-frogging labor right now! I swear to God...
I got a bone crushing hug in response, and when I saw Flora's face filled with happiness and love, I said, "So, you're not in labor?"
"Go get Helia, and grab the hospital bag. This might take a while, so I want you to take care of the girls, and not to worry, because everything will be fine. I mean, what am I talking about? You've done this before, yourself! You already know what'll happen." She shot me a happy, joy filled smile. It didn't have an ounce of pain.
"Shouldn't you be crying in agony right now? If my memory is correct, I ready to punch about anything, and/or anybody when I was in labor." I said questioningly. Looking mystified, gave a Flora a once over, and a "WTF" look.
"I took birthing classes, and made sure to remember everything I could about staying calm to minimize the pain so that it's only faint cramps. Trust me, Stella," Flora gritted her teeth, and muttered a string of curses. "I want to curse you out so badly, and then give Helia a bi—B-word slap reallly good. Then I wanna castrate him, cut of his lips, and then kill him for the rest of eternity. Then, I'll get some pain meds. to stop all of this pain my little Ashleigh-Rose, or Declan Micheal is causing me. And after all of that is done, I'll give birth to my little baby!"
Flora smiled at me, and them told me to get "Helia's scrawny little tush in here before she does it for him, and ends ups doing everything that the little plan she told me about entails. But in way more detail."
After I had made it downstairs, still clad in only my borrowed towel, and some fuzzy socks, I went to the kitchen. I could smell the bacon, and cheesy eggs all the way from my temporary room, a.k.a. the guest room, so that's probably where Helia was.
Helia, very surprisingly, is a way, way, way, better cook than Flora. Mattor-of-fact, Flora can't even cook! She can sew, crotchet, knit, clean, and sing like nobody's business, but she can't cook. I, in my honest opinion, find that very amusingly hilarious!
"Helia! Helia, Flora's in labor, and she's says to get your butt upstairs, and to grab the hospital bag, and to drive her to the hospital before she does some very, very bad things to you and your face and-and your," I took a deep breath, and shuddered. "Man junk! Hurry up and get her to the hospital!"
"Oh SHI-SHNITZELS! You aren't serious, are you? Oh God, I thought you were serious!" He was hysterically laughing. I slapped him, 'cause the mother-frogging idiot couldn't have been more wrong. Who in their damaged mind jokes about this stuff?
"She actually is in labor, you jerk-face-idiot-butt-hole, so get your, as Flora said, "scrawny little tush" upstairs, and to the hospital before she gives birth on the guest bed!"
"Oh my..." Helia dropped the plate he'd been holding, and, looking ashen, rushed up the stairs to his wife. I heard him scream, "BABY! Oh my God, THE BABY'S COMING. FLORA, DON'T MOVE, I'M COMING! THE BABY'S COMING, FLORA! OH MY GOD!"
I muttered to myself bitterly, "She knows the baby is coming, stupid idiot. She's the one giving birth!" I wasn't really bitter or angry at him, I was jealous. Flora had someone who cared about her, and loved her, and is gonna be there for the birth of her baby.
When I was in labor, I had nothing but that sympathetic nurse holding my hand. Nurse...Tammy? Tameka? Tracy? It had a 't' in there-somewhere, I know that. But, back to the point. I shouldn't even know that her name had a 't' in it. She shouldn't have even been there!
Brandon should have been the one holding my hand. He should have been there, showering me with kisses, lying and telling me everything "would be fine, and that I wouldn't feel any pain," and loving me. I should have been choking the life out his hand, and screaming that "he would never get under my pants, dress, or skirt EVER again, and shouldn't even be thinking about my panties," even though I didn't mean it, and thanking him for giving me something that was exclusively ours: Sunshine Lillian Solaria-Green.
Even he didn't want her, or rather, know about her, she stilled deserved to have his last name. I don't want my failed relationships to impact her more than they already do, especially the one with her father. Just because I didn't want him anymore, well, he didn't want me, didn't mean Sunny has the right to at least have his name. I only hyphenated it because I think doesn't deserve his daughter having his last name.
My daughter broke me out of my thoughts, running into the kitchen, and screaming, "Mommy! MOMMY! Why is Aunt Flo telling Uncle Helia bad, bad words? She keeps on saying the f-word, and that he is a man-whore, and that he just had to get his little b-word pregnant. She screamed at him that he doesn't love her anymore, and that when the baby is born, she's going to 'phenate the last name because he "doesn't deserve to have just his last name on the 'tificate." She looked up at me, her big hazel orbs filled with guilt and sadness. "Are they gonna not be married no more because of me? I didn't mean it! I promise I didn't mean it, Mommy!"
A tear slipped out of one of her eyes, then another, and another, before she was full-on sobbing. I wanted to tell her to shut up because she was giving me a head-ache, but my 'Mommy Instincts' kicked in, and I asked her, instead, "Baby, what are you talking about? What didn't you mean?"
I pulled her into my lap, and rocked her back and forth as I had done months earlier, when she came home with a 'boo-boo' on her knee.
I could hear Sunny crying as she came tumbling into the house. She had fallen outside in the backyard, and came inside immediately
"Sunshine, are you okay?" I knelt down to her level, and started to inspect her. She had been wearing Capri shorts, and a bright yellow tank top that said "I Am The Light of Your World" with an animated sun next to it. Honestly, after Bloom had bought it for her, I had hated because it was basically mocking my baby's name, with the whole 'animated sun' thing, and her name being Sunshine. That tends to irritate me, but after seeing Sunny wear it so much, it had grown on me. The shorts were ripped slightly, and the shirt had dirt and grime covering it.
It was where the shorts had ripped that I found the cause of my little girl's pain. The cut wasn't that big, but it was skinned badly, and little bits of dirt, and small pebbles and stones had indented themselves into her skin. When I tried to poke and prod around it, she started wailing louder, and screaming, "It hurts! STOP IT! It hurts! Mommy, make it stop!"
When she had stopped screaming, I told her I would make it all better, so I picked her up, bridal style so that her skinned knee wouldn't bump into anything, and carried to the bathroom on the 2nd floor, as we had been on the first. The second had anti-bacterial swiping pads made especially for this, and special little tweezers that weren't for my eyebrows...
"This is gonna hurt, Su-Su," I used the special little nickname I had given her 7 years ago, on the day she was born, and held up 2 anti-bacterial pads that I had gotten from the mirror sinks' cupboard."So I'm gonna need you to be strong, so that we can get this over with, for Mommy. Kapeesh?"
I grinned at her, and she gave me a nervous one back, then took a deep breath, and said, "Kaposh, Mama!"
I could see her face scrunch up in pain when I grabbed the tweezers, and my heart nearly broke when she let out tears when I started picking out the minuscule stones embedded into her baby-soft skin.
When I had finally finished picking out the stones, and brushing of the dirt from her knee, I smiled at her, and asked, "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
She gave me a watery smile, and answered, in a very quiet voice, "No, n-not-not really."
"OK, I'm about to disinfect it, so I need you to be very, very brave for Mommy. This is gonna hurt. If you can refrain from moving to much while I disinfect your cut, I'll take you to Jamba Juicy Josie when this is done!" Who am I kidding, I would've taken her to Jamba Juicy Josie anyways!
At that, she gave a small grin, which quickly turned into a small frown filled with pain as I started to wipe her skinned knee with the antibacterial pads. She whimpered softly, and more tears fell from her eyes. We repeated the process with the second pad, and afterward, when I had placed the Barbie themed butterfly band-aid on her injured knee, I gave her a big kiss on the cheek.
I picked her, and, hugging her to my body, walked out of the bathroom, and into her bedroom. I sat in the rocking chair that was located in the corner, and sat down, rocking her back and forth. I hummed My Love is Like a Star, by Demi Lovato, to her, and felt her tears cease to exist. I could feel her breathing slow down, going into shallower, more even breaths.
As I watched my baby girl's eyelids flutter shut, I took in her features, that crooked nose she had gotten from my father, those cute, big, doe-eyes the color of hazel. Her lips, the top slightly fuller than the bottom, which jutted out, as if she were pouting. Her smooth, creamy porcelain colored skin. She was perfect.
She's gonna be heart-breaker when she gets older, just like her Daddy, I thought, a small grin covering my lips, despite my efforts not to.
"I love you, Su-Su," I whispered, looking down at her. "And I am so sorry we have to live the way we do.
"I'm sorry you won't be able to be the princess you were always meant to be."
"Baby, I need to know what happened." I looked Sunny in the eyes.
So, whaddidya think? And, YES I ended on a flashback, but it's not like anybody hasn't. I really hope you guys are still interested, because I honestly think that my writing has improved. I spent MONTHS working on this chapter, so hopefully I did all this hard work for something!
Til next time
DD