Title: Truth Love Dare
Category: TV Shows » Rizzoli & Isles
Author: Alwaysbringback-up
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Drama/Angst/Friendship

Truth Love Dare

Pairing: Jane/Maura

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the R&I universe. All characters belong to Janet Tamaro. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.

A/N: So, this is a shorter chapter. But I am really really proud of this chapter. Don't ask me why. But I guess I had fun, writing the usually confident, Maura Isles, as anything but. She has a lot of things to address in this chapter. I also like Barry coming to the rescue! I really hope you're as fond of this chapter as I am!

-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I-R&I

"Can I have a sip?" Jane asked Frost as she reached out for the bottle. Frost looked from the bottle to Jane and then back again. He looked torn about it.

"Oh, come on, partner," Jane encouraged, "One little sip isn't going to kill me, anymore than those two bullets did." Frost shot an apprehensive look at Maura. The doctor wanted to say something discouraging, scientific, but couldn't bring herself to say anything. Maura watched as Frost reluctantly handed it over. Jane slowly lifted the bottle to her lips with her left arm, and smiled.

Jane's right arm was in a sling at her side. The second bullet had been a through and through, but she had a long ways to go yet before she was able to move the arm freely.

"Fine," Frost replied, "But don't come crying to me if it starts leaking through that hole in your chest."

"Ha ha," Jane mock laughed, "Very funny, Frost." Maura watched the exchange, troubled by their ability to laugh off everything so easily. Perhaps it was just the tough cop persona, but they seemed to be able to brush off almost anything. Even this. It made Maura angry.

"How can you even joke about something like that?" Maura said bitterly.

"Maur," Jane looked sad as she locked eyes with her best friend. "It's just a joke."

"Yeah?" Maura said loudly, "Well, it's not funny. You…you almost died!" Jane opened her mouth to speak, but Maura wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. "And don't even get me started on the rest of it. There are about a dozen reasons why you should never consume alcohol while on painkillers. And although, its not likely a perforation of the stomach would result in liquid leaking into your abdominal cavity after this long, it's not good for healing tissue!"

"Maur," Jane tried again, her tone tentative, "I'm sorry, okay? I…I didn't mean anything by it."

Maura knew that she was having a difficult time relaxing. Perhaps if she could be like the others and just relax a little and laugh it off, it wouldn't hurt so much. And so, Maura squeezed her eyes shut as she took a deep breath. She instantly regretted this move as a picture of a lifeless Jane flashed through her mind. Jane's lips were blue and her mouth was red with blood. And worst of all? Jane's chest wasn't moving. Eyes stared blankly into the sky, as Maura knelt over her.

Maura released her breath and slowly let it out. Then Maura blinked, releasing warm moisture to trail down her cheeks. Maura reached up quickly to pinch her nose. She swallowed, feeling her hands starting to shake as a visual of Jane, covered in a warm, sticky, crimson substance as it flooded out of her, flickered back into her mind. She felt like she was going to be sick as her eyes sprang open. Her breaths became ragged, her hands clenching into fists, as she struggled to calm herself. As she looked up to meet four pairs of inquisitive eyes, she swallowed. She felt eerily like a deer stuck in a pair of headlights.

"Maura," judging by the expression of concern on Jane's face it wasn't the first time she'd spoken the honey brunette's name. "Are you all right?"

Maura's heart was pounding in her ears and her palms started to sweat. She wiped them on the skirt of her dress. She tried not to panic as her chest felt uncomfortably tight and she struggled to keep an even breathing rate. She wasn't sure what was happening. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there, and she needed to do it fast.

It was a curse. She couldn't possibly think at the moment due to the fact that her thoughts were all in such disarray. She couldn't retrieve the words she wanted and she wasn't sure when he'd be able to. At the same time, her skin was crawling and her brain was crying out for some words. A part of her knew that she would never be able to stop seeing Jane as she lay prone on the sidewalk until she addressed that part of herself. She had to get it all out somehow. Bottling it all up and keeping it inside wasn't exactly working for her.

"Excuse me," Maura muttered as she walked briskly for the door, disappearing out of sight. …

"She's not coming back, is she?" Jane asked a long moment later. Her heart was aching both physically and emotionally. Everyone in the room let out a collective sigh as they shook their heads in unison "Frost, could you check on her and make sure she's all right?"

"I can try," he replied, knowing how important it was to Jane. Jane squeezed her eyes shut, wishing that she could just get a moment to talk to Maura without someone else around.

Maura slammed the bathroom door behind her and locked it. She let out a groan as she reached up over her head and pulled wildly at her wavy, soft, hair. She felt like she wanted to scream. She felt like she just wanted to curl up on the floor and cry. She let out a ragged breath as she failed to hold back the tears. Maura spun around on her spiked heels and found her reflection in the mirror. She hardly recognized the woman staring back at her. As she felt sweat begin to pool on her body, Maura slipped off her sweater, which she was starting to feel a bit suffocated in, and set it on the other end of the counter.

With slow deliberate movements, Maura flipped on the sink, turning the water as cold as it would go. She slowly cupped her hands and allowed the water to pool in them before she brought them up to her clammy and sweat covered face. She let out another ragged breath as the cool water met her skin. It cleansed and soothed her. In another minute she straightened up and grabbed some paper towel from the dispenser next to the sink. Gently, she dabbed it over her face to suck up the residual moisture. Then, and only then, she stared at herself for a long moment, examining the infinite number of lines that were starting to mark her features.

Her eyes seemed empty and lifeless. She wasn't surprised by that fact seeing as how she felt like she'd lost a part of herself in the last couple of weeks. At the very least she'd had to face up to some very difficult revelations; ones that you couldn't possibly prepared for even if you knew what was coming. Maura let out strained groan, as she closed her eyes, willing it all to go away. It was times like this that she wished for the nightmare instead of reality.

The truth is, she'd much rather be dreaming, but she knew she wasn't. Maura slowly ran her hand over her face. As she looked at the streak of mascara under her eyes, and the way her make-up had ran together in several places, she decided that she needed to freshen up. She looked like an utter and complete mess. At the very least, with make-up she could conceal the mess, the brokenness, for another day. After a long moment, Maura tried to wipe away all of the evidence of the pain in her expression. Then, opening her clutch, she pulled out her concealer, foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and set about creating a beauty from the chaos. After she was finished, she leant forwards, using the strength from her upper body to keep herself from falling to the floor. "Pull yourself together," Maura finally muttered to herself. She let out another sigh, as she tried to think of what her next pathway should be.

She couldn't stay. That much she knew. The problem was, she knew that it would hurt Jane's feelings. The doctor had already lost the detective so many times, but this? This was on a whole different level. Jane had gone to a place where Maura couldn't get her back. Now, she had to do what was right for the both of them. She had to make the choice.

Death has the unique ability to open one's eyes to the values of life. It was through experiences and brushes with death that one learns to appreciate all of the small things that everyone else takes for granted 99 percent of the time.

The separation would also come at an expense. There was no doubt that it would hurt Maura just as much, perhaps even more, but it was for the best. Jane would benefit from it in the long run. The fact is, Maura wasn't ready. She wasn't prepared. She just couldn't deal with things like the others could.

Maura was weary as she chucked the soaked paper towel in the trash bin and washed her hands. With movements a little more vigorous then necessary, she turned on the sink and thrust her hands underneath the cool water again. For a blink of a moment, she thought she saw red, rinsing its way down the sink, and she froze. When she looked again she realized that she had imagined it.

Maura rinsed her neck again, not caring about the water dripping down to soak the front side of her dress. As she let the water trickle down her jaw, only to fall from her chin, he leant forwards examining herself in the mirror. She had to ask herself a very important question. Could she do this? The answer was yes. The fact is, she needed to do this for herself. She needed to take time to pull herself together. Before she fell apart completely.

The memories haunted her almost constantly now, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't push them away. How she'd gone from the highest of the highs, to the lowest of lows in only the span of a few minutes, Maura couldn't imagine.

Why is it that you always remember the most horrifying moments and the nightmarish memories while you forget the good ones?

Ten minutes later, Maura finally emerged, deciding to head home. She had just walked out the main doors and was walking down the narrow pathway to the parking lot. A movement off to the right caught her eyes and she turned just in time to see Barry Frost staring back at her from a bench. Maura swallowed as she diverted her path and plopped down onto the bench next a man she loved and respected, Jane's partner. Frost was obviously there for some purpose.

"Barry, what are you doing here?" Maura asked tiredly.

"I could ask you the same thing," Frost offered in a rebuttal. "I kind of figured that you would run, even though that sure as hell isn't the Maura Isles I know." Maura opted not to answer as she stared at the concrete between her feet. "So…you want to tell me what's going on, Dr. Isles?"

"I can't stop seeing it," Maura whispered in a soft exhale. "I can't stop seeing her eyes, devoid of any light whatsoever." Maura's throat constricted. "She was dead, Barry. Dead. She didn't have a heartbeat. She wasn't breathing." She tried not to cry as Barry reached his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "That night I honestly thought that Jane was going to wind up on my table and I was going to have to c-cut her open," sobs tore ruthlessly through the back of Maura's throat at the sheer imagery, at her greatest fear of all becoming realized.

"I'm so scared," she admitted. "I…I realized at some point during the nine days she was in a coma, that I don't know how to be me…without her." Maura sniffled. "She's my best friend. But she's more than that…she's…"

"I get it," Frost interrupted. "Maura, I do." He sighed. "Look, you need to tell Jane. You," he paused to take a breath, "You need to tell her how you feel."

"She knows how I feel," Maura said with conviction. Frost shook his head.

"No," he challenged. "She might know about some of it, but she doesn't know you're suffering from very severe PTSD."

"I…I'm not!" Maura spoke a little too emphatically.

"Maura," Frost replied warningly, giving the doctor a moment for the realization to set it. "Don't deny it," he whispered.

Then her jaw fell open. "Oh my god, I…I am, aren't I?" Then. "But I'm not the one who got shot. I wasn't the one who got hurt."

"Maura," Frost looked sad. "You know that trauma comes in all forms. What you went through? It would mess with anyone's head. But Jane loves you, and right now she doesn't understand what she did wrong. She…She probably doesn't even know what to do."

"And I know that you didn't mean to hurt Jane's feelings," Frost breathed as he stood up and stood toe to toe with Maura, his eyes soft and sympathetic, "But I kind take it personally when you hurt Jane's feelings, Maura. And you hurt her tonight when you walked out of that room without so much as a single explanation." he scolded his friend.

"I just don't understand," Maura admitted, "I don't understand how she could possibly joke about what happened to her, Barry. I don't understand." Frost sat back down next to Maura, trying to think about how he was going to explain it to the brilliant M.E. in terms she would understand.

"Dr. Isles," Frost said delicately, "Have you ever gone through anything so painful that you just wanted to laugh, or cry, or both?" Maura nodded. "Well, it's a deflection, okay?" Frost said finally. "Jane is laughing about it, because otherwise, she'd probably just want to feel sorry for herself and cry." He reached up to rub at the stubble on his jaw. "What we do? The sacrifices we make?" he inflected, "It's not easy." He clenched his jaw for a long moment. "The truth is, when we put on our badges, and walk through that door, we're never sure we're going to be coming back alive. It's the world we live in. And…I can promise you that none of us take that responsibility lightly."

"I appreciate that, Barry," Maura said softly. "I appreciate that sentiment, but it's still difficult. And I appreciate what it's like for families of police officers. But…I'm not sure that I can handle that."

"You've always handled it before, Maura," Frost pointed out. "So what's changed?"

"You really want me to answer that?" Maura joked.

"Okay," he chuckled. "Okay. So I already know, but what I'm trying to say, is that it doesn't really change anything." He pointed out. "You're just having to look at it all through a new perspective."

"But," Maura admitted finally, "I…I'm not strong enough for this. I stuck around, Barry. I waited for her to wake up. But I… I'm just not strong enough for this. I… I couldn't protect her, Frost. I couldn't… I couldn't do anything."

"There's nothing that you could have done, Maura," Frost tried to reassure his friend. "There's nothing that any of us could have done. No one blames you."

"But you should!" Maura said angrily. "Because…I distracted her. She never would have missed Jeff following us, if I hadn't pulled her head out of the game. She shouldn't have listened to me…"

"One thing that you should know?" Frost said with a smile, "is that Jane never listens to anyone," Frost offered. "Unless she really wants to, Maura." He tried to hold Maura's gaze as he said, "And I'm sure that whatever happened between you and Jane in that bathroom, was more than worth it to her."

"Pervert!" Maura laughed, so he didn't take it too personally.

"Oh come on," Frost teased. "But I guess that we'll never really know what happened, huh? Cause Jane's too much of a gentlemen to kiss and tell!"

"Ouch!" Frost hissed as Maura swatted his arm. "I was just kidding, Maura!" he said finally as he lifted his hands to shield his face. "In all seriousness, though," he smiled. "I want you to know you have my blessing! You two are good together, Maura. So don't throw it away, because you're a little daunted by your feelings."

Maura nodded.

"Go talk to her," he encouraged, with a little nudge. "Tell her what you told me, and she'll understand." He took a deep breath. "The best thing that you could do is work through this together."

"Thanks, Barry," Maura smiled gratefully.

"Anytime, Dr. Isles," he replied earnestly, "And if you ever need to talk, I'm just a phone call away."

A/N: Come on, Maura! Go get your girl!

Hopefully, you didn't mind the angst in this chapter!

Please Review and let me know what you thought!