A lot of this reflects on the first chapter of National Anthem.

Chapter Eleven: Back To The Start

Tom was sitting behind the soundboard of studio C at G Major. A week had passed since Jude finally spoke her love again and at her request he returned to work. She insisted some normalcy needed to be restored and she'd soon follow in his footsteps and be back recording. Although he had to admit being back helped ease his mind, Tom was still a hidden mess. When the music stopped or when Jude wasn't in his arms the negative thoughts took over. He kept composed for Jude's sake especially since she started eating on a regular basis again, but any second he could get alone his emotions surfaced. The fact that there may had been a child brought into the mess kept him wondering if it would have changed things, for better or worse. It was not just the baby that had killed him inside though, but there was still so much left unsaid between him and Jude since the Florida breakup. There were still all the underlying insecurities, not to mention the pain Tom felt with a guilty conscious that came from Jude's overdose to begin with. He let out a sigh and sunk into his swivel chair. Karma's recording session came to an end an hour ago, but he wasn't ready to go home and put on a brave face. Tom needed to let his mind run just for a little bit longer before he could confront himself with Jude. Her emotions were still rapidly changing and he knew she couldn't help it. Between the overdose, the death, and quitting her risky behavior Jude was a mood swing walking. His thoughts were interrupted by a pat on his shoulder; jerking his head to the side he saw Kwest.

"You good man?" Kwest asked as he took a seat beside Tom.

Shrugging his shoulders and focusing on his friend, Tom replied, "As good as I can be considering everything."

Kwest nodded his head, "How's Jude?"

"She's," Tom paused for a few seconds thinking of words that could deflect having this conversation without having to fully lie, "getting better."

Kwest noticed the apprehension in his voice, but let it slide wanting to move on to other questions. "Are you two an item again?"

"We haven't really talked about it, but she's saying I love you again and sleeping with me every night. Nothing is labeled yet, but I'm hoping we are on our way to it." Tom confessed realizing him and Jude hadn't discussed their current situation.

"You guys need to get back to the start my man," Kwest advised. Tom bobbed his head already aware of the fact. "You two need to find what you had in the beginning so the happiness can come back out."

"It's not like the feelings aren't there that we had, it's not even that there isn't a spark when we kiss. It's just that I don't see that light in her eyes that she used to have for me. She lost all her innocence and I blame myself everyday." Tom explained while dragging a hand through his hair.

"She can never go back to seventeen year old Jude, but she can find that light again. For starters you need to stop beating yourself up and pushing blame. Everything going on is apart of life my man, she was gonna learn the cruelty of it one way or another. I suggest romancing her; no sad talk at all, just remember what you two had in the beginning and build from there." Kwest just wanted to see the both of them happy again. He wasn't always a fan of Jude and Tom's seemingly futile relationship, but something Kwest had learned repeatedly was that they were magnets drawn to each other and no one was going to break the attraction.

An idea sparked Tommy's brain and he stood up suddenly, "You know you can be smart sometimes!" Kwest went to rebut against Tom but he had already grabbed his jacket and rushed out the door.

Jude was laying on Tom's couch in grey sweatpants and a black sports bra. She still had full on messy bed head and no makeup. She effortlessly flipped through channels already having her fill of the daily Canadian soap operas. Today Jude had every intention of preparing herself and looking at least decent for Tom, but as the hours flew by her motivation went out the window. Although her physical state with weight was improving her mentality was still broken. She worried Tom would lose interest in her because her sex drive was nonexistent and sweatpants were never flattering. Even though that raced through her brain she still couldn't muster up effort to dress up and get back to confident Jude. She justified it to wanting to look how she feels. Suddenly the front door flung open and Tommy waltzed with a dozen roses in his hand and dress hung over his arm.

Jude began to sit up slowly as he appeared before her and she tilted her head in confusion, "Am I missing something?"

"I'm taking you out tonight," Tom declared and when Jude tried to object he cut her off. "No ifs, ands, or buts Jude we need this."

Jude bit her lip and looked at how eager and genuine he was and gave in, "Give me an hour!"

Tom nodded excitedly and handed over the dress and roses as Jude got up to walk by him. She placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before hurrying off to her room. Once showered with dry hair Jude sat in front of her vanity applying light makeup. Her eyes kept gawking at the off white dress draped over her body; it was very familiar but she could not exactly pinpoint its origin. She shrugged it off as she pulled her hair back and up into loose curls. Applying red lipstick she allowed herself to smile knowing it was Tom's favorite. Jude made sure to wear the diamond necklace Tom had got her on her album release party night; the night she originally invited him on tour. She stared at herself in the mirror and started to remember the young and exuberant girl she was before all the pain. It made her miss the oblivious teenage girl she used to be. Trying not to reminisce and become too sentimental Jude made her way from the bedroom to the living room. When her eyes landed on Tom her knees nearly melted. He was wearing a soft gray suit with a black tie and undershirt. His hands were in his pockets and the noise of Jude's heels clicking made his head pop up. An approving and adoring smile sprawled on his lips as his jaw gawked open. She deeply missed the look of amazing him by just entering a room. As Jude approached her lover she noted once again how familiar his attire was but placed it to the back of her mind.

Tom drew his hands from his pockets and pulled Jude by her hips, leaning back to take in her beauty. "You look absolutely stunning Ms. Harrison."

Her cheeks lit up and her eyes dazzled in bewilderment, "You look very handsome Tommy." Jude pecked her lips to his jawbone before whispering against his ear, "All this time and you still give me butterflies." Tom couldn't help but to beam.

Jude sat in the passenger seat of Tom's Porsche anxiously with a silk scarf wrapped around her eyes; he insisted the surprise was worth it. When the car finally rolled to a stop she impatiently waited for the moment his hands would pluck her from the car. Surely that time came and he was guiding her to an unknown destination. Thoughts of how just hours ago she was worrying he would stop loving her were quickly diminished at the effort he was putting in now. She smiled to herself thinking she really did find the love of her life and he really felt just the same. Suddenly Tom was guiding her up a small flight of stairs and sat her down on what appeared to be a bench; and if Jude could guess correctly it was a piano bench. His hands enthusiastically untied the scarf and let it drop. Jude's mouth formed an 'O' as she peered around at her surroundings. She turned to Tom who was now sitting beside her at what was definitely a piano. Her eyes darted between their outfits and she knew right away.

"My seventeenth birthday," she hushed bringing both her hands to her mouth. Tom had brought her to the hotel ballroom they had first met in, in the exact outfits they were wearing that night. "You did all of this for me Quincy?" Her eyes were already swelling with tears. How could she ever doubt his love? "The clothes, the ballroom, you got all of this together for me?"

Tom bit his lip and nodded his head as he took in the beautiful view of Jude's excitement. "I would do anything for you Jude because I love you." Jude was still in awe from everything going on that she didn't have time to respond before she heard a melody being produced by Tom's fingers. "If I recall the first time we were here you sang to me." Her eyes met his ice blue stare and the chills began to surface on her arms. "I figured now I should sing to you."

"What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind"

The tears were falling now as Tom serenaded her beautifully. It was true Jude had always picked on him and sarcastically whipped him every now and then. They hadn't had those fun bantering moments in a few weeks, but she loved that he appreciated them. It was also very true Jude had her bi-polar moments with Tom, but the fact it was something he loved about her nearly made her turn to liquid. He was willing to run in circles with her forever if it meant having her forever.

"'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh"

Tom had his focus on Jude as he sang. His nose lightly brushed hers and their foreheads rested on one another as he sang, almost in a whisper, but still heavenly. No one ever felt more loved than Jude Harrison at this moment, she was sure of it.

"How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind"

Tom had stayed through every mood swing, every doubt, and every fight there was between them. He may have fled for a sanctuary, but it was always short lived and he always returned. Jude was his whole entire world and whether she knew it or not before, she certainly knew now. There was nothing she loved more than being Tom Quincy's inspiration. As he continued into the chorus again Jude was sobbing like a child, but out of happiness. She could not understand how someone could love her so unconditionally, but she knew it was something she was grateful for. People literally waited their entire lives for a relationship, for a connection, just like they had. As the piano keys faded Tom let his full attention be placed on Jude. His calloused hands captured her face as his thumbs glided beneath her eyes to wipe the tears.

"Don't cry baby," he whispered as his lips grazed hers. "I love you so much you know that?" She shook her head 'yes', still unable to speak. He smiled to himself knowing she was happy, "I did all of this because I wanted you to remember what we had at the beginning. I know times are tough but you need to see you've been special since that first night. I may have been a jerk," Jude let out a chuckle and an eye roll at his comment causing Tom to laugh too. "I got a laugh. I love when you laugh." Her eyes fully met his and the speech he had prepared to give flew out the window because he saw what he so desperately searched for the past few weeks, "There's that light."

"What light?" Jude finally managed to speak out of curiosity.

"The light in your eyes when you look at me. I missed it so much. It's like you finally restored your faith back in me," he cooed pulling her into his arms. "I love that look in your eyes."

"You are the perfect fiance." Jude muttered but quickly her eyes grew. She had forgotten all the hard times even the engagement break off and now she felt silly even calling him by those words. "I'm sorry-"

Tom shook his head smiling, "No, no. I'm glad you said that. I don't want to be broken up, hell I don't want to be your boyfriend." Jude bit her lip unsure what was coming, but she had a sneaking suspicion. "I don't even want to be your fiance, but it'll have to do for now. It'll have to do until I can finally call you my wife and I can proudly be called your husband."

"I love you Tom Quincy. I love you, I love you, I love you." She accentuated her voice with each three word devotion. "I loved you when we were nothing. I loved you when you were my boyfriend. I love you now as my fiance. And I will love forever as my husband."

Tom couldn't hold back any longer. He pulled her against him, crashing his lips to hers. They kissed each other with all the bent up passion that had been hiding behind the depression. They kissed as if their lives had depended on it; as if this was the last kiss they could ever share. While they were busy slow romantic music began to play in the background, similar to their first dance music. They pulled apart smiling and Tom had remembered he made sure this would happen at some point of the night.

Jude looked into his eyes remembering their first night together now more than ever, "Tom if I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to seduce me." She teased, reflecting on her exact words that began it all.

His mouth hung open slightly knowing exactly where those words came from and he replied the same as that day. "Am I that transparent Ms. Harrison?"

He remembered too. Every detail of that night was etched into their being and if Jude had any worry before that he did not love her from the moment they met that was completely gone now. "Dance with me."

And they danced and danced smiling and chuckling as they reminisced on all the good times; there was no time for the bad. Tom held her closely never wanting to let go, never willing to let go. He wished he could drown in this moment forever. More time passed as they lost themselves in each other, something they had missed deeply. There was only one way to end this night, and Tom knew exactly what had to be done.

"Would it be crazy if you came home with me tonight or am I moving too fast?" Tom asked confidently smiling as Jude's eyes bulged. He really did remember everything.

"I don't think that's crazy at all," she replied with the same longing for him as she had the night of her birthday party.

So they ran off back to Tom's, both happy and in love. This was exactly what they needed to be reminded that they were in fact soul mates. There was a beautiful and chaotic future in store for the pair, but no matter how amazing or how rough it would get it would always be worth it.