The last few days especially nights have blurred into one; days are tolerable but the nights are the worst.

I'm staring at the ceiling but not really seeing anything; tell you the truth I'm just distracting myself. There's too much to think about and every time I go to sleep I either have a nightmare or I dream about Griffin who is lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life while I lay here in Alice's embrace. The worst part is; it's my fault. I put him in there and I haven't even visited him yet… I just can't bring myself to see him right now because I know he'll hate me for leaving him, defenceless and alone.

I feel my warm tear run down my face as guilt swallows me whole. At least it keeps me from the nightmares; normally, I go to sleep and I'll have the same dream every night. I know what's going to happen but it still kills me every time and wakes me up startled and confused breathing for air. It starts with Alice and me in our safe heaven, Italy where we are now and then I go out to buy breakfast for Alice. On my way there I meet Sophie crying in the street and I ask her what's wrong. She looks at me with eyes full of hatred and screams, 'Griffin is dead. I asked you one thing. One thing…' I try to comfort her but she just shrieks cries of pain of how she never got to say goodbye and tell him how she really feels. Then she looks at me straight in the eyes and says, 'you've killed me, Jamie. What if that was Alice? What if…' I push her off of me and run towards our hotel dropping everything in my hands. I open our hotel room and there's Alice dangling in the arms of a paladin. Dead…

'Jamie! Jamie! What's wrong!? Did you have the dream again? I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm here.'

I look over to Alice who has tears streaming down her face as she tries to calm a hysterical me.

'James, it was just a dream' she caresses my cheek as I try to calm down.

She's fine. She's fine. I just fell asleep and had a nightmare. Breathe…

'I know, I'm sorry' I wipe the tears from her face, 'I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.'

'I was going to wake up anyway' she sniffs and kisses my cheek.

'No you weren't, it's 3 a.m.' I roll my eyes at her.

She laughs gently, 'Okay, maybe I wasn't but I'll stay up if you want.'

'No, no, go to sleep' I trace her face with the tip of my finger and smile at her.

'Go to the harbour or something' Alice suggests.

'No!' I snap, 'I mean I don't wanna leave you.'

'Okay, don't worry' she kisses my jaw where my bruise is carefully.

'Maybe we can go there together' I suggest, 'after visiting Griffin in the hospital?'

After a moment of silence, 'are you sure you're ready?'

I shake my head and she rests her head onto my chest. In a few minutes she's asleep and I'm alone with my thoughts again.

The smell of eggs and toast wake me up, through my half open eyes I see Alice smiling at me from the kitchen. That's the one thing I love most about her; anything that happens during the night she'll never mention it in the morning. She treats me like a different Jamie in the morning. Although most mornings have been like this, I somehow feel like this day will be different.

'Want to go to the harbour today?' I ask while munching on a slice of toast.

'Yeah, I would love that' she smiles while eating her breakfast, 'maybe we could go to that restaurant, La Bella' Her Italian accent when she said 'La Bella' made me smile as usual.

'Sure, La Bella it is!' I speak while devouring my eggs.

The harbour was calm, boats came and went but it was rather quiet. Everything there just calms me down and for a few hours I forget everything. While walking to the restaurant I could hear someone calling my name.

'JAMIE! ALICE! Jesus are you deaf!?'

I turned around and there running towards us was David and Millie. I could hardly recognise them; they were wearing sun appropriate clothes suggesting they have been in Italy for a while.

'Er – hey' I croaked.

'Where have you guys been?' David asked in what sounded like one breath.

'Jamie, what happened to you?' Millie asked shocked.

'We've been here for the last 3 days' Alice responded, 'also Jamie is fine' Her defensiveness over me is so sweet; her cheeks reddened at my smile.

'We've been in Italy for 5 days' David looked confused, 'how come we haven't seen you?'

'We've been indoors…' Alice mumbled.

'Oh, well let's eat at La Bella. It's a great restaurant; our treat' David smiled.

After ordering a meal in La Bella; David brought up the question Alice and I were avoiding.

'What really happened to Jamie?'

'Paladins' I said robotically.

'Paladins?' David asked, 'where?'

'We were at the Grand Canyon' I explained, 'then they found us and tortured us'

'We?' David asked.

'Griffin and myself' I replied, 'We left Alice in Hawaii'

There was a long silence before David finally replied, 'You know Griffin?'

'Yes and he told me all about your paladin mother and sister' I said scornfully.

'Oh…' David said awkwardly, 'where is Griffin?'

'Hospital in San Francisco' I mutter.

'Then why are you here!?' David asked angrily. After another silence he continued, 'what if the paladins finish the job?'

Then I break. 'Do you not think I thought of that!?' I screamed bleakly, 'Do you not think I haven't thought of that every day and every night! I'm sorry I left him there but I just didn't know what else to do! Okay? I just-'I stormed out of the restaurant, dropped into a sitting position and sobbed.

Within seconds Alice's arms were around me and I jumped us home to the hotel.

'Alice, I'm sorry' I continued to cry, 'I'm sorry, I've ruined your time here and I'm sorry I'm a wreck right now. I'm sorry you haven't seen your dad who is all alone after your mum died and I'm just sorry'

Alice didn't respond she just comforted me and we just sat on the bed in silence for the night; only the whimpers from the both of us making a sound.