Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this piece of writing. Takahashi Rumiko owns them.
20 Changes

She is sure that someone had called out to her but when she looks around there was no one there, so she walks on. "Rin…!" She turns around and sees no one again. Then she feels a small thud at her foot. It is Jaken. She smiles at the toad and gets on her knees. "Jaken-sama, were you calling me just now? Sorry that I didn't see you." "Rin, where have you been? You are such a handful! Why do I always have to be stuck with you?" Seeing that Rin just stares at him without responding, he starts to get nervous. "Rin, what are you staring at?" Rin shakes her head sympathetically. "Jaken-sama, it is just me or is it true that you are getting smaller?" "You stupid girl, I am not getting smaller! It is just that you are getting bigger that's why I look smaller! Why do you only get bigger and not cleverer? You need to grow more brains than grow more height! You are really stupid!" Rin shakes her head again. "Jaken-sama, you have better grow some inches soon or else you'll have to find someone else your own size to pick on!" While Jaken fumes at her words, Rin giggles at herself teasing Jaken. "You brat! How dare you say something as disrespectful as that to me!"

"Jaken-sama, I'm not being disrespectful, I'm just stating to the facts! You know, in the past when I talk to you, I just have to lower my head like… this. Now, I have to lower my head to like… this." Rin lets out an exaggerated sigh. "I can never figure out how Sesshomaru-sama talks to you. It's so tiring!" "Rin you rascal! Is this how you repay me? By laughing at me? After all the times I looked out for you, take care of you and made sure you don't get into trouble…. #$&" Rin finds Jaken looking so cute when he is angry that she starts to laugh even louder, annoying Jaken even more. For her, no matter how much or how often Jaken nags or scolds her, she would never take it to heart, as she knows that he does care about her at the bottom of his heart and that is enough for her.

"Jaken-sama, why were you looking for me?" Jaken freezes for a while as he realizes that he has forgotten to do what he came here for in the first place. "It's Sesshomaru-sama, he has returned and has asked for you." "Sesshomaru-sama has returned?" Rin's face immediately lights up with utmost enthusiasm. Excited to see him, she gets up in a flash and starts to run back. "Rin… wait up for me!" "Jaken-sama, you'll have to also start growing some length at your legs! You're going to be left behind…"

21 Being mother of Sesshomaru

"You've certainly outdone your father Sesshomaru! Your father didn't even try to take the liberty of taking his human out of its natural habitat. You, in contrast, uprooted it from the human community and dragged it all over the place with you? And now you would have her live amongst us?"

Being mother of Sesshomaru is no easy task, this she can assure you. She could not understand her own son anymore, his actions and his decisions. Yes, her husband had regarded humans an interesting species too, but this is her son in question. She had expected more from him.

She sighs. She remembers Sesshomaru to be sensitive towards her and well behaved as a child. Her most cherished memory of young Sesshomaru was one of the rare times when he was granted a visit to her. As it is a practice for first-borns to be taken away from their mothers and brought up by wise and knowledgeable figures from the father's side, she saw her son very little and never had the chance to bond with him. She was depressed then as she had not expected married life to be this dry – not only was her only child taken away from her, she hardly saw her husband as they lived apart in different households. Although she knew from the start that their marriage was a diplomatic union, the young and idealistic side of her had expected more than just intimacy for the sake of producing an heir. As soon as she was with a child, he stopped coming over to see her altogether. She had pined for her husband's attention, but it only got lesser and lesser after the birth of their son. She did not shed a tear when he passed on – not because she was not sad about his death, just that she had hardly knew him.

Then Sesshomaru was about five (calculated in human years), after he made a formal entrance and expressed suitable greetings to her, she had asked for him to approach her so that she could take a good look at him. After she fussed over his attire and questioned his habits, he had surprised her with his enquiry, "Dear mother, are you sad?" Taken aback by his question, she had asked him why did he ask that. His reply was, "Your eyes have so much sadness in them." She had not know what to say but Sesshomaru had already went on to assure her that he would stay by her side that day so that she would not be lonely anymore. It was true. He kept her company the whole day telling her about his training, showing her what he could already do with his claws, reciting for her his favorite stories and poems, singing songs for her and falling asleep in her lap while she combed his hair. Like all mothers, she wished that her son could remain a child. Everything would be much simpler.

What's wrong with you that father has to bed a human for satisfaction? It had felt like yesterday everyday that he threw that insult at her. She could not understand how he could become this self-contradicting. "To think that you refused to speak to your mother for a couple of decades because of your father's insignificant adventure with a human, now you are coming to terms with your mother because of your odd undertaking of a human." She is just within an inch of throwing a similar affront back at his face.

She is irritated. She has bore a son with an erratic temperament. As if that was not enough, now he wants her to take in a human girl – no demon mothers should be made to endure such a humiliation! Why did no one tell her before that motherhood could be this hard?

22 Nightmare

She still wakes up from time to time sweating, panting and trembling in fear. Sometimes it is from her dreaming the scene where her family was slaughtered in front of her. Other times she is running away from wolves pursuing her. But these dreams are nothing compared to the one where she is traveling with Sesshomaru and Jaken the one moment, and she finds herself all alone or amongst people she does not recognize the next moment. In these dreams, she is left behind by her protector on purpose to fend for herself and no matter how much she protests or attempts to run after him, no one hears or comforts her and she could never find him back anymore.

For her, this is what she would truly call "a nightmare".

23 Intimacy

It is never meant to be an act of lust. It is simply a pure need for closeness and understanding. Anyone who walks this earth would at times have this experience – like as if the whole world is against you. It feels like as if no one understands you. This happens even to great demons. Actually, it happens especially to great demons.

But not her. In fact, except her. She would never be against you. She always understands you. Most importantly, she always accepts you – your actions, who you are and what you are. She does so regardless of whether she agrees with you or fully comprehends the meaning behind your actions. She may be full of love and gives it away freely to everyone and anyone – but you know better: you know that her deepest affections and her most profound admiration are reserved for you and you only. She stands firm and determined in her choice – she matches up to you in that. That is why you always go back to her. No matter how far you have to travel, or how redundant it might have been, you find yourself eventually home with her. Wherever the rest of the world may be standing, you know in your gut that she will be there standing half a step behind you.

Deep at night, when everyone has retired, you return. Not to your own chambers, but to hers. You really just want to look at her. She looks very peaceful in her sleep and you like to see that. Then there comes a time that she woke up in your company. She might have been taken aback, but she was not totally displeased with the discovery. Instead of sending you away, she said it was alright if you want to share her futon (Japanese style "bed"). Although you were unsure if that was a good idea, you did not want to be alone. So you slipped into her futon and watch her sleep next to you. It gave you contentment like never before. Gradually you feel less reserved about laying next to her at night for comfort. Slowly it becomes a routine.

Now you often nestle next to her in the wee hours of the morning. If you wake her up, you would expect her to say, "Okairi (welcome home), Sesshomaru-sama." Whether she is awake or not, you would always whisper to her, "Tadaima (I'm home), Rin."

Every time without fail, you always think to yourself – how good it feels to have something like this to come home to.

You cannot remember when is the last time you genuinely feel this happy.

24 Birthday present

Demons live such a long life that birthdays holds no meaning for them, therefore majority of them do not bother to know, remember or celebrate when they are born. Humans are different as having a finite lifespan the passing of each birthday is a point worth celebrating.

If Rin were to recall her memories of her family, she tend to refer to the fond memories of her birthdays where her family would spoil her with her favorite dishes and sweets. She could also let her best friends come over for dinner and spend the night. Her most vivid memory was one where her father took her on a surprise trip to a farm for a pony ride. She could still remember how fresh the grass smelled that day and how coarse the hair of the pony that she had ridden that day felt.

Over the period that she followed Sesshomaru on Aun's back, she had not once mentioned about her birthday. Finally a few years after they stopped wandering around, and when she eventually dwelled on the fact that she has not celebrated her birthday for a very long time, she finally went to Sesshomaru to ask for her first birthday present from him – a lock of his silver mane in a purple pouch.

Not only did Sesshomaru gave in to her request, he got her three sets of exquisite kimono, a jade pendant, made her a comb carved out of wood and caught her a lopped-ear rabbit from the forest. That night, he brought her to the highest point in the area to see the stars and the moon.

After that, Rin never missed another birthday.

25 First kiss

It happened very early to Rin that it occurred to her that she was thinking of her protector a lot – perhaps more than appropriate and sometimes in ways that were inappropriate. She knew something was different about her that made her feel different about him, although she could not put her finger on what it was exactly. He made her feel warm inside when he was around her, and made her burn within at the thought of him when he was not in sight. She trembled involuntarily at both his intense gaze and his physical touch. Soon she even found herself one day to be wondering how it might feel like to share a kiss with him. But no, this is all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong… she told herself. She had to remember what they told her if she did not want to risk being relinquished by Sesshomaru-sama. Furthermore Sesshomaru-sama would not stand for such nonsense from her either, she told herself. But the crazy thought and her curiosity just would not go away. So one day when she was spending time with Kohaku, she popped the atrocious question: "Kohaku, shall we kiss?" Just like that, she gave her first kiss away to someone whom she had regarded as a brother.

26 Betrayal?

They have their arms locked tightly around each other. Tears had been shed but now she has her eyes closed and seems to be rather comfortable in Kohaku's embrace. Kohaku runs his hand through her long brown hair as he kisses her again and again on her forehead. She then abruptly breaks away and says something to Kohaku.

His eyes turn crimson red, teeth tightly clenched, acidic poison uncontrollably seeps through the fingers of his tautly clasped fist as he watches this scene in front of him. Seeing Kohaku subsequently grabs Rin and plants a passionate kiss on her lips, perverse intense emotions and menacing killing intent consumes Sesshomaru from within.

27 Bent

You are ordinary.

They often tell her how imperfect she is.

You are a lowly being.

In the beginning she used to turn a deaf ear to these preaching.

You are so vulnerable.

It used to be more bearable when she was younger.

You are so pathetic.

Now that she has grown older, some things start to show.

You are a burden.

Time and again they say to her.

You contribute no value to him.

They never fail to point out how even greater he could be if not for her presence.

Your lifespan is so insignificant compared to ours.

Sometimes she would like to think what they say is just blabber.

Why are you still here?

But recently their preaching is ringing louder in her head and hitting her harder.

Why do you not want to go back to your kind?

She is starting to doubt herself.

What exactly do you do for him?

She used to stand straight, eyes ahead, her smile bright, full of enthusiasm and dazzling – nowadays her head subtly lowered, eyes on the ground, smile forced and posture slightly bent.

You are a blemish in his majestic aura.

Not that she actually believes what they say is true.

Do not expect anything if you choose to stay.

Just that he seems to think like them of her too.

28 Grave

"Tou-san (father), kaa-san (mother), nii-chan (elder brother), how are you all doing?" Rin asks as she tidies up the area around the grave belonging to her family. It has been a few years that Rin goes back to visit the graves of her family every once a while. She goes there specifically on the birthday of any one of her family and their death anniversary. Sometimes she goes there just because she feels like it and today is one of "those days".

She lays the freshly plucked flowers on the grave. "These flowers are Sesshomaru-sama's favorite, do you all like it too?" How much longer can I pick flowers for him? Rin sighs at the thought of her beloved protector. "Kaa-san, if only you are still with me. There are so many things I wish I could ask you. Now I have so many questions but no one to turn to for answers. Growing up… why does it have to be this difficult? Everything seems so much simpler in the past."

"Oh kaa-san, how did you love tou-san? How did tou-san love you? I think I love Sesshomaru-sama, but I don't know how I should love him. Nothing about me seems to be right, nothing I do can make anything right…" Rin forces a smile. "Tou-san, kaa-san, nii-chan, if you get to meet Sesshomaru-sama you all will like him too. There isn't anyone nicer, kinder and better than him in this world. He makes me feel…" she pauses to search for an appropriate word. "Safe." She nods. Yes, he makes me feel safe and he gives me security. He is like… the wall that protects me. He is the pillar that supports my life... or perhaps, he is my life. Fear creeps into her spine at the thought of her pillar falling away.

Unable to contain her sorrow, Rin bursts into tears. "Oh Tou-san, kaa-san, nii-chan, I don't know how I should get out of bed to face the day anymore! He marries someone else, then I'll go and marry someone else too. He only has me in his heart, then I'll only have him in my heart. I'm your daughter, if they are not happy about that, that's nothing I can do about it. But with him treating me this way, I can't live any much longer!"

29 Osuwari

"Inuyasha, osuwari!" At Kagome's command, Inuyasha slams face down into the ground.

The first time Rin witness this was when she was eight. Sesshomaru had then left her and Jaken behind with Inuyasha's group while he went after Magatsuhi. At that time she was taken by surprise Kagome's power over him and thought Inuyasha looked kind of funny, so she broke into laughter involuntarily. Her laughter was curbed promptly by the stop-laughing-or-else look Inuyasha threw at her in her direction.

The second time when she sees this she was already older. She was riding Aun towards the village to look for Kohaku and upon landing that moment Inuyasha had his face pounded down into the ground at her feet. As Inuyasha looked really comical to be "slammed down" at the exact moment when she touched down, she could not help but burst into laughter. She stopped immediately when Inuyasha gave her an intense I-hate-you look.

The third time when she encounters this similar scene, she has grown older again. This time she did not laugh, she just looked on at the squabbling couple Kagome and Inuyasha with a lot of curiosity. She smiled and thought to herself, "they must really love each other a lot to be able to quarrel like this with each other all the time." She dismissed her curiosity.

The fourth time when she is confronted with this, she has once again gained a couple of inches of height. This time round she could not shake off her concern anymore. So she went to Kagome and asked her, "Why do you that?" Kagome replied, "Inuyasha's attitude is terrible. Someone needs to keep him in check or else he wouldn't learn." She could not comprehend when she meant, so she went to Kohaku with the same question. Kohaku tried his best to explain to her, but she shook her head in disagreement. "I thought Kagome-sama loves Inuyasha-sama. If she loves him, why does she do that to him?" Kohaku ran out of breathe that day in his effort to make her understand why Kagome did what she did, Rin simply could not come to terms with his explanation.

Now that she has grown to become taller and prettier than Kagome or Sango, she is once again there to witness Kagome "osuwari" Inuyasha down. This time she closes her eyes to what she sees – and wonders how does Inuyasha feel. As much as she likes Kagome a lot, she is still unable to understand how she can claim to love Inuyasha but yet keep him in chains.

End of alpha themes. Please come back to read my beta themes!