Disclaimer: nothing belong to me, only the plot

Warning: pre-slash (i hate the word but still), maybe OOC, angst

Author's note: Hey folks thanks a lot for your feedback on the first part. In the beginning i wanted "Stay casual be precious" to be a one-shot but after some thoughts and lovely feedback my fingers kept itching. I just had to write a second chapter. Maybe there will be a third but that's still out in the open. One nice reviewer also pointed out to me that Jenny Sheppard wasn't Director of NCIS yet when ep 20x10 played so I corrected that mistake in the second chapter and I have yet to correct it in the 1st one.lol. Thanks anyways for telling me :-)

feedback: is always welcome and I'll do my best to reply to each and everyone. That's the least i can do if you took the time to read and review my little story :-)

Gambling

My perfect word went to hell the moment Anthony DiNozzo stepped into my life. Well, that sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? Ok let's try that again.

My perfect world changed completely the moment Anthony DiNozzo stepped into my life.

There you go. Better already. And even more true. He brought some changes in me that nobody else could have brought on. But with his smiles and charming attitude he worked his way into my team, my life and in a way also into my heart. He is a trained investigator, a good one and, never letting work slip, he still manages to do it with a smile on a face that cheers us all up when we need it.

I'm no fool and I know that our sometimes gruesome work would be a lot harder to digest without Tony around to lighten the mood by cracking his usual jokes.

Maybe I should have told him exactly that a few times more than smacking him upside the head. And maybe I shouldn't have just taken my chance when he showed up at my doorstep after his rescue. And maybe I shouldn't have fucked him through the mattress and then left him to his own devices.

I could say that the second B's for bastard for a reason but that would be too easy now, wouldn't it? Of course, meaningful things never are easy. I learned that the hard way.

Because right now I'm sitting at my desk in the bullpen with Tony's resignation on my screen and I haven't moved since I opened the fateful email.

I'd like to think that this doesn't hurt as much as it does. But hell, it does. I have read his email twice now and the only thing I have registered is that Tony's leaving. And that it's my fault.

Well isn't that just fabulous. After years there happens to be a good thing in my life and I throw it away and destroy it.

Again, I'm no fool. Tony's message tells me everything I need to know. He can't keep working under theses conditions, the conditions being "with me" of course.

I don't really know how I kept it together up to now but I'm glad I did because The Director chooses that moment to call me up into his office. Well, no need for second guesses as to what he wants to talk about.

I'm quite sure that Tony has emailed Morrow his form too to make it official immediately. I steel myself internally for what is to come and make my way upstairs.

The secretary tells me to go right through. Funny, really. As if she didn't know I would have done exactly that also without her permission. What can I say, the woman knows me.

One look at Tom is enough to tell me that yes, he got the email too and no, he's not pleased about it. I still know him like I would know my brother. We've known eachother for more than a decade and that's what makes us not only boss and employe but also friends.

"Sit down Jethro and tell me what is going on with your team." the clean order is delivered without hesitation and his voice is hard.

"If you mean Tony by "my team" then I can't tell you anything more than what was written in your email. I just got it myself." nice lie Jethro, I tell myself. But I would be damned if I told him the real reason.

"If you really want me to believe you, you have to work on being sincere Special Agent Gibbs." Ok busted. Tom Morrow definitely not a happy camper right now and it's best to make amends now. I plan on bringing Tony back so I want to stay on his good side.

"Look Director… Tom. Tony's on my team, he's my responsibility. His reasons are personal but I think he was more thrown by his last assignment than anybody would have guessed. And combined with the one involving Atlas's rescue my take is that it got too much. Sure they were weeks' apart but being up close and personal with death is never taken lightly."

Well Jethro, you still have it. I can see in his eyes that she bought it. There sure is a reason for all my rules and "Always be specific when you lie" just paid itself again.

"Ok Jethro, be like that if you want. However I want you to clear this up. I want DiNozzo back. He's good for the team. And he's good for you."

If I almost did a double take it sure as hell didn't show but Tom's eyes still have that twinkle that appeared with her last sentence and I don't like it one bit.

"Jethro don't look at me like that. You didn't see yourself change since he's part of your team...your life. You lost part of you bitterness and it's a good look on you."

He smiles and to say that I'm surprised would be the understatement of the century. I knew that homosexuality and relashionships between coworkers were still frowned upon. However Tom's words gave me reassurance because it was a not so sublte hint that he would have my and Tony's back it things would become tough.

"Go Jethro and bring him back. If anybody can do it, you can." and with that last sentence I'm dismissed. I slowly descend to the bullpen again, power down my computer and grab my stuff. The elevator is empty and in a flash I have to think back to all those times I was in here with one of my team members, using the car as a impromptu conference room to chastise them.

Too often Tony was my victim and I realize that now. Riding him hard may have been the right way to form a very good Special Agent but it did nothing for Tony's self-esteem. Even without a degree in psychology I can see that now. And I can only hope that it's not too late.

The drive to Tony's place takes a while but only because I chose a less nerve wrecking speed this time. It's quite unusual for me to hesitate but I must have realized at one point that this was really it. Either it went well or it went to hell. It was my last chance and I didn't want to screw up. Not with him.

When I reached his apartment only a small light was switched on and visible from outside. I knocked a few times and when nobody answered the door, I took out Tony's key and let myself in.

The apartment was neat and tidy. I went down the hall and into the living room. Tony was sitting on his couch, feet propped up on the table and drawing. "You know there was a reason I didn't answer or open the door." was all he said while continuing his work.

"I guessed as much but we need to talk." way to go was my only thought when I saw his shoulders tense up and recognized that forcefulness was the wrong way to go about this.

"I… Tony can we talk? Please?" that sounded better already and I think Tony noticed the change too. He put his sketch book aside and looked at me. I will never forget that moment because his eyes didn't hold fury or anger or insecurity. No. His eyes were empty and I knew I was the reason.

"I'm sorry Tony." I was unable to keep the apology in and I knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. My ex senior field agent relaxed against the couch and his eyes took a warmer look. He pointed out the recliner across the table and I took a seat.

The silence was uncomfortable to say the least but I hadn't counted on this being easy so I wasn't surprised.

"What are you sorry for Gibbs?" Gibbs, not Boss I winced internally but didn't let it show. I only had this chance and I wasn't about to let it slip.

"There are a few things that come to mind." I whisper with a deep sigh and Tony seems to pick up on the change of mood too. He sits straighter, without loosing his relaxed posture though, and looks at me expectantly.

"I'm not stopping you Gibbs. Say what you gotta say. I'm not going anywhere right now."

Considering that Tony most likely planned on leaving DC in the next two weeks that wasn't really all that reassuring but I didn't come here only for myself but mainly for Tony. I had to do this right for Christ's sake.

"I'm sorry for treating you like a rookie at work." I started. "I know what you are capable of and I knew that you were aware of it too. And there was the problem. Or so I thought at least. I knew you were set in your ways and that you were good at what you did. But I wanted you to become the best. I could still see so much potential only waiting to be tapped and that's what I did. However I'm sorry for the way I preceded. I was downright mean and nasty. 50 percent of the head slaps weren't warranted, maybe even more. I can't undo all that but I really and truly am sorry, Tony."

Wow… I think I never spoke this much in a week. Well if this is what it takes then so be it. I knew my way with words wasn't always the best however this wasn't about me but about Tony and I wanted him to stay. Very much so.

"Thanks Gibbs. You have no idea how much that means to me." and trouble was that he was right. I didn't know how much he needed my approval until now. Until it was too late.

"There is more Tony." I start and this is going to be uncomfortable. My ex-senior field agent notices too and tips his head lightly to show that he's listening,

"I… The night we… When you showed up at my doorstep. I want to apologize for that night too." It was out in the open now but I still had to clarify some things. This was not the time for lies; I had to tell him the truth.

"When I heard knocking on my door I knew it would be you and that you needed company. But what I did was unacceptable. I wanted to sleep with you, but not under those circumstances. When I had you underneath me I couldn't think straight anymore. I don't regret sleeping with you but using your emotional turmoil."

Looking at the floor all of a sudden seamed like a good idea. I had blushed. I was afraid to look into Tony's eyes and of what I would be able to see. I felt so low after that night. Still did as a matter of fact

"Is that why you couldn't acknowledge me after we did it? Why you couldn't look at me and tell me what you thought and how you felt?" Tony's voice was astonishingly calm and that frightened me even more. I wanted an angry Tony. With anger I could deal, but not with silence and resignation.

"Yeah. I know now that it must have seemed like rejection to you. I was embarrassed and ashamed to think that all the faith you put into me up to that point was undeserved and that I could read that in your eyes."

"Gibbs, why exactly are you telling me all this?" I knew Tony had a vague idea what this was all about but I didn't mind telling him everything. I had to lay my cards on the table or I knew I couldn't look at myself anymore.

"I came here to talk to you tonight because I got your mail. If I have to I will accept your resignation. You can't work for me anymore? Then I have to accept that too and I will. But I also want you to know that I don't want you to go, that I want you to stay in my life." Being honest has never been more difficult in my life but it was definitely worth the look on Tony's face.

It was a mix between amazement, joy and doubt but it was more than I had hoped for.

"Are you telling me that you like me?" he asked incredulously and I couldn't keep down my smile.

"Yeah Tony I think I just did. It's been a long time since I was happy, really and truly happy."

"And you are sure that I can bring you happiness?" he asked and I could hear and feel the insecurity in his voice. I also knew that it would take time to prove myself to him but I was looking forward to that. Strange, isn't it?

"If anyone can, it's you Tony." I say with utmost sincerity and the smile I get in return is breath taking. I knew now that I had made the right choice by putting my heart on the line. I gambled but sometimes the risk is worth it.

And with Tony it was more than worth it.

TBC maybe

feedback appreciated again )

looking forward to your reviews and opinions