So, I hope this chapter is up to standards.

Ya'll should like it I think.

Updated: 05/10/2014

…

This is insane.

I'm lying in a bed, with another guy hovering over me, his hands all over me.

And not just any guy, but an older guy who is my freaking boss.

This has bad idea all over it.

And yet, I still can't find it in me to push the fucker away.

Why the hell can't I push him away?!

He kisses me; it's so soft, so loving…

Am I actually enjoying this?

I find myself falling into his kisses, my mouth moving along with his in perfect sync; he trails a hand down my stomach and past me to my entrance. I shiver at his probing finger and pull away.

"Wait."

Finally, I'm going to say no.

"What is it?"

"I…I don't know if I'm ready for this." Well, it's not a no, but it's a start, right?

"Let me just try something. If you don't like it, we'll stop. Okay?"

"Okay." WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?!

My body is tight with nerves as he moves around, grabbing something from the nightstand and moving back to me.

"I'll try not to hurt you." I just shake my head and tense up as he pushes what I presume to be a finger into me. I tense up and just shake my head again – this was a bad idea, why I did I encourage him?

His mouth comes back down on me, consuming me in one swift movement. I shut my eyes, hoping this will be all over soon.

His tongue runs over me, caressing me and making me shiver as he adds another finger.

This is so weird.

Sure, as a guy, I imagined what my first time would be like – never once did I imagine that I'd be the one on bottom though, with something entering me.

But here we are, with him still working his fingers and mouth over me.

I don't know when it happened, but I'm actually relaxed now as he continues his ministrations. Not exactly enjoying it, but not hating it either.

Was he right? Am I gay?

Maybe I'm bi – my body is obvious enjoying this, even if my mind is filled with confusion and doubt.

He stops what he's doing, pulling away from me as he takes a deep breath.

"What is it?"

"…I want to do this, but only if you want to. If you don't want to, if there's any part of you saying no to this, then tell me now." I sit up a bit, seeing him kneel there on the bed, looking torn about wanting to do this. "I don't want you to agree just because I pressured you, and then you go and freak about it, and end up pressing harassment charges against me. I don't want that. I want you. I want to be with you, and love you. But only if you want it to."

He's giving me an out.

I know this.

I know how I should respond.

I should say 'no, you're too old and I'm not gay and you're married' but the words won't leave my throat. I open my lips, only for them to close again.

I lean up a bit and raise a hand – when did my hands begin shaking? – and slowly bring it to his face, curling my fingers to come around his cheek. He leans into my hand and smiles at me.

"Well?"

"….I…" I'm trying to find what I want to say, even though my throat is dry and my body is aching and I'm seriously considering this when I realize that, even if I don't want this, my body does. "I want to do this," I pause, taking a deep breath, "Ethan." He looks at me like I just gave him the best gift he'd ever gotten, and he's back on me, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me so vigorously I'm surprised my lips don't fall off.

He pushes me onto the bed and, with one hand since he won't completely let go of my face, moves my legs until they're hung over his thighs and he's kneeling between them, his mouth hot on mine as he arranges himself to push into me.

Then, it's like I'm being split in half – I cry out against his mouth and he strokes my cheek with his fingertips, not stopping until he's all the way inside of me – at least, I'm hoping that's why he stopped. He kisses me once, twice, three times, his lips hot and quick on mine before he moves to kiss and nip at my neck. My eyes are closed as I try to control my ragged breathing. I know he's waiting for me to get used to this, but how the hell does anyone get used to something big and hard tearing you apart? No matter how many times we do this – because only God knows how many times he'll want it now – I know I'm never going to get used to this.

There's no way.

"You can… move." Is that me speaking? What the hell am I doing? He smiles down at me and pulls out before pushing all the way back in, making my back arch as he does so. He grins at my body's response and kisses me again, repeating the movement.

It doesn't take long for us to find a rhythm; he pulls out and slams back in, making my body rise to meet his. My mind fogs and I find myself enjoying it.

I wasn't expecting that.

Sure, it still hurts because, hello, things aren't supposed to go up that way, but it doesn't feel exactly bad.

"Benny," he groans into my ear, voice deep and breathe hot on my skin. My head tosses back as he quickens his movements a bit and I find his name spilling past my lips.

"Ethan."

"Fuck," he grounds out between his teeth, pushing himself as deep as he can get, hiking my legs up on his shoulders as he presses himself against him, making me rub up against him. He shakes as he comes, his grip on my hips hard enough to leave bruises. I gasp at the feeling and my head falls back as I release all over the two of us. He lets go of me and pulls out, flopping next to me before he pulls me next to him, his arm around me.

I sit there, letting the afterglow wear off as I think about what just happened.

I had sex with another guy.

I HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER GUY!

"You done with the internal freak out over there?" he asks me lazily, turning his brown eyes on me.

"Uh… yes? How'd-"

"You got this look on your face. It's okay. Did you… did you like it?" I know I'm blushing as I nod.

"…I think so."

"I'll take what I can get." He kisses me softly, his lips lingering on mine briefly before he moves to get out of the bed. "I'm gonna check on Julie. I'll be right back. Wait for me." I nod and lean against the pillows, thinking about this.

I had sex.

With another guy.

Who is married.

To a woman!

And has a kid!

Oh God – I'm a homewrecker.

"What's wrong?" he asks as he rushes back into the room and flops onto the bed, pulling me into his arms.

"I'm a homewrecker. This morning I was a babysitter and now-"

"Shh, baby stop," he whispers, making me shake my head. "You're not. Okay? We don't love each other, hell, we don't like each other. You're not doing anything. Okay?"

"Okay." His voice calms me and he kisses me, grinning.

"I adore you very much Benny."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm glad you finally came around to my advances." I blush and he pulls me to where I'm lying against his chest. "Julie is sleeping. Come nap with me. You'll need to be rested for later." I blush and look at him, and he grins at me, that creepy stalker-y grin of his. "I adore you."

"You said that already." He grins and snuggles us down into the blanket.

"Sleep with me Benny. Come on."

I don't say anything as I let my eyes close and let the sound of his heart and the heat of his skin lull me into sleep.

I can stress about this later.

Especially when the pain decides to set in.

…

Could have been better, I know, but I was feeling really sad as I wrote this so… I tried.

Thanks for reading anyways.

See ya'll next time.

-JustMe133