I wanted to say that I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter, but then I realized that I've said that for every one so far. So instead, I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: I don't think there are any major warnings for this chapter. But as always when Beth is involved there may be mentions of drug abuse and suicide.
And in case I haven't done this yet: I don't own Orphan Black or any of the characters.
Going back to the train station feels surreal. Sarah knows that it has only been a few hours since she arrived here with an entirely different agenda, but if feels like it has been years. In just the span of an evening her entire life has been turned upside down. All she had wanted was to come back for Kira and Felix and start trying to make a life for the three of them. A real life that doesn't involve con jobs and running. But suddenly she has a responsibility to these other people, these people who look exactly like her (clones, though she still has issues with believing that).
She knows that if she wants to she can leave all this behind. She can pretend that she never saw Beth on the platform and that she had never saved her and gone to Alison's house. She can pretend that she never made a promise to the women who share her face.
But somewhere deep down she knows that that isn't possible. She knows that she can't make herself forget no matter how hard she tries. And so now she finds herself in a strange position, feeling obligated to both her daughter as well as her genetic identicals, if that's truly what they are.
"Here we are," Cosima says, slowing down. Sarah is snapped out of her thoughts and looks around. She shudders when she sees the platform, thinking of how exhausted Beth looked when they left Alison's house and of the horrors that surely still await the suicidal woman. Sarah finds herself a little uncomfortable thinking about taking on any part of Beth's life. Beth had wanted to end things for a reason after all. All Sarah can hope is that she can get in and out quickly without taking on too much of this new life. She is concerned for the others but in all honesty just wants to get to her daughter.
"I don't see her—oh. No, there it is," Cosima points and Sarah looks in the direction she is pointing. Beth's car is parked on the side of the street, the only one left at the station. Sarah cringes again inwardly, picturing Beth parking her car and leaving it there as she walked into the train station with the intention of never coming back to it. As much as she wants to deny it there's something that connects her to this sad woman and she hasn't yet figured out what it is. Cosima is alright, if not a little too brainy for Sarah's liking, and Alison is annoying with her high strung ways. But there's something about Beth that Sarah just gets. She knows that it's absurd, after only knowing the woman for a few hours. Maybe that's what happens when you save someone's life. If nothing else comes from this little mission Sarah hopes that she can ease some of the strain that the other woman is feeling.
"Thanks Cosima," Sarah says, getting out of the car. She leans back down before she closes the door, feeling like she should say something else but not knowing quite what, and notices that the scientist looks strained.
"Just be careful, ok?" Cosima says. Sarah realizes that Cosima had a bomb dropped on her tonight as well. Monitors. The anxiety is written all over her face and suddenly Sarah feels a little bad for her.
"I'll be fine," she says, trying her best to be reassuring, though she doesn't even fully believe herself. She's never been good at reassuring people, except when it comes to Kira. "This is kind of what I do. Don't worry, I'm good." She knows that she is probably coming across as a little cocky, but she doesn't care. Cosima nods but doesn't look convinced. "I'll call Alison tomorrow when I have the briefcase. Then I can give it to you before you leave, yeah?"
"Ok," Cosima says, forcing a smile onto her face though her hands are tight on the steering wheel. Sarah almost feels like she should reach out and pat the other woman on the shoulder or something, but opts instead for just shutting the door and giving her an awkward little wave.
Beth's car is probably the nicest one Sarah has ever been in. It also probably costs more than Sarah's entire lifestyle, and for a moment she finds herself resenting the cop a little. Why would she try to kill herself when she has such an enviable life? Sarah forces the thought away quickly, feeling a little guilty. There's more to life than possessions and she knows that. But there are still times when she wishes that her life were a little easier, and she knows that having money would help her problems tremendously.
She puts the car into gear and backs away from the station. She is more than glad to leave it behind even though she knows that she is driving into more mystery and confusion. She is harshly reminded of the fact when she realizes that she doesn't have to adjust anything in the car in order to drive it comfortably. She normally wouldn't think twice about it. There are plenty of people who she wouldn't have to adjust to, but she knows that the reason she can drive Beth's car so easily is because they are exactly the same size. If Cosima is speaking the truth, they are the exact same everything. Sarah shudders and flips on the radio to drown out her own thoughts.
It seems that Sarah remembers the area better than she thought because the drive to Beth's apartment is easy and short. Before she knows it she is standing at her front door trying different keys and cursing at the fact that she didn't ask her which one went to her front door.
Finally she finds the right key and pushes the door open. "Hello?" she calls out as she flips on the light, just to be sure. After a moment of silence she relaxes a little. After Cosima's warning she finds herself a little worried that Paul would be home after all, and she doesn't think she is prepared for that.
She puts the keys and her bag down on a table and wanders through the apartment. It is very sparsely decorated, almost feeling empty. She makes a mental note to give Beth hell for her taste in interior decorating if they ever get to that point of friendship, despite the fact that she herself knows practically nothing about the topic. She flips on a few more lights as she moves through the apartment, still feeling a little uneasy. Normally she wouldn't feel this way at all, but after the events of the evening she is feeling more and more antsy. She still can't fully process what is happening.
Despite the lack of furniture and other decoration there are photographs everywhere. They are in frames on the counter tops and stuck on the refrigerator with magnets. She looks at them closely, deciding that the man featured heavily in them with Beth must be Paul. In most of them Beth looks so happy. It's such a difference from the tired looking woman she had been speaking to only about an hour ago.
She opens the refrigerator and grabs a beer, assuming that Beth wouldn't mind. She did say she would owe her after all, and a beer seems like a small sacrifice. She wanders through the rest of the kitchen, shuffling absentmindedly through some papers that are spread out on the counter. Suddenly one catches her eye and she clumsily sets the bottle down without looking.
She looks closely and realizes that it's a bank statement for seventy-five thousand dollars in a new account. Her heart skips a beat at the sight of so much money practically lying there in front of her and her mind begins spinning.
The only reason she had come back here was to get Kira and Felix and make a new life for the three of them. That was all she had wanted. She hadn't asked to get wrapped up in this whole clone thing, and she truly doesn't have any obligation to them. She stares at the statement and realizes that if she really set her mind to it she could take this money and clear out before the others even realize what happened.
She looks for a moment longer, fighting with herself before shaking her head and putting the paper down as Beth's face flashes across her memory. She can't steal the money and run. She tells herself again what she has told herself several times over the course of the evening when wanting to back out. 'You're trying to turn your life around. You're trying to set an example for Kira.' She shoves the paper into a drawer and turns her back, wandering into the rest of the house.
She moves into the bedroom next, looking into Beth's closet and noting all the nice clothes. Nice car. Nice apartment. Nice clothes. She feels the same surge of jealousy once again and tamps it down. She's trying to help this woman, not get jealous and do something rash. She remembers the haggard expression that Beth wore while they talked and the way she trusted her so quickly just because she had pulled her away from the train.
Sarah moves back into the kitchen, looking for a phone and feeling more than a little disgusted with herself. She needs to call Felix, both because he doesn't even know that she is back in town yet and also because she needs a distraction. If she is going to stay here all night she needs something to take away the itch in her fingertips and the desire in her legs to run and not look back. She thinks about using the pink phone that Beth gave her, but she knows that the phone is supposed to be used only for clone business.
Clone business. That sounds so strange in her head.
She spots an old corded phone on the wall and picks it up, relieved when it connects. She makes another note to give Beth hell for this one too before dialing the number she knows by heart even after all this time, holding her breath in the hopes that her foster brother picks up.
"'Lo?" she hears on the other end.
"Fee!" she exclaims, relief evident in her voice.
"Sarah?" Felix asks. "God, Sarah, where are you? Has something happened?"
"I'm here Fee," Sarah says, breathing out a sigh and sitting down on one of the bar stools in Beth's kitchen. "I'm here, but God, you won't believe what's happened."
Sarah wakes up early the next morning. It takes her a moment to fully wake up and remember where she is, but soon the memories from the night before come rushing back and she groans, clutching her head. She had half been hoping that it was all just a nightmare. A very elaborate, detailed nightmare.
"Beth?"
Sarah sits bold upright in the bed, sending out a silent thank you to whatever may be listening that she had brushed out her braided hair the night before and decided to sleep fully clothed. The sound of the door opening must have woken her up.
"In here," she calls, in Beth's accent, clearing her throat. Every instinct in her body is telling her to fight her way out of the situation and run, but she knows better. She reminds herself that she is playing Beth and that Paul is not supposed to know that she knows he is her monitor. She groans again internally, wishing that she had never met Beth and then immediately kicking herself because if she hadn't met her Beth would be dead.
She climbs out of the bed just as Paul enters the bedroom. She recognizes him immediately from the pictures scattered around the apartment. He gives her a once over and frowns as his eyes land on her shirt.
"The Clash?" he asks, and Sarah bristles immediately, not appreciating his condescending tone of voice.
"Yeah," she says, glancing down at the old, beat up shirt she had thrown on to sleep in and trying not to let her tone betray how she is feeling. "London Calling. The Clash rock." She cringes a little when her accent slips and lowers her eyes to avoid Paul's confused look.
"Yeah, but you don't," he replies. Sarah's head snaps up, mouth falling open a little before she remembers who she is supposed to be and covers her actions. Was this how he spoke to Beth all the time? The little snide remarks and veiled put downs? She thought back to the night before, to the way Beth had looked when they were talking and the way Alison had been so concerned for her. She would bet anything right now that Alison had stayed up all night just to be sure Beth was still breathing. Suddenly she feels a little softer toward the irritating soccer mom and hopes that Beth remains under her care instead of coming back here, though she knows that would take some intricate and probably unrealistic planning.
She walks over to the closet, choosing to ignore Paul's comment. "I thought you weren't coming home until the weekend," she says, her tone clipped. She hopes Paul doesn't notice. She is irritated, but she has the feeling that Beth learned to blow these comments off ages ago. The idea makes her sad for the cop.
"I wanted to be here for you," he replies, moving closer to where she is standing. She is beginning to feel trapped between him and the small walk-in closet, something that she acknowledges as bad because it triggers her instinct to fight. She battles with the tension that has suddenly found its way into her muscles, telling herself that Beth wouldn't react this way to someone she has been living with. "I wanted to be here when you got back from the hearing."
Fuck. The hearing. Sarah had almost forgotten about the hearing and the excuse she had given Art the night before. On top of everything else the short phone conversation had slipped her mind, but she finds herself glad for the excuse to get away from Paul. "Oh. Right," she says, grabbing a grey dress from a coat hanger. "Yeah, I need to get going." She slips past him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
She releases a breath, sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet. The pink phone is still on the counter where she left it the night before and she picks it up. There are several new messages from Katja asking where she is and when they can meet. She opens a new message, fully intending to text Alison's phone and warn her and Beth that Paul is back. She thinks better of it after a moment and closes the message, instead telling Katja to meet her by the river in twenty minutes. She had been planning to meet the German woman at the apartment but now that Paul is back she knows that that is not an option.
She quickly slips into the grey dress, very purposely ignoring the fact that it fits like a glove. She brushes her teeth and makes a brave attempt at getting the snags out of her hair. Once she feels that she is semi-presentable as Beth she opens the door.
Paul tries to intercept her again at the front door but she pushes him away, snapping at him that she is going to be late for the hearing. He looks at her in a way that makes her realize that she missed the mark a little, so she kisses him on the cheek before shutting the door behind her.
Sitting in the car by the river makes Sarah uncomfortable. She knows that she chose a relatively abandoned area but can't help but feel like she is being watched. 'It's just nerves,' she tells herself, over and over again as she watches the clock and waits for another car to pull up. She is beginning to wonder if Katja got confused and went to the wrong place, especially if she is unfamiliar with the area.
She is just pulling out the pink phone to text the German clone when the back door opens and a figure slips into the backseat. Sarah jumps a mile and turns around, not having expected the woman to actually get in the car with her, though it is less conspicuous and makes more sense.
Katja has short, dyed red hair and wears large sunglasses, but underneath it all Sarah recognizes her facial structure as mirroring her own. She knew that Katja was another clone but the sight is still unnerving. She shakes her head; that makes four clones in less than twenty-four hours. Four clones too many.
"Katja?" she asks cautiously, trying not to slip up and let her in on the little switch she and Beth have pulled.
"Yes, of course," the red haired clone replies sharply in a heavily accented voice. "I have the briefcase with the samples. I was careful, like you said." She is breathing heavily and Sarah notes the way her breaths rasp in her lungs. She remembers her conversation with Cosima from the night before and wonders if this has to do with the illness they discussed.
Sarah nods, glancing around for a briefcase and not seeing one. "Wh-where is it?" she asks uncomfortably. Her feeling of being watched is increasing and all she wants is to get this over with and get the briefcase to Cosima so she can be through.
Katja's brow furrows and she takes her sunglasses off, looking at Sarah's face hard. Sarah's heart drops, sensing that there is something wrong. Something she said has clued Katja into the fact that she isn't Beth.
"It is in my room," she says, still searching Sarah's face.
"Let's go get it then," Sarah responds, turning away from Katja so she will stop looking at her as though she is figuring everything out. She turns the car on and puts it into gear. She doesn't want to waste another minute and let Katja continue to piece things together. Katja grabs her shoulder and Sarah slumps, realizing that it may be too late for that. She squeezes her eyes shut and then turns, meeting Katja's confused gaze.
"Just one, I'm a few. No family, too. Who am I?"
Sarah recognizes the little rhyme from the night before at the station. Cosima had spoken it into the phone when they first talked after Sarah had saved Beth. She mentally kicks herself for not asking what the answer was the night before. She hadn't even thought that it might come in handy for meeting Katja today. Katja is staring at her expectantly and all Sarah can force out of her mouth is a highly intelligent sounding "Um."
"You are not Beth," the German says, and Sarah tenses in preparation to either defend herself or explain. Her mind is spinning as she tries to decide what to do next, though what she has not factored into the equation is the bullet that suddenly whizzes through the windshield.