I was worried about having sung in front of Berwald, but a few days passed, and he made no indication that he had any diabolical plans of making me sing to him for the rest of his or my days. I eventually came to the conclusion that it would be safe to sing around him on occasion. He did, after all, seem to enjoy it. So, when the mood struck me, I would sing for him. It usually happened sometime in the evening, after he returned from work and we were simply relaxing. He always listened with a peaceful expression, sometimes even a smile.
Every once in a while I'd sing him to sleep while we laid in bed. I think he finally gave up on the idea of getting me my own, and instead just bought me some pillows to be added to his prior collection. So when I noticed he was having trouble sleeping, which happened a couple times a week, I would sing him a soft melody, and eventually he'd lull into slumber.
But he never demanded more when I finished, never showed any aggression. He just appreciated it when it happened. With this discovery, life with Berwald became even more comfortable. Mer sung all the time, it was practically a staple in our lives. It had been difficult for me to contain it for as long as I had. It was nice to finally partake again.
Other than that, I began filling my time with a hobby, as Berwald had suggested. After trying a few things, I decided that I liked drawing the most. Berwald made sure I had plenty of paper and pencils, and had taken to hanging my finished drawings on the refrigerator. It was a little embarrassing, as I knew I was far from talented, but my heart always fluttered when he praised each of my pictures. And, to be honest, I was improving a little bit every day. Not much, but I was definitely better than when I started. Berwald assured me that that was part of the whole hobby thing.
Berwald also gave me permission to invite Matthew over, and he had visited a few times already. He met Berwald on one of these occasions, and though he was obviously intimidated at first, he eventually warmed up to him. Matthew actually invited us to join he and his boyfriend for dinner some time. We agreed, though no definite date was set in place. He explained that he'd have to ask his boyfriend when the best time would be.
Speaking of boyfriends... I must confess that I was growing incredibly fond of my savior. Of course, I liked him after the third day or so. But my affection had grown exponentially as we got to know one another and grew closer. I hadn't ever had a mate; I was considered pretty young for a Mer, and there wasn't a very large selection in our cave. Most of them were too old for me, and what few young adults remained were already coupled. And, to be honest, I wasn't especially close to anyone other than my bed mate. Perhaps, given some more time, I would have chosen him, and he I. Or perhaps not.
But I was happy that I didn't yet have a mate, for Berwald would have stolen my affections away in a heartbeat. He was a perfect match for me. He was quiet, patient, strong, caring, and brave; everything I needed to complete myself. Not to mention he was rather handsome with his piercing eyes that reminded me so much of home, and his masculine form. But I was unsure about his feelings in regard to me.
It seemed that the actions directed at me were affectionate, but that was from my perspective. How was I to know if the flirtatious gestures were different for humans? It was then that I discovered romance movies. I needed to study up, so I began watching television programs and movies that depicted human love. I was delighted to find that courting rituals on land were practically the same as under the water. And, the more I was paying attention, the more I noticed how often Berwald showed his affections.
But still, how could I be sure? Maybe he was just that kind of person. I couldn't just ask him outright, that would be too forward of me. And what if he did not return my feelings? It would put strain on our still young friendship. Not only that, it would make the air around us awkward, and I might end up having to leave his home! These were factors that I simply could not ignore.
I did, however, begin trying to give him hints. Whether it was taking his hand as we walked, despite not needing him anymore to support my walking, or snuggling close to him as we got settled in for bed. He never denied me the contact, but nor did he react. It was all so confusing, and I had to wonder if courting was so difficult for all beings, or if I was just superbly unlucky.
I was on the verge of confessing my feelings to Matthew, in hopes that he'd be able to help me, but he spoke before I could, suddenly having remembered our dinner date. He called to Berwald, who had been in the other room, letting him know as well that he and his boyfriend had picked a day and time. He relayed these to Berwald, who took note of them in a small calendar book he kept with him. He and Matthew then engaged in a conversation about what would be served for dinner and whether Berwald should bring something along. I sighed, knowing I had missed my opportunity.
We drove to Matthew's house a week later. It was a truly terrifying experience to say the least. I had been introduced to Astrid, Berwald's car, shortly after I began staying with him. However, I had never been for a ride in her. She went much too fast for my comfort, not to mention it was a jerky and noisy ride. I made sure to inform Berwald of my distaste for his wheeled monstrosity, but he only laughed, ruffling my hair.
"Ya'll get used to it." He assured me, opening the back door to retrieve the dessert he had made for dinner. I frowned, not in agreement at all.
"I do not wish to grow accustomed to it. That was terrible! I'll admit that humans are very clever, and your ingenuity is incredible, but this," I gestured to the car, "was the worst idea you've ever had, aside from the stone launching sticks." I huffed.
"Stone launchin' sticks?" He mused, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes! They are shiny, made out of the... Metal. Made out of metal. And they launch little balls of metal, but they do it really fast so that they can go through things. They're always very noisy, they make a loud bang sound." I tried to explain, my memory fresh as I had seen them on the television as well.
"Oh, guns." He supplied. I frowned, not liking the name of the device anymore than the device itself.
"I hate them." I spat. I had never actually seen one in person, but I had heard about the horrors that 'guns' caused. That was enough for me. "I also hate bicycles. The humans riding them are always rude. They nearly ride them right over me, and then yell at me for getting in the way. But I was on the sidewalk! You said that the sidewalk was for walking, not bicycles!" I seethed. "Oh, and..." I was cut off as the door to the house opened, Matthew emerging to welcome us inside. I decided to save the rest of my rant for later.
He ushered us inside, taking the dish from Berwald and disappearing into a different room. When he emerged, he had another human by the arm. I assumed this was the lover I had heard about. He was tall, but still not quite as tall as Berwald. His hair and skin were both white, his eyes a reddish color. I realised that he was albino. I had seen a few fish lacking in pigment, but I had yet to see a Mer without color. This would be my first human.
"Tino, Berwald, meet Gilbert." Matthew said, gesturing to the man.
"Nice to meet ya." He said, giving us a grin that could have been read as condescending.
"You'll have to forgive his mannerisms, he's really not as rude as he comes off. He just has trouble expressing his emotions." Matthew explained, sighing to himself.
"Hey! That's kind of rude, don't ya think?" Gilbert gasped, frowning at his love. "The awesome me expresses himself just fine. It's West who has issues! Have you seen that totally constipated look he always has on his face? He's been like that since we were kids! But man, if you embarrass the guy! You should have seen him that time I hung his..."
"Enough Gil, you're going to scare them off." Matthew chided, sending an apologetic smile our way. "Dinner is ready, if you guys are ready to eat." He added. I nodded eagerly, always excited to eat. Matthew led us into his kitchen, Gilbert pointing to two chairs when Berwald and I both stood awkwardly next to the table, not wanting to take the spots that our hosts usually occupied. I gave him an appreciative smile, sitting in one of the chairs, Berwald sitting in the other. Matthew and Gilbert sat across from us, sitting much closer to one another than Berwald and I were. The dishes of food were already on the table, and plates and drinks were in place at each seat. Matthew gestured for Berwald and I to get our food first, and, following Berwald's example, I did so. Whenever I finished with a dish, Berwald would pass it to Gilbert, who finished by handing to it Matthew. In this fashion, we each got what we wanted, and we all began eating once everyone had their food.
After we had all gotten a bit more comfortable around each other, we started some conversation. Well, mostly Gilbert and I. As it would turn out, he liked to talk almost as much as I did, and he had some pretty interesting things to talk about. Granted, I didn't understand the majority of it, but I played along as if I was a normal human. I also learned that "awesome" was one of his favorite words.
"And one time, when Mattie was making pancakes at, like, five in the morning, he totally flipped one so hard that it hit the ceiling! The awesome we had to wait two days before it fell down!" He said, grinning widely at his blushing boyfriend. I smiled, remembering the tasty flat cakes that Berwald had made a few times before.
"Gil, that was one time, and..." Matthew tried to cut in, but Gilbert was having none of it.
"It's okay Matt, your pancakes are still the most awesome! Even if they do have bits of the ceiling in them!" He added, cackling. Matthew rolled his eyes, throwing an exasperated look my direction. I chuckled, showing him that I shared his feelings.
"Alright, two can play at that game, Gil. Remember the time that you got drunk enough that you thought you could beat me at hockey?" He asked, a smirk crossing his features. Gilbert froze, choking on his drink a bit.
"You said we'd never talk about that!" Gilbert exclaimed, the nervousness obvious in his tone.
"Well, you said we'd never talk about the pancake." Matthew replied, his grin widening as he turned to Berwald and I. "Gilbert and his brother go out drinking once a week or so. And... Well, let's just say they don't leave a bar without making sure they are drunk. Totally shitfaced, actually." I made a mental note to ask Berwald the meaning of the word 'shitfaced'.
"Gil is the type of drunk that gets really cocky and competitive." He continued.
"Come on Mattie, anything but this story..." Gilbert whined, his eyes round and hopeful. Matthew ignored him.
"So, on one of these occasions, he stumbles back home, sneaking into the closet where I keep my hockey gear. I keep some equipment for Gil too, so I can use him for practise. So Gil gets all suited up... Kind of." He trailed. I guess my face was begging for details, because he gave them.
"He had his head and arm both through the head hole, and let's just say that the padding was not where it was supposed to be. Once he's all dressed up, he barges into our bedroom, at three AM mind you, and shouts challenges at me until I finally drag myself out of bed. He then shoved me into the closet, demanding I get ready for a hockey match," he paused here, "I'm... I'm actually really competitive when it comes to hockey. So I humored him, mostly because I wanted to prove that he'd never be able to beat me at hockey. We played a quick game out on the street. Suffice to say, I kicked his ass." Matthew finished, grinning over at Gilbert.
"Ja, he won, but..." Gilbert started, Matthew cutting him off again.
"Oh, how silly, I forgot to tell them about you hitting the puck through the old neighbor lady's bedroom window, hitting yourself in the face with the stick at least five times, vomiting in the middle of the street, and crashing into the old neighbor lady's car. She still has a dent." He sneered, grinning triumphantly at the crestfallen look on Gilbert's face. The man look positively beet red, and I chuckled along with Berwald and Matthew at his expense.
"Not to mention he mooned the old neighbor lady when she came out to complain." He finished, his grin widening.
"Alright, alright, you humiliated the awesome me. Are you happy?" Gilbert demanded.
"I'm getting there." He replied, muting his smirk to a kind smile, pressing a kiss to the larger male's jaw. With that, any animosity that had formed between them disappeared. I stared, trying not to let my jealousy show, but likely failing. I glanced over at Berwald, wondering how he was reacting, but, per usual, he wasn't really reacting at all. I sighed, obviously a little too loudly, for Berwald's head turned my way. I felt the rise in heat on my cheeks, quickly averting my eyes to avoid the question that was certainly in his.
When we had finished with dinner, Matthew suggested we all watch a movie together until we were up for dessert, and seeing as we had no other engagements that night, Berwald agreed for us. After a short argument between Gilbert and Matthew, they decided that we'd watch a thriller, whatever that meant. I settled in next to Berwald on the couch, Matthew sitting on my other side. The movie began playing, and I gave it my attention. I had to ask Berwald what the title was when it started, for I couldn't read the human language.
"Black Swan." He whispered.
-.-.-+-.-.-
About an hour and a half, a lot of mental trauma, and a couple pieces of cake later, it was time for Berwald and I to take our leave. We said our goodbyes to Matthew and Gilbert, and thanked them for the lovely night. They invited us to come over again sometime, as they had had fun as well. Then it was back into the wheeled monstrosity for the short drive back to Berwald's home.
"Berwald, I do not understand the movie that we watched." I announced. He spared me a glance, then returned his eyes to the road. He had been around me long enough to know that I was far from done. "She was a dancer, I understand that, but why did she always dance on the tips of her toes? It's hard enough to walk with the whole foot..." I trailed.
"Because she's a ballet dancer." He explained. "They're considered really special 'cause they can dance on their toes. No' many people can do it."
"Okei, that's great and all, but what was the issue with all of the other dancers? Why was everyone so mean to her?" I asked.
"Because she go' the main role, which is somethin' all of the dancers wan'. It's the only character the audience really pays attention to. An' they though' she slept with her boss to ge' it."
"But... What's wrong with that? I sleep with you." I pointed out. His face got very red, and he refused to look away from the road for even a second.
"It was a figure of speech. It means tha'... She was... Uh... You know... havin'..." He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish his statement. I blinked, waiting for him to say what he meant, for I had no idea. "She, uh, she was... Havin' sex with him..." He finally said, looking out of his window, even his ears red now. I paused, thinking over what he had said, then gasping when I understood.
"Oh! You mean they thought that they were mating! But I still don't understand. Why is that bad?" I wondered.
"Usin' sex to ge' things ya wan' isn't righ'."
"But... Why not?" I questioned.
"'Cause tha's not wha' sex shoul' be about." He said, his voice firm. "It's supposed to be abou' love. She didn' love him." He finished.
"Oh, she didn't? But why would she mate with him if she didn't love him?" I asked, more confused than when the conversation had started.
"Well, she didn't. Bu' like Ah said, people use it as a way to get wha' they wan'. And the other girls though' she had used it tha' way." He said, sighing.
"And that's... Wrong. Okei, then did she love the girl that she was kissing? What were they doing when they went to her house? Was that mating? She must have loved the girl, because..."
"No, she didn't love the girl, she jus' though' she was attractive. And they didn't actually... You know... She was jus' havin' a dream abou' it. Tha's okej." He said, cutting me off before I could rant too much. "And tha's no' really wha' sex should look like. They were jus'... Well, they were jus' horny. There wasn' any love." He added.
"Oh... Why do humans seem to mate so often? It's almost like you like it." I pointed out. At this, he finally looked at me, his face surprised.
"Uh... Merfolk don'..." He trailed off again.
"We mate, of course! We would have died out ages ago if we didn't. But we certainly don't do it as much as human seem to. It's not like it's much fun, after all."
He seemed stunned, not a word escaping his lips. I was curious about this silence of his, but he seemed uncomfortable enough, so I let it drop.
"Well, anyway, what happened at the end? I thought she killed the other girl, but then she was bleeding. Did she die?"
"Maybe. Ah'm no' really sure." He admitted. "She was hallucinatin' when she killed the other girl, so she actually stabbed herself."
"Oh, okei, I think I kind of get it." I announced, though I didn't really. We were quiet after that, not speaking again until we were in the house again. We both removed our shoes and were relaxing on the couch. Berwald was reading a book, which reminded me of something that had been on my mind since the beginning of the movie.
"Hei, Berwald?" I called, getting his attention. "I was wondering if, maybe, you could teach me how to read?" I gave him my best puppy face, one I had been practising since I had seen a rather attractive man perform it on the television. It always got his older brother to do what he wanted, so I hoped my face would have the same effect on Berwald.
"Sure." He agreed, beckoning me over. He got his magical light up brick (he calls it a cellphone) from his pocket, and pressed a few of the buttons. Eventually a bunch of symbols came up, and he showed them to me. He made them big so that I could only see one at a time.
"This one is A." He said. I looked at it, then repeated its name, trying to commit it to memory. "This is B." He said, moving to the next one.
"Like the little black and yellow beast that likes to sting if you try and taste honey?" I asked.
"Ja, it's said the same." He agreed. "This is C"
"I see." I said, smiling at my own joke.
We continued like this until we made it through the entire alphabet, as he told me it was called. He then decided it was time for bed, but he promised to print the letters off for me the next day so that I could practise writing them while he was at work. I nodded, thanking him. He said that I should say them aloud as I wrote them so that I might remember them better. But he added that I shouldn't get mad at myself if I could only remember the names of a few of them. It was, after all, my first time with them.
He led me to the bedroom, pulling out some pyjamas for the both of us. We got changed, then climbed into the bed, quickly finding comfortable positions. It was pretty routine at that point, as we always ended up in the same position anyway, me nestled against his torso with his arms draped around me. Even if we fell asleep apart, I always wiggled my way into his arms in the search of heat. We had long given up on personal space.
We laid together, both content, but neither of us could seem to find sleep. So, as I always did on sleepless nights, I sang, confessing the feelings I couldn't speak aloud in a language he could never understand. He sighed, his breathing slowing and regulating, his heart finding a calm pace as his body relaxed into my melody, his arms drawing me closer as he finally fell into sleep. I sang until I was sure the deafening silence wouldn't rouse him, then I too relaxed. I let the rhythmic beating of his heart, rush of air as he took in and released air, and his radiating heat lull me into unconsciousness.
A/N: I made promises, and I intend to keep them, so here it is, chapter five! My chapters are getting a bit shorter, I've noticed. But there isn't much I can do about it, because I stop at good cutoff points, and writing more would make me feel uncomfortable. So you'll have to deal with shorter chapters for a bit, sorry! At least they're coming at all, right?
I know I always write a bunch of apologies, but I'm going to skip it this time in favor of having you watch the video I posted about just that. It's also got a little update on the NSTAC sequel, and I've decided that I'm going to do a solo Q&A thing, since the SuFin author Livestream thing died. So go check out the video, if you're interested. I'm going to attempt to put a link here, but if it is totally unusable, check my Devi, facebook, or tumblr profile for a link. It's posted on all three, so whichever you prefer. (If you need a link to those, check my profile!)
Here's my attempt at a link.
Triple W dot youtube dot com slash watch? v=yzA8CL7Sf7s. No spaces or anything. It would seriously be easier to just grab the link from one of the aforementioned sources, but good luck either way!
In other news, just twoish weeks until I'm off to Canada for Supernatural Toronto! I'm super duper excited like OMG. But I'm trying to keep calm and Carry on My Wayward Son. (Haha, I'm hilarious.) Just so you guys know, I'll be falling off the face of the earth for, like, a week for that, so expect a lull from me accordingly. I've been working my butt off for this, I'm so looking forward to it. Let me know if you're going to be there!
Okei, I'm sorry, but it's getting pretty late, and I work tomorrow. (For Supernatural money, of course.) Oh, but before I go, I'd be just tickled if you guys would like my cosplay page on facebook. I just recently made it, so it hasn't got many likes, but everyone has to start somewhere. I'll add that link to my profile! Thanks in advance!
This chapter goes out to NordicQueen. I hope you get around to feeling better, and I hope this chapter helps, even if just a little bit!
Now, for real, I'm going to bed. Hyvää yötä, KuroRiya out!
KuroRiya
九六りや