After a few more weeks, I was growing very frustrated with my lack of the ability to read Berwald's thoughts. I had decided, somewhere along the way, that I was most certainly in love with the man. I was embarrassed to admit it, definitely. But love is love, and I figured that it was better for me to accept it than try to hide it away in my heart and pretend it never happened. But I was entirely incapable of telling if Berwald reciprocated any of my feelings. It never registered with me how impossible reading his expressions was until I needed to do so!
I tried to provoke him into reacting in a way that would indicate his opinion of me, but he was proving a worthy opponent. He simply seemed prepared for anything, as if nothing I could do would ever affect him. And it was torture not knowing! How I wanted to confess my feelings to him, to openly show him affection, yet I was too afraid of the rejection that was very much a possibility. If he dismissed my love, would he still allow me to stay? It would surely make him uncomfortable to have someone with unrequited feelings for him living in the same home, inescapable. And I didn't dare try my luck with another human. Despite having settled into my life, I was still obviously new to the whole "human" thing. If nothing else, my inability to read more than simple children's books would likely give me away. Apparently, in this, and most advanced, countries, everyone was required to receive several years of education, and therefore most were literate. It would be an immediate red-flag if anyone noticed my inadequacy.
And so I bit my tongue every time I almost told Berwald how I felt, hoping beyond hope that he would eventually get around to telling me first, if he felt the same way. That was, in fact, all that I could do. I was simply too scared to pursue it myself. But I at least tried to make it obvious that I felt more for him than simple companionship. As he slowly, and painstakingly, taught me new words, I'd lean against his side. When we watched the television together, I'd discreetly scoot towards him until he was forced to wrap an arm around my shoulders to accommodate for the personal space I had stolen from him. On the few occasions he joined me for a walk, I'd lace my fingers with his, regardless of the fact that I could now walk perfectly without his help. They were all things I had seen the humans do on the television, so I hoped he would get the message.
But life seemed to carry on as usual for us, despite the extra pushes I was giving him. I wanted to pull my hair out! I was going crazy with the need to know! I was flirting my face off! How had he not picked up on it? And what if he had and he was just ignoring me on purpose? There were so many possibilities, but it all seemed worst case scenario for me.
I finally confided in Matthew, spilling out my heart to him, sans the details about my not so human history. He tried to comfort me by assuring me that Berwald had feelings for me, but I could not be convinced. He did, however, give me a few tips, and informed me of a whole list of things to watch out for in my future encounters with Berwald. Before I left, he promised me that things would work in the end. He said that fate had a funny way of helping people find the ones they were meant for. I was, of course, skeptical, but I decided to take his words for what they were.
About two days after that, when Berwald returned home, I began my mental checklist. When he entered, I quickly came to the door to greet him, helping him shed the outermost layers of his clothing, as I always saw him do immediately upon returning. He thanked me, offering a smile as he sat down to remove his shoes.
"Does he smile a lot when he's around you?"
That was one box checked off.
Once he had made himself comfortable, he headed into the living room, flopping his full weight onto the couch and letting out a sigh. After finding his position of choice, he beckoned me over, pulling me against him as I sat.
"Does he initiate physical contact? Even little stuff, like brushing against you or a hug counts."
Make that two boxes.
"Was it busy today?" I asked, laying my head on his shoulder. He let out another sigh, nodding.
"We go' a huge shipment, and Mathias messed up the stock numbers, so Ah had to fix it." He vented, rubbing the space between his eyebrows. "Bu' Ah'm home now, so le's talk abou' somethin' else." He requested, and I nodded.
"Okei." I agreed. We both thought for a moment, trying to think of a new topic.
"How was your day?" He finally asked.
"I visited Matthew earlier. Today is his day off, and he invited me over. He even made me pancakes for lunch." I offered. He smiled, ruffling my hair.
"Tha' was nice of him."
"Mhm, I thought so too." I agreed, allowing us to fall into a comfortable silence. We relaxed like that for a few more minutes, then my stomach growled, alerting the both of us to my hunger.
Berwald asked me to go to dinner. I could tell it was one of those days when he was too tired to cook for us, and I quickly agreed.
"Does he ever take you out? Like, to eat, or something like that?"
"Yes, but usually only when he's too tired from work to make us anything for dinner." I explained.
"Well, that could still count. Does he ask you if you want to go out to eat?" He asked.
"Um, I'm not sure. I've never paid that much attention." I admitted.
"Next time, make sure you pay attention. Because if he asks you, you could consider it a date." He pointed out.
"Really? It works like that?"
"Sometimes. Does he usually pay for the food?"
"Mhm, but that's because he doesn't really have a choice..." I trailed.
"Oh, right, you're unemployed. I forgot. But that's another indication; a lot of people will pay for their date's food. It's kind of cliché, but it's a thing."
"Wow... Courting is so complicated!" I decided. He gave me a funny look.
"Courting? You have such a weird way of talking, you know that Tino? You're like... An anachronism." He announced.
"Ananachronism?"
"Anachronism. It means that you seem like you belong to a different time. You just... You phrase things kind of differently than most people. But it's kind of cool, so don't worry." He assured me. I was wincing on the inside. I knew that I spoke differently than the other humans, but I had hoped it wasn't as glaringly obvious as it apparently was.
"Anyway, from the sounds of it, he cooks for you?" He continued, picking our previous topic of conversation right back up.
"Oh, yes. Everyday, usually twice."
"I wish I could get Gil to cook for me once a month..." He grumbled. I laughed, suddenly very thankful that Berwald seemed to enjoy cooking.
So that was three, if my math skills were to be trusted.
After getting shoes on, we headed out, deciding to walk to the restaurant, as I still wasn't very fond of riding in Astrid. It was a short walk, and we quickly arrived at a restaurant, one that we had been to a few times before. After a few greetings from waiters I had befriended previously, we were seated. We both glanced at the menu before ordering, me picking a picture that looked good. the waiter excusing himself to prepare our dinner. I looked to Berwald, who was in the middle of sipping water from the glass the waiter had brought him. I sighed, wanting to check off the 'going on a date' box on my mental checklist as well, but still unsure if that was what I was currently taking part in. I frowned with frustration, deciding to just take a chance.
"Hei, Berwald?"
He looked at me, giving me the eye contact I was seeking. I fidgeted, not really wanting to ask, but knowing I had to say something, or risk looking rather stupid.
"Um... What is this?" I asked, my words coming out more vaguely than I had intended. His brows furrowed minutely, looking around.
"It's... It's a restaurant. Ah thought Ah taugh' ya tha' already." He said, his eyes looking upward as he tried to remember if he had or not.
"N-No, that's not what I mean. I mean, what are we doing right now?" I tried to rephrase. He looked just as confused.
"Is this some kin' of tes'? We're waitin' for our food..." He replied. I moaned with frustration, my attempts at not being too obvious failing miserably. Berwald was actually pretty dense!
"Are we on a date?" I finally blurted, my face heating up before the words had even escaped my lips. Both his eyes and mine widened, and I buried my face in my hands, too embarrassed by my outburst to even look at him. He was quiet, and I worried that I had been too up front about it, and that he was likely planning how he would escape my company.
"Do ya... Do ya wan' it to be a date?" He asked, his voice cautious, as if he was just as scared about this topic as I was. I blinked, thinking about his question just as carefully before answering.
"I... I wouldn't not like for it to be a date..." I decided, looking at him carefully. He took a moment to gather the meaning behind my answer, then nodded.
"Ah'd be okej with it too." He agreed at last. But I didn't let my spirits rise just yet.
"So... It is a date?" I asked again. He paused, then offered me a small smile.
"Ja." He confirmed. My heart rate picked up, fluttering as if it had the wings of a bird. I finally checked off the last box on my checklist, looking down at my lap to avoid Berwald's gaze. Though it seemed that he maybe liked me a little bit, which was good, I was suddenly aware that he maybe liked me a little bit, and that was scary. Thankfully, the food came in time to save me from too much of the excruciatingly painful awkward silence that had fallen between Berwald and I. I used eating as an excuse not to make conversation, taking it in slowly to prolong my break. He, thankfully, didn't bother trying to interrupt my food intake, and we didn't speak a word during dinner. In fact, we didn't speak to one another again until we had left the restaurant. Having walked from his home, we had to walk back. And, with any walk of considerable distance, chitchat would be required. We began walking, the awkwardness still weighing down on my body, making me feel heavy. I frowned, not liking the feeling at all. Even though it would seem that we were maybe courting a little, I suddenly felt a disconnect with Berwald. And I didn't want that.
"Berwald?" I whispered. He looked my way, his expression hard to see in the dimming light, but I knew he was listening. "Since that was considered a... Date... Are we courting?" I asked shyly, waiting patiently for his response.
"If ya'd like to. Bu' mos' people say datin', nowadays." He pointed out. I flushed, ignoring the latter comment. I rushed ahead of him, cutting off his path and forcing him to stop.
"Really?" I demanded, looking at his face, glad that I had stopped him in front of one of the street lanterns, for I could determine whether he was playing a joke on me or not.
"Ja. 'Courtin' kind of wen out of fashion after the 1800's..." He began.
"Berwald!" I yelled, gathering the attention of a few passerby. He smiled, showing me that he was, indeed, joking.
"Sorry, Ah'm no' very good at makin' jokes." He admitted, chuckling before gathering himself and giving me his most sincere face. "But ja, really. Ah..." He paused, taking one of my hands in his. "Ah like ya a lo'." He announced, bringing my hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I did my best not to scream with excitement and relief. "Ah jus' wasn't sure if ya felt the same, and Ah didn't want to make ya uncomfortable." He admitted. I laughed bitterly.
"I was thinking the same thing!" I agreed, then froze. "You aren't going to throw me out, right?" I asked, looking up at him fearfully.
"Throw ya out? Ah'd never do tha'." He said, frowning at the mere idea of it.
"Well, I was worried! It is your house, so you have the right to make me leave, and I was scared that if you didn't feel the same way about me that you wouldn't want to be around me, and then I would have nowhere to go, because other humans would notice that I'm not like them, and then they'd ask questions, and if I told them that I'm a Mer, they might torture me or make me sing for them forever, and that's why I didn't say anything, so please don't throw me out." I gushed. His eyes had widened at my outburst, but he quickly regained his wits, pulling me in for an embrace.
"Ya never needed to worry abou' tha' Tino, Ah'd never make you leave. Ah wish Ah could make ya stay forever." He confided. I blushed, my arms snaking around his waist as well.
"Really? You want me to stay?" I wondered, skeptical considering how much of a burden I was.
"Really. I love havin' ya around." He replied, this time pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"W-Well, I'd like to stay." I announced, tightening my hold on him. He chuckled, releasing me. He gave me a small smile, taking my hand yet again.
"Please do." He requested, pausing for a moment before resuming the walk home. I followed, not having much choice in the matter, thanks to our joined hands. Not that I minded.
We were silent again, but this time was much more comfortable. I was smiling hugely, and I'm sure anyone passing by must have feared for my mental health, but I could hardly care less. I was in the best mood I had been in since my trip to the pool, and nothing was going to spoil it for me! I was so happy, in fact, that I didn't even notice when Berwald took a turn that led away from the house. I only realised something was off when we passed the gates to my favorite park.
"Berwald, what are we doing here?" I asked, squeezing his fingers.
"Ah though' we could relax here for a while. Migh' be nicer than the livin' room." He pointed out. I smiled, nodding as he led me to the small lake located in the middle of the park. He found us a nice spot, then sat, his feet just inches away from the gently lapping water. I followed suit, removing my shoes after I sat so that I could get mine wet. The natural water felt nice against my skin, and I relaxed, resting my weight on my hands. But Berwald was quick to correct the posture that would soon be causing me pain, scooting behind me and situating so that I was pressed against his chest, his legs framing my own. I allowed myself a smile as I leaned against him. I was thoroughly happy that his confession had come with a whole new level of physical contact. I could get used to this Berwald pillow thing.
"Hei Berwald?" I prompted. He made a sound to let me know he was listening. "How long have you liked me?" I asked, using his previous word choice of 'like' as opposed to love. I didn't want to put words in his mouth, and it seemed to me that he was yet too nervous for that specific word. It took him a moment to answer me.
"Well, Ah though' ya were beautiful the second I saw you." He announced, pausing. "But Ah guess Ah started havin' feelings for ya a few weeks in. Ah jus' didn't wan' to scare ya off."
"I wish you had said something! I had no idea at all, you know! You don't drop many hints. I was flirting so hard, and it felt like you didn't even notice!" I scolded, twisting in his arms to give him a playful glare.
"Believe me, Ah noticed." He assured, sighing. "But Ah didn't wan' to read into it too much. Ya're kind of new to the whole human thing, so Ah though' maybe ya were jus' copyin' wha' ya saw on TV." He explained.
"Actually, I was. Human courting isn't so different from Mer courting, but I did study a bit." I admitted. He laughed, his frame shaking with the action.
"Sorry for bein' dense." He apologised, pecking my cheek. My face flushed, the heat radiating from the spot where his lips touched my skin.
"It's okei, as long as those kisses keep coming." I informed him, my hand falling over his on the ground and twining our fingers.
"Ah'll see wha' Ah can do." He promised, resting his chin in the crook of my neck, following my line of vision out to the center of the lake. We stayed that way until my feet started to look scaly, at which point he decided that we should really head home. He had work the next day, after all.
A/N: Don't look at me, I'm so late, and I totally know it. Sorry guys. I might have started writing a Shingeki no Kyojin fic. I promised I'd never join the fandom, and then I did, and when I did... Well, it was pretty hardcore. I drew fanart and started a fic, and opened prompts... Well, truth be told, I work better when I have two stories at the same time. I'm better under pressure, and I'm able to switch between the two when I get tired of working on one.
But, because I've been working so hard on the snk fic, I've kind of neglected this one a little. I've not written chapter eight, so now there's only one 'just in case' chapter. I'll try to catch up again though. In the meantime, I'm utilizing one of my back ups so that I don't keep you all waiting any longer.
So, I'm back from Canada, and totally broke. But I got to kiss Misha Collins on the cheek. I got to touch Misha Collins. He liked my corset thing. I breathed in his scent. I felt his stubble. I am in love with a thirty-eight year old and I'm not even sorry. If you'd like to see the picture of me kissing Misha, the best place would be on my facebook page. Link in my profile!
I think that's about all I have to say this time around. Oh, right, I dyed my hair black today, so I'm no longer a blondie. (For now. I'm planning to go back eventually, but my hair needed a break from the bleach.) We just did it today, but I'm going to have to do another round, because a lot is washing out of the tips, thanks to the bleach. But my hairdresser prepared me for this. I'm just going to have to spend a week with pitch black at the top, and dark brown at the bottom. I need a trim now too, as it looks much different black than it did blonde. So much to get used to. I like the black, but I already miss the blonde. Time to invest in a few wigs, it would seem.
I'm leaving for real this time! Thank you for reading, and please send feedback if you have a moment to spare!
KuroRiya
九六りや