The boring, everyday tasks that I usually found boring held new interest for me as I thought about my new relationship with Berwald. I was cleaning our house, and making my suitor lunch. The second I saw Matthew during a walk in the park, I unloaded all of my excitement on him, my voice raising in pitch as I said way too much, much too fast. I was gasping by the time I had gotten it all out, but he merely smiled, suggesting we actually start walking around.
"I'm glad it worked out. I told you he was interested." He reminded me, smirking. I rolled my eyes, a habit I had taken to during my time amongst the humans.
"I suppose you did. But he's so... So stoic! He's so hard to read, even after spending so much time with him. I think I've gotten a little better at it, but I still lack the necessary skills to know what he's thinking." I whined, frowning.
"That's normal, I think." Matthew offered. "I mean, Berwald is definitely a special case, but I have trouble figuring out what Gil is thinking more often than not. Knowing what other people are thinking is really hard, that's why mind reading is considered a superpower. So don't feel so down on yourself, it'll get easier the longer you're together. Just make sure that you guys have good communication." He suggested, smiling at me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Just talk to each other. Make sure you're on the same page, that you understand one another's feelings about things. Miscommunication can be a big problem in relationships, but it can totally be avoided if you guys are open and talk." He elaborated. I smiled, nodding.
"Okei, I'll try. Thank you for the tips." I said, thinking to myself for a moment. "This is honestly the first time I've ever courted someone. I have no idea what I'm doing, or what I'm supposed to do..." I admitted.
"Since you two just got together, not much really. You should always start out slow. It's better for a relationship to be a little slow than too fast. Have you two done anything particularly coupley?" He questioned.
"Well, he holds my hand sometimes now, and he kisses me, except not on the lips. Just my hand or my forehead. Is that okei?" I wondered.
"Are you comfortable with it?" He asked.
"Uhuh, I like it when he does." I confirmed.
"Then it's fine. There is no right way to proceed in a relationship, you'll have to gauge it based on how you feel. If there's something that makes you uncomfortable, then you should tell Berwald. You shouldn't ever feel uncomfortable." He explained. I made sure to take intense mental notes that I could return to in the future, thanking him for the advice with a smile.
-.-.-+-.-.-
Berwald starting asking me to go out a lot more often. I learned from Matthew that this was normal human courting behavior. These outings were called 'dates,' hence the term 'dating.' I didn't mind so much, though I made sure to let him know that I much preferred his cooking to restaurant food. He'd also take me to indulge in activities that humans generally considered enjoyable.
The first of these excursions was to a place called a bowling alley. We haven't returned since, my foot aching every time we pass the building enough to make sure of that. I nearly got us thrown out of the movie theater as well, thanks to my rather verbal amazement. Let's just say, it was a very large television, and the sound was very loud, and I was very excited. Berwald managed to quiet me enough that we could finish the movie though.
He took me to something called a 'carnival,' where we learned almost immediately that I have a very intense and apparently irrational fear of these walking monstrosities called 'clowns.' I was appalled when Berwald informed me that they were considered cute and loveable, and that they were meant to entertain children. But, my horror for the garishly painted men aside, I enjoyed the carnival. He allowed me to sample a variety of unhealthy carnival food, which was all delicious. My favorite was the spun sugar, which he called cotton candy. But the funnel cakes came in a close second.
He convinced me to try out a few rides, though my favorite ended up being the teacups, the other rides proving too intense for my poor heart. It took a lot of effort on his part, but he eventually got me on the Ferris wheel. And, after my initial terror, I found I rather liked the Ferris wheel, and we ended up riding it several times over.
I was amazing, especially when we made it to the top. Looking down, I could see the brightly colored tents and the people that appeared to be tiny from my vantage point. I could spot the painted men, thanks to their strange poofy hair, but they were less terrifying when I knew they couldn't get to me. And I was easily entranced by the little floating bubbles. Berwald told me that they were called balloons, and that the ones floating towards the sky were likely accidentally released by children that normally pulled them around by strings. It was kind of sad, but still a lovely sight from the Ferris wheel.
He finally got me off of it just in time to watch the amazing fire flowers that they shot into the sky. Berwald told me the name of them, but I wasn't paying attention, too wrapped up in watching the fire flowers. But he didn't seem to like me paying so much attention to them, so he was quick to steal it away.
That was the first time he kissed me on the lips. It was surprising, but not unwelcome, and it did the job of drawing my attention away from the fire flowers. Once I realised what was happening, I responded appropriately, pressing my lips against his and drawing closer, wrapping my arms around him. He pulled away with a dark blush covering his face and ears, stepping away from me stiffly. I laughed at his embarrassment, taking his hand in mine and getting up on the tips of my toes to initiate a kiss of my own. He was obviously flustered when I pulled away, but he stayed put, lacing his fingers with mine.
After that, kissing became a common thing. I ended up having to do most of the initiating though, as it turns out that Berwald is a very shy man. But he never denied me a kiss. I learned that the optimal times were; first thing in the morning, right before he left for work, when he returned from work, and before bed. I'd still throw a few in here and there, but those ones were for sure, he could always expect them. On the rare occasion that he sought a kiss from me, especially if I wasn't expecting it, I'd blush wholeheartedly, my pulse quickening with excitement. What can I say? I have never courted anyone before. And I wasn't anywhere near as bad as Berwald!
However, despite all of the happiness caused by my new relationship, there was also a downside. Now that I was being smothered in affection, I grew to loath the time Berwald and I were forced to spend apart. It felt incredibly lonesome sitting at home while he was working. My walks became more frequent, and I started visiting Matthew a lot more often. He never complained, but I was sure I was being a bother to him. I hated myself for it, but couldn't stand to be alone. Matthew said that would wear off after a while, and I trusted him, hoping he was right about that.
As always, Matthew was right. After a few weeks, my feeling of loneliness began to dissipate. Though I'd still miss Berwald, it was more than manageable. Yet, I was always excited when he got home, happy to see him, and kiss him, and eat with him. But, when he came home that day, something seemed a bit off about him. He was especially red when I gave him a kiss, and he was stuttering all throughout dinner. I assumed that something had happened during the day to make him act this way; surely it was nothing I'd done, for I'd done nothing aberrant. But when I grasped his hand as we sat on the couch, he nearly jumped through the roof, much to my surprise. He settled back down, but I was cautious with my affections after that, doing my best not to startle him any more than I already had.
As we lay in bed, my head resting on one of his arms and my hands curled against his chest, I could hear his heart racing, his breathing picking up, as if he was nervous about something. But we'd slept in that position many times before, so it was nothing for him to be nervous about. I was about to ask him if he was feeling well, but his voice cut mine off.
"Tino?" He called softly, obviously not wanting to wake me if I'd fallen asleep.
"Yes?" I returned, shifting to look up at him. I could see a bit of distress on his face when our gazes met. He opened his mouth, made a few sounds, then shut it again, his face flushed again. I was confused by this behavior, but waited for him in hopes that he'd say what he meant to.
"U-Um, Ah..." He trailed, looking away from me. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, then shook his head. "No, nevermin'. Sorry." He whispered, looking anywhere but at me. I frowned, but let it go. I wasn't going to force him into saying something he didn't feel comfortable saying.
"It's okei. Goodnight Berwald." I said, cuddling closer to his side. He tightened his grip around my waist, pressing his nose into my hair and inhaling my scent. Eventually his heart slowed, along with his breath, and I fell asleep to soft snores.
I had hoped that he'd be his normal, calm self the next day, but he was still in his jumpy, nervous state. I decided to ignore it for the time being, and allow him to work out whatever internal struggle he was having in whatever way he wanted to. Though I was worried, it wasn't my business. I gave him his normal kisses, and sent him off with a smile.
Of course, after he left, I took a prompt walk right over to Matthew's house. I knocked a bit too urgently, but he didn't mention it when he opened the door and welcomed me inside. He made me some tea and had me sit down on the couch before I could start burying him in my many questions.
"Matthew, I think there is something wrong with Berwald." I announced. He quirked a brow, putting down the tea he had been sipping at.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Well, he... He's been very nervous since he got home yesterday. He jumps when I touch him, and he's hardly talked to me at all. And when he does, he's a stuttering mess! He's always so straightforward, he hardly ever stutters." I explained. Matthew furrowed his brows in thought.
"Did he say anything weird?" He wondered, and I thought on it a moment.
"Not something weird, exactly. But, while we were laying in bed, about to go to sleep, he started to say something, but then he said nevermind and went to sleep." I offered. Matthew hummed, biting the nail of his index finger, a habit he had while thinking to himself.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure, but it sounds like he wants to tell you something important, but isn't sure if he should or not, so he's hesitating." He said. I frowned.
"But, what would he be hesitant about telling me?" I questioned, and Matthew laughed this time.
"A lot of things, really. I ran over one of Gil's birds once, and I didn't tell him for three days. And when Gil broke an old mirror, he hid the evidence and didn't tell me for a month. It took him a whole week to say he loved me for the first time! Just be patient, let him figure it out." He instructed. We finished the tea, then he saw me to the door, waving goodbye with a smile. I sighed, thankful I had such a wonderful, clever friend. Though he was definitely the type that often went unnoticed, Matthew was unbelievably sharp. He picked up on things, and knew more about everything than anyone I'd ever met. I was truly fortunate to have him by my side, eager to help me whenever I needed him. He had easily put my mind to ease with nothing but a short conversation and some delicious tea.
I hoped, vaguely, that Berwald was having trouble saying something good. It would be awful if I learned that he was trying to ask me to leave. Maybe that really was it! What if he wasn't enjoying our courtship as much as I was? I never really paid much attention, but that could easily be so! I was so in love that I wasn't seeing to his needs. I whined lowly in my throat, suddenly hyper aware of how selfish I'd been in our relationship thus far. Who was I to say that he wasn't miserable, and just going along with me because I was obviously enjoying myself? Was I so blinded by my own feelings that I was missing his?
I slipped into the house, drawing a bath and getting in after adding some salt. Call it silly, but that was the best thing I could think of to calm myself down. And it worked, my fretting all but coming to a stop as I soaked in the warm water. I decided to stop worrying about it. Surely Berwald wouldn't allow our courtship to continue if he didn't return my feelings. He would have told me the truth long ago. I nodded absently to myself, letting my body slide further into the water. My eyes were starting to get a bit droopy, and I sighed. A little nap wouldn't hurt anyone.
-.-.-+-.-.-
I woke to the sound of the door opening and shutting, startling me so that I slipped down further into the water, yelping as I did. The water had lost its warmth during my nap, seeing as I had failed to turn on the heater before I got in. I whined, unable to get out quickly enough, my movements sluggish thanks to the temperature. And, when I finally managed to get a grip on the edge of the tub, I realised that my fins had already formed, rendering me practically invalid.
Thankfully, Berwald had heard my distress from the doorway, and came running. He seemed surprised to find that I was apparently injury free, but quickly pulled me out of the tub when I explained my situation, wrapping me in a towel and helping me dry my body off. Once I was dry enough, he hefted me up and carried me to the couch, sitting me on it and wrapping a fuzzy blanket around me. I wanted nothing more than to cuddle into his side and share in his warmth, but he walked into the kitchen as soon as I was adequately blanketed. I frowned, a low whine escaping my throat as I watched him go. But I was too scared to voice my wishes, my previous worries resurfacing as quickly as they had faded.
I accepted that I'd not be partaking in any significant cuddling, and reached for the remote, turning on the television, flipping through the channels until I found one meant for children. Though it hurt my pride a little, I knew that watching these programs was a good way to learn the ways of the human world. Though Berwald was a good teacher, he didn't have much spare time for it. So I had quickly learned to rely on the television to fill in the rest. I had already improved with the alphabet, and had managed to learn quite a few basic words, enough that I could write short sentences. And Berwald even taught me to write my own name, something I was immensely proud of.
A sweet smell began wafting my way, and I reasoned that Berwald had likely begun dinner. Though, with a dubious glance at the clock, I learned it was much too early for that. Surprisingly enough, Berwald was home pretty early in the afternoon. But what else could he be doing in there? I let it drift from my mind, figuring I would learn what he was doing sooner or later. If worst came to worse, I'd be partaking in an early dinner. I focused on learning how to spell apple instead, saying each letter aloud to myself, trying to memorize it before they moved on to a new word. It felt pathetic, learning words so simple, but it was necessary, I knew.
A few minutes later, Berwald reemerged from the kitchen, carrying two steaming mugs. I frowned, wondering if he had made me the bitter drink of energy, despite knowing that I disliked it. But when he handed the mug to me, I noticed that it wasn't nearly dark enough to be coffee, much milkier in appearance. I looked to him for guidance.
"It's ho' chocolate." He explained, encouraging me to take a drink. I contemplated it, noting that I did indeed like chocolate, and eventually gave in, taking a small drink. I smiled as it hit my tongue, looking to Berwald appreciatively as I took a bigger drink. It was sweet and chocolatey, but also warm. I could feel it radiating out from my stomach, reaching as far as my stiff fingers. He allowed himself a small smile at my reaction, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and scooting closer so that I could snuggle up to him. I sighed happily, glad that he was going to indulge me in my want for physical contact.
I forgot the program entirely, too busy falling asleep against his shoulder to care about the spelling of banana. I made sure I had downed the entire mug of its delicious contents before I sat it aside, adjusting so that I was in a more comfortable position. He waited till I was finished, then settled himself, drawing some of the blanket over his own lap, then guiding my head to rest in the crook of his neck. I did so gladly, blindly searching for his hand and then lacing my fingers with his when I located it.
"Ya shoul' be more careful abou' where ya fall asleep." He pointed out. I chuckled, squeezing his fingers between mine.
"I know. I didn't mean to stay in so long. I assumed I'd wake before the water could get that cold, but I guess I shouldn't give myself so much credit." I said, scoffing.
"Ah taugh' ya how to use the heater, didn't Ah?" He wondered.
"You did. I didn't think it'd be necessary. I was just trying to relax for a bit. I came home so flustered that I..." I cut off, realising my mistake much too late. I felt Berwald shift beside me, turning so that he could look at me, even if I couldn't return the eye contact myself.
"Flustered?" He prompted, making me sigh.
"Don't worry about it, I'm fine now. I was just worrying about silly things." I replied, waving off his concern. Of course, this being Berwald, he was having none of that.
"Tino, silly or not, Ah wan' to hear abou' it." He said firmly, almost scolding me. I frowned, finally turning to meet his eyes.
"It's really not important, I promise." I assured, trying to get him to drop the subject, but his gaze didn't falter. I made a feeble attempt of beating him at a staring contest, eventually finding it too uncomfortable and caving in to his wishes. This, of course, ended with me gushing out every last detail to him, my mouth unable to hold anything back.
"I just... You were acting rather strangely yesterday, and it had me worried. You were kind of stiff, and you kept almost saying something, but then not saying it, and you were nervous all night, and this morning, and I just wasn't sure what to think. So I went to talk to Matthew after you left for work, and he said that you probably have something important you want to tell me, but you're scared to. Uh, well, he said you weren't sure if you should tell me or not." I paused for breath here, too scared to look at Berwald. "But he said I shouldn't worry, so I tried not to, but then I tried to figure out what you might be trying to tell me, and I thought that maybe you didn't like me as much as I like you, and you were trying to tell me that you want me to leave, or you don't want to court me anymore, and then I realised that I haven't really been paying attention to your feelings at all, and I felt bad. So I tried to put it out of my mind, because I knew you'd be like 'why're ya worryin' bou' such things, silly Tino' and that's why I took a bath, because it helps me relax, but then I fell asleep, and you came home and saved me from freezing to death, but then I thought you didn't want to cuddle, because you went into the kitchen right after you put me on the couch, but then you came back with that drink stuff that was really good, and so I didn't really need to worry. Sorry." I finished at last, looking down to hide my embarrassment at my flustered explanation.
He was silent for a while, obviously trying to pick his way through everything I had said. Once he had caught up, he sighed, drawing me closer to him. He pressed his nose to the crown of my head, something I'd noticed he had a habit of doing. I wondered if my hair really smelled that good.
"...Ah'm sorry tha' Ah stressed ya ou' so much." He apologised, his fingers clenching nervously against mine. "Ah should have been more careful abou' the way Ah was actin'. Ah didn't think it'd worry ya so much." He admitted. I frowned, wanting to tell him that it wasn't really his fault, but he didn't give me the chance.
"Ah... Ah do have somethin' to tell ya." He said. I shifted in his arms to face him completely, sensing that this was when I was going to get my answer, be it good or bad. He looked uncomfortable, but my legs had formed enough that I was able to straddle his legs and prevent him from escaping. It took him a long time to speak again, and he looked everywhere but my eyes, but he did eventually say what he wanted to.
"Well, ya know tha' Ah like ya a lo'." He began. I nodded, smiling at the tidbit. "Bu' Ah never really... Never really tol' ya how much. And Ah feel like we've gotten a lo' closer, especially since you came to live with me, but even jus' these pas' couple weeks. So Ah... Ah think Ah can honestly say... Um... Ah..." His face got redder than I'd seen before, and I worried that he might lose consciousness with so much blood rushing to his face. I smiled encouragingly, willing him to get it out so he could calm down.
"A-Ah l-" He stopped yet again, taking a few breaths. I laughed awkwardly, lacing my fingers with his. I had an idea where he was going with this, but I had to hear it from him before I could truly believe it. He finally screwed his eyes shut and said it in one fell swoop.
"Ah love ya!" He shouted, his proclamation met with naught but a deafening silence. I grinned, but didn't respond, waiting patiently for him to open his eyes. He kept them closed for what seemed an eternity, but when he did open them, he was met with a flurry of kisses, courtesy of me. He made a surprised noise, but was quick to relax into it, pulling me against him with hands around my waist. This kissing was much more powerful than what we normally took part in, our lips rarely separating and air scarce, but I liked the desperation of it all, the way my head spun. When I eventually had to pull back for air, I finally returned his sentiment.
"I love you too, Berwald. I have, for a quite a while.
A/N: I caught up to myself, aren't you guys proud? I'm two chapters ahead again, thank goodness. The only reason I was so jumbled in regards to the last update was because I went to Canada for the convention, and came back literally right in the middle of eremin week! I had to contribute, my precious dorks required it! But eremin week is over, and I've already updated What Lies Beyond the Walls, so I had some time to play catchup with this story.
I nearly forgot how much I adore these two. Their domestic fluff-filled lives are enough to give me cavities. They are basically the cotton candy of the fanfiction world. It's a really stark contrast to my eremin story, which is kind of angsty and painful. It's still fluffier than a lot of the stuff in the snk fandom though... I can't seem to help myself. Speaking of, all of the prompts I filled for eremin week are up on FF and Ao3, under the title How Many Ways Can You Fall in Love. (The smutty ones are in a separate fic called How Many Ways Can You Fall into Bed on Ao3) So if you want to see what had me all tied up recently, check it out!
So, KuroRiya update! I'm officially a D20 girl! {cue applause} Oh yes, that's right! I had my interview about a week and a half ago, I think? And for some reason they all think I'm just the most awesome thing that rolled into their scene, and hei, who am I to argue? I'm kind of the baby of the group now, so I'm still getting used to being called cute... I'm so used to Anime Club, where I was everyone's sempai, and they wanted me to notice them. How the tables have turned! Unfortunately, the first event I get to attend with them isn't until January. But they're already proving to be a very sweet group of gals!
Aaaand it is Halloween, and I have much planning to do, so this is goodbye for today! Happy Holidays, and I hope you all enjoyed the update! Feedback is always appreciated!
KuroRiya
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