The next day Gwen and him had, had their usual talk but she hadn`t asked him to go join her at lunch preferring that if Merlin wanted to come he would and to let him be for the time being.

Merlin like usual had gone to the roof top and sat down in his now familiar spot. To his surprise blondie had apparently followed him there. "Hi…" Merlin looked up from his lunch at the blond guy and looked around him confused and poi ted at himself in disbelief. "Me?"

"Yeah, you." He said giving him a weird face back. "You are not going to try and die again are you? Because I`m not ready for another heart attack." The blond gave a sad smile at the comment and replied: "No."

"What are you doing here then?" Merlin asked raisin an eyebrow at him, biting on his sandwich. "I- I… don`t know." He admitted.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" He sat down beside Merlin. "Yesterday." Merlin said flatly not looking at the blonds' reaction even though he could feel him stiffen up beside him. "No." He replied after a sigh. "You wouldn`t understand…"He murmured under his breath.

"Try me."

"Do you ever wonder why you were born?"

Merlin was left with his mouth open about to take a bite but decided on lowering his sandwich and after a few moments of silence he responded. "I believe everyone has a purpose in life no matter how little and insignificant it may be." After he responded and decided it was a good moment not to choke at another question and took a bite. For most of lunch they sat in silence and Merlin offered the blond half of his sandwich which he practically swallowed whole. When the bell rang they both stood up and before Merlin left the other stopped him. "My name is Arthur by the way. Arthur Pendragon." He extended his hand at Merlin.

"I`m Merlin; Merlin Emrys." He smiled and shook Arthur's hand.

After a week it became something usual. Merlin would go to the roof and Arthur would be there to steal his food. They stayed there talking and not talking about anything at all. Arthur was a prat that was one of the things Merlin had learned about him the hard way.

After that day they didn`t talked about why Arthur was considering ending his life but Merlin didn`t pushed him either. If Arthur was going to tell him he wanted it not to be because he forced him but because he wanted to.

When the weekend finally came Merlin felt suffocated. These last few days he had been able to push all of those things in the back of his mind trying to forget about them, but he had been able to do that thanks to Arthur.

Now that he had no-one to distract him he didn`t know what to do. Nightmares haunted him at night and so he was afraid to close his eyes. He had lost his appetite again and he felt empty.

Maybe he was a masochist; he was now in front of his old house miles away from Camelot. He had come because he missed the place and wanted to see it but he couldn`t go without seeing his father. He needed to know he was ok.

As he entered the house it reeked of alcohol. His father was on the floor with a bottle of beer broken beside him. "Father!" Merlin rushed beside him. The man looked disoriented. His eyes went backwards and his head leaned to the side.

Merlin took him to bed using his magic to help him lift him. He hadn`t used it since his mother died…it had been 2 weeks now and even though it hadn`t been long it felt like an eternity to him. It was a part of him no matter what others tough of it.

After 4 hours Merlin woke up to the sound of cursing. "What the hell are you doing here!?" Balinor pointed at Merlin with a bottle of wine long gone. "I-I…" Merlin looked at him wide eyed.

"What? Came here to kill me too?!" He made a twisted smile at him. "No, I was-"

"Don`t talk back to me you insolent child!" He threw the bottle at Merlin which missed him by chance.

Merlin was trembling, afraid. He felt trapped all over again. All his life since he was 10 like this and he had been weakened by leaving he had gotten used to not being hit and now he was afraid, he got used on not having to be afraid and he had gotten weak. "I`m sorry-" A tear went down his cheek as he sniffed and tried to hold back a more of them because whenever he cried- "Crying now are you not?" Balinor- "I`ll give you something to cry about." got angrier.

But now-

Balinor reached to his pocket and took out a lighter.

It was too late…

When he had gotten out of there the side of his belly hurt more than he tough possible. But he had been lucky to get out with only that…last time his neck had been involved and it hadn`t been a burn. It had been a very ugly cut that had scared…

On Monday he didn`t go to school, nor did he on Tuesday or Wednesday. Those days he had spent them locked in his room crying in pain. His excuse to Gaius being he didn`t felt well.

He hadn`t cut again since he left but images playing all over again in his head where too much to bare; and then again just one cut, after another after another after another. They filled his wrist with blood. He didn`t felt any better, but then he started to think in the people with worst life's, those that were happy with less than he had.

In Arthurs wish to die.

He just hoped he wasn`t a fool enough like him to self harm. Because once you started it felt almost impossible to stop.

When he finally went back to school on Thursday Gwen asked him why he hadn`t come. He just shrugged it off saying he hadn`t felt well. He was actually glad that the only people he knew were Gwen and Arthur so that people wouldn`t drown him in questions. But when lunch came Arthur was already in the roof waiting for him. "Where were you?" Arthur glared at him.

Merlin raised an eye brow at him. "I was in class Arthur." He rolled his eyes. "That`s not what I meant and you know it." He hissed back and Merlin did know of what he was talking about. "Why didn`t you come this last few days?! I waited for you here all of those days! If you didn`t come today I was actually going to steal your personal information from the office and go to your house! Do you know how it feels to not eat lunch for 3 days straight!?"

"Yeah, I missed you too." Merlin smiled in return knowing the meaning behind Arthur`s lines.

"Talking about eating have you been eating? You look skinner and paler than usual. You should eat more if you get anymore skinnier you will disappear." Arthur frowned at him. "Yes, mom." Merlin rolled his eyes. He had lied yeah, but it had been a white lie it couldn`t hurt anyone.

"Hey Merlin." Arthur said in between bites. "Would you still like me if I was a murderer?" Merlin choked at the question. "What did you kill someone?!" Merlin`s eyes went wide.

Arthur laughed at his reaction and replied. "No, you idiot. But would you?" Merlin nodded. "Yeah but tell me before hand so they don`t have evidence and you don`t get thrown into jail."

When it was time to leave school Merlin didn`t really felt like going straight home as he passed beside a park he spotted a familiar head, a familiar blond head. He approached it and asked: "Arthur?" He frowned.

Arthur not seeing him jumped startled. "God Merlin don`t do that!"

"Sorry…" He smiled at him sheepishly. "And wipe that stupid grin of your face…"

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked Arthur. "I could say the same." Merlin crossed his arms around his chest as Arthur seated on a bench with food on a bag under a tiny open wooden place adorned with wild flowers in the middle of the park. Arthur sighed in frustration and gave in. "I don`t usually eat at home, study at home or do anything but sleep and bath there." He admitted to Merlin that seated beside him stealing a chip from his bag.

"Why?"

"Why are you so interested?" Arthur asked slightly irritated with the questions.

"Look I do not want you to tell me if you don`t want to but, I`m your friend right? If you need anyone to talk about this to you can come to me." Merlin said as he took a bite from Arthur`s hamburger. "Yeah, sure trust the person that`s stealing my food…"

"Why not? I trust you." Merlin smiled at him.

"Touché." Arthur took the hamburger from Merlin and looked at him in the eye. "You are a riddle Merlin…"

"You know there are times when you smile but it doesn't quite reach your eyes and it looks slightly sad." Arthur said taking a bite from his hamburger. "Are you going to tell me the real reason on why you didn`t come this last few days? Because Merlin, You are a horrible liar."

That had been something he had heard before. Mostly from Gaius…

"Maybe…another time." Was all he could reply.