Twilight and New Moon belong to Stephenie Meyer.
This update came pretty quick, but I don't think anyone will really mind. I was going to put it up last night, but my internet recently decided to hate me, so it was being stubborn. Enjoy!
I waved goodbye to Brendon as he pulled out of my driveway. He had honored my request and driven me home in a car. A shiny, red cobra that attracted attention like moths to a flame. He had only laughed as I tried to duck farther in my seat from embarrassment.
As he disappeared down the street, I walked inside, thankful that no one was home yet. I had no idea how I would have explained this. I walked into my bedroom threw my backpack down on the bed. Then I threw myself onto the comforter and closed my eyes. Maybe I could make sense of everything that had happened.
"And you said my house looks like a hotel. This room looks like a model area in a store."
I sat up instantly, my eyes wide open. Brendon was standing in the corner leaning against the wall of my room looking around, intently taking in his surroundings.
"I mean really, you could have at least changed the bedding or the walls or something. At least then it wouldn't look like your staying in the guest room." He gazed over at me and smiled. I just stared at him like an imbecile, the shock not quite abandoning my body yet. His smile faded and his eyes slowly filled with regret.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. If you want me to leave, I can go." He said.
"No…no, it's okay. You just sort of…surprised me, for a second." I said, pulling myself together. "How did you get in here?" I asked.
"I dropped of my car at my house, then ran through a back route so I wouldn't be seen. When I got here, I jumped over your fence, and then I used your back door. You should lock that, by the way. A fence isn't going to stop a hardened criminal." He said frowning.
"I'll mention that to my mom." I said, my breathing returning to normal. "Not to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here? I thought you said we would talk more tomorrow, not in twenty minutes."
He shrugged, "I guess I was bored, and there's still so much I want to know about you." He walked over and sat on my bed, but not close enough for it to be awkward. But for me it still was. "Tell me more about yourself. I want to know."
"Why do you keep doing that?" I probed. His expression became puzzled.
"Doing what?" he asked.
"Saying things like that. Like at lunch when you said you were attracted to me, and just now saying how you want to know everything about me. Why do you do it?"
He thought for a moment, and then said, "I suppose it's because you're the first person I could be completely honest with since I met my brother and sister. I want to know you, because you seem to already know me."
Okay, that made sense. I was afraid he was going to say something like-
"And also, I think you happen to be very beautiful." He added quite suddenly, confirming my worst fears. He was attracted to me that way. When he saw my hesitant look, he continued, "You don't need to be afraid of me doing anything. I know how you felt about Edward, and-" but I winced as he said his name, and Brendon quickly corrected himself, "how you felt about him, and I'm not going to force you into anything. I just want to be friends, nothing more."
That was good. Just friends. Nothing to hurt me, nothing to make the pain start again. Just friends. I smiled at him, and his answering smile was dazzling. He got up and began to walk around the room.
"Tell me about…your favorite color." He said. And the drill began. He asked me about flowers, days of the week, friends, places, vacations, school, classes, cars, colleges, books, music, anything that seemed to pop into his head. When my mom got home, he went on, and didn't change his pace or volume at all. It took a second for me to figure out that it was probably because he was influencing my mother, so that she wouldn't come to check on me. After a while, I interrupted him and said,
"You know, just because you can finish your homework in five seconds doesn't mean the rest of us can." He stopped, and looked at the clock.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that I was taking so long. Can I just have one more question, though?" I sighed and nodded. He held up my photo album.
"Are these your friends from Washington?" he asked, and my face stuck into an expression of shock. When I spoke, I couldn't control the anger in my voice.
"Where did you find that?" I inquired, feeling my mouth turn down into a frown.
"It was tucked in your closet." He saw the intensity of my glare, and suddenly the book was gone. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, it was wrong of me to bring it up." His face apologetic.
I calmed myself, "No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have freaked out like that. Yeah, those are my old friend from Forks. From before everything…happened." I averted my eyes, and felt the edges of my hole in my heart burn. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe normally. But I could still hear when Brendon asked,
"Was that picture on the first page of him?" And then, quite suddenly, it was too much to bear.
I burst into tears, sobs heaving out of my body. I felt like my heart was being ripped apart again, and I wanted to die. All the feelings and memories that I told myself I had forgotten, I had simply stored away, packing them tighter and tighter into my heart and mind. And now, they had burst open, all of them spilling out of me like my tears, a tidal wave of emotions and pain. I didn't even care when I felt Brendon wrap him arms around me. He stoked my hair and whispered to me,
"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry. Never again, I'll never speak of your past again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Never again, I promise. I won't ever make you cry again. I swear, I promise. I'm sorry…"
Slowly, I felt the sobs subside, and my breathing returned to normal. Brendon released me from his embrace, but held me out in front of him.
"Are you alright? You're not going to faint again are you?" I laughed, but it just sounded weak and gargled. I shook my head, and asked him,
"Can you just go, for tonight. I'll be okay, I just…need to be alone."
He nodded, understanding in his eyes, and he slowly got up.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well Bella." And then he was gone. I sat there for a few minutes, calming myself down. Then I got up, and dug through my closet. The album was exactly where I had left it, he had replaced it perfectly. I got it down and sat down on my bed with the album on my lap. I took a deep breath and opened it.
I didn't need to go farther than the first page to see his face. Staring into his eyes, I began to realize the truth. The reason why I tried to hide the memories, the reason that when I thought of his name the pain nearly tore me apart. The reason why I broke to hysterics only a few minute ago, simply because he was mentioned.
The truth was that I was still hopelessly in love with Edward.
And once I had told myself that, once I admitted it once and for all, the pain stopped. The throbbing in my heart dulled and a smile crossed my face. Who cares if he doesn't love me anymore, if he never even cared at all. I had loved him, and I still loved him, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
With my sudden epiphany, I walked over to my desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. I knew exactly what I had to do. I wrote a letter to Edward. I wrote down my feelings, my emotions, my epiphany, everything. And when I was done, I folded it up and placed it in the album. It would never get to him, but just the idea that I had, in a way, told him how I felt made me feel better.
With my new emotional high, I placed Edward's – it didn't hurt to say his name anymore – CD into my computer and played through all his compositions. Then I got out my binders and began my homework. When I was finally done, I ate some dinner, took a shower, changed into my pajamas, then fell asleep to my lullaby.
What could possibly be written in that letter...hmmmm. I just love to mess with you guys! Please review! You know you want to hit that 'submit' button! Go ahead, do it! Peer presure!