JUNE

I am alone and all around me there is nothingness only warm light and hazy mist filled with the soft scent of white lilacs. My body is and it isn't, I feel infinite and though I cannot recall how I came to this place it feels warm and safe. For a long time I simply exist here relishing in the soothing calm but eventually I begin to suspect that something cold and dark hovers just beyond the edge of my contentment. The thought fills me with fear and I struggle against the heaviness that I hope is sleep trying to break free of this quiet place back into the real world where I sense something has gone terribly wrong... But then a voice speaks, it seems to come from everywhere, flowing into me and filling my soul, the sound of it alone is enough to quiet my fear and leave me suddenly, instantly at peace.

"Hey, Junebug."

Metias. He stands before me perfectly rendered as though my memory has held on to every last detail and saved it away to construct this image. He is wearing the uniform he had on when I last saw him although the jacket is open and his shirt is half un-tucked. His eyes, black with flecks of gold exactly like mine are warm and his voice is so gentle that even those two small words bring hot tears to my eyes. I have not dreamed of him this clearly in years I hadn't realized it but time had faded Metias in my memories and in my dreams although certainly not in not in my heart...

"You're here." I whisper because even though I know this is a dream it feels like the truth.

""Where else would I be Junebug?" The image of my brother shakes his head and smiles a little sadly. Then he opens his arms and I go into them, surprised to discover that he feels solid and warm although not quite as I remember. My brain does not fabricate us as we were but rather as we would be, I am taller now than I was when he was alive and my hair brushes the bottom of his chin, which he rests on the top of my head. For a moment we do not say anything, he holds me tightly and I nestle into his embrace just like I did as a little girl and breathe him in. The moment goes on forever and ends before it began. Finally I pull away simply so that I can see his face again, there are a million things I want to say and they fill my mind all at once, but the words that slip from my lips are the ones that encompass all the rest.

"I miss you... Every single day, I still miss you."

He nods and kisses my forehead. "I'm proud of you, you know. You've become a beautiful woman and you'll be a wonderful mother."

"I'm afraid." I confess without hesitation because I've already whispered these fears to my brother the way I tell him everything else in hopes that somewhere he hears me.

"I know." He says quietly and then his eyes glint with laughter, "You should be, if she's anything like you'll worry yourself sick over her every day."

"I hope she's like you." I whisper.

"You don't have enough faith in your own goodness June."

I shake my head and rest it back against his chest ashamed of the tears that I feel on my face now. Metias takes a step back and lifts my chin so that I am forced to meet his steady gaze.

"Listen to me June, for once in your life just listen." I smile a little at his gentle teasing. "Good isn't something you are or aren't it's something you strive everyday to be." He hesitates before he going on, "But sometimes you will fail the people you love, we all do."

"Not you" I say and he gives me a stern look.

"Don't be ridiculous… Of course I failed." His eyes close and he shakes his head, strands of dark hair fall across his face exactly as I remember. "I failed you more times than I can count." I start to protest but he stops me. "You're supposed to be listening. " He says tugging at my ponytail "My point is that the struggle for goodness is what makes you strong. And you, Junebug have always fought to be the best version of yourself, you are wiser and more compassionate now because of it."

"I don't know if it's enough" I confide.

"It doesn't have to be. You will go on fighting for goodness and love will fill in the rest.

I bury my face in his dark jacket again and close my eyes. "I love you. " I say my words barely audible. And then because I can feel the vision slipping I add, "Don't go."

"Why do you assume we are gone?" He replies just as softly. I want to say more to pull back and look at him one last time but the darkness has begun to wrap itself around me and my eyes refuse to open. I know the dream is fading so I commit every detail of it to memory and use these last precious seconds to savor the feel of my brother's arms around me.

"June! June Please!" Day's voice breaks through the shadows and calls me back into myself. I feel cold hard concrete against my back and my eyelids are so heavy that it takes an enormous effort to open them even a little, but I hear the panic in his voice so I fight the weight of exhaustion and will myself into consciousness. As soon as my eyes are open pain and nausea wash over me in powerful waves bringing with them memories of the disastrous fight that lead us here.

"June! I need your help! Please!" I turn my head in the direction of his voice ignoring the way my body rebels against the movement and I am surprised to discover him far away from me crouched over something in the corner of the cell.

"Day_" My voice comes out horse and raspy.

"Oh god. June. Thank-you!" He turns to me and I see his face is bleached of color. "I was worried you… June, she's shot, I think she's… please…"

That is when I notice the pool of golden blond hair on the floor and I remember cataloging the wound it's owner suffered just before the gas carried me into oblivion. I roll over onto my side and half crawl to where Day is kneeling beside Jessalyn.

"How long has she been like this?" I ask as analyze the scene. Jessalyn's eyes are closed but I can tell she is conscious by the way she grimaces in pain. Her breathing is sharp and shallow and the shirt Day's holds pressed against her abdomen is soaked with blood.

"I don't know, I just came-to a few minutes ago… I don't know how long we were out."

For once I don't know either but it can't have been too long or Jessalyn would have already bled out. I glance around at our surroundings looking for something to close the wound with and notice for the first time that Alisha is no longer in the cell, our weapons and the small bag I carried with us are also gone. I have no time to consider where Alisha went and why she refused to be rescued because there is no doubt in my mind that Jessalyn is dying on the floor.

"Let me see." I say gently reaching for Day's hand and lifting it away for moment to assay the wound. The bullets were small caliber and the point of entry is not large but she is still bleeding profusely. I have no way of knowing if any vital organs were damaged so I don't know whether bringing the bleeding to a stop will save her life or just prolong her death. Nothing to do but try though so I quickly strip off my own torn over-shirt and nod to Day who lets me take his place.

"See if you can keep her awake." I say using my calm commander's voice. He shoots a desperate glance at me before moving to cradle her head in his lap.

"Jessa?" He says gently slapping her cheek with one hand "Jessa, wake up ok. I need you to wake up and talk to me."

"Shut-up Blue" Her eyes a crack open and they are full of pain but her voice is surprisingly strong. "Can't you see I'm trying to die quietly here? You are ruining my tragically graceful death scene."

No one is going to die right now." I lie, furious that it could be true if only we had more than a shirt to work with. People who don't die instantly of a gunshot wound often survive if they receive prompt medical treatment. But that's exactly what we don't have.

"What do you know?" She snaps at me

"You can't just give up Jessa." Day pleads

"I'm not giving up I'm just a realist. No one gets out of this life alive you know…" Her lips are almost colorless now but they turn up in a wry smile.

"You're cracked." Day says.

"No more than either of you." She says and then she goes quiet again while Day does his best to wake her, his voice growing louder with every passing second. Finally she opens her eyes again although they wander like she is searching for something before landing on Day.

"You weren't a waste…" She says to him. "I just want you to know that. I knew you didn't love me…I tried not to love you either."

"I_ I'm sorry." He says helplessly.

"Stop. I'm trying to be benevolent here. I loved someone once… the way June loves you. I know what that is…I know how it feels when they're gone." She is quiet for a long moment and when she speaks again her voice has faded. "You were empty and now you're not, that's…. good. I'm glad."

"June, she's not making any sense…" He says to me. I don't agree, I think she's making perfect sense but I don't say anything his eyes are frantic and I don't know what to do. I can't fix this, I'm not Tess, I'm not even sure she could save Jessalyn now.

"Just keep talking to her." I say and then I set to doing the best I can with what we've got tearing strips of cloth, packing the wound and wrapping her torso while Day tries to engage her with stories about their more outrageous escapades. Day and I do not talk much about the years we spent apart; we don't talk a lot about the past at all… Most of what he says now is completely new to me. It is the story of Daniel an arrogant newbie agent who got into a lot of tight scrapes with his fearless partner, sometimes lover.

Hearing Day talk about his life without me is surreal. In many ways it is exactly what I always wanted for him but I can't deny that my heart aches when I realize how much of his story I don't know. If we make it out of this I resolve to discover the whole of him Day and Daniel everything he was and is.

Jessalyn does her best to listen, occasionally responding with snide remarks and corrections but it's clear she is in pain and fighting to stay conscious as time passes her responses becomes less and less frequent. Day and I do the best we can but it isn't enough. One hour and seven minutes after I awoke in this cold, horrible cell Jessalyn dies.

When she slides into death it is oddly graceful exactly as she wished but like all senseless death it is still undeniably ugly. Day watches her face relax and I watch him as he sets her head gently on the ground and brushes back her hair.

"She didn't deserve to die like this." He says bitterly. I shake my head because I have no words. When he speaks again his voice is heavy with regret, "You would've liked her, she was sharp but she was a lot like us really, a survivor. Parents died when she was little, Dad was a goddy trot killed her Mom and offed himself… She didn't talk about it but I stole her file." He is absently arranging her arms at her sides and his hands shake a little but I don't think he notices. "Didn't pity herself though, she was too smart for that."

When he is finished we sit quietly for a long time simply staring at Jessalyn's unnaturally still features."She deserved better. "He says at last, his voice catches but when he lifts his eyes to mine I am surprised to discover them dry of tears. It takes a moment before I realize that mine are not.

Hello beautiful readers,

As always thank-you for reading, you are the best! This little section of the story seemed to need to be on it's own so I hope you don't mind….

I'll admit I am moving a little slowly lately but I promise, promise I will keep updating as regularly as possible and I will finish the story in the not too distant future (already we are more than half way through). As far as cliffhangers go…well, I hate them too and I don't mean to torture anyone…sometimes things just seem to write themselves that way… I beg forgiveness and all that jazz

As always please let me know what you think, Love it? Hate it? Thoughts or questions? I would LOVE to hear them!