The very thought of being in love frightened Castiel. It had only been a couple years since he had first begun feeling human emotions, and already he was feeling the strongest of them all. He wasn't used to the fluttering of his heart, or the churning in his stomach every time he looked at Dean, every time Dean smiled at him, or every time Dean walked in the room without a shirt. He knew that he and the hunter shared a connection, but he realized Dean couldn't possibly share the attraction. He did everything he could to stifle the feelings, and drinking alcohol seemed to be rather effective.

Cas, Dean, and Sam sat at the dining room table, the two hunters eating the food Bobby had picked up earlier. Dean stood up and retrieved a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen, bringing three glasses along with him. He poured them all a shot, and lifted his glass.

"To being together once again," he toasted, looking back and forth between his brother and the angel with a smile. The three of them emptied the whiskey down their throats. Dean picked up his burger, taking another bite which left a smudge of ketchup on the side of his lips. His tongue poked at the corner of his mouth, lapping up the sauce. Castiel watched as the hunters tongue traced the top of his bottom lip, looking up to see green eyes watching him as well. Castiel stopped breathing, the emotions flooding back, making his heart pound. He picked up the bottle of whiskey in front of him, and started drinking, attempting to drown the feelings with the alcohol.

Dean and Sam watched the angel finish half of the bottle before sharing a surprised look.

"Damn Cas, didn't realize we were celebrating," Dean chuckled. "Remember to save some for us."

"My apologies," Castiel replied, looking down at the wooden table, running his fingers over the scratches that littered the surface.

Cas drank again and again, slowing his pace this time, almost finishing the remained of the bottle. He wasn't entirely human, so alcohol did not have quite the same effect. Dean laughed when Cas drank, praising him for being what he referred to as a "heavy weight." Before long, Castiel began feeling intoxicated, his vision blurring, and his speech slurring together. He picked up the bottle intending to empty it completely, but his hand was caught by Dean's.

"Alright you, I think that's enough. Looks like you don't know your limits."

Cas nodded, setting the bottle down, his eyes half closing as the alcohol made the room start to turn. Dean pulled himself out of the chair, walking over to the angel. He grabbed his hand, pulling him up and setting a firm arm around his shoulders to help him walk. They stumbled toward the bedroom, bumping into the door frame.

"You should lie down, sleep this off."

"I don't sleep," the angel replied definitively. He stopped walking, turning his head to meet the hunter's eyes. "D-Dean, I wanted to…thank you."

"For what?"

"For allowing me to stay…with you and Sam. I didn't want to be…a nuisance to the both of you, so I appreciate it," spoke Cas sincerely, his words broken as the effects of the whiskey continued.

"It's nothing, Cas. You're family." Dean's eyes softened as he smiled at the angel, his face lingering only inches away. Castiel's eyes slipped to the top of Dean's neck. His skin was tan, blemished only by a vein that ran down to his color bone. The hunter's arm felt strong against Cas' shoulders, flexing as he supported the majority of the angel's body weight. Castiel felt the feelings return, forcing themselves through the wall of drunkenness, sending a shiver down his spine. The angel set his hand between Dean's shoulder blades, grasping firmly at the hunter's t-shirt. In a moment of sheer weakness, Cas threw himself forward, nearly knocking Dean over, and smashed their lips together.

For a second, they stood there, faces pressed against each other as Castiel tasted every inch of deans lips. He felt dizzy, his heart racing like thunder. Before he could slip his tongue into Deans mouth he felt the hunter yank his face away. Dean grasped Castiel's shoulders, pulling him back.

"Cas what the fuck are you doing?!" Dean shouted. All at once Castiel realized the fault in his action. He pried himself from Dean's grip, turning around to hide his face shamefully.

"I-I'm sorry." Castiel said, sobering up as the feeling of emptiness returned to him, this time hurting much more.

"What the fuck, Cas" repeated Dean painfully, ending his sentence with a sigh. He shook his head in confusion and pulled his hand through his hair. He looked at Cas once more, his face turned toward the window at the back of the room. His palms covered his eyes, rubbing as if he was trying to erase what had transpired only seconds before. He clenched his jaw and turned to leave the room, slamming the door behind him.

Cas sat on the bed, setting his forehead to rest on his palms. What had he done? He chastised himself for being weak, for giving into temptation. He had always known Dean didn't feel the same, but deep in his gut he felt an ache. He was certain now that Dean didn't love him. Maybe the connection he felt was purely one-sided. Even if Dean had once felt a bond, Cas had ruined it with his decision to act in the heat of the moment. He had ruined it all for a kiss.

He laid himself back, setting his head on the pillow and wincing as he blamed himself continuously. He replayed the memory in his mind over and over, each time grimacing at the thought of Dean pulling away from him. He squeezed his eyes closed, praying that he could turn back time and stop himself from being so foolish. Every feeling Castiel had ever felt rushed to him, overwhelming his mind. He threw his face into the soft pillow, grasping at the blanket beneath him.

For the first time Castiel felt hatred. For himself. For his feelings towards Dean Winchester.