I know I haven't updated this in checks about nine months, but... I wanted a break from writing all the KuorFai angst. So, enjoy.
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Horo wiped the sauce from his mouth with his sleeve. His meeting with the director had left him starving, for some reason, and he had already had three helpings.
He picked up his plate and reached for the rice pot, only to find someone had moved it. He eventually spotted it on the table Yoh was sat at, flanked by Anna and Manta.
Horo reached for the rice with a muttered apology, then did a double-take so comical even Anna hid a smile behind her hand.
'Yoh. What is THAT?'
Yoh followed Horo's stare to his plate miserably. He poked the food on it listlessly with a fork, only to see it deflate slightly.
'It's a hamburger. At least, that's what the director said it was. 'Fresh off a cow,' he told me,'
'Poor thing must have committed suicide,' Horo observed, gingerly picking up Yoh's fork and lifting the top of the bun. The relish was a shade of red not known by nature.
'Yoh, you cannot seriously be considering eating this,'
'I have to,' Yoh said, at the exact same moment Anna said 'He has to,'
Anna shot a brief glare at Yoh, who retrieved his fork from Horo and removed a piece of meat so miniscule it Horo could barely see it. He swallowed it with a wince and hastily flushed it down with a gulp of water.
'Yoh eats these all the time in the dub,' Anna said, looking supremely unconcerned. 'he might as well get used to it.
Yoh looked near tears. ''We're not changing your name,' they said to me, only a new favourite food, that can't be so bad? THAT CAN'T BE SO BAD???'
Yoh put his head down on the table and wept.
Anna patted him on the shoulder, then stood up. 'I have to go. I have a meeting with the director,'
Yoh looked up at her miserably. 'You won't be looking so happy when they have you in a pink frilly apron calling yourself Fifi,'
Anna smiled. 'I'm sure the director and I can come to an agreement,'
In a stage whisper, Manta said to Horo; 'That's when she says stuff, and we all have to agree with her,'
Anna pretended not to notice, but Horo saw a faint grin flit across her face before being replaced with a composed, stony expression.
'I'll see you all later,'
Horo, Yoh and Manta watched her leave. Horo waited until she had well and truly gone, then counted another twenty seconds for good measure. Even so, he whispered and bent as close to Yoh as possible.
'Hey, you want me to ask Hao to find out if that thing's flammable?'
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The director looked up from his forms. Anna gave him a polite smile, then sat in the chair opposite his desk.
'Anna, it's good to see you! You know what this is about, of course. We need to renegotiate your contract and work out exactly what you're going to do in the English dub,'
'I would have thought it was obvious,' Anna replied mildly.
'What do you mean?' the director asked, breaking out in a light sweat. Anna merely twitched her skirt straight.
'Well, my name is English already, and there is nothing about my character that would confuse or upset young children in America. I don't do anything that they wouldn't understand, except for the shamanic rituals that would need to be explained anyway. Unless there is something about my acting skills you think is lacking?'
Anna raised an eyebrow as if she dared the director to argue with her.
'No… Yes, I believe we can leave your character as it is,' the director gabbled, hastily covering a stack of paperwork with his jacket.
Hoping Anna hadn't seen the words 'Florence' or the sketch of a prink dress with lacy edging.
From the second eyebrow raise, she had.
'Are you sure there wasn't anything you wanted to discuss?'
'Yes. Quite sure,'
'Then why did you call a meeting?'
Cat owners everywhere would be familiar with Anna's expression. After all, there was no fun in having a twitchy mouse between your paws if you couldn't play with it a little.
'Er…..' The director looked around frantically. 'We wanted to give you a raise! That's it! For the great work you do on the show,'
'That's wonderful,' Anna said. You could almost hear the walls creaking as the director was let off the hook.
Anna stood up again, and swished out of the door. She wandered a good way from the trailers, then another couple of feet into the forest they used to film some of the scenes.
She checked there was no one else around before laughing until she couldn't breathe. After all, she had an image to maintain.
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When Yoh and Manta saw Anna return from the director's office, they were staring at the lightly charred but still recognisable burger. Hao had been extremely frustrated by it. No matter what he tried, the damn thing seemed impervious to all flames.
Manta had hazarded a guess it was actually made of old rubber, but Yoh's bottom lip had trembled dangerously.
Eventually, Hao had gone off to go and find some petrol and left Manta and Yoh in charge of making sure the thing didn't actually mutate and start eating people before they had a chance to kill it.
'How was your meeting, Anna?' Yoh asked sourly, prodding the burger with his foot. He wiped the sole quickly on the ground, as if he could catch something.
'My character will remain intact in the dub,' Anna replied. To her credit, there was only a hint of smugness.
'What?!?!?!' Yoh asked, wheeling around to face her. 'How come you don't have to get a stupid name or eat crappy foods like this?!?!'
He gestured angrily to the hamburger.
Or more accurately, to the pile of flaked ash that marked where the hamburger had last been.
'Manta….' Yoh asked slowly, not taking his eyes off the spot, 'Where did it go?'
'I don't know, I was looking at Anna!' Manta replied.
'Anyway,' Anna said firmly. 'Manta, you're next. Please don't tell the director that your meals have run away, I would like the cast to maintain a semblance of professionalism,'
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'Manta!' the director said warmly as Manta walked into the room. Manta stared at him as if he could go off any moment.
'H-hello,' he mumbled in reply.
'Or should I say-' the director paused a moment for dramatic effect- 'Morty!'
Manta's eyes widened. His mouth hung open slightly.
'Morty? It makes me sound like a… like a…'
'Like a what?' the director asked.
'Like a geriatric manwhore!'
The director looked a little taken aback. 'I never thought… especially you, of all…'
'Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm stupid,' Manta said, blushing.
'Well…' the director faltered, then regained his poise. 'The only other small change is your voice. It doesn't suit your character well enough for an American audience,'
'What's my new voice like, then?' Manta asked, interested in spite of himself.
The director pressed a button on his tape player.
It played the full thirty seconds, without anyone swearing or breaking things.
The director looked at Manta. He had gone a shade of sickly white, and his lips were pressed together as if he was in agony.
'Is… is it really necessary?' Manta asked in an extremely small voice.
The director looked a little bemused. 'Yes, I'm afraid it is,'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes,' the director said, a little more firmly.
'Ok… But I want it known I didn't do this without extreme reluctance…' Manta paused, and for some reason his hand covered the crotch of his jeans.
'Ok…' the director said. What was it with anime people?
'Will I get general anaesthetic?'
The director's brow furrowed. 'I don't quite understand what you mean,'
'You've had me castrated, haven't you?'
The director laughed. 'Of course not! I know it's a little higher than what you're used to, but with training…'
'It's a falsetto!' Manta yelled, leaping to his feet. Unfortunately, this merely meant he disappeared under the desk.
'Maybe we can talk about this another time,' the director said, glancing at the high shelf he'd placed all his expensive and breakable possessions on.
Manta had already stormed out.
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Meanwhile, Horo's moment of peace was interrupted by Yoh pulling down the top of his magazine.
'What?' he asked irritably. He had to refresh his lines for shooting tomorrow, and he was tired…
'I don't want to worry you,' Yoh said carefully, 'But we may or may not have a burger full of biological warfare on the loose somewhere…'