Chapter 11

There was a deafening silence. The type of silence that sends shivers up and down your spine because you know something is going to happen. Something not that good. Not good at all. He thought I was eighteen? Didn't I tell him my age when Sarah told me a couple weeks ago? He said he knew and was fine with it. He was fine with it. Everything was perfect. I could see the life I want, the life I want with Matthew. I just can't comprehend what is happening right now. He's not looking at me; his head is down staring at nothing. We are just sitting in silence across the table from each other. What should I do? What should I say? I need him, I love him. I would be nothing without him. Nothing!

"Matthew? Matthew, are you ok? You're too quiet. Do you want some of the cake? I'll cut you a piece." I try to break the tension the best I can. "It really looks delicious." I cut a piece and start to eat some of it. He still hasn't spoken a word. After a few minutes of more awkward silence I finally start to sob, "Matthew, you are really scaring me now. Please tell me what's wrong?"

He looks up with a shocked looked. The look scares me, he scares me. This isn't the man I love. If steam could come out of his ears I think they would. I've seen that look before on another man's face. "What's wrong? You ask me what's WRONG?!" He's not yelling, though I can tell that he wants to. I can't stop the tears that are falling down my cheeks. My knees automatically come up to my chest and I wrap my arms around them in front of me. I need to hide, escape from this moment. The feeling of pain is deep in me, pulling at my chest.

Matthew takes a deep, long breath, then calmly says almost to himself, "I'm stupid. I'm so stupid. Of course you're just a kid. Look at you. Scared and unsure, you automatically curl up into a little ball at the first sign of conflict." He turns, walks to the bathroom and closes the door. I hear the water running and nothing else. Twenty minutes later he is still in the bathroom. I'm still on the chair in my tight little ball, rocking slightly for comfort.

What should I do? I won't lose him, I can't lose him. I wish I could call Sarah right now. She could tell me what to do. She knows how to handle things like this. I decide to occupy my time by cleaning up the cake and plates, maybe he'll come back out by the time I'm done. When I walk back into the living room from the kitchen he is still not out of the bathroom. A few more minutes pass though it seems like years have passed, when he finally comes back out. His face and hair is all wet, like he was splashing his face with water.

"Come on Ella, I'm going to take you home now. I need to think about all of this. And I need I to be alone to do that properly." He reaches out his hand for me. I gently place my hand in his without saying a word. The fear of saying something wrong, has my lips sealed tight. He leads me out to the car, and opens the door for me to slide in.

Once he is in the driver's seat, I decide to say something, "I'm so sorry. I never…" he cuts me off mid-sentence as he turns to look at my tear soaked face. "I know. I just need time to think, ok?" I nob in acceptance, as he turns back to start the car. We head off back to my apartment, again in silence.

Sleep eluded me that night. Crying all night, not eating, throwing up bile now and then, and passing out during the day sometime. When I come to a couple hours after I pass out, Sarah is there sitting next to me rubbing my back and top of my head. "Hi, sweetie. I stopped by to see you, you didn't lock the door and I was worried. So I came in and saw you on the floor passed out sick. What's wrong?"

I tell Sarah the whole story, even about the dream I had before everything blew up. "I thought you said he already knew you were 16? You didn't really talk about it, did you?" I think back to the day when I was going to tell Matthew the truth. "Ella, did he ever say the words 'I know you are 16'?"

Taking a big gulp to shallow the extra salvia that building in my mouth, I tell her what I remember, "No! He never said that." My tears start to flow again, "He never knew my age. Matthew knew I wasn't in school… he never said he knew I was younger than I said." Sarah pulls me to her chest to wrap her arms around me. We stay like this until I fall into unconsciousness again.

Sarah took me back to her dorm to stay with her, so she can take care of me. Since I wasn't eating or taking care of myself, it was a good idea. Plus, I didn't' want to be alone. A week came and went without any word from Matthew. After the second week of crying on Sarah's shoulder, I was so sick and tired Sarah decided that I need to go to the hospital. Hospitals scared me, just like everything else I'm scared of it came from my step-father. When George would hit me so hard, I would hit my head or possibly break something my mother would suggest I should go to the Emergency room. George would always say, "Hospitals are shit. People only go there to die. Besides the girl's fine. A hard little thing, can take a lickin and keep on tickin". He would than laugh endlessly about the joke he made, the same joke every time. That may also explain my dislike of watches too.

'Hospital were where people died.' Knowing George lied to me a lot, the thought was still planted in my brain, that you don't want to go to the hospital. Every time Sarah brings up the subject for my not keeping anything down, I get her off the hospital visit by eating a cracker. She's not happy with me eating only crackers, but for now that's all I can keep down. My emotions and the sadness of not hearing from Matthew might kill me.

Sorry, For the delay on this chapter, found it hard to find motivation. Life gets in the way, I gave my first eulogy ever for a friend of mine that passed away. He had Muscular Dystrophy and left us too soon. He was a character and a pain in the ass. Just want to take a moment to remember him he would have loved a sexy story, but then be pissed that the character wants sympathy for troubles that she herself created. Like I said he was a character. On to my next message... Thank you to Teadora! You gave me my idea for the new story title! Hope you all like it.