Chapter 13

Tears continue to flow like dark rain clouds. That's what I feel right now, like there is a big dark rain cloud that will forever hide the sun as long as I'm without Matthew. Life just started to mean something more than being bullied, abused and otherwise invisible. How am I going to go on without him for even a day let alone over a year? The thought brings a whole new set of tears.

As I reach for the box of tissues, conveniently placed on the table used to allow me to eat while stuck in the hospital bed, Dr. Roth walks through the door. "How are you feeling, Ella?"

I blow my nose rather loudly since all the tears have caused an excess of moisture in my nose too. "I don't know. Ok I guess." I take another tissue and wipe my swollen red eyes.

Dr Roth sits down in the chair next to my bed. "Mind if I sit? Looks like you could use a hand to hold right now and mine is free." She extends her hand to me, which I gladly take. The warmth of her fingers wrapped around mine is soothing. My tears start to wane with the added comfort of the friendly doctor's presence. "When you are ready sweetie, I want to talk to you about your health and why you are here. Did you and your boyfriend break up recently?"

Oh my, what does she know? Does she know about Matthew and me? Does she know the real reason the beautiful doctor joined Doctors without Borders? Matthew's going to hate me when he finds out they know. I will never see him again. I release her hand from mine and reach for another tissue. I can feel the tears start to well up again.

"I presume with what your friend Sarah told us about you not eating or sleeping much in the last few weeks it was a break up. We see this kind of reaction from time to time from heartbreak." She reaches and cradles my hand again rubbing the top with her other hand. Maybe she doesn't know it was Matthew. There is no look of shock, jealousy or anything else that would tell me she knew my boyfriend is... was Matthew. It could be some college student that broke my heart.

"It's ok dear. Things are never as bad it is appears. Can you contact him? He might want to know you are in the hospital."

"No, He left school two weeks ago. That's why we broke up." It's sort of the truth. It was two minutes ago instead of two weeks, but the lie will help me protect Matthew.

"You might want to try to reach out to him. Ella you're tests came back and you're pregnant." WHAT?! What did she just say? I'm… I'm… "I take it from the shock that it wasn't planned." I can only shake my head.

A baby! I'm going to have a baby! Matthew's baby! I will still have part of him with me always, in our baby. That thought brings a smile to my face. Just then the door to my room opens up again, for a second I hope its Matthew so I can tell him. Sarah walks through with a smile on her face.

"Look you Sunshine, that's the first smile I have seen in weeks. You are looking so much better." She comes over to me and leans down to give me a hug. "You scared me darling. I don't want you do that to me ever again." She looks over to the doctor that has now stood from the chair. "Hello Dr Roth. Thanks for taking care of Ella. I love her like a sister."

"It was my pleasure. Ella, I will leave you for now so you can talk to your 'sister'." Dr Roth gives a little wink to me. "I will back in a little while to check on you again and talk to you about what you need to do about your health now." She turns to the door to leave me to tell Sarah me news.

Sarah strides over to the chair Dr Roth just left. She sits down with a little puff of breathe like she is overly exhausted. "You really did scare me. I haven't slept since bring you in here, so you my dear Scarlett, must never ever do that to me again."

"I promise Melanie. I promise." I say giving her a big grin and bite my lip.

"Why are you grinning at me like that?"

"Dr Roth just told me something… something really great. I'm just so happy Sarah, I can't explain it!"

Obviously confused by my mercurial mood change, Sarah moves to sit on the side of my bed. She puts her palm to my forehead. "You sure the doc said you were ok? You suddenly develop a fever or something?"

I swat her hand away from my forehead. "No, I'm ok. I'm better than ok… I'm pregnant!"