A/N: Ugh ugh ugh I hate being sick. And I'm on vacation, which makes it worse. But you didn't come to hear about little ol' me, you came for Wonderland, yes? Chapter five is basically written but it could use some tweaking. I'm kinda living on the edge here because I'm literally making this up as I go along. I have no plan whatsoever and it's kinda starting to worry me because I'm running out of buffer chapters. Send help immediately.

Ahem. So, chapter four.

(By the way, I found out that sticks of cinnamon are sometimes referred to as quills, so that bit with March Hare in the last chapter actually, unintentionally, made sense. Drat.)

(Speaking of March, is anyone feeling hiatus fever sink in yet? I think I've gone into shock.)

Chapter 4

"I've got a tight grip on reality

But I can't let go of what's in front of me here.

I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up.

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

...And I'm on my way to believing"

/-*-*-*-\

Carol's eyes shot open and she panted heavily. A thin sheen of sweat covered her body, and when she sat up in bed, she found the sheets were tangled around her legs. What a strange dream, she thought, untangling them. She took a deep breath and turned on the lamp on her bedside table. It wasn't the first dream she'd had about Wonderland or the young boy with sad eyes, but it was the first one she'd had in ages. And none of the others had ever felt so real.

She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. 6:36. Swinging her legs out of bed, she groaned and ran a hand over her face. She obviously wasn't going to get any more sleep, and even if she tried, there was a chance that she'd oversleep and be late for her first day of work in years. Standing and walking over to her closet, she figured she should take a shower and wash away the sweat and stress caused by the dream. She picked one of the few dresses that hadn't been partially consumed by moths in her absence off the rack and laid it on her bed. Fragments of the dream echoed in her mind.

(it's the tulgey wood)

(it will ruin your life like it ruined mine)

(they're tricksters)

(jefferson you of all people should know)

(are you alright)

Jefferson. The name stopped her in her tracks. Isn't that... She shook her head, dismissing the errant thought. Coincidence. She was probably thinking about work before she went to sleep last night, and her brain took his name and weaved it into her dream. Yes. That was all it was. Sheer coincidence.

"If you don't mind my asking," asked Alice, picking a flower to add to the crown she was making, "why do you think this place is so terrible? It seems rather lovely to me." She yelped in surprise when the flower began screaming in pain at being plucked from its home and she promptly threw it to the ground.

Jefferson chuckled and stopped momentarily to pick a flower without a face. "You've got a funny definition of lovely," he replied, handing her the flower. "And I do mind you asking, so I won't be answering that."

Weaving the proffered flower into the crown, completing it, Alice smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. It's just that everything is so much more colorful than where I live." She examined the flower crown and, deeming it worthy, delicately placed it on top of her head.

Spotting a mushroom the size of a small dog, he grabbed her hand and continued down the path. "Keep walking, Queen Alice," he smirked, "we're nearly there."

Alice sped up to keep pace with him. "Nearly where?" she asked, her free hand going up to hold her crown in place. "We've been walking in circles for hours."

"It's hardly been one hour. That's just how the Tulgey Wood works. It tricks you into thinking you're lost."

"Why?"

Smiling down at her, Jefferson commented, "You ask a lot of questions."

Alice shrugged, "You seem to have all the answers."

"Well, not to that one. Sometimes things just are what they are." They walked on in comfortable silence for a time, each occupied by their own thoughts. Soon, they entered an area in the Wood where thick patches of smoke drifted lazily by, and the path was lined with mushrooms that got progressively larger as they continued on the path. When the mushrooms were taller than the children, Jefferson stopped and turned to Alice, saying, "We're here. Now, Absolem is one of the oldest and wisest creatures in Wonderland. Try to show some respect. Understand?" Alice nodded, and they walked hand-in-hand through a large cloud of the smoke, making her cough. When they emerged, a particularly large mushroom loomed in front of them, and lying on it was a great blue caterpillar, puffing away on a hookah and blowing the smoke into rings and letters.

"Oh, dear!" Alice sighed petulantly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Not you again!"

The caterpillar lazily turned its head to examine her and narrowed its eyes, seemingly as happy about their reunion as she. "Keep your temper, little girl," he breathed accusatorily, the action causing a stream of olid smoke to hit her squarely in the face. She coughed once or twice and rapidly waved her hand in front of her nose.

Patting her lightly on the back, Jefferson leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Alice, this is Absolem," he hissed. "I told you about him, remember?" He pulled back and looked at her in a way that conveyed that she was embarrassing him.

Chastised, she stepped forward and curtseyed deeply. "How do you do, Absolem, sir?"

"Hatter," the caterpillar drawled, ignoring Alice, "why have you brought an Otherlander to me?"

Annoyed at being snubbed, Alice frowned and took a step back, pouting. Jefferson sighed, rolling his eyes when he was sure she couldn't see. "I'm trying to get her home," he calmly answered the insect. "I need my father's hat." He could feel Alice's glare on the back of his head, and while Absolem took another deep pull off his hookah, he whirled around to face her.

She was full-on scowling at this point and glaring at him in a way that he didn't believe possible for a seven-year old girl. "We came all this way for a hat?" she hissed, keeping her voice down so as not to disturb Absolem. "What good is that going to do?"

"I told you," he whispered back, exasperated, "it's special." He spun back around and saw that the caterpillar had raised himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, considering. Nevertheless, he was an imposing figure.

Absolem stared at the pair for several moments before huffing, "You, girl." In the process, the smoke that was in his mouth puffed out in the shape of a 'U'.

Alice, thinking this an impressive trick, raised her eyebrows and took a small step forward. "Yes, your caterpillar-ness?" she asked, uncertain how to respectfully address a talking caterpillar.

Thankfully, he thought her attempt amusing. "How charming," he chuckled, taking another hit of hookah. "What realm are you from?" He blew out the smoke into a question mark that drifted off to his right.

She looked briefly back at Jefferson, who smiled encouragingly, before replying, "I'm not entirely sure, sir."

"I see." Absolem directed his attention to the boy behind her. "What makes you think the hat will even work, Hatter? What if her realm is without magic?"

Jefferson rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Well, you see," he explained meekly, "we were hoping that there was another way."

"Such as?"

"I wasn't really sure." He snapped his fingers as if a sudden realization hit him. "Perhaps a magic bean or something of the sort?"

Absolem inhaled again and exhaled smoke in the shape of an 'X'. "Magic beans are allochthonous to these parts, and even so, they are in short supply." He languidly turned his gaze to Alice. "Girl. What can you tell me about this world of yours?"

Eager to impress, she stepped forward again. "Well, it's rather dull. It's always overcast, and there are rumors of terrible monsters lurking about in the darkness. Not to mention, there's not a drop of color anywhere. You don't really notice it when you're there, but now that I'm here, it's much more apparent-" She erupted into a fit of coughing due to Absolem blowing more smoke in her face.

"My, you're fond of your own voice, aren't you?" he drawled, transferring the mouthpiece to another one of his many hands. Or were they feet? Absolem stretched his upper half around and retrieved a leather hat carrier from behind his mushroom. Taking another drag off the hookah, he tossed the carrier and it landed at Jefferson's feet. "Take the hat."

Kneeling, Jefferson undid the clasps of the carrier and produced a large, dark green top hat. He flipped it onto his head in a practiced move, his head just large enough to keep it from sliding down over his face, and snapped the carrier lid shut. "I thought it wouldn't work with a magic-less realm?"

"I have heard whispers of the world she comes from," the insect replied languidly. "They have magic, but they refer to it by another name. The hat will work"

Jefferson nodded sharply and picked up the carrier. "Thank you, Absolem."

"Feed your head," the caterpillar exhaled in reply. As the children turned and walked away, they could hear him reciting 'How Doth the Little Crocodile' under his breath.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Alice asked once the mushrooms were of normal size again. When asked what, she said, "Feed your head."

"Ah, that," Jefferson sighed, toying with a loose string on his blazer. "It's an old Wonderland tradition amongst friends."

Alice frowned and gently slapped his hand away from the string. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Probably because I'm lying," he replied unremorsefully. "We need to find an open space so we can use the hat without putting anyone else in harm's way."

"It's a hat. Don't you just put it on your head?"

Jefferson stopped walking, and she stopped as well. "For the last time," he sighed, annoyed, "this is not an ordinary hat. It can take you home. All you have to do is-"

"What?" she interrupted, putting her hands on her hips. "Pull a rabbit out of it?"

He only stared at her, not amused. "Trust me, Alice. All you have to do is trust me." He walked on and past her, expecting her to follow. After a moment, she did, but she didn't speak for a while longer.

"Well, I just had a conversation with a smoking caterpillar," she huffed, smiling shyly, "so I suppose a magical, world-jumping hat isn't too far-fetched." He smiled back and held out his hand in a peace offering. Taking it, she continued, "So how does this magical hat of yours work?"

"Do you want them sorted by color, gender, or size?"

Jefferson hummed thoughtfully from his seat by the counter and asked, "How about gender and color?"

Nodding, Carol paced across the floor. "That's kind of what I was thinking," she said, "but what about unisex hats?"

"That," he sighed, toying with the tan fedora in his hands, "is an excellent question."

They both thought for some time longer, until Carol halted suddenly and turned to him, inspired. "What if we put them on a table near the men's side?" she offered animatedly. "Because if women see a hat they like, they may venture over there, but no guy will pick out a hat for himself from the women's section."

"Brilliant. And, speaking as a man, absolutely true."

She beamed at that and he felt like his whole world brightened for an instant. When he had come to open the store that morning, he was pleasantly surprised to see her sitting cross-legged next to the door, nose in a book. Walking up to her, he had briefly wondered how long she had been there. However long it had been, it was long enough that she had made herself quite comfortable in the cold spring morning. Light brown suede boots peeked out from under a very warm-looking black pea coat. A deep purple scarf was wrapped snugly around her slender neck, and when he stopped at her feet and cleared his throat, she looked up at him with surprised eyes. They softened with recognition and she marked her place in the book and closed it. Just get her to fall back in love with you. He had offered his hand to help her up, and she took it. In a calculated move, he had pulled her up so she was closer to him than strictly necessary, but she didn't really seem to mind. Her eyes had fluttered briefly and she blushed when his thumb brushed over her knuckles as he let her hand go and took a step back.

Now as she was flitting back and forth between the storage room and the main floor with armfuls of assorted hats, he couldn't help but wonder how he got here. Some random flick of the wrist by the hand of fate and he's back with his wife. (Kind of.) He is knocked out and taken to the hospital where she is. She's released just when he's rejoining society. Something about the whole thing didn't sit right with him, but seeing her now, alive and well, arranging hats on shelves, he almost couldn't bring himself to care. After a while, he brought a small radio out from the back, and several hours passed to the sound of "indie" music, whatever that was. She would make the occasional trip back to the store room for a few hats and bring him the ones that were damaged.

"My God, that's a lot of hats," Carol huffed at around noon, leaning against the checkout counter. "Where on earth did you find the time to make all of these?"

Ha. Earth. "I had a lot of spare time and nothing else to do with it."

"I'll say. And they're all so beautiful."

He shrugged, because what else could he do? These hats weren't even his best work, and he could hardly stand to look at them without thinking of where he was when he made them. "It's really not that big of a deal. They're just hats."

She stood up straight and nudged his arm. "You have a real talent, Jefferson," she said, walking around so she was face to face with him. "Who cares if it's just hats?"

"I'm glad you feel that way, Miss Parker," he smiled. "Makes me think I picked the right one for the job." She smiled and turned to walk away when he was struck by an idea. "You know," he began tentatively, standing up, "if you'd like you could wear them. Just around town and in the store."

Smiling, she turned back around. "Really?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "What's the point of a hat if it's just going to sit on a shelf? And besides, I need to know if they're worth buying."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know, not broken, comfortable, appealing. That sort of thing."

"Thank you, Mr. Andrews," she smiled. "For everything."

Out of habit, he moved to place his hand on her cheek, but instead ran it through his hair and let it fall to his side. "Come on, then. We've got work to do."

"So," the young hatter stated, breaking the companionable silence. "Your world is colorless?" They had walked for about twenty minutes, according to his pocket watch. Fortunately, the only other creature they had come across since leaving Absolem was a slithy tove living under a sundial. It tried to drill through Jefferson's foot, but he threw it some lint-covered cheese from his pocket and it ran off. Why he carried cheese in his pocket was something Alice suspected she'd never know.

Nodding, Alice sighed, "Yes. It's horribly drab."

"I should think so. Never seeing a rainbow at the end of a storm, never able to tell what color you're painting your house." He chuckled lightly. "Why, I imagine you could walk around wearing green trousers and a yellow overcoat and never even know how silly you looked!"

A confused frown graced the girl's features. "Your world has color, but you dress like that anyways," she said, gesturing to his blue-and-white checked blazer and burgundy pants, both of which contrasted starkly with the dark green hat perched on his head.

"Ah, but I choose to. That makes all the difference," he grinned. "Besides, as accommodating as March and Dormouse are, they don't have a lot of clothing for human boys lying around. This is only what I've been able to scrounge up from a local village." Thank heavens his parents taught him to sew; the clothing was designed for adults. Why any sane person would throw away such vibrant clothing was beyond him.

"That doesn't sound like your choice at all."

The girl makes an interesting point. After thinking for a moment, he countered, "It is if you believe it is." The conversation drew to a close as they stepped into a medium-sized, oblong clearing in the trees. Aside from some bread-and-butter-flies and themselves, it was empty. "This looks like a good spot. Now, what say we get you home?" He started towards the center of the clearing, hat carrier in hand.

Trailing behind him, Alice asked, "Why are you doing this?"

Smiling, he replied, "Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl lost in the woods?"

"I suppose not. How can I ever repay you?"

He paused, the smile quickly dropping from his face. Turning to her, he spoke. "Promise me one thing. Never return to Wonderland. Ever."

"Alright." She hadn't any intentions to, and even if she did, she wouldn't know how to come back in the first place. "But at least tell me why."

Sighing exasperatedly, Jefferson strolled seemingly without purpose in the general direction of the center, and Alice trailed closely behind. "A long time ago," he began softly, "my father was milliner to the Red Queen. He, my mother, and I lived in her castle until a few years ago."

"What happened a few years ago?"

"The Queen accused my father of espionage and high treason, and had him executed. Didn't even give him a trial, just 'off with his head'. My mother and I tried to escape, fearing we were next. Her guards caught us, and she saw our escape attempt as proof of our guilt. She had my mother killed, but the executioner took pity on me. Let me go. So I took my father's hat, and my mother's handkerchief," he added, caressing the small square of fabric between his fingers, "and I ran. I escaped into the Tulgey Wood, wandered aimlessly for what felt like weeks. Probably wasn't more than a few days, though."

"Because that's how the Tulgey Wood works."

He managed a small smile, glad that she learned at least one thing from this misadventure. "Exactly."

Smiling back, she gently nudged his arm. "So does this story have a happy ending?"

"I happened upon a clearing in the middle of the wood." Smiling more genuinely, he shrugged his shoulders. "I encountered a hare and a mouse having tea. I told them what happened, and they took me in. I've been there ever since."

Alice stopped abruptly, looking at him with wide eyes. "It's you, then," she practically whispered. "You're the child the Queen is looking for. That's why you're helping me. You think it's your fault I'm here."

Jefferson sighed deeply, looking at her with eyes that held too much sorrow for a boy so young. "I don't think, I know. I don't want you to share my fate," he pleaded. "I don't want you to lose your family. Promise me, Alice. Promise me you'll never come back."

Wanting to clear that sadness from his countenance, she straightened herself up and placed her right hand over her heart and raised the other in the air. "I, Alice King," she promised in her most serious voice, "do solemnly swear never to return to Wonderland, so long as I live."

To her delight, the sorrow vanished from his eyes and he even laughed a little. "Thank you," he smiled. They had reached the center of the clearing and he cleared his throat. "Now, as soon as I activate the portal, simply think of your destination and jump through. You should arrive in the exact spot you left from."

"And how will I know this all wasn't just a dream?"

The boy's face screwed up in thought for a moment and he hummed. Suddenly his face brightened and he snapped his fingers. "I could give you my shoe!"

Alice laughed, "What would I do with a boy's stinky shoe?"

Shrugging, Jefferson said with a smile, "Nothing, I suppose."

"Will you come and visit me?"

His smile faded. "I don't think I can."

"Why not?"

"I have something important to do here, and I don't know when it will be." He sank into thought for a moment, then cleared his throat and smirked. "Are you ready?"

Nodding, Alice smiled nervously. "I think so."

Jefferson plucked the hat from his head and placed it on the ground. Kneeling next to it, he sighed shakily. "Here goes." He gave the hat a spin, then took several steps back, bringing Alice with him. To her complete and utter astonishment, a deep purple cloud of smoke began to gather in a spiral above the still-spinning hat. Soon enough, there was a roaring, swirling vortex of purple and green where the hat was moments ago. Jefferson turned to her and spoke into her ear so he could be heard. "Goodbye, dear Alice. Don't forget me." He pulled back and raised her hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

A light pink blush stained her cheeks and she smiled widely, throwing her arms around his neck. "Never, Jefferson." She removed her arms and took a few steps towards the portal, stopping just at the edge. The wind whipping her blonde hair around her head, he saw her take a deep breath before jumping into the portal. It closed a moment later, leaving only a patch of dirt where there once was grass and a small divot in the ground.

Jefferson stared after her for a while longer, then picked up his hat and flipped it onto his head. It was a trick his father taught him long ago. That and how to use the hat, of course. As he turned to leave, he noticed a spot of color in the dirt stirred up by the portal. He picked it up and blew off the excess dust to reveal the girl's flower crown. It must have flown off her head when she jumped. Crossing to the hat carrier, he opened it and gently placed the crown in the bottom of it. He didn't know why he didn't think to use this as her proof of reality. Sighing, he realized it was too late now, so there wasn't any use dwelling on it. Perhaps when his job was done, he could travel to her colorless world and return it.

Alice, he thought with a smile. What a peculiar girl.

Snapping the lid shut and standing up, Jefferson began the journey back to his own home, lightly humming an absent-minded tune about cabbages and kings.

Carol hummed lightly as she flitted around her small kitchen. She wasn't really sure what she was humming, but it was catchy. Due in part to the fact that she had spent so long underground (literally), she had no idea what was popular now, music-wise. She had tuned her car radio to an "indie" station, whatever that meant, and now she was humming the chorus of some song she didn't know while she finished up the tea. Ruby was due to arrive soon, and she was going to fill Carol in on exactly what she missed and she was going to tell Ruby all about her new job. So Ruby would bring food and Carol would provide drinks and they'd gossip like old ladies until it was time for them to get some sleep so they wouldn't be zombies at work the next day. She couldn't wait. She arranged the cups and silverware on a tray and carefully carried it into the living room, placing it on the coffee table and sitting down on the couch. Before she could take a breath, three sharp knocks at the door had her springing back up with a grin on her face. When she opened the door, though, the smile abruptly dropped from her face when it wasn't Ruby.

"Hello, mother."

Oh boy, conflict! I love me some conflict.

Song is "The Only Exception" by Paramore.

Reviews for my poor, sickly, soul this holiday season? *cough cough*