*~*I want to thank everyone that read, added the story to their alerts/faves, or reviewed. You make my day brighter.

*~*Don't own.

I cried and cried and cried. What else was I gonna do? I was just stood up. I waited for thirty minutes and he didn't fucking show up. He didn't want me. He thought I was unworthy of his time. That was why he didn't even bother showing up. He didn't want me.

The tears were still coming full force, but I managed to shuffle up the steps and to my room. I fell on my bed and clutched the pillow to my face. It didn't help me silence the loud sobs, but it at least captured my tears.

I was so pathetic. So stupidly devoted to him. I finally knew how Sandy felt. She was all about Danny and was heartbroken when she found out he was like every other guy. Now I knew what it was like to have the man of your dreams break your heart. Jasper made me feel like a fool. I was stupid to get my hopes up. Who would like a boring, fat plain Jane? I was so, so stupid.

He was everything to me. And if I had to admit it, he was still my world. I loved him. It hurt to say it. Shouldn't love be uplifting and happy? Why was I so fucking heartbroken? I was in love. Yes, I was in love with someone who didn't like me at all.

I sobbed and held the pillow for dear life. The pain in my chest was so unbearable. I just wanted to die. There was no point in living if the person you'd give anything for didn't want you. The note was right. Jasper didn't want me. He would never want me.

My tears weren't stopping and I was planning on wallowing in my pain for a couple more hours. I wanted to cry myself out, to allow the heartbreak to take over me. I loved him so much. Why didn't he love me? I gave everything to him. For fuck's sake, I gave him my virginity. That had to count for something.

My phone went off, the chorus of "Sexy and I Know It" causing me to cringe at the sudden noise. I still haven't changed Emmett's self-programmed ringtone. Sneaky bastard changed the tone weeks ago, but I just couldn't find it in me to switch it back.

While glaring at the phone, I contemplated answering the phone. If I answered, Emmett would immediately hear the tears in my voice and question me until I told him all about the Jasper situation. But if I ignored the call, he'd no doubt keep trying to contact me. Either way, I was screwed.

Deciding to not answer the phone, I waited till the ringing stopped before turning off the phone. He'd get the message.

Not even a minute after I turned off the device, my eyes began to water and the pain in my chest worsened. It hurt so fucking much. It wasn't just my chest that hurt, no, it was my soul. There was this ache deep within me that just wouldn't go away. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to go away.

Crying myself numb for the rest of the day was appealing to me, and I did just that. Nobody checked in on me, but I could hear the house phone ringing. There was no way I was going to get up to answer it. I wanted to be alone and suffer.

Why wasn't I good enough for him? Was I too ugly? Was it because I was too boring? What did I do wrong for him to not show up? I cried as questions formed in my head. The answer was clear, but I didn't want to accept it. It was simple enough. He didn't want me.

At some point I got up to use the restroom, my bladder about ready to explode. The room seemed to be spinning and I felt the bile creeping up my throat. I barely made it to the toilet. Guess it wasn't my bladder.

I vomited everything in my stomach, crying the whole time. My fingers gripped the toilet as my whole body shook from the forces of my heaving. Saliva dripped down my chin and chunks of throw up were in my hair. I didn't care enough to be disgusted. My head fell to rest on top my arms and tears fell down my cheeks. He didn't want me.

I sighed and shakily got to my feet. I grabbed the mouthwash and rinsed my mouth twice, gagging at the way the mint tasted. It burned my throat and I welcomed the pain. I wanted anything to get rid of the pain deep in my chest. It hurt so fucking bad.

My feet carried me to the bed and I glanced at the clock eight seventeen. It wasn't anywhere near my normal sleeping time, but I was exhausted. I crawled in under the covers and held the pillow to my face. I cried.

Some time in between my sobbing, I fell into a restless sleep. Jasper's head was thrown back as laughter shook his shoulders. I cried at his feet, begging him to tell me why he didn't show up. He glanced down at me. His eyes were cold as steel and there was only emotion in them, disgust. He sneered at me while saying in a chilling voice, "You're worthless," and then laughed when more tears rolled down my cheeks.

I couldn't sleep after that.

It was now seven thirty-three and I was staring out the window, not really seeing anything. My tears must have run out because I wasn't crying…yet. I should have dressed to go to school, but I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to see the disgust in those eyes. I would die if I saw him. He didn't want me and never would.

There was a loud honk outside my house and I sighed. Couldn't they fucking understand I wanted to be alone? Even my parents gave me my space once they saw that my door was locked. The locked door told them what I didn't, "give me a couple of days". So hearing the honk was extremely aggravating.

I huffed and pushed away my curtains to see who it was. Pink Audi parked in my driveway. I groaned before moving away from the window. I wasn't in the mood to talk to an overly excited pixie today. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

Staying in my room was what I ended up doing, but I wondered if Tinker Bell would just ring the doorbell. Much to my dismay, she did in fact ring the doorbell. The annoying bell echoed through the empty house and erupted inside my brain. Fuck, I had a headache.

Making my way down the steps, I tried to prepare myself for the human Red Bull currently murdering my doorbell. Did she not understand that you ring the bell only once or twice, not twenty freaking times? She was killing my goddamn bell. I swung the door open and glared at her through my puffy eyes. Now, I knew for a fact that I looked like shit because, well, I felt like shit frozen over. But Alice's reaction made me want to check my face for bruises and blood. She acted like I got in some cage fight and lost. It felt like my heart was the one that lost a fight.

"Bella, what happened to you?" Alice exclaimed, rushing to wrap her arms around my waist. I was too shocked to do anything, so I settled for shrugging a shoulder. I hoped that she would get the message and go to school. My pity party was still free from the cops and I wanted to go back to bed and enjoy the party. Why did my pity party feel more like a funeral?

I none too gently broke free from Alice's embrace and rubbed my hands across my face. "Do I look that bad?" I whispered brokenly.

She sighed and shook her head. She stared at me for a couple of seconds before screeching and shouting about a plan she had. I groaned and rubbed my temples; her screaming wasn't helping the headache I was sporting. Besides, if her plan consisted of going to school, then she was in for a rude awakening. I was not attending school today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or ever. Jasper was still there and I was not going to run into him.

"What you need is a shopping trip!" Her eyes were full of excitement and all sparkly and shit. For a nanosecond of a millisecond, I felt bad that I was going to burst her happy fantasy, but then the guilt faded away and I didn't feel too bad.

"No, Alice, I do not need a shopping spree. What I do need is for you to get out my house and go back to Forks High, the happiest place on earth." I didn't mean to sound so bitchy- oh who was I kidding. I was being bitchy on purpose. I just wanted to be alone and she wasn't taking the fucking hint.

Alice scrunched up her face before pushing past me and dropping her bag on my couch. I grumbled under my breath and shut the door. Looked like she wasn't leaving any time soon. Just peachy.

She whirled around and took one glance at me before saying the one word that brought me to tears again. "Jasper." I started balling and crumpled to the carpet floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my head on them. My hair was like a curtain that sheltered me from Alice's prying eyes. Why couldn't she just go to fucking school?

"Because you're my friend and I don't like seeing my friends upset. Now, what did that ass do?" Oops, guess I must have asked that out loud.

So I told her everything and I mean everything. Even the bang session with Jasper at band camp. She smirked and asked for all the 'deets'. I told her in a non-sassy way that she shouldn't stick her hand in my cookie jar. Then I started crying harder when I recounted how Jasper stood me up. I told her that I loved him with every iota in my being and that he didn't even like me. She shook her head and offered words of encouragement. She boosted up my confidence with just a couple of words.

It was amazing how I ever hated this girl. I was starting to depend on her and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Sort of relieved. Rosalie would have- nope, not going there. She wasn't in my life anymore. Alice was and that was enough for me.

After having to listen to Alice's begging and pleading for twenty minutes, I begrudgingly agreed to go shopping with her. I just said yes to shut her up. I didn't think that she wanted to go at that moment. So there I was, drying my hair from the shower Alice demanded me to take. I felt better, but there was still that gaping hole in my chest. I even looked in the mirror to see if I had a bleeding hole in my chest. I touched the skin that protected my heart, but saw nothing. No scar, no wound. It was inside that was hurting.

"Ugh, please tell me you are not planning on wearing that monstrosity in public."

I looked down at my shirt, trying to find what was wrong with it. It was just a simple Darth Vader shirt with the words 'Who's your daddy?' printed across my chest. What was so wrong with funny Star Wars shirts?

"Yes. That is why I'm wearing it," I said slowly, making sure she heard every word coming out my mouth.

She rolled her eyes and smacked my arm. I pouted while rubbing my arm. She hit like a butterfly. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and slipped on my Chuck's, ignoring Alice's comments on my shoes. I grabbed my striped sweater and walked outside with Alice. I was heading toward my car, but her tiny hand grabbed my wrist. Her eyes shot toward her car and I groaned.

"Ah, Alice you owe me big time," I muttered and walked to the passenger side of her car.

She squealed and unlocked the door, babbling on and on about what I was going to need. What I needed was Jasper. The pain was killing me and I was forcing myself to not burst into tears. I only agreed to this shopping spree so Alice would get off my back. Besides, it wasn't like we were going to Seattle or anything. Oh, how was I wrong.

I had to endure four hours of listening to brain-melting pop while Alice drove us to some mall in Seattle. First, I had to suffer the ferry that took us to Bainbridge. Then the Hood Canal toll bridge that led us to Port Angeles. But once she passed Port Angeles, I knew we were going to Seattle. Of course we weren't going to shop in a town that only sold clothes from the nineteenth century.

"We're here," Alice said excitedly while cutting off the engine. She looked over at me and her smile slowly faded away when she saw my grimace. "Bella, I hate seeing you like this. C'mon we-we don't have to buy anything. I just want to put a smile on your face. Don't let him do this to you." Her words hit me hard. I didn't want to be that pathetic little girl. I had to be strong.

Alice smiled at me before handing me some sunglasses. "No offense, but your eyes look really, really ugly. I don't think you want people mean mugging you." I snatched the glasses from her and quickly put them on. No, I didn't want people staring at my mug all day.

We started to walk towards the mall and I was starting to regret my decision. What the hell was I thinking? Shopping wasn't going to take the heartache away. I hated shopping.

When we entered the mall, Alice instantly pulled me inside some store called Ambrosia. Most of the clothes in the shop looked too trendy. There were a couple of girls browsing through the clothes and I sighed. Two girls were actually fighting over some knitted sweater. I laughed at them and sung 'Undone' under my breath.

I was walking around when I caught sight of a dress. It was a cobalt spaghetti strap, corset dress with an asymmetric hem. The bodice was caged mesh and the skirt had a pleated detailing. Just the color alone was stunning.

My fingers lightly ran over the material and I sighed longingly. Dresses weren't my forte, yet this dress was screaming at me to buy it. I glanced down at the price was surprised that it was in my price range. There was no reason for me to not buy it. I turned away from the dress with a heavy heart and continued to walk through the boutique. Every few seconds my eyes would return to the dress and I would hold my breath when a girl touched it.

Alice was flirting with a guy outside the store and I was starting to get irritated. Is that why she took me here? Just so she could shove it in my face that she could get boys and I couldn't? That boys flocked around her and clung to every word she said? I wiped the angry tear away from my cheek. I didn't need to cry at some mall. I aimlessly walked around the store, ignoring the annoyed looks the clerks were shooting at me. If I wanted to buy something I would.

I heard Alice's giggle behind me and had to clench my eyes shut before facing her. She had a couple of dresses in her hands, but a specific one stood out. The dress I wanted so badly.

I stared at the blue dress in her hands. It really wasn't the dress I was worried about. Losing my identity was what I was scared of. If I bought the dress, not only would my wardrobe be changing, but my whole persona would, too. I was basically agreeing to change myself and be someone I wasn't. Normally I'd shy away from change, but now I wanted something new, fresh.

I didn't want to be Bella Swan, 'Rosalie Hale's barely decent ex-best friend' or 'that girl who Jasper Whitlock rejected'. No, I wanted to be the girl that turned heads. I wanted to prove to Jasper Whitlock that I was good enough for him.

With my lip in between my teeth, I took the dress from Alice and walked to the register. This was a huge deal for me and somehow Alice knew. She placed a hand on my shoulder and brightly smiled at me. I smiled back and for once in my life I was actually excited about shopping.

"He really doesn't know what he's missing out on." I blushed at Alice's words and shook my head. "Hopefully he'll get his head out of his head soon."

I smiled wryly at her and silently paid for the dress. For once in my life, I wasn't being forced into buying a dress and it made me smile that I was getting something I wanted. Not my mom, but me.

"I guess we have to find some accessories for this?" Alice dropped the dresses she was holding and hugged me while jumping up and down. She was giggling madly and I regretted ever suggesting the idea.

She pulled away from me, her gray eyes sparkling with mischief. "Oh, Bella. We are going to have so much fun today." I doubted it.

Squealing one last time, she picked up the dresses and hung them in a rack nearby. An employee glared at her as we walked out the store. Alice led me to another store and started telling me what colors would go with the dress. She shoved a white cardigan into my hands and asked for my shoe size.

Alice took the cardigan into her hands and handed me a pair of blue pumps. "Here try these on."

I looked down at the shoes in horror, shaking my head while telling her how I would fall in them. She laughed at me. I scowled at her as I hesitantly took off both my shoes and socks. The heels were going to kill me, I was sure of it.

I slipped on the heels and stood straight. I glanced down at Alice and saw her looking up at me expectantly with an eyebrow raised. She really didn't expect me to walk in these? I was going to break my fucking ankle if I did.

"Listen, Tink," I snickered when she scowled at the nickname, "I don't wanna pop your trippy bubble, but if I walk in these I will end up in the emergency room. Now, I do not think you want to end up in the ER with me, so if you don't mind I'll put my shoes on." Before I cared to comprehend, Alice had my socks and shoes in her hands and was at the other side of the room.

I groaned when I realized that she wasn't going to back down easily. I damned her to hell and hesitantly took a step forward. So far so good. I took three steps forward and smiled when I didn't lose my balance. With my head held high, I walked over to where Alice was standing, not tripping once.

"See! You don't give yourself enough credit. Okay, put your shoes back on. We still got a lot to buy."

Alice ended up paying for the cardigan and shoes, even though I argued that I could pay for them. She said to think of them as gifts. Fifty gifts later we were finally driving back to Forks with my new Alice-approved outfits. If I had to admit it, I actually liked the things we bought. They were girly, but not over the top.

"Thanks for the clothes, Alice," I said while drumming my fingers to the beat of 'Mr. Brightside'. "Even though I could have-" I didn't get to finish because she threw her lip gloss at me.

We laughed together and she shook her head before responding, "I have enough money to not give a shit about where it goes. Besides, it feels nice to fund a lost cause." I gaped at her and held my hand over my heart in mock hurt.

"Am I a lost cause?" My pout caused her to giggle and she shook her head at me.

She flashed me a smirk before telling me, "No, not a lost cause…anymore."

I blushed and smacked her arm as she giggled. We were in front of my house and were taking up all the shopping bags into my room. I wished she would have let me pay for all the clothes. I didn't feel good about her paying for all of my things. She sighed once we were done and started to look in my closet.

Groaning, I pulled her away from my clothes. Her lip jutted out and I rolled my eyes. Pouts never worked on me and never would. "You could clean it out some other time. You better head home before my mom gets here. She's gonna freak when she sees all the clothes."

Alice laughed, but stepped away from the closet like I asked. She helped me hang up all the clothes and clapped her hands together once finished.

"Thanks, Alice. I don't know what I would've done if you didn't come over." It was true. I probably would've still been crying. Yes, my heart was still hurting, but it wasn't so excruciating. She showed up when I needed her most and that's what I wanted in a friend.

She smiled and hugged me. She pulled away and softly stated, "You're my friend. You shouldn't get so down over what some asswipe does to you. I'll see you tomorrow. Better wear that dress, biotch. We're gonna rock Jasper's world! Love's you!" With a swift kiss to my cheek she walked out the house and to her pink car.

I walked back up to my room. Yes, we were definitely going to rock Jasper's world.

*~*The songs mentioned are "Undone (The Sweater Song)" by Weezer and "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. Leave a review and tell me what you think. Up Next: Bella's makeover.

~geek