A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites.
The next day Maura sat in her office at work but couldn't focus on anything. She was thinking about Jane again.
The more and more Jane talked about Casey and marriage the more Maura felt like she was drowning. She struggled to stay afloat, to be the friend Jane needed her to be but it was hard, it was hard watching the woman she loved making plans to have a future with someone else.
Maura didn't want to think about a life without Jane in it. She didn't want to think of not seeing her every day or talking to her. Sure Jane was loud and crass sometimes and she drove Maura absolutely crazy but that's just who Jane was and Maura wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
Maura loved Jane, every part of her, every flaw and imperfection. Jane had her way for doing things and sometimes it led them into trouble but Jane always came to the rescue too. Of course she saw what everyone saw, how strong and courageous Jane was but she also got to see the things that no one else did. She saw Jane vulnerable, broken and beat. She saw Jane at her worst and Maura still loved her. It crushed Maura to think all that would vanish when she married Casey.
Maura left work early even though she still had some paperwork to get through. She stopped and got some Thai food before going home. She didn't even bother grabbing herself a plate she just sat down on the couch with a pair of chopsticks and opened up the nearest carton.
A knock interrupted Maura as she devoured some basil chicken. Maura put down the carton and got up to answer the door.
Jane was there and she was pissed off. Maura let her in and Jane went right into the living room and sat down.
"What's wrong?" Maura asked her.
"Casey called me." Jane said to her.
"I know I was there, remember?" Maura said, "He said he had something important to talk to you about."
"No, I missed his call last night and didn't get to talk to him." Jane told her, "I talked to him today at work on Skype."
"Okay so why are you so upset?" Maura asked.
"He took the promotion." Jane said to her, "How can he just say yes to something that important without discussing it with me?"
Jane stood up unable to keep still, "He pretty much told me that his job is more important than mine."
"Jane, you had to know this was how it was going to play out." Maura said to her.
"How can you say that?" Jane asked her.
"Because this is how he always treats you." Maura said, "He breezes into town for a while, charms his way back into your heart then his career takes over and he's gone. But now instead of leaving you he expects you to leave everything behind for him."
"Why do you keep letting him do this to you?" Maura asked her. This time she wasn't going to hold back anymore. "If he truly loved you he wouldn't be putting you through all this." Maura told her, "He wouldn't be making you choose between him and everything else you love."
Jane couldn't even get a word in as Maura continued.
Maura looked at her, "He wouldn't make you leave Boston, your job and your family."
What she really wanted to say was, 'He wouldn't be making you leave me.'
"What's he willing to give up for you Jane?" Maura asked her, "If you asked him would he be willing to give up his promotion and the rest of his career for you? Would he be happy staying in Boston to be with you?"
"Did you even fight for yourself Jane? Did you tell him that he was wrong for making you choose like this? Did you tell him how unfair it was?" Maura asked getting angry, "Or are you already being the dutiful wife and following along with whatever he decides is best for you?"
"Whoa! back the fuck up." Jane said to her, "What are you getting all pissed off about?"
"Because I don't like the way he treats you and I don't like the way you act when you're with him." Maura told her.
"And how exactly do I act when I'm with him?" Jane asked getting angry.
"You aren't you. You're submissive and agreeable. You act like some horny love-struck teenage girl. You're just going along with everything he says." Maura said to her, "The Jane I know would never let a man or anyone else decide things for her, she'd never let herself be walked on."
"Maybe you don't know me anymore." Jane shot back at her.
"When you're with him, you're right I don't." Maura said raising her voice, "You want me to be your best friend, to listen to you talk or complain about Casey, to take your side when it comes to him but I can't do that anymore Jane."
"I won't do it." Maura got up from the couch, "I think you're making a mistake. Marrying Casey is a huge mistake."
Jane wasn't really surprised by what Maura was saying.
"You haven't wanted me to marry Casey from the beginning." Jane said to her.
"That's not true." Maura said to her.
"No?" Jane asked her as she stepped closer to Maura, "Then why did you tell me not to marry him?"
"What?" Maura asked confused.
"I heard what you said that night Maura. I wasn't asleep." Jane said to her, "I heard you say don't marry him."
A flush rose in Maura. "Leave right now." She said as calmly as she could to Jane.
"Why? Because I caught you in a lie?" Jane asked her, "I'm not going anywhere not till you tell me what your problem is."
Maura grabbed Jane by the arm, "I said get out!"
She tried pulling Jane to the front door but Jane didn't budge. Maura let go of Jane and turned to go to the front door but Jane stopped her.
She turned Maura around to face her holding her by the arms, "Just stop." She said as they stood face to face, "It's cards on the table time Maura."
Maura looked down and took a deep breath before letting it out. The angry and embarrassment she was feeling slowly started to fade away. She looked up at Jane with tears in her eyes.
Jane wiped a tear from her cheek with her thumb.
Maura didn't say anything as she stared into Jane's eyes.
"Please tell me what's going on." Jane pleaded quietly to her, "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what the problem is."
"You can't fix this Jane." Maura told her.
"I could if you'd let me know what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours." Jane told her.
Maura's head was spinning; she felt dizzy standing this close to Jane and on the verge of telling her exactly what was going on in her mind.
"Does Casey really make you happy? Is he the best person for you?" Maura asked, "You've been making all these decisions on what you think everyone expects from you." She looked into Jane's eyes again, "But what do you want Jane? What is your heart telling you to do?"
Jane didn't think, didn't hesitate she just leaned in and kissed Maura on the lips. Her hands went into Maura's hair as she deepened the kiss.
Maura pulled back and pushed Jane away, "What are you doing?"
"I thought…." Jane said looking confused by Maura's reaction.
"Don't Jane." Maura said as she stepped back from her, "Don't use me because you're angry at Casey."
"That's not what…" Jane said but Maura cut her off.
"No, just leave." Maura begged her.
"I'm not leaving." Jane said to her as she got closer to Maura.
"Please Jane, please just leave." Maura said to her on the verge of tears.
Jane stood in front of her for a good minute absolutely confused. She saw how Maura was hurting but she didn't know what else she could do so she turned and walked away.
Jane shut the front door behind her, "What the fuck?" She asked quietly to herself. She stood for a second then turned back around, her hand on the doorknob ready to go back in and find out what the hell was going on but she didn't even know herself.
She sighed, let go of the doorknob and headed to her car. Jane drove around for a while before going to the Dirty Robber. It was busy and loud and Jane was happy for the distraction.
Jane went up to the bar, "Can I get a beer?" She asked the bartender. He nodded and handed her a beer and she took a long swig from it.
"Looks like you're having the kind of night that needs something stronger than beer." Korsak said as he walked up to Jane.
"Do you think I should marry Casey?" Jane asked him.
"Whoa, can we ease into this kind of conversation?" He asked her as the bartender poured him a whiskey, "I haven't even had a drink yet."
"I'm serious." Jane said to him.
Korsak took his drink then took Jane by the arm and moved her over to a dark quiet corner in the bar.
"What's going on?" He asked her.
"I don't fucking know." Jane said to him sadly.
"Did something happen between you and Casey?" Korsak asked her.
"No." Jane said to him.
He waited for her to continue, he could tell something was bothering her but he didn't want to force it out of her. He knew that if he just waited Jane would tell him what was going on.
"It's Maura." Jane said to him.
"What about Maura?" He asked her.
Jane sighed, "I'm so fucking confused Korsak and I don't know what to do."
Korsak looked at her and saw the turmoil in her eyes, "Jane, listen to me, whatever is going on, whatever doubts or fears you're feeling all you have to do is go with your heart. Just listen to that, and it will tell you everything you need to know."
"I love you Korsak, but you sound like a god damn fortune cookie and that's not helping me right now." Jane said then took another long sip of her beer before handing him the bottle, "I gotta go."
All he could do was watch her walk away and out of the bar.
"Listen to your heart?" Jane mumbled to herself as she drove, "Really Korsak? You're going to quote me music lyrics from the 80s?"
Jane went inside her apartment and slammed the door. She went to the fridge grabbed a beer and popped the cap. She took a drink then went to sit down on the couch.
Jane thought about what happened at Maura's. She thought about the things Maura said to her. How she didn't act like herself when she was with Casey, how he took over and made all the decisions and Jane just let him. Maura was right, the old Jane would never let anyone walk all over her the way she was allowing Casey to.
Was she marrying Casey because she loved him or was she doing it because that's what people expected from her? She thought about that day at the baseball game when Maura had asked if she even loved Casey and she said she didn't know.
It was true, she didn't know. She tried to love him the way she was supposed to but there was always something missing. He was always gone so whatever relationship they had was long distance. He obviously didn't think her job was important even though Jane loved being a detective. He wasn't there when she really needed him and he didn't support her the way he should.
There had always been one person who was there, who was the shoulder she needed to cry on, the crutch she needed to lean on. One person who could make her laugh one minute and frustrate the shit out of her the next. She had always had the support and love she wanted.
And that kiss, what the fuck? Jane couldn't say she didn't know where it came from because honestly it had been building in but the timing sucked and now Maura thought Jane kissed her because of Casey but that wasn't true at all. She kissed her because she had wanted to, not because of Casey but because she loved Maura. She loved her.
"Holy shit." Jane said out loud to herself. She got up for the couch, grabbed her car keys and left.
Maura had fallen asleep on the couch and was jarred awake by pounding on her front door.
She hurried off the couch and opened the door, "Jane what are you doing?!"
Jane pushed passed Maura as she came inside and went into the living room.
Maura slammed her front door then went into the living room, "I asked you to leave me alone."
"I need you to be honest with me." Jane said. She stood in front of Maura and into her eyes, pleading, "Please just tell me the truth."
Maura looked at Jane and saw how serious she was, "What truth?"
Jane stepped closer to her, "Are you in love with me?"
Shocked and fear washed over Maura's face. She put her head down as she felt like she was going to be sick. She wanted to run and hide. But wasn't that what she had been doing all this time?
She looked up into Jane's eyes, "Yes." She said quietly.
Jane stepped away from her and turned around. She rubbed her forehead, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"What did you want me to say?" Maura asked her, "And when could I have said it? Casey was there, even when he wasn't around it felt like he was always there."
"This doesn't have to change anything Jane." Maura said to her desperate to keep her friend, "You can still be with Casey, nothing between us will change."
"God damn it Maura." Jane mumbled then turned and looked at her, "It changes everything."
"No it doesn't." Maura told her.
"Yeah it does." Jane said to her.
"Why?" Maura asked her, "Why does it change everything?"
"It just does." Jane told her.
Jane could see the confusion and shock on Maura's face. She did the only thing she could think of and that was move in and kiss her. Jane pulled her close and kissed her deeply and Maura moaned into Jane's mouth.
Jane pulled away suddenly, "I'm sorry I gotta go." She said as she let go of Maura and rushed out the door leaving Maura standing in her living room alone and completely confused.