A maid holds Sima Shi as Zhang Chunhua is seen very quickly cleaning every room of the house.
"My lady... You should let me-"
"No. This is my fault. And I can clean certain stains that would normally give you trouble."
"But-"
"No. Take these sheets and burn them." She gives another maid sheets with many unknown stains on it. "...What is...?"
"I have no idea. This is something even I can't clean." Zhang Chunhua looks down and sees a man lying down nude with a woman.
"...Ugh... I officially regret this... GET OUT!" She picks up the two and throws them out the window.
"Hey! I need my pants!" She shuts the window quickly in the man's face.
"There are a lot of vases that need replacing. Take this bag of gold and purchase vases. They have to look as close to the originals as possible." A maid takes the gold.
"If I find out you ran off with it, you're dead."
"Y-Yes!" The same maid with Sima Shi says to her, "It is my job to help you, just let me clean up before your husband gets back from his post."
"Oh, fine-" The main door breaks down to have Zhang He burst in a pool of sparkles. "Hello-"
"That door was JUST fixed!"
"Huh? Oh, I'll fix that!" Zhang He snaps the door back on quickly and turns back.
"Who are you?"
"I work for Lord Cao Cao and I decided to see if I can help with your sickness of Sima Yi being gone for this long!"
"If you think I miss him, turn back because I am not." (Wait, I can use this man-Is he a man? No matter, I'll just play the innocent card and have him get rid of unwanted pests.) "You know what? I have a job for you."
"Anything!"
"Clean up the bathroom and kitchen."
"Okay!" He runs, leaving a trail of dust and you hear drilling, clinking, and scrubbing. He runs back. "Done!"
"Wait... what?" She goes over to the rooms and sees them sparkling clean. Except in the kitchen a man was sleeping on the table.
"...Get rid of that too."
"Oh, my bad." Zhang He kicks the man and he goes out the kitchen window. "There you go!"
"Huh."
"I'll go over here." Zhang He walks into a bedroom, but Zhang Chunhua blocks his way.
"No. Not in there. That's... private."
"Oh, okay." The camera moves to a bump inside of the room covered in bloody sheets.
(Stupid men thought it would be funny to let a cat and a snake fight each other IN THE F***KING BEDROOM.) "You can just tend to the garden. Please use the door."
"I love gardening!" He runs and actually uses the door to leave.
(Yay, he's gone. Now I have to clean up the bedroom.)
On the outskirts of China, the four walk on a dusty trail in the boiling sun. Guo Jia says in an unmotivated voice,"Aaaaugh... why did it have to be summer... I thought Wei was supposed to be cooler since it was up in the north..."
"You wanted harsh winter?"
"Yes. I won't be getting tanned then."
"That's because you're only wearing half of your robes."
"Because YOU took them and put them on your hat-boat! They got ripped in the process!"
"Well now, you are giving fanservice." Sima Yi points to a group of fangirls that just happened to be standing on the trail.
"Go on! Get out of here!" Sima Yi chases them off with the girls screaming. Xun Yu holds up his notepad.
You could have used them. Even if you didn't like them, you could have taken advantage of their hormones and make them carry us.
"So dark, aren't you Xun Yu?"
I just say what ever plan is applicable to this situation.
"That sounds like my way of thinking-Huh, Xun Yu is taking my style. The hat, the robes, the face. He's me if Koei decided to make me more pretty than creepy."
"He looks more like me if I dyed my hair black and grew out my hair."
"Depends on which angle you are looking at."
"He looks like Zhao Yun if he had defected to Wei."
"Ah, good one, Jia Xu! But he's a soldier, not a strategist."
So this entire trip is going to be about coming up with people who look like me...?
"I am trying to figure out your voice. Would you have a deep voice like Fa Zheng? Would you have a high-pitched one like...there are none so, you sounding like Zhou Yu."
An hour and a half of walking la-ter
The group groan (except Xun Yu and he is holding up an "aaaargh" on the notepad) in exhaustion.
"...Huff... I know the empire is very large, so... WHY CAN'T WE FIND A DAMN CITY?!" Sima Yi's voice echoes throughout the area and crows fly out of the trees.
"...Finally losing your cool?"
"I am going insane right now!"
"It's probably the hat."
"Ha-HA."
"Honestly, how does your hat survive all of this? Xun Yu's hat didn't survive, my hat didn't survive, heck, even Jia Xu's bandana didn't survive! He just has a random piece of cloth on his head right now."
Maybe it has a clip that connects to Sima Yi's head every time he puts it on.
"A magnet?"
"Magic."
"That's your answer for every thing Sima Yi does."
"He can use magic."
"But he cannot turn water into wine."
"Actually... I could if given the correct ingredients and time..." Guo Jia and Jia Xu get in Sima Yi's face.
"You. Could."
"Turn. Water."
"Into."
"Wine?"
They push themselves even further into his face. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT SOONER?!" The yelling made Sima Yi's hat almost fall off.
Whoa.
"I didn't want to fuel you two's alcoholism!"
"I can stop anytime I want!"
"Suuuure. That's what they all say..."
"You don't know what it's like!"
"It is very stressful working with Cao Cao, I HAVE to drink. Just wait a few years, you'll go insane."
"I am already insane."
"Then drink it away to go insane again!"
"That made no sense."
"It doesn't have to make sense! I'm beautiful!"
"Right now?"
"After I get a long bath and clean clothes!" Their voices echoed in the empty area around them. An explosion of smoke happens in front of them and they cough it away. When it cleared, Zuo Ci appears before them.
"Greetings, wanderers." Jia Xu complains, "Oh no! I am not doing this again! Last time an old magical man appeared before me, it was not pretty!"
"I assure you I will not harm you four. I just happen to hear the yelling. Where are you from?"
"The place where we're born or the place where we live?"
"Depends."
"Just tell us!"
"Oh, okay... Tell me where you live."
Stranger danger!
"What are you, a little kid?"
He looks very suspicious!
"Oh, alright. Tell me who you work for or what is your job."
"We all work for Cao Cao as strategists."
"Cao Cao...?"
"Yes."
"...Oh my... Dangerous if Cao Cao gets you four back... The chaos will be plundered into deeper chaos if the intellect goes to someone as cruel as him."
"Huh?"
"You'll be sent to another place where your talents will be of better use than of that man."
I knew it! Run!
Xun Yu runs away far from Zuo Ci and he zaps him with a quick bolt. He disappears with a poof.
"Okay, we're running!" The three split into three different paths, but Zuo Ci zaps them simultaneously with bolts and they disappear with poofs.
Somewhere totally much farther from Wei
Guo Jia lies on the earthy ground and gets up with widen eyes. "Aw, man! I saw a city before that magical man showed up! Damn it!" He pounds the ground angrily and he sees Xun Yu lying on the ground with swirly eyes.
...ugh...
Guo Jia gets up and crawls over to him. "Hey, are you okay?"
trip was dizzy...
"What about Jia Xu and Sima Yi?"
don't know
"There is a city over there. First, help me find those two and get to that city."
"Don't worry, you won't have to go find us again." He turns to see Jia Xu and Sima Yi walking towards him.
"I feel queasy after being transferred here..."
"There is a city over there, let's go and try to get ourselves patched up before trying to go back to Luoyang again. That is if we are even still in China..."
"Oh, we are. None of this looks foreign to me."
"Okay, let's go!" Guo Jia looks over at Xun Yu who was still lying on the ground.
I feel not so good...
Xun Yu gets up quickly and runs behind a tree. No sound is heard, but you can see specks of barf flying from behind the tree.
"Ugh... whatever the bolt did... Oh!" Sima Yi covers his mouth and his face turns green. He runs behind a different tree and throw-up noises are heard. Jia Xu holds his stomach in pain.
"I think the old man gave us a little indigestion..." Jia Xu pukes right in front of Guo Jia who flinches and backs away far from him. He looks around confused.
"Wait, why don't I feel the sickness?" Jia Xu exhales after barfing and replies, "You've puked out your organs every time you drink. Your body is already used to abuse."
"What about you?"
"I can't another drop of wine after the fiftieth bottle. You, on the other hand, can drink more then eighty bottles. Your liver just doesn't work or you don't have one... Either way-BLAAAAARGH!"
"UGH! AT LEAST TURN AWAY!"