Winding down after the Therum mission. This was about seven minutes in game.

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16: The Talk That We Need To Have

Shepard

"...too close, Commander," Joker's voice complained. "Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulphur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull."

To my left, the strangers were clearly trying to suppress their laughter, and failing mightily at it. I pointed out, both to them and to Joker, "Hey, I nearly fell out the back of the ship."

I stared straight at the laughing weirdos. "You said I was critically important to the galaxy, yet you're laughing at how I almost died."

"Sorry, it's just, well, kind of ironic and still a bit funny in a dark way," Alex explained.

"Where I've been, you learn to laugh about all sorts of shit," Kevin explained.

"I'm a sociopath," Kevin explained..

"I'm sorry, I know it shouldn't be funny, but this is in the game, and, well, Seth Green is awesome!" Sandra... "explained".

"We almost died out there!" Dr. T'Soni exclaimed. "Yet your pilot is making jokes and your crew is laughing!"

I was used to Joker's antics, but yeah, I guess they would have seemed strange to other people. I shrugged. "It's a coping mechanism. You'll get used to it."

"Damn it!" Kevin shouted suddenly, rudely interrupting us.

"Hah!" Alex shouted back. "You owe me twenty pounds!"

"Twenty pounds? I've only got dollars!" Kevin protested.

"Well, that works out to, what, about thirty dollars?"

"You get twenty dollars," Kevin growled, handing over a slip of paper. Paper.

Alex shrugged, taking the paper. "Well, at least it's got the queen on it."

"Were you betting?" I asked them, snatching the paper out of Alex's hands. On closer inspection, it turned out to be ancient paper money. "What were you betting on?"

"How you would react to Liara's statement," Kevin replied simply.

"Hey, that's my money!"

"My ship, my cash," I snapped. "Why were you betting on that?"

"We were really bored," Kevin answered, accentuating the really.

"That's your problem, not mine," I insisted. "I brought you here to give me information. If you're not willing to make a few sacrifices in order to save the galaxy, you can leave. I won't stop you."

That seemed to shut them up, at least for the moment. I turned back to Liara. "Doctor T'Soni-"

"Please, call me Liara."

"Okay, Liara," I corrected. "What did Saren want with you? Were you just a loose end, did he want collateral, or was he looking for someone with knowledge of the Protheans?"

Kaidan's head snapped up. "The Conduit... do you know anything about the Conduit?"

Liara shook her head, fidgeting. "Only that it was somehow connected to the Prothean extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them."

Fifty years? "Just how old are you, exactly?"

She replied slowly. "I hate to admit it, but I am only a hundred and six."

"Damn. I hope I look that good when I'm your age." Williams quipped.

I guess Liara didn't understand that the Chief was joking, because she hurriedly explained, "A century may seem like a long time to a short-lived species like yours, but among the asari I am barely considered more than a child."

"Hey, why is Liara called 'doctor', anyway?" Kevin suddenly asked. "That's a human title, okay, maybe you were educated at a human university. But then I remembered, you hadn't had much contact with humans until the first game. Meaning you couldn't have studied at a human university... unless you did it online. But judging by that look on your face, you didn't. So why the hell are you a doctor?"

"The meaning is universal across species," Liara explained, confused. "A qualified, highly educated expert in a field, or alternatively one who practices medicine. Certain concepts are basic enough to recur in all known intelligent life. This is one of them."

"Yeah, that's bullshit," Kevin shot back. "Whoever wrote that needs to die. It's preposterous that widely varying species would come up with such a complex and specific concept. That's not how the universe works."

Liara was puzzled. Of course- she didn't know about these people. "It is the way it is. The vast majority of experts agree, and I personally find those conclusions to be true."

"It's bullshit." Kevin pouted.

"Can we get back on topic, please?" Williams interrupted.

"Yes, that's an excellent idea, Chief," I concurred. "Where were we?"

"Liara's age," Alex said helpfully.

"Ah, yes. Because of my youth, my research has not received the attention it deserves. Because of my youth, other asari scholars tend to dismiss my theories on what happened to the Protheans."

Jason was less charitable. "Couldn't possibly be because it's completely insane."

Liara began to object, but Sandra beat her to it. "But it's completely right!"

"What?" the asari asked. She couldn't get another word in edgewise.

"Yes, why is that always the case in fiction?" Alex asked.

"What?" Jason replied.

Alex motioned with his arms. "Crackpot archaeologists being correct. I mean, we've got Liara here, with her Prothean extinction theories. The asari just toss it aside, probably for political reasons now that I think of it, but she's completely right. And it's so common in fiction, I mean there's-"

"Daniel Jackson," Kevin said, snapping his fingers.

"Huh?"

"Daniel Jackson," he repeated. "From Stargate. Pyramids as alien landing pads, chariots of the gods kind of shit, and he was completely goddamn right. We saw basically all of it in the pilot movie alone."

"Oh, and Milo Thatch, from the Disney movie about Atlantis!" Sandra added.

Alex and Kevin glared at her. The Brit said, "Yeah, that really doesn't count."

Sandra was taken aback. "What? Why not?"

"Because it's just a shitty knockoff of Stargate," Jason explained. "And then ten years later the Stargate guys put out Stargate Atlantis, or as I call it, Stargate: Fuck You Disney."

"Well, I liked it," Sandra defended.

Kevin asked for clarification. "Atlantis: The Lost Empire or Stargate Atlantis?"

"Enough!" I roared. "Stop going on these wild tangents!"

"You what, you're right, and I'm sorry," Alex agreed. "If we keep chattering away like this, this one cutscene will probably take up an entire chapter. So I think we will stop interrupting until this is over."

His terminology still bothered me, but at least he agreed to stop interrupting. "I'm glad we're on the same page. Now, where are we now?"

"The theory of Prothean extinction, Commander," Alenko reminded me.

"Right." I turned to Liara, crossing my arms. "I've got my own theory on why the Protheans disappeared."

Liara blinked. "With all due respect, Commander, I have heard every theory out there. The problem is finding evidence to support them. The Protheans left remarkably little behind. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It is like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues."

She was getting very excited. "But here is the incredible part. According to my findings, the Protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. This cycle began long before them."

"Cycle?" I asked. "How solid are we talking?"

"It is... difficult to explain to someone else," Liara replied. "I cannot point to one specific thing to prove my case. It is more a... feeling derived from a half century of research. But I know I'm right. And eventually I'll be able to prove it. There were other civilizations before the Protheans. This cycle has repeated itself many times over."

"If the Protheans weren't the first, then who was?"

"I don't know. There is barely any evidence on the Protheans. Even less on those that came before them. I cannot prove my theory, but I know I am right. The galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction."

She motioned with her hands. "Each time a great civilization rises up, it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The Protheans rose up from a single world until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet even they climbed to the top on the remains of those who came before. Their greatest achievements, the Mass Relays and the Citadel-"

"WRONG!" Kevin shouted.

I glared at him, "Kevin, I thought-"

He held up a hand as if that would somehow stop me. Well, it didn't, but damn is he hard to talk over. "The Protheans didn't build the Mass Relays. The Reapers built them, not the Protheans. Same with the Citadel, times a thousand."

"The Reapers?" Liara asked.

So I explained it. The vision, the Reapers, Saren, the Geth, everything we knew. It was over quickly. Hopefully I hadn't missed anything.

After gushing over how incredible it was, Liara added, "I am amazed you were able to make any sense of it at all. A lesser mind would have been destroyed in the process-"

"Yeah, just wait until she starts complaining of frequent fronaches and calls the Council cruvus," Kevin joked. At least, I hoped he was joking.

"What happened to no interruptions?" Williams snapped before I could say anything. "This isn't helping us find the Conduit or catch Saren."

"Of course, you're right," Liara said humbly. "I am sorry, my scientific curiosity got the better of me. Unfortunately, I do not have any information that could help us find the Conduit."

"Are you kidding me?"

Jason shook his head at the interrupting Brit. "It's fine, Alex. She's actually useful."

He turned to Liara, who was now standing up. "Liara says it's safest for her here, you agree to let her come with you, Wrex says her biotics might come in handy, Liara says she's tired, you send her to Chakwas, debrief over."

The other three weirdos looked at him, surprised. "What, just because I'm a dumb jarhead I have to have shitty memory?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little at that one. I asked the asari. "You want to come along?"

"I would be honoured, Commander," she replied politely. "My knowledge of the Protheans may be useful in this endeavour."

As if on cue, she swooned slightly. "Ooh, I am afraid I am feeling lightheaded."

"You should go see Doctor Chakwas," I told her. "One deck down, starboard side. Standard human symbol of the green plus sign, can't miss it."

"It is probably just mental-"

I shoot my head. "We can talk again after you've seen the doctor. The rest of you, dismissed!"

"Mission reports are filed, Commander," Joker's voice said helpfully. "Do you want me to patch you through to the Council?"

"No, hold off on it for the moment," I replied. The room had cleared out quickly, and only Tali and the four strangers were left. I waited for Tali to leave, then stepped in front of the doorway.

"Hey! I thought you said dismissed!" Kevin protested, nearly walking into me.

"I did, but I'd like you to stick around a bit longer. We have a few things to discuss."

"Alright, fine," Kevin huffed, finding a chair and sitting down. The other three followed his lead. I remained standing.

"First, your intelligence," I began, starting off with the easiest part. "I'll admit, I was pleasantly surprised by its veracity-"

"What does veracity mean?" Sandra asked. Ugh.

"Look it up in a dictionary," I snapped. "I was pleasantly surprised by how good your information was. Some points were different than what you described, but the important parts were all there. You were right about the asari, the armature, and the exploding volcano. I expect you all to read the report and file a counter-report. I'm not expecting a formal essay- I'd rather have an easy to read description of each point you feel you must make."

"Oh, this is about to get really bad, isn't it?" Alex mumbled. I elected not to respond.

"Second, your behaviour," I continued, my tone turning stern. This part was not so pleasant. "I'm a very tolerant person, but I expect a certain standard of professionalism from those under my responsibility. So far, your actions have shown that you cannot meet that standard."

I paused, but continued before any of them could say anything. "You're not children. I'm not going to lecture you. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, you may ask, but I think we both know that's not going to happen."

"Well, what do you bloody well expect?" Alex exploded. "We're just four random people off the street, thrown into a galaxy ending crisis-"

"So are Tali and Liara-"

"But they're like, extra good random people. Tali is a strong, independent quarian who fights geth. Liara has more life experience than everyone in this room put together, apparent youth notwithstanding."

"You're forgetting that we're not even from this time, Commander," Jason reminded me. "Not even from this universe. That's pretty goddamn hard to deal with."

"Then deal with it," I reply harshly, maybe a little too harshly. "I expect to see you act in a more professional manner in the future, otherwise I will drop you off on the nearest civilized world. Is that clear?"

Technically, it was a bluff, but they didn't know that.

"We were bored!" Sandra exclaimed.

I glared at her. "Do you have something to add, Miss McCarthy?"

"We were really bored! What's the point of being here if we just sit on the ship and do nothing?"

"The point is, according to your own statements, the salvation of the fucking galaxy!" I shouted back, probably too loudly. I forced myself to calm down. "The information you have could be critical to this mission. It could make the difference between catching Saren and not catching Saren."

"We can give information from on the ground-"

"You're not soldiers-"

"Ooh-rah!" Jason interrupted. I assumed he had something stuck in his throat.

"You're not soldiers," I repeated. "I can't risk sending you on a mission, risking my own people trying to protect you, risk losing you and your vital information, because you think combat is something fun to do on the weekend. You're not trained, you're not conditioned, you're not meant to fight-"

"Neither are Tali or Liara-"

I could use their own point against them, and I did. "Who, as you pointed out, are extra good random people. Tali has tech skills and weapons training, and Liara has biotics. Though neither of them have actually been on ground ops yet, you assume correctly that the possibility exists."

Kevin waved his arms. "Okay, I get this, we suck, but what about Jason? He's a former Marine!"

"Yeah, but I'm more valuable as an intelligence asset now," Jason pointed out. "You don't send your oracle down on the ground to shoot machines. That's just stupid."

"That's not how this is supposed to work!" Aleks shouted.

I didn't get a chance to rebuke him, which was unfortunate.

"Call coming in from the Council, Commander," Joker interrupted. "I can't hold it off any longer."

"Hey, this is where-" Kevin began, but I cut him off.

"Get out, get out!" I snapped at them, waving the four out of the room.

They'd barely made it out the door when the holographic projector came on. I spun around, straightening my collar. "Councillors."

"We've received your report, Commander," the asari councillor began. "I understand Doctor T'Soni is on the Normandy."

"I assume you're taking the necessary security precautions," the turian councillor added rudely.

"Liara's on our side," I assured him. "The geth were trying to kill her."

"Benezia would never allow Saren to kill her daughter," the asari councillor said, keeping her tone neutral.

"Maybe she doesn't know," the salarian surmised.

"Or maybe we don't know her," the turian argued. "We never expected she could become a traitor."

Or Saren, for that matter, I didn't say.

In a surprisingly upbeat tone, the salarian councillor added, "At least the mission was a success."

"Apart from the destruction of a major Prothean ruin." I wondered briefly if the turian councillor's job was to be an asshole. "Was that really necessary, Shepard?"

"The geth were crawling all over those ruins. We were lucky to make it out alive."

"Of course, Commander." That was the salarian again. "The mission must always take priority."

"Good luck, Commander. Remember, we are all counting on you," the asari councillor finished, and then she disappeared with the rest of the Council.

"Thank you for using Galactic Telecom," the computer chirped, signalling the end of the call.

I walked out of the comm room, ignored the saluting guards, and made my way down a deck and to the Captain's quarters... my quarters now. There were a few spots you could stash things you didn't want seen, and I pulled a bottle half-full of brown liquid from one of them. There was not a cup in sight, so I just twisted off the top and took a swig.

Yeah, I'm gonna need another bottle before this mission is out.