Henrietta groaned. "Do you want to know the most embarrassing part about my stupid family reunion thing?"

Firkel. "Not overly."

"I thought you already told us," Pete stated. "It was the measuring everybody's height ceremony that you went on and on about. Seriously, does your family really care that much about who is the tallest and who grew the most?"

She blew a smoke ring. "They do, but that wasn't the worst part about it. The worst part was the family photo."

The redhead yawned. "That sounds disgusting."

"Oh, it was. My stupid fugly grandmother even had us where matching outfits. I had to wear a fucking pink sweater that my crack head aunt made for me. It was horrible."

"Are we going to get a copy of this photo?"

"Photos," Henrietta corrected. "My stupid family had to take a photo of every possible combination of people possible plus a number of group shots of the whole family in a number of different poses. It took for fucking ever."

"That's so conformist of them."

"It is." She nodded. "One of the photos will probably be attached to those stupid Christmas cards my mom sends out. You'll probably get one of those stupid cards. Just burn it when you get it."

"Just like last year," the youngest recalled. "How did your mom even get our addresses anyway?"

"She stalks my life 'cause she's a bitch," Henrietta answered. "Did I mention how conformist my stupid cousins are?"

"The ones from out of state?"

"Yeah, those whores. Now they're all cheerleaders. I fucking hate that. My mom wouldn't shut up about how happy she is about them embracing their potential and blah, blah, stupid shit. It like seriously, Mom? I get want you're trying to say, and no I'm not going to be a stupid preppy cheerleader like my stupid Barbie clone cousins." She groaned. "Hopefully they'll all have eating disorders in a few days and my mom will shut up about how great they are."

Pete blew a smoke ring. "That'll probably happen."

"Yep," agreed Firkel.

"So, where's Michael?" she asked. "He missed out on my whole family reunion story."

Firkel made a puff noise. "Its not like you're not going to retell it. Try texting him or something."

"I don't feel like it." She pushed her hair out of her face. "He stopped returning my texts yesterday."

The redhead gave a brief smile. "I guess he took my advice," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Henrietta asked. "He took what advice?"

Pete groaned. "Yesterday, we ran into Mercedes-"

"Is that a person or did you hit some car?"

"She's a person. A really awkward person," he answered. "She was on that dance thing with Michael back in elementary school-"

"The Raisin's girl?"

"She's a Hooters girl now-"

"Like that's any improvement."

Firkel groaned. "I can't believe you guys actually went there after you dropped me off."

"Yeah… well anyway, she's really hot for Michael-"

"So, Michael broke her stupid conformist heart?" she spat. "Its not like she isn't going to go gaga for the next dude she sees wearing all black." She smirks. "Let's hope that's not Mike for your sake-"

"I was cuddled against my will! I don't like him."

"Yeah… just keep lying to yourself." She rolled her eyes. "What does this Mercedes chick have to do with Michael not returning my texts?"

"He didn't break her heart-"

"What?"

"He didn't break her heart," he repeated. "Well, not yet at least."

"I'm confused. Why didn't he just tell her to go fuck herself?"

"Because she can help us."

"With what?" Firkel asked.

"Yeah, what can that bitch help us with?" Henrietta added. "Since when do we get help from the conformists?"

"Marketing," Pete answered. "She's hot and that trait is going to get our band somewhere."

The youngest eyes went wide. "We're selling out?"

"We're not selling out we're just getting a little push-"

She rolled her eyes. "It sure sounds like selling out."

"Look, Mercedes just has a little crush on Michael. We're just going to milk to get the band a few gigs and hopefully get out of just playing in South Park. That's why he stopped returning your texts yesterday. He has to lead her on somewhat for this to work."

"I don't see how a Hooters girl can help us," the youngest stated.

Henrietta nodded. "I don't either."

"She's hot." Pete pulled his cigarette out of his mouth and turned to look at the youngest. "Sometimes I forget that you haven't really hit puberty yet."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Firkel said with his voice cracking.

"Conformist males and lesbians will bend over backwards to girls that have real boobs like Mercedes. If she didn't hug me then I would have thought that they were fake."

Henrietta frowned at him. "Like you would know what a boob feels like. Oversized male tits aren't boobs, Pete."

"For the last time being cuddled by Mike wasn't my choice," Pete spat. "And he doesn't have really have moobs, or oversized male tits, he's actually in really good shape and his chest is really smooth-" he cut himself off. "You were referring to me being hugged by my fat drunk father weren't you?"

She grinned. "You're never going to let go are you?"

The redhead groaned. "Don't say anything."

"So, you were spooning with that vamp fag while he was shirtless?"

Firkel nodded. "He was."

"Did that turn you on, Pete?"

"Shut up!"

Henrietta rolled her eyes. "I'll shut up as soon as you stop bringing that up. There has to be some psychological reason behind you not wanting to let that memory go. Could it be because your not so secretly sad that you'll never have a shirtless poser hug you so close for multiple hours ever again?"

"I hate you." Pete took out his phone. "I'm going to text Michael and figure out where he is."

"Oh looky, subject change! I must have hit a nerve."

The goth texting used his free hand to flip his friend off.

Firkel turned to Henrietta. "How are you the only one that can get him to shut up about that?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "You just have to ask him if he liked it and he shuts up. Also its not like he had it the worst. I had to share my room with three posers and two of them were PMSing. I was at least smart enough to get a bed to myself by making one of them sleep on the floor."

"You know you could have slept on the floor, Pete," the youngest stated. "Or you could have kicked Makowski to the floor."

"Yeah Pete, you didn't have cuddle him," she added. "Did you cuddle him or did he really cuddle you? Seriously, who started the spooning?"

Pete put his phone up. "I told Michael to be at Benny's in less than half an hour. We should start walking."

"Good, I have a few words to say about this Mercedes chick to him."

He put his hand to his face. "Anything you want to tell to Michael you can tell to me. You haven't met Mercedes yet, so give the girl a break."

"I don't need to meet her. She works at Hooters. What else is there to know about her?"

"Well for one she's really awkward and likes our bands music-"

She cut him off. "And that's supposed to make up for her working at Hooters? Seriously, she's probably just some tits with no personality."

"She has a really awkward personality."

"And she works at Hooters."

"So?"

"So, she works at Hooters therefore she is just another conformist pair of tits. I bet her face really isn't that pretty. Hell, I doubt anybody even knows what her face looks like since she has boobs."

He groaned. "Ugh, why did I promise Michael that I'd deal with your female side?"

Her eyes went wide. "Excuse me? My female side?"

He grumbled. "Sometimes you get really female like and annoying like right now-"

"Its usually once a month," Firkel added.

Fuck. Pete turned to the Firkel to glare at him.

"You guys are all just a bunch of misogynists conformists!" she screeched. "I'm going home. Have fun getting coffee without me." She gave them the finger before walking off.

"Son, your father says that you brought a girl over yesterday," Michael's mother said. "Did you get any pictures of her? I want to see what this girl looks like."

His father laughed. "Damn it. I should have thought of getting some photos. You would have liked her. She quite the looker."

"Dad, getting photos of her would have been creepier than calling her 'darling'," Michael stood up from the kitchen table. "Also I'm going to meet my friends at Benny's."

"Are you going to meet Mercedes? If you're going to meet her get pictures. I want to see what she looks like. Or better yet bring her by the house."

"Oh, you should totally do that! She can have dinner with us."

"I thought I wasn't allowed to invite people over for dinner anymore."

His father laughed. "If Mercedes starts calling dinner 'demon jizz', I promise that I'll kick her out."

"We're not going to kick the girl out are we?" his mother asked with her eyes wide.

"Mom, that was sarcasm. Dad failed at making a joke again. Also I'm leaving like right now."

"Get some job applications while you're out!" his father called as he left the room.

"Fat chance!" he called back.

"Hey, sorry that I'm late. My parents actually had a family breakfast," Michael said as he reached the booth. "It was like they were trying to be a sitcom family or something. Nobody does family breakfast. That's just a television thing."

"Its okay we just got here anyway."

Firkel nodded. "We ordered you a coffee."

"Thanks." The tall goth sat down. "Where's Henrietta?"

"She got mad and left us before we came to Benny's."

"Why'd she get mad?"

Pete rolled his eyes. "Take a wild guess?"

"You mentioned Mercedes."

"Yep," the redhead stated. "Also Firkel made it worse by stating she gets really female like once a month."

"Oh fuck." Michael turned to glare at the youngest. "You didn't!"

"I did."

"Oh he did. And it made Henrietta claim that we are 'misogynists conformists' and flick us off and leave."

The youngest nodded. "I just made an observation. It was pretty conformist of her to get mad."

"So, should we apologize to Henrietta or something?"

The redhead shrugged. "I don't know. She'll probably forget about it once she's calmed down."

"And if not?"

"Then I guess Firkel will apologize for his little observation," he answered. "But… whatever. Knowing Henrietta she'll probably be back to hanging out with us before the end of the day. Like once she realized that ditching us makes her alone. You know like last time."

"And the time before that," Firkel added. "Which was like exactly one month since the last time…. Weird."

"Whatever." The redhead shrugged. "So, how was your date with Mercedes?"

"It wasn't a date," the tall goth corrected. "She just drove me home, met my dad, and went home."

"She met your dad?" Pete set down his coffee. "How'd that work out?"

"Well, Dad was waiting in the doorway for me. He thought that I was too drunk and high to get home by myself, and Mercedes convinced him that I wasn't. Then Dad fell in love with her or something."

Firkel frowned. "What?"

"Since when do your parents actually like your friends?" Pete added.

The youngest poured another pack of sugar into his coffee. "I thought your parents said that your friends were a bad influence on you."

"It confused me too," he admitted ignoring her little comment. "Dad even called her 'darling' multiple times."

"That's creepy."

"That's what I told him. What's creepier is the fact that he asked me to get pictures of her next time I see her for my mom can see what she looks like. He even called her a 'looker'."

"Gross."

"They asked me this morning if I could invite her over for dinner."

"I thought your parents weren't going to allow anymore of your friends coming over for dinner," Pete stated. "Your mom wasn't too happy last time we ate there."

"That's only because Henrietta said that her cooking looks and tastes like some demon jizzed all over some frozen TV dinners."

"It sort of did." Firkel shrugged. "Your mom really isn't that good of a cook."

The redhead flipped his hair out of his face. "So, are you going to invite Mercedes over for dinner?"

Michael sighed. "I don't know. Maybe if I run into her."

"Why don't you just text her?"

"I don't have her number."

Pete facepalmed. "One job. You had one job."

"Asking for her number just didn't come up. It just would have been awkward if I just asked her for her number out of nowhere."

"She's awkward. How would that have been awkward?"

"I don't know. Do you want me to go find her to get her phone number?"

"What do you mean by 'find her'? She works at Hooters and therefore is probably at Hooters."

"So, do you want me to go there to get her number?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because that would be awkward."

The tall goth frowned. "But she's awkward so how would that be awkward?"

"It just would be awkward. And extremely stalkery."

Firkel groaned. "You're confusing me. Maybe we should just forget about Mercedes."

"We need to get a few gigs out of her before we just forget about her," Pete clarified. "Our band has potential to get out of South Park. We just need the little push."

"So, how are we supposed to get Mercedes number without being awkward about it?"

"Don't use 'we'. This part is your job."

"Fine, how am I supposed to get Mercedes number without being awkward or stalkery about it?"

The youngest shrugged. "I don't know. I'm still confused about all of this."

"We need a female brain for this." Pete groaned. "Ugh, if Henrietta was here she would know what know what to do. She always gets like this when we actually need her advice."

"Should we apologize to her to get her help?"

"Yeah… but Firkel is the one that should apologize to her."

"I don't want to apologize."

"We should all apologize together. She seems pretty mad. She'll usually will text me when one of you two piss her off. Its weird that she hasn't texted me yet."

"She knows that you're talking to Mercedes, so she's mad at you too."

"I hate it when she gets mad at me."

"Don't worry. Its really just Firkel's little observation that pissed her off. That's why he need to apologize."

"I still don't want too."

"I still think we should all apologize together."

"Fine, we'll all apologize for noting. We should probably wait for her to calm down." The redhead sighed. "Like after she decides she wants to hang out with us again. I hate it when she gets like this."

"Me too, and that's why we need to apologize."

A/N

So, chapter is posted late 'cause I've been doing summer classes and working when I'm not studying. Never decide to be an engineering student until you can legally drink. The stress is wonderful and I can't make it less wonderful legally. Come on, US government I'm technically an adult! Also never decide to take Calculus II in five weeks. It will kill parts of your brain.

As always feel free to point out any grammar mistakes. Fixing those makes the story better