Chapter 12: River pollution

06:56 AM (Japan Time), Sunday December the 16th…

"… Unh… Gruh… Huh!"

"Morning, my cutie~…"

"Shit. What day is it today, Ganondorf!"

"Sunday. The 16th."

"What! This night…!"

"Will mark the 14th day ever since I brought you here, yeah."

"Shit. Huh? Ah!"

"Heh, heh, heh. Fine. Try it, try it. Else it wouldn't be fun."

ZA~P!

"UGRA~H!"

"Gotcha."

Subaru had woken up inside of the mysterious location where he was being held prisoner: Ganondorf, dressed only with a pair of brown shorts, was sitting in a nearby chair: Subaru demanded to know the day and Ganondorf snickered: Subaru suddenly realized that he wasn't tied anymore and that all of the sex tools had been removed: he only had the leather collar around his neck so he quickly leapt out the bed and tried to run north but collided with an invisible obstacle that electrocuted him when he tried to go beyond the square's north pillars: he collapsed on his knees, panting, while Ganondorf merely folded his arms.

"S-shit… DIE~!"

"Oho."

Ganondorf got to his feet all of a sudden and jumped sideways to dodge Subaru who'd come running and extending his hands forward as if trying to grip his neck: he collided with the chair and ended up on the floor.

"Fuck. I'll kill you yet, you fucking rascal!"

"Come anytime, Albert." He snickered.

"RA~H!"

Subaru got to his feet again and tried to deliver punches to Ganondorf yet he seemed to foresee each of his movements to dodge by moving the head sideways, duck, or jump one or two meters backwards: Subaru delivered a fist to his right shoulder but Ganondorf merely chuckled and delivered a kick into Subaru's balls: the blow made Subaru collapse on his knees and clutch them out of instinct: Ganondorf merely walked 5 meters away and folded his arms as if waiting for Subaru to recover: Subaru looked up with a glare filled with hatred: he got to his feet and ran forward while seemingly ignoring the earlier blow: Ganondorf whistled a tune as he easily dodged each of Subaru's attack attempts: Subaru was starting to pant his movements got sloppy and slow.

"S-shit…!"

"Heh, heh, heh. Too many days of being unable to move do have an effect on your body, you know."

"Coward! Leftover! Proxy!"

"I'M NO LEFTOVER, DAMN YOU!"

Ganondorf got pissed off all of a sudden and charged for Subaru but he ducked and rammed into Ganondorf's navel area with his head: the blow stunned him for a few seconds and Subaru delivered a kick to Ganondorf's balls this time around: Ganondorf also collapsed and Subaru began to kick his face several times before jumping and landing atop his torso: Ganondorf ended up face-up on the floor and skid one or two meters away, dropping a key of some sort along with a remote before groaning and apparently fainting: Subaru picked those and pressed the remote's first of 3 unlabelled buttons: there was a hum and a blue energy field became visible, encompassing the whole of the square: the 2nd button he pressed shut it down so he rushed away.

"Let's get out while I can."

He rushed forward but the scenery wouldn't change and the lack of light made it really hard to judge the scale of the place: all squares were identical and there were no signs at all.

"Shit. Who builds a place like this?" He wondered aloud.

He kept on running but had to stop to catch his breath: he glanced at the pillar he was leaning in and found some faint fluorescent letters written on it so he had a closer look.

"Wing 04, Section 08… If "wing" means the whole width of this row I'm at then… I must be another 3 or 4 rows away… And if this tile is "Section 08" then… Maybe each row is 16 tiles long? And I'm standing right on the middle… Problem is… What if it turns out that the "wing" I was at happened to be "wing 0"? Then I'm getting nowhere? Ridiculous: there must be at least one entrance and exit!" He began to deduce aloud while fuming.

He kept on running and crossed another "wing": he checked the pillar and found another inscription.

"Wing 03! Good! Like this… Let's hurry. That rascal could be coming anytime by now."

He kept on rushing forward and finally found what he'd been longing for: the first wall: and it had two doors belonging to an elevator plus a key slot at their right: he inserted the key and spun it yet nothing happened: he frowned and tried again.

"Shit. What now!"

"… I cut off the power…" An icy voice with a hint of anger rang out very close by.

"Shit! Eat this!"

"Enough cat and mouse… I'll teach you the consequences of defying me, you damned brat… You'll regret drawing out my true anger…!"

Ganondorf appeared from the right while looking furious and pissed off: Subaru tossed the key at his forehead to stun him.

"Uack!"

He then ran off to the left and stumbled upon the perimeter wall so he ran south alongside it: he could hear Ganondorf running around but being seemingly disoriented.

"There's no point in hiding! You can't hide forever!"

"That's what you think." Subaru muttered under his breath.

"… Here am I, offering my precious time and you waste it by running away… Incompetence surrounds me!"

"Hmpf. You underestimate the Subspace and the Satella Police. It's your problem for wanting to wage war against them."

"Self-righteous fools! Ignorant cretins! Don't you lot ever tire of failing in your mission?" He began to blurt.

"Hmpf…"

Subaru kept on running and found some writing on that same wall so he stopped to read it.

"Emergency elevator: all the way south. Wing 16. I guess I was at Wing 08, then… I'm half-way across… Maybe the emergency elevator doesn't have its power cut off… Or maybe it's the true exit!"

He kept on running down the wings while he heard Ganondorf run across the space only to stop and change directions every thrice or twice yet the sound of his footsteps (he'd seemingly put shoes on) rang out across the whole place.

"… Your feeble attempts only delay the inevitable! I can't lose! Not to you!"

"Hmpf. You'll lose one way or another."

"Are you trying to make me angry?"

"You're the one who won't accept reality."

"Let's finish this!"

"And I don't want to?" He sarcastically muttered.

Subaru finally reached the opposite wall and headed for the center: there was an open elevator there the light of which was off yet the control panel was on: he quickly pressed the "1F" button and the doors closed: the elevator headed upwards.

"Let's not lower the guard. There could be another floor like this or a locked door. Maybe the door hasn't been used in ages and it'll take a lot of effort to open. I'll have to find the means to stop the elevator from being recalled, too."

The elevator pinged and Subaru saw how the doors opened to reveal a large room (but not as gigantic as the basement) filled with rusted equipment, decaying desks and chairs and other stuff: the windows were sealed with bricks and so was the door about 8 meters ahead of him: he cursed and quickly picked one of the chairs to block the elevator's doors and impede its recalling: he rushed to the sealed door and glued his ear to the bricks.

"Huh… This sound…? Seagulls…? Waves…? I'm near the sea… I wonder if my brain implant's signal works… Unless this concrete jams all signals as well… But I was right. The reason this elevator works is because the culprit knew it couldn't be used to escape! Shit. What now?"

"Now you get to see the true Naraku~!"

"What? Uwack!"

Ganondorf suddenly showed up apparently out of nowhere and struck Subaru's head from behind with a steel bar he got out of somewhere: Subaru collapsed, knocked out, into the floor, while Ganondorf panted and growled.

"Shit. I tried to make a fun show and it turned out like this. Lucky for me there were emergency stairs leading here too! Bah. Another few days and my strategy will be finished, anyway. Let's send out some entertainment to keep those guys busy while I wrap everything up."

As for you…! 24 hours of fucking machine! I'll break you down yet!

13:33 PM (Japan Time)…

"… Phew. I managed to get the day free: Urakata – san decided I was working under too much stress."

"Pororon. Feels hot despite it being December, ya know?"

"Well. Yeah. Shiisaa Island is normally warm. Max temperatures at December can reach 21 Celsius. And they normally don't go below 18 or 17 Celsius either."

"Pororon. I see."

"Huh? Why. I see someone suspicious bathing there, near the dragon statue… Let's try to get closer."

"Pororon. Alright."

Misora had come to the Shiisaa Island beach while wearing a one-piece black swimsuit that looked like a school swimsuit: she sported simplistic brown sandals for footing and a straw hat: she'd been sunbathing in one hammock when she observed a figure swimming around the dragon statue mini-island while apparently examining it.

"Let's go."

She left the sandals on the beach and calmly stepped into the sea: she quickly swam towards there and hid beneath the platform of the sea-view road.

"Ah! I knew it. It's Shinobi!"

"Pororon. Then the lolicon mustn't be far from here."

"… Get out already! Assassin! It's not like it's my fault that there aren't sheep here!" Shinobi was yelling.

"Sheep?" Harp wondered.

"Assassin seems to be like to slaughter sheep. What are you expecting of a Denpa Body with such a name, anyway?"

"Pororon. Nothing good."

Shinobi had a pair of blue and black swimming trunks on as he swam in circles around the statue and called out for Assassin: there was no reply so he grumbled and climbed into the base of the statue from the right to be invisible from the beach.

"Sheesh. Master says: "my Hyde Instinct tells me the Night Baron is at the Shiisaa Island Castle's basement!"… And there isn't one! I came here to scout in vain. And now this guy gets pissed off at me. Who the hell programmed the guy to be so prideful, anyway? And Phantom was telling Master: "Hyde~… Do you really think that the Satella Police didn't check the place already~?"…" He began to grumble as he quoted.

"Pororon! Gotta admit that Phantom guy had a point. Like Strong wouldn't realize about that." Harp muttered.

"True…" Misora whispered back.

"Shinobi, my foreign valet! Did you find the service entrance?" Hyde asked over a radio device built on a wrist-ring.

"No, Master. There isn't one. And there isn't a basement! That Strong guy would've noticed AGES ago, anyway!"

"What! Ah! How can it be? My Hyde Instinct failed? Ah! The damned afternoon tabloid envoys!"

"You made that up right there, Hyde~…"

"Oh be quiet!"

"Fine~… But I warned ya~…"

"Anyway! If you need to find a spouse then you must be in fitting condition so swim around and sun-bathe!"

"S-spouse~? Me~?" He gasped.

"This ain't Denmark, Hyde~…"

"Be quiet! This is Neo Vienna!"

"Neo Vienna now? Oh come on."

"Neo Vienna, how original…" The three of them muttered with obvious annoyance.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"N-no! As you desire!"

"Fine! And find me a Mirror Ball."

"What's that?"

"Dunno! Ask some local."

"Hyde~… Isn't it obvious that that "Mirror Ball" is but nonsense mailed to you by the Night Baron to cloud your mind? Can't you catch something so blatantly obvious?" Phantom sighed.

"Be quiet, you half-paid Claudius envoy!"

"Oi. I've got nothing to do with the usurper king."

"You usurped the throne! Draw your sword, fiend!"

"Sheesh. Now he believes he's Hamlet? Shinobi… Stay away for some hours: it'll do well for your sanity… and your safety, too. This guy is capable of forcing ya to duel saying ya are Laertes." Phantom warned Shinobi.

"Fine. Guess it's the wisest thing to do right now. If only I could lure the guy outta here…"

"Your Denpa Body has gone off again? Man. Tell the guy that he can slaughter hammer sharks." Phantom told him.

"Fine… Oi! Assassin! If you slaughter hammer sharks then you'll become the most feared Denpa Body ever!" Shinobi called out.

"… Shumokuzamee?" Assassin asked.

"Yeah! Hammer sharks, AKA hammerhead sharks!"

"Korosuuuuu!"

Assassin jumped out and flew towards the ocean.

"O-oi! But wait for me~! Man. That didn't come out as expected. What now? Wait for the guy to come back?"

"Guess that."

"Found you, Claudius! En garde!" Hyde exclaimed.

"Sheesh. Later."

"Huh… Later."

The transmission ended so Shinobi sighed and sat down on the edge of the platform while placing his feet inside of the water: he looked tired and beaten, for once.

"I need a shelter to shelter myself from the madness. And Master would benefit of some therapy for hyper-activity. If the Satella Police couldn't find the rascal in 2 weeks, how can we?" He sighed.

"… Huff… Fine… I've heard enough. Let's pull out." Misora whispered to Harp.

"Pororon."

She quietly swam away and returned to the beach: she made sure no – one was looking and put on a blonde wig she drew from her handbag plus a couple of sunglasses.

"There. With my "Veronica" ID I can ditch the fans. I don't want to be surrounded by a mob of them. You remain inside of the Hunter – VG as well, Harp, just to be safe."

"Pororon. Alright."

"… Hey. Handsome. Wanna hang out?"

"Hmmm?"

Misora looked at how a random girl on her 20s with blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a blue two-piece swimsuit was trying to invite Shinobi to hang out but he apparently played deaf.

"Oi. Can't you hear me?"

"Maybe it's a foreigner." Another girl called out.

"Hadn't thought of that. Hi there~… Cutie~…"

Shinobi kept on playing deaf while Misora rolled her eyes under the sunglasses.

"You see too many cheap series." She muttered.

"Obviously. Pororon."

"Maybe he doesn't know English? He strikes to me as Asian but maybe he's Chinese?"

"Well. No problem. I'll use my Wizard as translator."

"I think that it's better for you to leave him alone. He doesn't look like he's in the mood to speak with anyone. Maybe he's depressed." The other girl seemed to be careful.

"Meh! Meek gal. I'll show cha how it's done like."

"Fine. But then don't say I didn't warn ya."

"… Chiiii… Korosuuuu… REDRUMMMMM…"

"KYA~H! THERE'S A GHOST! MOMMY~!"

"Show me how it's done, alright…"

A creepy voice rang out all of a sudden and the pesky girl swam away at top speed while her pal sighed and seemed to have been expecting a similar end to the deal.

"I'M GONNA COMPLAIN TO THE VISITOR CENTER!"

"Yeah, yeah. Like they'll listen to ya."

"WHADDYA MEAN?"

"Ya should begin by stopping to act like a fan-girl."

"BRING IT ON, CHA SKINNY RIVAL!"

Oh come on. The madness chases us all across the world? Sheesh.

16:56 PM (Japan Time)…

"… Oi. You. Fatman."

"Ushijima!"

"Oh yeah? Well. Got a message for ya from ya number one non-fan."

"What's that, Nangoku – san?"

"Dunno. It just says "river pollution due to avenging meats"…"

"A-avenging meats? The ghost of the roast beef!"

"Buro~! Stop saying idiocies, Gonta!"

"B-b-b-b-but…"

"No "buts"!"

Gonta had been sitting in one of the swings in Kodama Town's main square when Nangoku approached him: he firstly called him by the infamous nickname so Gonta corrected him: Nangoku shrugged and told him he had a message from someone: when he quoted the message Gonta turned white and blurted some idiocy so Ox popped out to scold him.

"Kya~h!" A woman shrieked close by.

"What was that?" Gonta wondered.

"Dunno." Nangoku shrugged.

"Ugra~h!" A man yelled next.

"Some terror film? Ghost Crisis III?" Gonta tried to guess aloud without catching on.

"Don't think so… Buro~…"

"I'll commend ya yet! Toro!"

"My name is - OX! You damned masked rascal!"

"I feel praised, by Sakaki!"

A Night Baron showed up next atop the Big Wave store and taunted Ox so he got annoyed.

"River pollution indeed! Have a look!"

"What! Piranhas?"

Some fish were swimming down the river and sometimes jumped out of the water.

They were grayish in coloring and had a gigantic mouth with powerful teeth thus it gave off the impression of being a piranha.

"Heh, heh, heh! They can eat through large mammals, bones and all, in mere seconds! Including bulls."

"BURO~!"

"Found you… Pay for your sins with your flesh!"

"Huh? Wha!"

Burai suddenly showed up behind the Night Baron and punched its back so it fell into the river only to be devoured by the fishes in mere seconds: Burai was unimpressed while Ox, Gonta and Nangoku were white from fear by now.

"R-run!"

"Ugra~h!"

"BURO~!"

"Damn it. This is why I always have a backup stationed close by! This time you'll become their prey, Burai!" Another Night Baron announced as it landed behind him.

"Try it."

"Hra~h!"

Burai merely warped out of his position as the second Night Baron ran forward with both hands extended as if wanting to push him down.

"Huh? Ugra~h!"

The second Night Baron also became the food of the fishes while Burai shrugged and looked bored: he quickly drew the Laplace Blade and aimed it at the neck of a third one that had been about to sneak on him: the Night Baron stopped.

"Such antiques… You lowlife must be an old-timer."

"OLD-TIMER! ME!"

"Begin tracing…" He whispered.

"Roger…" Akatsuki replied.

"Old-timer, gramps, old man, mad scientist, Super Villain wannabe and Demon Tribe Chief wannabe…" He began to list to further annoy the Night Baron.

"Grrr…!" It began to grumble.

"… Oh yeah. I knew was forgetting a few ones. Coward. Residue. Pirate. Ectoplasm. Smallpox sequel. Corsair. Lunatic. Executioner. Butcher. Mosquito. Renegade." He began to snicker next.

"T-this PUNK!"

"Pretty Uncanny Null Koala." He made up a title.

"KOALA? ME?"

"Proxy. Use – and – throw – pawn."

"Pawn! Me! I'm the best agent ever! IQ – sama tasked me with tasks that no other could accomplish! I serve IQ – sama forever, even in death! Eat that back, you brat!"

"I wonder about that." Vadous snickered.

"VADOUSSSS!"

"Show me your moves, Sidious."

"You're asking for it, you bastard!"

"… Ehime Prefecture… We can't get any further. But I feel like we're slowly closing in… That'll be enough, Burai." Akatsuki whispered.

"I agree. Go all out."

"Delighted."

"What was that, huh?"

"Someone came to fire you: the smug bitch did."

"MUGRA~H!"

Burai merely ducked as he pulled the blade away only to make a swift motion to slice the waist of the Night Baron away: both halves fell into the river as the last batch of fishes swam down it and ate it away: Burai sighed and stretched as the Laplace Blade orbited around him as if to keep any new attempts at bay.

"Guess he's given up for today. The fishes are gone." Vadous muttered as he seemingly scanned the area.

"I'll go have a look at Ehime Prefecture. It might turn out nothing but it's worth a quick sweep."

"Do as you like. I'll mobilize Blood Shadow there to make sure the guy doesn't come for more…!"

"Mwah, hah, hah, hah! I know it! Nangoku Ken! You lowlife are the Night Baron! Thus you die!"

"WHA~?"

"Shit. Oi! You lowlife. Bite me."

"BURAI~!"

Phantom Black suddenly showed up in front of the Big Wave Store while grinning and laughing: he pointed his stick at Nangoku, who'd just come back, and he gasped: Burai called out to him and he immediately went into rage mode.

"I knew it." Phantom sighed.

"I'll rip you to pieces!"

"Try it, weakling."

"Phantom…!"

"Slow."

THUD! PTAF! PTOF! CRASH! SPLASH!

"Ugra~h! The current's too strong! Damn it all, you plebeian! PHANTOM BACK WILL BE BACK!"

Phantom Black jumped to Burai's position (a Wave Road over the river) and tried to start his "Phantom Slash" but Burai was faster and delivered a few blows before dropping him into the river where he was washed away by the current.

"Rubbish. Weak. Not worth my time…"

Burai warped out as Omega appeared on the scene: Nangoku looked like he didn't understand any of what had happened or he seemed to think that he'd dreamt it all.

"Huh… Man! Too many mojito… Need to a take a break from those. I really do…" He sighed.

He headed back inside of the store only to issue some profanations one moment later: Omega frowned and dropped down right next to the store to try to figure out what was going on.

"You~! Chibi! You took profit of the scandal and stole 10 Wide Wave Battle Cards! Wait 'till I get my hands on you~!"

"Sheesh. Cancer Bubble messed it up: last thing we needed…! Or maybe it's the lion imbecile trying to blame Cancer Bubble. Someone should put a stop to that hyperactive lion imbecile."

"The revenge of the surfing board!" Nangoku exclaimed.

"How lame."

Hard to believe it's been 2 weeks…! We must hurry or else…! Damn them!