Chapter 15: Of moons and sages
11:24 AM (Japan Time), Friday December the 21st…
"… Yes, come in!"
"Well there. Subaru – kun. You seem to be alright by now."
"Iinchou! Thanks for coming."
"So?"
"So… What?"
"Did you go there?"
"Go? Where?"
"The Yaeba Resort… You went to flirt with that girl or…?"
"Luna…"
"Yikes! Mom!"
Luna came into Subaru's hospital room: he was sitting in an armchair and had been working on what apparently was pending homework that he'd placed atop a small table: she immediately put on a suspecting face as she leant both hands on the table while looming towards him: she began to come up with weird questions before she got to the point: an annoyed voice rang out from behind and Ms. Shirogane came in.
"How many times do we need to go over this? He's been abducted for 16 days and when you finally meet him you accuse him of having skipped classes, worried everyone and all just to go flirt with a girl? Your paranoia and jealousy are going to be in the way of your career!" She scolded in a hushed tone of voice.
"B-but it's obvious that…!"
"Proof! Give me proof."
"My Luna Instinct is enough proof!"
"Instincts can never be used as proof! You stupid girl!"
"What did you say? You granny!"
"Granny! Me!"
"Oh boy." Subaru sighed.
"Huff! Let's go the street: I'm not going to start a scene in front of a neighbor! Come!"
"Uack! Let me go of my right ear, granny! SUBARU – KUN! I'LL EXPOSE YOUR AFFAIRS! YOU WOMANIZER!"
"Shut up!"
Ms. Shirogane pulled Luna away by the right ear and came out of the room as Luna brandished threats.
"Lovely. We settled the pressure from the "QT" front only to open up a new front. Someone should direct them to a psychologist." He groaned out of exasperation.
"What happened, Subaru?"
"It's obvious, Gonta – kun. Iinchou was on the Moon again."
"Man. Iinchou… What's with the gal?"
"Don't ask me. It goes beyond Kizamaro's Laws of Common Sense."
"What are those? Math problems?"
"No~…"
Gonta and Kizamaro came to visit next: Gonta looked puzzled at what he'd seen outside, Kizamaro sighed, Gonta sighed next, Kizamaro shrugged, Gonta frowned and Kizamaro slapped his face in defeat.
"Man. That gal again…" Jack complained as he came in.
"What madness. I now prefer War Rock to that. She's been pestering us to no end saying we were accomplices of a womanizer!" Tsukasa groaned as he stepped in.
"And claiming her "Luna Instinct" was the ultimate proof, too…!"
"Why does the madness chase us all?" Subaru groaned.
"We'd all like to know that. Really." Tsukasa fumed.
"What's with the long faces?" Lartes asked as he came in.
"Iinchou!" Everyone replied.
"Not Miss Shirogane again… I'll send her mother a recommendation: maybe some pseudo-amnesia could help make her forget her silly ideas and make her focus on the problem at hand." Lartes sighed as slapped his forehead.
"I'm not done yet!" Luna rushed back in.
"You sure are!" Lartes directed an annoyed glare at her.
"Sir! Your disciple is a womanizer!"
"By all the… Miss! You really need some therapy. His chip implant is read-only data. It can't be deleted or replaced or modified. He's got his memories of each of these 16 days of suffering. Any judge will say that you say nonsense." Lartes growled.
"W-what? What does that mean?" She looked puzzled.
"I've got proof! That's what I mean! Irrefutable proof!" He summarized while hissing.
"Is t-that so…?" She turned white from fear.
"LU-NA!"
"Yikes!"
"You thought you could ditch me? Come! I apologize for this child's stupid behavior, sensei."
"Excuse me, ma'am. I thought I could recommend you the services of a psychologist I'm familiar with. She has experience in the field." Lartes politely bowed and then gave her a visiting card.
"Excellent. This lady will know how to deal with you, spoiled child!"
"But I want my shining knight back! To take part on my newest play: "Of Moons and Sages"!" Luna began to blurt.
"What shining knight and nonsense? Subaru – kun didn't do any of what he did because he wanted to, you know. Right?"
"Yes, ma'am. Iinchou… All I did as Rock Man was because I had to it because no one else could do it. I did because I could. I could make a difference. In short: it wasn't to show off."
"HUH? Then what was the point?"
"LU-NA! You didn't listen to anything of it or WHAT?"
"B-but it's too complicated!"
"What are you saying NOW? Complicated? You who get "outstanding" on Math and Physics? How can this be complicated? It's not like he's speaking in Chinese, is it?"
"B-b-but… I want my shining knight back!"
"By all the… You sound like a 5 year old girl who won't let go of her stuffed toy, even! YOU'RE ABOUT TO TURN 15 AND YOU STILL BEHAVE LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD!" She yelled.
"T-t-that's…"
"Do you want to know the full extent of my ANGER?"
"N-n-no…!"
"Then get moving! What a scene! My goodness! I feel SO ashamed: you'll bring shame to our family name yet! What a child! That's what happens for not looking after her. I should've hired an instructor! We'll have a LOT of talk to do! My word!"
Luna ran off and Ms. Shirogane followed at a brisk pace: the group sighed in defeat.
"Man." Gonta muttered.
"No comments." Kizamaro muttered next.
"This is maddening." Jack cursed.
"It drives you mad. For real." Tsukasa groaned.
"Mugranya~h! Someone build a damned shelter already!" Kiboyama grumbled.
"What a child!" Lartes cursed.
"What a promising winter." Subaru dully muttered.
"Well. Let's not let that spoil the mood. Welcome back!" Kizamaro tried to cheer the group up.
"That's right! Welcome back, Subaru!" Gonta grinned.
"We need someone to suggest a diet to Gonta – kun."
"YIKES!"
"Well, you know… The class atmosphere isn't the same sans you, Subaru – kun." Tsukasa smiled.
"Of course it isn't."
"Chut!"
"Oh! Veronica – chan."
Misora, disguised as "Veronica", came in and made the "silence" sign to indicate them that they had to play along.
"Welcome back, Subaru – kun. We missed you."
"Thank you, everyone."
"I'll be outside." Lartes smiled.
He walked out of the room while an animated chat began.
"… sneaky and suspicious vegetables on his bed…"
"Oh come on! Kizamaro! Man! Iinchou placed those there, you know!"
Well. I'm finally back. You don't scare me anymore, you villain! Hah!
12:45 PM (Japan Time)…
"… So… How do you feel like?"
"I still feel very dizzy and I've got recurring headaches. But I guess this is better than nothing. Hard to believe I've been impersonated by two and a half years…"
"I'm sorry, Queen Tia. I should've realized earlier."
"Oh, Akatsuki… Again with the macho mood?"
"Oho. You remembered that."
"Of course. How many times did we clash out of that?"
Akatsuki had come to visit the real Queen Tia as she rested in a hospital room: she firstly complained of dizziness and headaches: Akatsuki then a sighed and got a slightly depressed expression but Queen Tia knew it was some acting so she grinned at that: Akatsuki chuckled and Queen Tia seemed to find it funny to remember that.
"You can be pretty tsundere when you want to."
"I know. I thought that I had to act like that or King wouldn't take me seriously. It worked, though."
"Yeah. I know. But you can forget that already."
"You've been involved in a lot of stuff in this time, too… I'm surprised you haven't matured."
"Oh! You know me. I don't want to show it. I feel like that if I do that I'll get picky and annoying."
"As usual." She snickered.
"Guess that."
"Shidou. Sorry to interrupt but you've got a call from Yoiri – hakase."
"What does she want now?"
"To give you a suggestion."
"Fine~… Yes, hakase~?"
"Oh my. Shidou – chan. I just remembered something."
"And what would that be?"
"That it'd do well for you to have a can of Super Brilliant Green Emerald Herbal Tea..."
"… Too long." Queen Tia giggled.
"Acid…"
"… Hakase. That product stopped being produced 18 years ago." Acid calmly reported back.
"Oh my. Is that so…? And here I thought that I saw one of the children here have a can of one the other day around… Or maybe it was something else? My, my… One's perceptions… Thanks for reminding me, Acid – chan."
"Suffixes are unnecessary. Hakase."
"My, my. You lack passion in life. Maybe I should've told the development staff to put some more energy into you…"
"Maybe so. But I am fine as I am. Now, then…"
"Wait a minute, Acid! Akatsuki – kun! Are you there?"
"What now, Utagai – san…?"
"Help me! The fortune teller tells me that a great doom named "envoy of the attic" is coming for me~!" Utagai yelled.
"That means your flat's owner! It means that you've got to pay the monthly rent!" Amachi scolded.
"Ah! Is t-that so? Why attic?"
"Because sometimes the owner of the apartment building lives in the attic floor and personally goes to tell residents to pay the rent…"
"I s-see."
"Did a fortune teller really tell you that?"
"Y-yes! I swear! Her name was Virgo!"
"EH? Virgo? But she was deleted!" Queen Tia exclaimed.
"Maybe your imposter circulated it to begin with." Akatsuki calmly deduced.
"Sheesh. What a random woman."
"Random alright."
"Ah! So it was a fake…?"
"Wasn't it obvious?" Cygnus sighed.
"Well. I'll drop by the hospital later too." Daigo muttered.
"We must be positive despite what happened. We mustn't let the enemy make our mood decline." The Chief warned.
"Alright. I'll cut."
"Take care, Shidou – chan."
"Yes, hakase~…"
Akatsuki ended the call as Jack came in and sat down next to Queen Tia: she stretched her left hand and Jack grabbed it while forming half a smile yet looking sad at the same time.
"Neechan, I…"
"Don't worry. Jack. All will go well. Eventually… We'll be able to return to our nation too… But we're still young… Let's wait some years… And decide if it's wise or not."
"Gotcha, neechan."
"Well. It'd seem this incident has come to a momentary end. Hopefully we'll be able to enjoy a break until January."
"Let's hope so, yeah." Jack shrugged.
"Shidou."
"What now…"
"Transmission incoming from Cancer Bubble…"
"How the heck does the guy know my number? We change the tactical radio frequencies on each operation."
"Maybe Sigma is involved at some stage."
"Sheesh. Alright, Cancer Bubble! Whaddya want?"
"Heh! I beat the culprit! Like I thought: it was Ya Salam!" Cancer Bubble snickered.
"Who?" He frowned.
"Buku! Wrong! Hasami! That was a mere Denpa Virus! It's named "Kacapet"! And yields the "Green Carpet"! Buku!" Cancer corrected.
"What? But the guy looked middle-eastern and all!" Cancer Bubble argued back.
"Buku! I think the term is "Indian" but I don't think it's related! This is some sort of trolling! Buku!"
"Wha~t? Whose work is this?"
"Buro~! The great me~!"
"Ox! Ya! It had to be ya! Ya wanted to troll me, huh?"
"Buro~! More like I wanted to test ya brains… I think it's odd that Gonta, with his low IQ and all, got accepted and you weren't called for. Guess they wanted someone with raw strength. But then again it was Jack's Noise Card what totally rebuilt me. Buro~…"
"Well. That's true." Jack shrugged.
"Alright, alright. You two. Cool it down. We don't want to start a nation-wide brawl." Akatsuki ordered.
"Who's there? Aotsuki, was it?" Cancer Bubble asked.
"Akatsuki!" He corrected.
"Atatsuki?"
"AKA-TSUKI! AKA! A-KA! RED! AKATSUKI IS "DAWN"!"
"Ah! OK, OK! Man! Akatsuki! Sorry! I'm playing Misora – chan's latest single in one channel and the music overlaps."
"Then hit the pause button and talk to me!"
"Hadn't thought of that… Why, I wonder…"
"Buro~! Cancer there is lazy!"
"Buku! Ox there is a rampaging savage!"
"Stop already!" Miles interjected.
"Weren't we training together? Why make us chase after you all the way to the Yaeba Resort?" Storm groaned.
"Buku! This guy wanted to troll me!"
"Ox… If you don't behave then Vadous is gonna lock you too."
"YIKES!"
"Wouldn't surprise me, either…" Storm sighed.
"Shut it down already, Acid."
"… Acknowledged, Shidou. Too many undecipherable actions and motivations." He muttered.
"And stop talking like a lawyer, will ya?"
"I – am – not – a – lawyer. Shidou." He dully intoned.
"There it goes again." Jack laughed.
"Maybe you need one, Akatsuki." Queen Tia suggested.
Acid shrugged, Akatsuki shrugged and chuckled, Jack laughed and Queen Tia smiled at him…
21:12 PM (Japan Time)…
"… So, Master… Any news?"
"Insofar it'd seem nothing has happened in the "A" front… yet. But it's a matter of time. Security is high but we're not taking any chances: we'll have to come up with new tactics."
"Brought forth by Warus Rockus – samus!"
"What? How did you get out of the server?"
"Dunno. I suddenly came on."
"Maybe the culprit left something behind after the two intrusions just to troll us?"
"Wouldn't surprise me."
"YO! YO! YO! Moon Mexican, on the ring!"
"Oh crap."
Lartes was having a chat with Subaru that evening as he sat in front of him: he told him how things were like until War Rock suddenly popped out to their mutual surprise: Subaru formulated a hypothesis and Lartes fumed: they both groaned when Moon Disaster began to broadcast through the Hunter – VG.
"Lartes? It's me, Kir Osh… You see… It'd seem our culprit left behind a program that would, after a given time, release those two from the server: Black Ace got fooled because the digital signature had been faked and it was led to think it was legit."
"Lovely."
"Mwah, hah, hah. The culprit must like me!" War Rock laughed as he flipped in mid-air.
"On the contrary: you're but amusing small fry. He surely let you free to make us feel headaches." Kir Osh grumbled.
"Wha~t?"
"Subaru, are you there? Ah! Good evening, Doctor."
"Ah! Ma'am. Good evening."
"Hi, mom…"
"Was the supper alright?"
"Of course. But it can't beat mom's cooking."
"My, my. You praise me too much, dear."
Akane came in and sat on the chair that Lartes freed while War Rock was discussing with Kir Osh.
"Where's the culprit!"
"Dunno. Maybe in Vienna."
"Vienna? Wasn't that a sausage store?"
"Sigma…!" Kir Osh got annoyed.
"It's a city. Compete with Hyde. See who finds him firstly." Lartes told him with a shrug.
"A competition with Hyde~? Yahoo~!"
"YO! YO! YO! The Hyde hides his hide!"
"How original. Clown." Burai hissed close by.
"YIKES!"
THUD! BLOF! CRASH! SLASH!
"Shut that down, Kir Osh."
"I'm on it, man. There."
"Luckily I picked the thing and lowered the volume… It won't get in the way of their talk…"
Lartes had picked the Hunter – VG and lowered the volume while Akane and Subaru talked: War Rock had fled the room as well.
"… Eh… Sorry for the late night visit, yet…" Misora, disguised, came into the room.
"Oh my. Misora – chan. Welcome."
"Hi again, Misora – chan. How was it like at the studios?"
"Oh well. Urakata – san approved of a new CM, Suzuka and Ice have finished filming a new single too, and everyone is cherry since Christmas is about to come."
"That's good to hear."
"What happened with Luna – chan in the end?"
"I think she's still being scolded."
"Wouldn't surprise me… She's not a bad person but she's got that jealousy and paranoia…" She sighed.
"So." Solo nonchalantly questioned as he came in.
"Ahem, ahem." Lartes cleared his throat.
Solo merely had a quick glance and Lartes signaled towards the door as he headed there so Solo followed him, closing it: Laplace appeared inside and began to look around but Harp was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't fumble with anything.
"… Da… Ra… Gu… Mu…"
"… No. You can't interact with these. Get back into the Hunter or I'll shut you down too." Solo grumbled from the outside.
"Ga!"
Laplace gasped and disappeared while Harp giggled.
"Pororon."
"I dared to go see sensei… What an experience! She admitted that that tale the imposter told was a fake from the start to the end: she'd never run into such a happening." Misora explained.
"That's nice to hear, too."
"… I'm back. After telling him what he wanted to know he went back: I didn't want him to spoil the mood."
"Lartes? It's me again… No, there's no problem yet… Now it turns out Dragon's got a blog come out of nowhere and he's being flooded with comments because they think he's a comedian. What do I do? Dragon seems to be at wits' end as well." Kir Osh reported.
"By all the… Post a comment yourself and call Akatsuki: make them post a notice saying that it's a hacking site."
"Ah! Alright. Sorry."
"Don't mind it. The culprit left stuff to drive us mad there and there from the looks of things."
"So, you two… Anything?" Akane teased.
"Mom!" Subaru blushed.
"Ma'am!" Misora blushed too.
"Oh?"
"Eh… Ma'am…" Lartes timidly called out.
"Don't worry, doctor! It's a joke. A joke."
"Well, ma'am… I think that one should be careful…" Lartes politely suggested.
"Hmmm… Guess that."
"Mom! It's not funny!"
"Ma'am! Please! We're serious and decent!"
"I never said you weren't, my dear."
"Pororon?" Harp looked amused.
"… Did ya say something?" Misora questioned.
"Guess no." She shrugged.
"Fine. Anyway… Ma'am. Can we please quit it with the jokes? I don't want to feel this embarrassment again."
"Oh dear. I didn't intend to embarrass you."
"Sheesh. Mom…"
"I didn't find Hyde in Biela!" War Rock protested.
"Vienna, not Biela. In Austria. Europe." Lartes whispered.
"That far? I thought ya meant a city in Hokkaido!"
"You could've tried to look it up, couldn't you?" He sighed.
"So, Rock… Don't you have something to say?"
"Ah! T-that's… Well… Sorry, Subaru… Lately… I thought I could keep ya laughing and all like old times and…" He sighed.
"So it was for old times' sake… See, Rock… There's a limit to how many jokes people can tolerate. Even me. So you should limit yourself to one or two per day. Deal?"
"OK… I don't want to start a fight over that so…"
"Say... I suddenly feel in the mood to look forwad to 2207!" Misora grinned.
"How curious… Me too… Let's set a goal: reach 2207 in the best of moods!" Subaru suddenly suggested.
"Heh! I foresee a snow war, Subari~!" War Rock announced.
"Oh my. Reminds me of my youth…" Akane giggled.
"Well. Why not. I'll do well to vent off the stress. To 2207 we go!"
The group laughed in a cherry way: the crisis had finally ended and nothing would spoil the upcoming Christmas season…
THE END