Thank you all for the follows, favorites and reviews, they make my day! To answer the Guest: I know it is very unlikely for MM to still have a receipt from her date with Whale, but this story is just for fun. I never intended to write something very serious :) To Guest 17: Thank you some much! I'll try to make it as much Friend-ish as I can, with Granny's being Central Perk and using quote's! I hope you'll continue to like it
Now on to the story, enjoy!
The One With The Dirty Talk
In which Hook learns Charming how to talk dirty.
They finally had some time for each other. Baby Neal was fast asleep in Henry's room, Emma was staying with Hook for the night and Henry was at Regina's. So when Charming pushed Snow on the bed, she giggled and pulled him down with her. They started a frenzied kissing, losing some clothes here and there, when finally, Snow was panting on top of Charming's chest. She gave him a peck on the lips and wiggled her hips to add some pressure to his still covered groin, when she breathed: 'Say something…hot.' She grinned devilishly and pressed her forehead against his. David grinned as well and pushed her over. 'Well, Snow… you are… er… I wanna… um…' Snow raised her brow and asked seductively: 'What?' 'Um… uh…vulva!' Charming blurted out. Snow didn't know how to respond. Finally she settled with: 'That's alright honey. Let's just…let's just cuddle, okay?' Snow draped an arm over his chest en nestled again his shoulder, leaving Charming awake in her arms all night, contemplating on how to talk dirty.
'You need my help for what now, mate?' Hook asked amused. Hook had just dropped Emma off at Granny's, where she, Regina and Henry were having lunch. When he'd left the diner, he saw the prince almost running towards him. When the charming husband finally stopped in front of him and said to him without breathing: 'I need you to learn me how to speak dirty!', he could only grin.
Hook was now walking back to his boat with Charming walking besides him. 'I don't like to admit this, but I need your help. You have experience with this, your day is filled with innuendos!' Hook cast him a bemused look over his shoulder before walking on deck of his ship. 'Very well then. I, Captain of sexual suggestions and intimate innuendos, will teach you the art of talking dirty!' Hook exclaimed, turning around on his heels, now facing Charming, with the widest grin on his face.
The two decided to move the conversation to a more private place, placing them in the captain's quarter. Hook sat behind his desk, legs crossed on the corner with Charming on the other side.
'Since not everybody masters the art of sexual suggestion, I will merely learn you how to… talk dirty, as you call it. All you need to do, is tell her what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you. Got it?'
Charming nodded uncomfortably. 'Well go ahead then, mate. It's not gonna do it on its own!' Hook said briskly, waving his hand and hook in a gesture to indicate Charming should start.
'Right… uh…' Charming stammered.
'If you can't even talk dirty to me, how in the bloody hell are you going to talk dirty to your lovely wife? Now get on with it!' Hook yelled. 'Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to do to me.' Hook said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Charming wanted to protest again, but then figured he could better get this thing over with. He closed his eyes and pictured Snow. 'I… I want to feel your hot, soft skin with my lips.
Hook nodded. 'That wasn't all that bad, mate, continue.'
'Alright,' Charming started, 'I want to… I want to take my tongue and, and… and run it all over your body, 'till you're trembling with-'
Charming, still with his eyes closed, heard a stump on the wood. Slowly he opened his eyes and saw Hook looking terrified at the stairs behind him. When he turned, he heard:
'Well now, you two love birds, please don't stop on my account!' Mr. Gold was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he came down the stairs. 'I actually had a question for the crocodile, but since you two are busy, I'll leave you two to it.' With a chuckle he exited the ship and Charming promised himself he would never talk dirty again.