Away.
It was the only thought that kept running through her mind.
Away.
She couldn't think of the fact that everything since their proposal had been a lie. She couldn't think that all those wonderful moments had not been real, that they had all been tainted by a poisonous secret. She couldn't bring herself to look back at their wedding and realise that even then, he'd been lying when he had said that the monster was gone. She couldn't digest the fact that it had never been gone, that despite all that had happened he had never really changed. Her mind refused to dwell on how she had known all along that in some way, he had to be responsible for Zelena's death, and yet she had believed him because she so desperately wanted to.
Just away.
She couldn't shape the idea again, not even to thrust her tortured self in an even more painful pit, that while she had been his in every possible way, he had never really been hers. That while she had trusted him with all her heart he still had been able to deceive her so foully.
She had thought all of this, back in his house when she had found out about his lie, but by now only the emotions remained, as if her flesh had been torn away and only her sorry skeleton was running on these hateful streets where bloodthirsty memories waited for her at every turn. Her thoughts were lost, maybe somewhere in a better world that she had known once upon a time.
But her feelings were more intense than ever, so overwhelming that they swallowed up the world. They were a whirlwind, and the eye of the storm was the horror of betrayal.
Sadness. A hopeless sorrow at least as deep as the ocean itself, mighty and ruthless. Betrayal. A red anger, a flaming passionate fury, hot rage spiced with hatred. Betrayal. Fear. Fear that if she didn't run fast enough she would fall down in the snow and never get up. Disillusion, like she had just woken to a terrible world from a beautiful dream. Betrayal.
She bumped into something. No, it was someone! She opened her mouth to apologise, but the woman had already said it. 'It's nothing, ' she muttered over her shoulder, and let her legs carry her on.'Wait.' she heard it only bluntly through the sound of her heavy breathing, the crunch of snow below her feet and the wind in her ears. She wouldn't stop.
Something fell into her neck. Something cold. It was like a snowball, maybe, just not that thick; probably just a bunch of snow from a roof, she didn't care to explain.
'Wait!' shouted that someone again. Belle was so blind from tears and pain that it could have been both Granny or Ruby, she could never have told the difference. But whoever she was Belle wouldn't stop. She had to get away from here. Fast as she could.
She had to pull her hood up because some of the snow somehow still lingered on her scarf, like a painful shred in the back of her head.
She had left the last houses behind and was nearing the town line. It was still a good mile away, but she could see the edge of the forest on the far end of the field where it lay.
She knew that if she crossed it, she might lose her memories. Since the new curse had been broken no one had dared to try out what might happen if they left the town, so it was possible that it didn't have dire consequences anymore… but honestly, she doubted it. Accidents, loss of memories, flying monkeys… the past had proven elsewise.
But she would take her chances.
This world wasn't bad, and by now she knew it well enough to find her place in it. She would change her name, look for a job, rent a small cozy flat in a big city where she wouldn't be found so easily, read her books and remember her old life only as a fading nightmare.
And if she really forgot about everything after she crossed the line, maybe that was even better. She would gladly have left her memories behind, it was losing herself that worried her, becoming someone like Lacey for the rest of her life.
The wind was gradually getting stonger… and colder. The freezing air burnt her lungs and crept under her coat, but she didn't care. At least it was even more unlikely that someone came chasing after her. Her cheeks stung, and she realised that her tears were slowly turning to ice, so she quickly wiped them away. She doubted she had ever run this much, or this fast, especially both hat the same time, and yet she could discover no signs of physical exhaustion. Anger gave her wings.
Was that the shape of a man in the distance, or just an old log? She tried to see but her eyes were watering now not only from crying but also because of the wild wind that cut in her face; and the snow had begun to fall. She did her best to keep herself away from it, but apparently, the log was a man and had already noticed her, because he shouted at her, though what she could not hear.
If she turned around right now she could avoid meeting him, but she refused to do that, she had to get away! So she changed her course only slightly, and hoped that if the man caught up on her she would still be quick enough to escape his grip, and that then she could sprint for the line without further disturbance.
'Belle?!' he shouted again. She didn't know who he was, and thank God, he wasn't Rumple, but she would still have preferred it if he didn't know her. And how the hell did he recognise her from that distance?! He had to have the keenest eyes.
After a while it became clear that she couldn't avoid meeting him, and she felt that her tears were flowing twice as fervently as they had been up to then. She was aggravated by the injustice of the world. She had given all to Rumple, her trust, her faith, her dignity, her heart – and he ripped it from her hands and gave nothing in return. Wouldn't they let her run away at least? Was that too much to ask?! Who was this man before her who thought could decide her fate? Hadn't they listened?! No one could do that but her!
With a fury she had never known she thrust her head forward and ran straight towards the man.