A/N: Okay, instead of having my author note at the top like usual, I'm gonna have at the bottom because I gots a lot to say. Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Eleven: The Knowing

I was in one of my moods. I sat on the top of the hill with my Malcolm X book, dog-eared on nearly every page, escaping from the world. I needed this alone time, away from the ignorance of Woodcrest High School. As I read the familiar words, I could hear the crunching of leave behind me. I sighed and closed the book, leaning my head against the tree.

"What do you want, Jazmine?" I asked before I could even see her.

She pouted when she finally came into view. "You ruin the element of surprise in everything, Freeman," she said, sitting down next to me.

"You're not exactly the quiet type," I reminded her. She leaned against me and hummed quietly to herself. I rolled my eyes and turned to her. "Is there any reason you're interrupting my seclusion from humanity?"

"And who pissed you off today?" Jazmine questioned.

I clenched my teeth together. "This white girl petted my hair," I huffed. "Like I was a fucking dog." I could see her stifling her laugh. "That's not funny!"

"Sorry!" she replied in between giggles. I glared at her, but that only make her laugh harder. "I'm sorry, but you gotta admit that's pretty funny!" She covered her mouth to try to stop her laughing. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Go on."

I sat up straighter and looked at her. "See? This is the type of shit I'm sick of in this white-washed suburb." I explained. "I am not so kind of animal. I am a human fucking being and you can't just go around touching my hair when you feel like it." I sighed and leaned back onto the tree. "Sometimes I just want to run away and go back to Chicago."

"And leave me to be one of only two and a half black people in this town?" she jokingly scolded. "Bastard."

I shrugged. "You can come with me if you want," I started. "In this highly impractical and imaginative situation. You'll be good for… something."

She giggled. "Something! I'm glad I can be of great service to your nonexistent plan to run away." She turned back towards me. "You wouldn't really leave…right?"

I've never seriously thought about it. Yes, I had the means saved up to leave, and I could if I wanted to. But I had no immediate family in Chicago since Aunt Cookie died and I was barely sixteen, so I wouldn't have a place to live.

Even though I hated this town, this was the most permanent place I've stayed in. This beats the seven years I bounced around from apartment to apartment with my mom, the one year with Aunt Cookie and the two years at Granddad's small house in Chicago. For once, I didn't feel like I was just abandoned in a place. It felt kind of like a home.

I tell Jazmine this.

She lied on the grass and stared at the sky. Then she sat up and held out her pinky.

"What?"

"Pinky promise."

"Pinky promise what?"

She rolled her eyes and continue to hold out her pinky. "Pinky promise that you won't run off to Chicago. And I'll promise not to abandon you… ever." She seemed as if she was actually scared that I'd leave her by herself. "Come on, Huey!"

"Fine," I groaned. I held out my finger for her to latch onto it with her own pinky. A satisfied grin showed up on her face. "Are you happy now?" She nodded happily. "Just so you know we're probably going to forget about this in five years or whatever."

"You will, but I'm not gonna forget it," she replied, leaning on the trunk of the tree. "And I'm gonna hold you to this promise forever, alright?"

Okay, Jazmine."

Ten bucks says she won't remember next week.

He was going to die here.

His eyes were bloodshot, he hadn't shaved in days, and his Afro was nappy beyond repair. He hadn't eaten or drank anything except vodka and water. Every once in a while, he'd eat something, but not enough. He was running low on food anyways.

Either he was going to die from alcohol poisoning or pure loneliness. He hadn't left his house since the last alcohol run two days ago and no one came to check on him. Everyone was so pissed off after the funeral that he didn't even get to tell Riley the plan to sell the house. The house was sitting in the condition as when they left it.

He lied in the bed and stared at the ceiling. He missed her. He missed everything about her. He could still smell her scent ever so slightly on his sheets. The first few days after he came back, his room reminded him of her. He called her a couple of days ago. He had gotten so drunk that he just slurred into her voicemail until the machine cut him off. He wondered if she even listened to it.

What was the fucking point?

She didn't want to talk to him and she made that very clear. He kept reminding himself that he didn't deserve her, but every time he did, he got more pissed off and wanted to throw everything across the room. It wasn't that he wanted to breakup with her; he needed her.

As clichéd as it sounded, he needed her and he was a fucking idiot for breaking up with her.

He sat up in the bed and stared at the mirror. Although it was nighttime and he hadn't bothered to turn on any lights in the apartment, the moonlight was just enough to see the reflection of his own shadowy outline.

He wasn't happy at all. In fact, he was definitely more miserable than he was before. Minutes felt like hours, hours like days. His only companion for the week, José, was damn near empty and he didn't feel like getting another one.

He hated how pitiful he looked. He hated how he was feeling. He hated his apartment. He hated Baltimore. He hated this state. He hated the drunk dick that killed Aunt Cookie. He hated the fucker who shot his mom. He hated how Granddad just quit at the end. He hated the stupid, cruel world that continued to take people away from him. He hated his dad. He hated everyone around him. He hated everything. Most of all, he hated himself.

But he loved her.

He loved everything about her. She could never do anything wrong, and she never did. She saw the best in everyone, even a fucked up kid like him who grew up too fast. She was the only one who thought he could change. And he pushed her away.

He needed another chance. If he could just one more chance, he knew that he could make everything right. He grabbed the tequila bottle and downed the rest of it before wiping his mouth and lying back down.

Four languages. Hundreds of thousands of words. And none of them would ever be enough for her to come back to him. He could tell you everything that's happening in Syria, but can't explain how he feels. For God sakes, he could write a complete academic paper on Jim Crow Laws, yet he can't tell Jazmine he loves her.

He was stupid and dumb and deserved to die alone.

Wobbly and unstable, he quickly made his way towards the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach, his throat burning. This has been a ritual for him. Drink until he was sure he couldn't feel feelings anymore, until the liquid decided it was no longer staying in his stomach and made him rush to the toilet. Shower, sleep, repeat.

As he stood in the shower, letting the water rain over him, he wondered if his life would be like this until he died. Eventually he would have to go to work, go back to classes, and move on with his life. But nothing would be the same. Not without her.

God, how could one girl change him like this?

She wasn't just a girl. She was the girl. The only girl that was worthy enough for all of his secrets and fears. He would forever be mulling over the girl that he lost. The girl that was once his. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Biggest bullshit he's ever heard. He was pretty sure he'd be better off if they stayed just friends. At least he'd have her.

He was in his sweatpants when he heard the knock. At first he thought it was in his head. Until he heard it again. Someone came to check on him? Someone finally cared? He raised an eyebrow before walking towards his front door.

"He's not at home," a small voice finally said. He stopped. Jazmine. "Well, maybe he's just not answering the door because he doesn't want to talk to me."

She was so wrong. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. Instead he stood in the very same position, as if moving would scare her away.

"Yeah I know I have the extra key but… I don't want to be the person who finds him."

She thought he was dead. Did everyone think that he had killed himself? Was that the conclusion on why he hadn't said anything to anyone in over a week? He willed his legs to move, step by step until he finally reached the doorknob.

"Ceez, I don't know if I'm ready to see him yet." His hand worked before his mind could protest, opening the door before Jazmine decided to bail out. "I'll call you back."

She shifted on her heels, staring into Huey's maroon eyes. She cleared her throat and handed the grocery bags that she'd holding the entire time. She bit her lip as she stared at Huey again right before—

SMACK!

She slapped him across the face.

Huey set his jaw and grabbed his reddened cheek. "Okay, I deserved that," he offered.

She smiled at him. "Oh, you deserve so much more," she replied.

"Why did you even bring me this if you can't even stand me?"

"Because I pinky promised!" She was yelling and her face was red. "And even though I hate you and you're a complete dick, I keep my promises because I still love you!"

It didn't come as a complete surprise; he could always tell. But the fact that she told him too late and in anger, it hurt him. Why didn't she understand that he was just an idiot and that he just wanted her back?

"Can we talk inside? Just for like ten minutes?" Huey asked, but it sounded more on the begging side. He felt as if this was his second chance and if he let this slip through his hands, just like everything involving Jazmine, she knew she'd be gone forever.

She pointed at him. "You," she started. "Are not going to suck me in to your little game." Huey raised an eyebrow, but she shook her head. "I'm not gonna keep doing this with you! I couldn't come to the apartments for three days because I thought I was gonna cry if I ran into you. And I don't know why, because you are just a regular boy! But you're more than that."

She huffed and walked away from him. "You know what? One day, I'm gonna get over you, Huey," she announced. "And I'm gonna meet a really nice guy and he's not gonna be afraid to open up to me and he'll be super sweet!"

She ignored the fact that Huey was setting his jaw while he listened to her story.

"And we'll fall in love and have two kids and live in a huge fucking mansion with a white picket fence and golden retrievers and you know what? And I still won't be fucking happy! Because he's not you!"

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing he could say. She shook her head and headed towards the stairs. Time was running out. He had one chance to get her back. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. "What do you want me to do?"

She stopped and turned around. "I want you to grow the fuck up! Grow up! For you to be so smart, you're acting like a fucking idiot! Grow up and say what you need to say! When you're ready to figure out what you want, you know where to find me."

What did he want?

He wanted Jazmine, obviously. But he was missing something else. He wanted clarity. He wanted to feel normal. Everything was always on his shoulders, and he didn't want that burden anymore. Just for once, he wanted for no one to depend on him.

He wasn't a grown-up. He was still a kid with an adult mentality. Just because he knew how to respond to situations, didn't mean he responded to them healthily. Emotions wasn't a strong point of his and now he was realizing that it wasn't a crutch. They were a necessity.

He sat down the bags on the kitchen counter and started to put up the groceries in their places. The groceries Jazmine got him. Because Jazmine cared about him. She loved him. And she deserved the same back.

"Coming!"

Heart beating. Palms sweating. He was nervous and drunk and standing in front of Jazmine's apartment. Was he truly ready to open up to her, in just the twenty minutes since she called him out? Did he grow up in not even a half an hour?

The locks started to turn and Huey faced the front door. He shifted on his heels as she opened the door, the chain lock still intact. His eyes met with hers, right before she motioned for him to say something.

"You want me to open up to you? You want to have emotion? Fine! I'm Huey Freeman, and I fucking love you!" he yelled at her. "No fluff, no bullshit. Is that what you wanted?"

She sighed and nodded, opening the door to let him in. "Yes! God, it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes," she noted, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "You said it when we were in Vegas."

She knew it, but she never called him out on his bullshit. He knew that it was gonna take some time for him to open to her, and eventually, he did. Damn, he just wished he didn't wait so long.

He walked into her apartment. "It's hard, but I'm going to try for you, Jazmine, because I'm not going to lose you over bullshit again."

"You won't," she answered.

He sighed and looked down at the floor. "I think… I think that everybody telling me to stay strong and grow up for Riley is the reason why I'm not good at this." He scratched the back of his neck. "I mean, I was a kid whose mom just died and with no dad… I was either gonna turn out fucked up or cold hearted."

He glanced up to see Jazmine staring at him. "You're a little bit of both…"

Huey scoffed slightly. "And I turn out a little bit of both," he said softly. "When I was seven, I was in the church, just flat out bawling, Granddad pulled me aside and he told me, 'Be strong, Huey. I miss her, too, but we have to be strong for other people. You're the man of the house, Huey. You can't act like a child anymore, you gotta grow up.' And that's when realized, crying didn't do anything. It wasn't going to bring my mom back. It didn't change anything.

"So I grew up too early for him. Because it was just me and him. The Freeman brothers. No one was going to look out for him like I was going to. Yeah, we still had Granddad, but he was more of our guardian than a father figure. Whatever I learned, I taught Riley. Learning how to ride a bike, homework, driving, all me. I was his father figure. I helped him with everything I had to do by myself."

She played with the ends of her hair as she listened to Huey's story. She looked up when she didn't say anything else. He was looking at her as he leaned against the doorframe. "It's okay to cry sometimes," she told him. "You don't have to be Superman all the time."

He wanted to stop being Superman. He wanted to stop shutting people out of how he felt. He wanted to just stop trying. He wanted to cry for Granddad, and Aunt Cookie, and all the people he should cry for but couldn't. He could be a normal human being, for once, instead of being the cold, heartless bastard he perfected.

He wanted to desperately to believe he could. He wanted to believe that people wouldn't depend on him for things all the time. He wished he could be normal for once, who was allowed have normal emotions and allowed to be carefree. But as long as Riley was still his brother, he would still have to take of someone.

So, instead of crying like Jazmine thought he would, Huey hugged Jazmine tightly and buried his head into her shoulder. She hugged him back and rubbed his back softly. It was comforting to open up to Jazmine and feel as if he didn't have as many burdens as he did.

"Feel better?" she asked when he finally pulled away from her.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing his eyes. He scratched the back of his head. "And… I'm sorry. For everything I did."

"I accept your apology," she answered with a smile.

"You must think I'm a mess right now."

Jazmine rolled her eyes. "You've been a lot in your life." He sat down on the couch and looked down at the carpet. She sat down next to him and put her finger under his chin to face him. "But you're still perfect to me, Huey," she reminded him.

He leaned into her, letting his lips softly land in hers. Huey placed his hands firmly on her hips and even got a whimper when his cold hands touched exposed skin. He moved a little closer so he could deepen the kiss.

He left sloppy kisses around her neck that made Jazmine giggle and dig her fingers into his Afro. She pulled away from him, only to takeoff his T-shirt and push him down to the couch. She gave him a sly smile before lowering down to his waist.

Huey put one hand behind his head as she pulled down his sweatpants. His threw his head back on the armrest, and involuntarily, he closed his eyes and let out a small yawn before looking back at Jazmine.

"Way to ruin a moment Huey!" she yelled jokingly at him, sitting up in his lap. "Who yawns before they're gonna get head?"

He sat up to face her. "My bad, Jaz," he offered. "I'm sorry, you can keep going," he said before another left his lips. She half-laughed and shook her head before jumping off of his lap. "No, come on! I'm appreciative!" He pulled up his pants followed her into her bedroom.

"You already ruined the moment!" she told him, jumping into her bed and under her covers. "The ship has sailed, Freeman." He looked at her for a second before jumping after her and climbing on top. She giggled before trying to weakly push him away.

Her curly hair was sprawled all over her lilac-colored pillows and she was chewing on her bottom lip. He pushed a wisp of hair out of her face and leaned down to kiss her on the lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him get closer to her. He moved down from her from her lips down to her neck and shoulder blades.

Then suddenly, she pushed him away before rolling away from him, leaving Huey with a confused face. "Nice try," she grinned. "You had your chance the first time." He groaned and fell back onto the pillow. "But," she added quietly. "Maybe you'll get lucky in the morning."

He smirked as they both lied down to sleep. He let Jazmine snuggle into his bare chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. Sleeping next to a warm body was better than sleeping alone. The vaguely familiar strawberry scent of her room was better than the smell of alcohol of his. And having Jazmine was a hell of lot better than not having her.

It was the best sleep he's had in a while.

A/N: Awwwwww yeah! The final chappy of Heaven or Las Vegas! Who's excited? I'm excited! Now even though this is like the legit last chapter, as I said in a chapter before, this story will have an epilogue at the end, which wrap everything up in a nice purty bow! Also, that means… NEW STORY ALERT! Yes, for some weird reason, I like to have two stories going on at the same time, just so when I'm sick of one story I can move on to the other one. :D Pluuuuuus, I've already started writing the next story! Not to give away any details, but… it's a Riley/Cindy story! Whooo I'm trying it again! But it's not gonna be like Chicago Hope, but I think it's going to be really good! And I promise I won't delete this one ;) Alright dudes and dudettes, I'm off to write again! Make sure to read&review!