A/N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I feel like JK Rowling here—Liam's death was pre-planned from the very beginning. I know it hurts, and I'm really, really sorry. I hope you all can find a little solace in Emma's comfort… I know it's absolutely heartbreaking for Killian to go through this, believe me. It was painful to write, and there was a point where I almost deleted all of this and started over. But, I knew this was where the story needed to go, so I did what I needed. Again, I am so, so sorry. Enjoy the last three chapters, okay?
Listened to: 'Turning Point' by Audiomachine, 'Story of My Life' by One Direction (shut up), 'In My Veins' by Andrew Belle, & 'Human' by Christina Perri.
The week of the funeral was difficult. Killian had told his boss what happened, and was given the week off. He spent most of his time in his room, no matter how hard Emma tried to get him to come out. Mary and David visited a few times, usually bringing some sort of food. Killian only came out of his room to eat, or to talk to Emma. David was able to get through to him, having been in a similar situation before.
The morning of the wake was surprisingly kind of easy. Killian was dressed and ready to go by the time Emma woke up and wandered downstairs.
"You look handsome." Emma spoke with a sad smile as she approached him. She set her hands on his shoulders, as if to steady his subtle shaking.
"Thank you." He replied, "I made coffee, if you want some."
"I'd love some." Emma nodded, "But, I wasn't expecting you to be dressed already. Let me go get dressed quickly."
She leaned up on her toes to press a kiss to his forehead, then to his lips.
Emma hurried up the stairs, nearly tripping in her haste. She made her way down to her room, and gently closed the door. The black dress Mary had lent her was lying over the chair of her desk, so Emma picked it up and set it on the end of her bed.
She stripped of her pajamas quickly, then pulled the dress on. It fit better than she thought it would-though, Mary had said it was too big for her, mostly in the length. On Emma, it was close to perfect.
Emma hurriedly did her make up, then went back downstairs. Killian was standing at the window in the kitchen, over the sink, just staring out. He was leaning his hands on the counter, and even from a distance, Emma could see the veins in his hands tensed up.
"Hey." She spoke softly, wrapping her arms around him from behind and setting her head on his back.
"It's raining." Killian said, "Liam always said it was a sailor's warning."
"Warning for what?"
"Rough waters." Killian deadpanned. Emma sighed and gently reached her hand down to set it on Killian's.
They were silent for a few minutes, holding onto each other tight, as if at any moment, one would slip away.
There was a knock at the door, causing Emma to furrow her brows.
"Were we expecting anyone?" She asked, tugging away as he took his hands off the counter.
"Yes... My mum." Killian sighed. Emma made a small 'o' with her lips, looking up to Killian.
"Do you want me to come with?"
"Would you, love?" He asked, to which Emma nodded. He took her hand and led her to the door, cautiously opening it and revealing his mother.
"Killian." She breathed as soon as she saw him.
"Hi." He replied softly. She tried to lean in and hug him, but he instead took a step back, feigning it as inviting her in. The woman nodded, then stepped in carefully.
"I'm Emma Swan, by the way." Emma spoke with a smile, breaking the silence and offering her hand.
"Anne Jones... Killian's mother." She replied with an accent just as thick as Killian's, shaking Emma hand gently.
"Would you like some coffee, since we don't have to leave until later?" Killian asked, to which his mother nodded. She followed the two into the kitchen, sitting at the table, beside Emma. Emma could feel her eyes staring at her, but she didn't want to look.
"So, Emma," Anne started, "How did you meet Killian?"
"Through detention." Emma spoke simply, earning a glare from Killian, "And, he was in a few of my classes last semester."
"I see." His mother said, smiling when her son set a mug in front of her. He sat beside Emma, taking her hand protectively.
"Killian, can we please drop all of the drama? I'm not here for that, and neither are you. We're here for Liam." Anne said with a sigh, "I know you're angry, but-"
"Let's talk later." Killian said, taking a sip of his coffee and pressing a kiss to Emma's temple.
"Okay." Anne replied quietly.
The rest of their coffee break was incredibly awkward, and all Emma wanted was for it to end. It finally did when she and Killian drove separately from Anne.
"Killian, you have to forgive her at some point. She's your mom." Emma said.
"She left us with our alcoholic father. That's not exactly motherly."
"Well, no, but, she could have another reason that maybe you don't know about." Emma said, then rubbed his shoulder, "All I'm saying is... Just, don't push her away. She wants to help."
"Coming from the one who never wants help." Killian grumbled.
"Killian." Emma spoke firmly, "I'm not saying you have to be entirely submissive and become a mama's boy. I'm just saying that you need to give her a chance."
Killian chewed the inside of his lip, knowing Emma was right.
"She deserves a second chance, Killian." Emma said.
"I can't give her that right now."
"You don't have to. Just... Know that she doesn't want to hurt you. I'm nearly certain that she simply wants to be a part of your life again."
Killian clenched his jaw, making Emma sigh and lean over to press a kiss to his cheek.
"Are you okay?" She asked as she settled back into her seat.
"I don't know." Killian said.
"I'll be right next to you, okay?" Emma spoke softly, "I promise."
"Thank you, love." Killian replied, "I don't know how I'd get through this without you."
"You would get through it just fine." Emma assured him as he pulled into a parking spot. He put the car in park, then leaned over, cupping Emma's cheek, and kissing her gently.
After they pulled away, Emma met Killian's eyes, as if to ask if he was okay.
"Is it weird that I'm glad they couldn't find his body?" Killian asked.
"No, I don't think so... If he was in there, I think that would make this much harder." Emma replied. Killian leaned his head against the seat, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Emma set her hand on his, giving it a gentle squeeze. His dark, ocean eyes opened, meeting Emma's.
"Let's go in, okay? I'll be right next to you." Emma reminded him. He nodded, and the two finally got out of the car.
The service was still difficult. Emma tried her hardest not to cry, especially when David and Mary came to hug them. David's hug was incredibly warm and comforting, which Emma didn't realize she needed. The service wasn't long, but it was definitely not easy. The hardest part for Emma was watching Killian cry with each person's condolences and hugs.
After the service, Emma went to meet Mary, since she had some friends she wanted Emma to meet. She vaguely recognized the girl from school, and the boy from some of her classes.
"Regina." The girl spoke in a tone that rubbed Emma the wrong way as she shook her hand.
"Don't mind her-she's a bit upset. She knew Liam quite well." The boy spoke with a forgiving smile, "My name is Robin."
"I'm Emma." She replied softly, shaking his hand, "Do you know Killian?"
"He and I had an interesting friendship at the start of high school, but we haven't spoken recently." Robin said.
"Maybe once all of this settles down, we could all go on a group date." Mary suggested, clasping her hands together.
"I think Killian would like that." Emma nodded, forcing a smile, "Speaking of which, I'd better go. It was really nice meeting both of you."
"Lovely meeting you, too." Robin grinned before Emma turned on her heel and started towards Killian's car. She tried protecting herself from getting soaked in the rain, to no avail.
"Sorry, Mary Margaret wanted me to meet some friends of hers." Emma sighed as she got into the car. Killian nodded from the passenger seat, not lifting his eyes from his lap. Emma started the car and pulled out of the parking spot carefully, sending them on their way home.
Once they got back to the house, Killian went straight up to his room, causing Emma to sigh. She didn't know what to do, so she sat at the kitchen table and stared down at her phone. She chewed her lip before turning her phone on and opening up her camera. She took a picture of a clearly fake frown, then sent to to Killian with the caption: "You okay up there?".
Killian: Yes, love. Thank you.
Emma: You can be honest.
K: I was being honest.
E: I'm really good at catching lies.
K: Even over texts?
E: Yep.
E: I have a pretty specific skillset.
K: Do you now?
E: I sure do.
E: Now, stop avoiding my question. Are you really okay?
K: ...
K: No.
E: Want me to come up? We could talk, or cuddle, or... something.
K: I think I'd like that.
Emma skidded the chair out from under herself, hurrying to the stairs as she tried pulling her heels off. She darted up the stairs and into Killian's room, pausing at the door when she saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out the window.
"Kill?" She asked softly. He turned his head slowly, and Emma could tell from where she was standing that his lip was quivering. So, with a sigh, she went to sit beside him. He immediately turned into her arms, letting out a sob that had clearly been waiting to burst.
"I can't believe he's gone, Emma." Killian sobbed, "I'm sorry, I can't stop-"
"Killian, it's okay." Emma whispered, gripping him tight, "Please don't be sorry."
"I love you, Emma." Killian cried, "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Emma replied, holding the back of his head to her shoulder. She tried to tug him as close to her body as she could to try and ease the pain.
"Emma, I can't do this, I can't go tomorrow."
"I'll be right beside you, Killian." Emma whispered.
"I can't talk about him, Emma, not without crying." Killian whimpered.
"Maybe that's okay." Emma replied, tugging away enough to see his glassed-over eyes, "Killian, everyone knows how close you two were. If you start crying, let it happen. You don't have to be strong."
"I do. For him." Killian replied softly.
"Killian, crying won't make you any less strong for him. Don't be strong for him. Be strong for yourself." Emma whispered, wiping at his tears, "Just don't psych yourself out. Your eulogy is beautiful, Killian. You worked so hard on it."
"I can't say it. Not in front of all of those people." He spoke softly with the shake of his head.
"I know you can, Killian." Emma replied, gently setting her hand on his cheek, "You never back down from anything, and you know that. Always up for a challenge, remember?"
Killian offered a wet laugh, nodding a little at Emma's correct statement.
"Yes, I remember." He spoke with a sad smile. Emma grinned and wiped some of his tears away.
"Want me to fix you something? I mean, you haven't really eaten anything today." Emma said, "It's close to four."
"I'm honestly not that hungry." Killian shrugged. Emma sighed, brushing some of his thick hair back.
"You still need to eat something." Emma said, nudging his shoulder, "C'mon, let's go downstairs. Even if you just eat some toast, it'll still be something in your system."
"Thank you, love."
"For what?"
"Looking out for me." Killian spoke with his signature half-smile. Emma's lips mimicked the smile, moving her hand from his hair to his shoulder.
"I'll always look out for you." Emma smiled, rising off the bed and offering her hand, like he had done for her a thousand times over.
"Thank you, love." Killian spoke softly, taking her hand and following her out of his room. Killian squeezed her hand a little as he followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"So, what do you want?" Emma smiled, letting go of his hand at the table.
"Do we have any eggs?" Killian asked, continuing to follow her.
"Killian, go sit. I'll do this." Emma grinned, blushing as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.
"No, love, I can't sit still anymore. I have to do something."
Emma turned to face him, blinking slowly. Her smile faded as he tugged her closer, leaning into his arms and wrapping hers around his body.
"You want to help?" Emma asked, looking up to meet his eyes.
"If you'll allow it."
"Of course." Emma spoke with a soft laugh. He pulled away after pressing his lips to Emma's lips quickly, then walking to the fridge and grabbing the carton of eggs.
"Mind if I change into something a bit more comfortable before we start?" Killian asked, setting the eggs on the counter.
"No, and I might actually change, too, then." Emma replied.
"Perfect." He smiled, taking her hand and leading her to the stairs. She hurried to keep up, smiling at his change of heart. Emma knew he would be okay eventually, but that it would definitely take time.
"Meet you downstairs in a few moments, love." Killian said, pressing a kiss to her cheek and walking into his room. She smiled a little to herself as she sauntered down the hall, turning into her room and shutting the door. Emma quickly slipped out of the dress and yanked some yoga leggings from a drawer. She tossed on an old tee that she didn't remember owning, one with a worn-out anchor on it, then hurried down the hall.
Once she got downstairs, she found Killian already in the kitchen, cracking some eggs. He wore baggy sweats and a navy shirt that was just a little too tight. Emma couldn't help but think it was incredibly too attractive for what it was.
"Killian, let me do that. Go sit." Emma ordered, shooing him.
"Can I stand behind you?" He asked, setting the egg he was holding back into the carton.
"If you want." Emma replied, smiling when he snaked his arms around her from behind, setting his chin on her shoulder.
She cracked the eggs in silence, smiling after Killian leaned his head against hers. He clung to her as she busied around the kitchen—grabbing the frying pan, spatula, and some other ingredients. With every move, Killian was a half-step behind her.
"Mm. Smells absolutely delicious." Killian purred into Emma's ear and catching her off-guard. She jumped at the sound of his voice before quickly relaxing into his arms once more. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, making Emma smile at the scruff that gently scraped against her soft cheek.
"I'm glad you're getting your appetite back." Emma noted.
"Me too." Killian sighed.
"Well, let go of me so we can actually eat." Emma giggled.
"We can't eat like this?"
"I don't know how comfortable it'd be." Emma smiled, "Why don't we lie on the couch?"
"Omelets on the couch? Sounds perfect." Killian grinned, removing one hand from Emma's waist to grab his plate. He hurried to the couch, making Emma laugh as she followed. He sat down carefully, then laid himself out, patting the spot next to him for Emma.
"Come lie down, love." He grinned.
"Come lie down, love." Emma mimicked, making Killian laugh at her horrible attempt on his accent.
"After all these months, I thought you'd have nailed it by now." Killian smiled, taking a bite of his omelet.
"You'd think." Emma replied, nudging his arm, "You okay?"
"I think so. For now."
"I'll accept that." Emma spoke with a small smile, snuggling into his side. He dropped a kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering.
The two ate their omelets mostly in silence, until Killian went to go throw away their plates. Emma sat up on the couch, glancing to the clock and noticing that it was nearing five. She stretched, yelping when Killian came up and poked her side.
"Hey!" She laughed as he plopped beside her. He fell forward, laying his head on her lap, making her smile. His hand gently slipped up her side, gently rubbing her side. Heat bubbled in her stomach, a feeling that she adored.
"Mm, love." Killian whispered.
Emma smiled, mussing Killian's hair and nearly pulling away, until he moved his hand on top of hers, keeping it there.
"You're like a dog." Emma giggled, continuing to massage her fingers into his scalp.
"But it feels so good." He murmured in bliss against her leg. Emma rolled her eyes, looking down at the man she loved. He was broken, but Emma was determined to help him pick up the pieces.
"Love?"
"Yes?" Emma whispered.
"I love you so much."
"I know." Emma spoke with a half-smile, "I love you, too."
"Thank you for staying." Killian whispered, nuzzling his face into her lap.
"Thank you for letting me."
He smiled, pressing a kiss to her hip. Emma continued ruffling his hair, entirely messing up his previously gelled hair.
"Mm, this is a good look for you." Emma smiled, breaking into a quiet laugh.
"Yeah?" He asked, sitting up and smiling. His hair was sticking up in every direction, making Emma smile.
"Perfect." She grinned, fixing it a little.
"You know what would be nice right now, love?"
"What?" Emma smiled.
"A bath."
"If you want to go take one, that's—"
"Love, you know what I meant." Killian smiled, raising an eyebrow the way he always did. Emma's cheeks flushed bright red, causing her to look down, then back up to Killian's blue eyes.
"Okay."
"Yeah?"
"If that'll make you feel better—"
"I don't want you to feel like you have to."
"It won't be. I'd be glad to take a bath—"
There was a knock at the door, causing both teens to look to it.
"Why is she back?" Killian grumbled, rising off the couch. Emma was quick to rise to her feet, hurrying after him and grabbing his arm. He turned on his heel, rolling his eyes as he meet Emma's.
"Killian, don't push her away." Emma spoke softly, "She just wants to help."
"She wants to take me away from here, Emma, from my home!" Killian yelled.
"Killian, calm down, take a deep breath." Emma whispered, setting her hand on his shoulder, "Don't shove people away, please."
"She wants to take me away from here, Emma." Killian whimpered, "Liam is still here, Liam—"
"Killian, breathe." Emma spoke softly, wiping away the tears that had formed in his eyes.
His mother knocked again, causing him to shake his head.
"I can't."
"Go wash up. I'll keep her occupied, okay?" Emma asked, causing Killian to nod. She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his forehead, then lowered a little to kiss his lips.
"I love you."
"I love you, too." Emma spoke with a small smile, pushing him towards the stairs, then walking to the door. She opened it, forcing a smile to Killian's estranged mother.
"Is something wrong?" She asked, taking a few steps forward and causing Emma to take a few back.
"No, nothing's wrong, Killian's still upset." Emma stammered.
"Why are you lying to me?" Anne asked, taking one more step.
"I'm not." Emma replied, "He's upset, he's upstairs cleaning up."
Anne looked Emma up and down, pursing her lips. She glanced around the house with the same expression before looking back to Emma.
"Killian needs to live in a better home than this." Anne said.
"He's fine here." Emma said, "This was where he spent the most time with Liam. This house is important to him."
"Funny, that you're saying that." Anne spoke with a fake smile, "He hated his father."
"He hated that you left him." Emma spoke in his defense.
"He made that choice himself."
"Why would he choose to stay with a man he's told me he hated?" Emma said with narrowed eyes.
"He only stayed because Liam did." Anne snarled, "He wanted to stay with his brother."
"Somehow, I don't buy that you gave either of them a choice." Emma replied, crossing her arms over her chest, "He's happy here, just leave him alone."
"He doesn't know what is good for him. He's only seventeen."
"Look," Emma snarled, "He's happy. Isn't that what you want for your son?"
"How could he be happy with a girl like you?" Anne asked, "You're nothing but a street rat."
"Do not call me that." Emma snapped, "Killian loves me. He won't choose between us, just so you know."
"I know what's best for my son." Anne snapped.
"How? You weren't there when he was hurt. You know who was? Liam. But, he isn't here, and I'm the next best thing he's got. I love him more than I've ever loved anything in my life. Believe me, I know what it feels like to be left alone. Don't make him choose."
Anne stood in disbelief at Emma's words, trying to uncomprehending it all.
"He needs his mother-"
"What he needs is time." Emma interrupted.
"Who?" Killian's voice asked as he descended the stairs.
"Killian, dear, please explain to your girlfriend that it was your choice to live with your father." Anne said.
Killian furrowed his brows, moving to stand beside Emma.
"No, no, it wasn't my choice—" Killian spoke, his voice growing louder with each word, "—I didn't have a choice! You left me with him! I was lucky that I had Liam!"
"Killian, darling—"
"What did you tell Emma?" Killian ordered, yielding no response, "What did you tell her?"
Emma looked down, trying to keep Anne's words out of her head.
"I told her nothing but the truth." Anne replied primly, "I thought you would have chosen better."
"Don't you ever speak of her like that again." Killian snarled, taking a step forward, "Emma is my love, my everything. Nothing you say or do will change that."
"You are seventeen, Killian. I have all rights to say how you live your life." Anne snapped. Killian wrapped his arm around Emma's shoulders, assuring her that he would make everything okay again.
"I am an adult. I do not need anyone, least of all my mother who abandoned me, telling me what to do." Killian growled, "Leave."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said leave. I don't want to see you anymore." Killian spoke firmly.
"Kill-"
"I was plenty happy without you in my life. Now, leave." Killian snarled, "I will call the cops if you don't."
Anne faked a smile, covering her hurt as she took a few steps back and opened the door. She let herself out, never quite breaking eye contact with Killian.
"Are you alright, love? She didn't hurt you, did she?" Killian asked after turning to Emma. She shook her head solemnly, causing him to furrow his brows.
"Emma, love, please." Killian whispered, earning only the shake of her head. A sigh escaped his lips as he tugged her close, feeling her irregular breathing.
"Shh... Don't cry, love. Whatever she said is entirely untrue. I promise." Killian murmured.
"That's not why I'm crying." Emma sniffled, tugging away.
"Then, what's wrong?" Killian asked, causing Emma to shake her head, "Love, what did she say to you?"
"She said I wasn't good enough for you." Emma whimpered, finally allowing a sob to break free. Killian caught her in his arms, wrapping his hand around the back of her head and tugging her close.
"Oh, love." Killian whispered, "You know she's entirely wrong. You are more than enough for me. If anything, I'm not good enough for you, love."
"Please don't say that. You know you're more than enough." Emma sighed. Killian took a deep breath, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before hugging her tighter.
Killian vowed to himself to never let his mother near Emma again. He had to protect her.